A/N: Ulquihime for the WIN!!!
This fanfic will consist of crack, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow and Szayel mostly. The Espada of course and later on the shinigami.
Be warned, this is AU and the rest of the pairings haven't been made up yet. I will take suggestions.
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On February 14, Inoue Orihime and her newly born son died in a car crash due to a drunk driver, her best friend Tatsuki also died in the crash. The drunk driver survived and was later convicted of vehicular manslaughter.
It was by sheer luck that a soul reaper was walking by. She was patrolling the area and heard the crash. She preformed konso on the two women. She did not see the infant's body wedged between the seats, nor were the women coherent enough to tell her.
In fact, no one knew until the crime scene investigators took the vehicle apart. The baby was crushed, a smear of blood and guts. The coroner found evidence of pregnancy and was able to accurately announce cause of death and who the mother of the baby is. An article was published about the senseless death on the day of Love.
The police contacted Ichigo, informed him of the death of his friends. When he informed Ichigo of the death of an infant, Ichigo had to ask him to repeat it several more times before the news sunk in. He then had to tell everyone else.
It was a blow to the others; never had they thought Orihime and Tatsuki would die in such a random and horrific way. But they had heart, for they were in Soul Society. All they had to do was find them.
When the soul reaper in question was contacted and asked to confirm the soul burial, she informed them that only two was preformed. There was no third spirit.
It was later, when they went back to the crash scene and looked for the child's soul. They searched the area, high and low. But there was no trace of the child.
It was too late by then.
The funeral was held with three caskets, all of them which were closed. It was raining as if the skies themselves wept. It was a silent funeral. There was no one from Orihime's side of the family. Tatsuki's parents came. The only people who came for Orihime were her friends, shinigami and human alike.
Even though they knew Orihime was safe in Soul Society, they would have to find her. And find her they will. There is always hope.
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The bundle was safe in Ulquiorra's arms. It was small and so very fragile. But it was something that belonged to Ulquiorra. As such he protected it fiercely.
He entered the commons room where the rest of Espada were. They were sprawled on couches and on the floor. When he entered, all talk halted as the Espada crowded over to see what Ulquiorra was holding.
It was Szayel who spoke first. "Oh my—"
"FUCK!" Grimmjow's cuss was loud. He too saw.
"It looks like a love child between Grimmjow and Ulquiorra." Szayel remarked, as he saw the tuff of blue hair and green eyes.
Ulquiorra visibly stiffened. He hadn't noticed.
"Did you mate with Grimmjow?" Szayel kept his volley of questions going as he pondered the baby in front of them.
"Or was he the mistress in the affair?" Nnoitra added gleefully.
"Shut up! I hate Ulquiorra." Grimmjow snapped, sending a punch at Nnoitra.
Ulquiorra cleared his throat. "I will never copulate with Grimmjow and as such we are both male and unless Aizen-sama added an extra ability, we will never procreate."
Aizen nodded in agreement. He did not add an extra function. Gin might though, for the kicks and giggles.
Ulquiorra stared at his child. "However I do not understand why he has blue hair." The green eyes were notable but the hair? He turned to Szayel for an explanation.
Szyael shrugged. "I got nothing."
The baby started to cry. He was hungry. The baby's crying became like a siren, loud and ear piercing. "Shut the brat up." Snapped Nnotira, both fingers stuffed in his ears. "Halibel, give it breast milk." He ordered. What a mistake.
Halibel gave Nnoitra a look that implied he was being stupid. " How can I give breast milk?"
Nnoitra returned the look. " You're a woman. You have big breasts. Breast milk. Hello? You know I don't want to hear that brat wail." Really, if Ulquiorra wasn't there he would've killed it.
Halibel would never tell Nnoitra, her mask covered her nipples thus she couldn't give it milk. "You have breasts you can lactate given some effort." She placed a hand on the hilt of her sword. "Why don't you give him milk?"
Nnoitra started to back away. "H-hey! If anyone should do it, it should be Szayel!" He turned towards the pink-haired Espada. "He's the closest of any of us to a female!"
Szayel tossed his hair as if to prove his point before beaming. "Why Nnoitra, I never knew you noticed." He made a suggestive gesture at Nnotira. "However that is besides the point. I have a solution. Bottle milk, I"m sure I can create something that will turn the kid into an ubber arrancar." Super arrancar, faster than a speeding Ichigo, stronger herrio than Nnoitra and smart as Szayel. Perfect.
Aizen rolled his eyes and sighed. Why had no one suggested that in the first place? Sometimes he had to wonder about his Espada. "That's good news, Szayel Aporro," he said, plastering on his infamous fatherly smile. "See that it is done."
"Of course Aizen-sama." Szayel bowed, made a kissy face at Nnotira before leaving. Ulquiorra managed to quiet the child by allowing his finger to be sucked upon. Aizen was quite interesting in this hybrid as was he interested in the mother. "Ulquiorra, where is Orihime? Were you not to retrieve her as well?"
Before Ichigo rescued Orihime, Ulquiorra made a pact with her. When she is ready, he will come for her and together they will all live in Los Noches. Orihime thought it would be romantic to be picked up on Valentine's Day. Coincidentally, the baby was to be born on the same day.
Ulquiorra stared ahead, more blankly than usual. "I did, Aizen-sama. However, she had already gone to...Soul Society before I was able to procure her." When he arrived she was gone. Only her cooling corpse was there to greet him. It was then, staring at the wreckage, resisting the desire to strangel the still living drunk when he heard the cries of a baby.
"I see." Aizen had not predicted for Orihime to die and if she did, for her to wait for Ulquiorra. Shinigami, coming when they're not wanted and ruining a perfectly good plan. "Pet-sama is dead?" Nnoitra actually looked sad. "Now I will never got to see how her chest looks like." He bemoaned.
Ulquiorra took his finger out of the baby's mouth for a moment. A cero shot out, tossing Nnoitra to the other side of the room. Ulquiorra cleaned the finger and returned it to the baby's mouth. The baby looked up at him and smiled. His eyes and Grimmjow's hair, Ulquiorra had to suppress a shudder.
Halibel shook her head silently. "Ulquiorra, if you ever need assistance you may come to my door." She departed, dragging a smoking Nnoitra away with her. Szayel returned with a warm bottle. "Here you go." His smile was large. "One bottle of enhanced milk with all the nutrition needed to power an army of arrancar."
Ulquiorra nodded in thanks. He took his finger out of the baby's mouth, only to replace it with the bottle nipple. The baby sucked on it contently. Szayel smiled. "Aww, he's so cute!" Szayel had to suppress the desire to dissect the babe, the scientist instincts in him were hard to suppress.
Grimmjow made a sound but he had to agree. "At leas the brat has good hair." He muttered. Aizen went up close, staring at the baby. "You make me a very happy grandfather." He murmured to Ulquiorra, giving him a very high praise indeed. Aizen wondered why he didn't have his arrancar procreate often.
Oh, wait. Babies. What a pain.
Grimmjow hid a snort, making it sound more like a cough. Ulquiorra looked to Aizen, his face less stern than usual. "Yes, Aizen-sama."
Aizen placed his hand on Ulquiorra's slim shoulders. "We will find her and she will be to return to us." He leaned in close. "To you." Aizen straightened and smiled before departed. Soon enough the rest of the Espada departed as well leaving Ulquiorra, Grimmjow and Szayel. "Hey, emo-dad if you ya need help and shit like that..." Grimmjow turned away embarrassed. "Aw, fuck it." He started to stomp away.
Szayel chuckled. "Grimmjow, I would be worried if you were to help raise that child." He turned to Ulquiorra. "I, on the other hand--"
Ulquiorra considered his options. "Your assistance would be appreciated." This task of raising a child on his own seemed without end of responsibility. The thought never occured to him that he'd become a father without Orihime there to assist him. "Thank you Szayel. Grimmjow."
Szayel and Grimmjow eyes widened in surprise. They had not expected Ulquiorra to accept their help. "Uh, yeah, sure," Grimmjow said awkwardly. "It's nothing," Szayel added. "Anyway, how hard can raising a baby be?"
They soon learned it was an endless task of cleaning, chasing and feeding. The feeding was easy but very demanding. Waking up at four in the morning was not something the three men liked doing. Or chasing. Once the baby learned how to crawl, it didn't seem that bad. Somehow, he did sonido-crawling which was impossible and yet it was done. Cleaning, dear lord. First you have to catch him, make sure he doesn't drown. If Ulquiorra was in a good mood, he would liken it to taking care of Orihime in the beginning.
"How do human woman do this?" Muttered Szayel as he disposed yet of another diaper. "All the baby does is eat, sleep and deposit waste." Grimmjow plugged his nose. "Ugh, and smelly ones too." Ulquiorra held the growing boy in his arms.
"It does not matter," Ulquiorra said. "It will be worth it soon. This child will be strong--stronger than any of us ever dreamed of." Szayel stopped what he was doing and turned to Ulquiorra. "By the way, Ulquiorra. It's been a while since we've acquired the boy. Don't you think it's time to, you know, name him?" You can't continue to refer to the child as it or he. That would be very unfatherly like.
Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. He felt unsure on what to name the child without Orihime. "Yes. I suppose so." He was holding out on the hope of finding Orihime first. But finding her was hard in the heart of Soul Society. They were not the only ones looking for her. "...Sora..." He decided finally. It would be his homage to Orihime.
Szayel nodded. "It's a good name. It...fits.. Don't you think so, Grimmjow?" Grimmjow shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
And so the child was named Sora in memory of Orihime's brother.
All was well.
One night, Aizen found his three arrancar all asleep. Szayel was sprawled on the ground, some napkins on his head. Something that looks suspiciously like vomit was on his pristine jacket. Grimmjow was curled up on the bed like a cat and Ulquiorra was in a chair, sleeping. And there was the baby, tightly fisting Ulquiorra's jacket in deep sleep. It was a sight to behold.
Gin took pictures for blackmail. He waved the camera in front of Aizen's face smirking and ignoring the disproving look. "What?" Gin asked innocently, tucking the camera back into his sleeve. "Fond memories." Aizen merely shook his head before closing the door silently.
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A/N: Also, with help from Ilovemybishes87 parts of the dialogue were written during an RP section. All praise her! With her help, I got this first chapter out.
And sorry to start with death and horror. I'm sorry. But she'll appear again. Later.
But right now, it is all about the arrancar and the Espada. Hey, any particular Espada other than the above mentioned you want to have a focus on? If not, I'll just go round robin on them.