Chapter 1

The Meaning of Dumb and Damnation

"What the hell!?

A man with an armor, as dark as the night sky wielding a long spear one hand and nothing at the other. From top to bottom the knight looks liked the astonishing nemesis of the heavenly knights somewhere, probably. His face unlike any other, calm and full of precision honed with years of experiences.

"Tell me young one," He said with absolute brilliance, "Are you my Master?"

"What?!" I said.

Maybe I'm dreaming, I mean I was just trying to summon… Oh. Now that was stupid, I can't believe I forgot what was I doing in the first place. It seemed that I summoned myself a servant of the lancer class considering the black knight wield himself a spear.

"Tell me, once again, young one," He said again, "Are you my Master?"

"Hell yeah!"

My name is Bianca Criniara D'Salvatore, Bianca for short. I'm a girl, obviously, and a young one to that. Right now I wore a black tux with silver lining. If you're asking what I looked like, well I wouldn't care 'cause I prefer doing something else like fishing… or maybe sleeping. Sleeping is nice, especially when you're covered in soft blanket and resting your head in a silk pillow and basked in a cool and fresh air of the air-conditioner.

"I am sure that you does not need any further explanation of the current situation, yes?"

I don't really need any more explanation. I mean, after all, I came with preparation ahead. So at least I'm not some random guy showed up in nowhere and join in the war. I mean I do know about the three absolute commands, the command seal which looked like a tattoo on the back of my hand. Then there's the seven classed servants, Saber, Archer, Lancer, Caster, Rider, Assassin and Berserker. And then there's the ominous fact that if I do win this Alternate Grail War, I could let myself granted a wish.

"Definitely"

"Any more question you would like to ask, Master?"

"Who are you and what's your Noble Phantasm?"

I curiously asked like any Master does before battle to ensure victory at hand. With knowledge at hand, it can be used as any kind of weapon made to kill. Of course, every Master needed every cooperation with their servant to actually improve their relationship for further insurance of victory.

"I'm afraid that I cannot tell you the information you truly need because it will be crucially delicate information that will led me to eternal damnation."

"What are you saying?" I replied to his nonsense.

"I am afraid that I cannot tell you."

"Why?" I asked again.

"Because it will be the end of you if it were to be discovered by the enemies."

"Oh."

I observed the black knight from the top of his hair to the bottom boots, but there's just no hint to what he really is. A black knight as dark as the night sky wielding a long spear that's not even decorated. Even the armor is almost entirely plain, though probably for more agility.

"Fine, just tell me what you can do."

"My abilities are currently locked due to the lack of Mana you supplied me, thus I remembered almost nothing."

There he goes again, saying stuff I don't even understand. I'm starting to understand that even this black calamity knight is enough to destroy the mind of idiots. Of course, I didn't include in them 'cause it'll be stupid… and dumb. Just because I dropped middle school, junior high and high school, at least managed to get my scholarship in the university.

"Please, for god's sake, speak normally."

"By that you mean without formality?"

"Yes, you fool." I snapped.

Right now the time was around midnight in the middle of December. Snow blistering hard and coldly in the middle of London plaza, just in front of the Big Ben. There's no bystander and random passerby lurking around, not even the officers, not that I wanted to meet them.

"Master," He said, "Why are you still here?"

"Huh?"

"Didn't you hear what the jury said?"

"The jury said something?" I asked.

"After successfully summoning, Masters are supposed to attend a meeting in the cathedral to be briefed upon the purpose of the 3rd Alternate Grail War."

Oh shut up, what's with those stupid talking, I'm not a kid you know. Talking around about meeting priest? Briefing? or just praying he said. Then there's the Grail War… Probably. You know the rest, I mean, the Alternate Grail War are a war with 7 masters with 7 servants out to slit other's throat open and let blood spill out like rivers on rain season.

"So we're here to attend weekly prayers?"

"No, just as I-"

"Whatever, from your information, other masters are going to be there correct?" I quickly take over the conversation.

"Yes." He said with those calm looking eyes.

"Let's just thrash the cathedral and kill everyone inside so that I can grant my wish."

"I believed that the cathedral is a neutral zone and battles are prohibited inside the area." He denied.

"So?"

"By doing so you will likely to cause the all out war with the jury and the other 6 masters against yourself."

I carefully sink the words that he said directly to my core, processing it so to make the best possible choice of victory. It took me awhile but after a not-so-long deep-thinking I have finally reached my godlike conclusion.

"Have you ever think that you talk too much?"

He stopped for awhile, definitely thinking carefully what I'm saying. And it's true he talk too much, at least it's too much for me. While he was thinking how talkative he was, I was planning on how to deal a blow hard enough to kill everyone inside the cathedral. Then I remembered the suitcase I was carrying around and opened it. Looks like the condition are still perfect as ever, after all I just happen to replenish my secret weapon in the morning.

"Really Master?" Lancer suddenly asked after breaking his momentary thoughts.

"Don't tell me you have problem with it?"

"No, it's just that aren't using these are a bit risky?"

I laughed, He was clearly underestimating me. I mean with these secret weapon, that's right, these secret weapon, it'll be a walk in the park. Or a piece of cake. A sip of water. And a total breeze from the wind.

"What's wrong with high explosives grenades?" I argued, "you don't even know what this is."

What? You don't know? That's right, I don't do magic. Like I said, I'm not one of those guys that popped out suddenly and join in like it was some kind of RPG. And no, I'm not a mage killers that uses anti-mage guns and bullets or weapons and stuff. Not even close to being an amateur to the world of magic and the like, but did I give up? No! after all, I did get a handicap. I'm the local weapon dealer, explosives specialty, and a professional killer… with bombs.

"Yes, I have known," He countered, "I have been given slight information about this world."

"And you said you barely had anything to remember, yes?"

The grenades are quite cheap if you were wondering how much for these, and I bought it in a local black market. The grenades are the same as the one used in every war, although it isn't fragment grenades. These grenades are high explosives, perfect for bombarding and stunning local bystander and enemies with it's bright light and sound. Although the shockwave are quite devastating, it's hard to remind myself no matter how many times to not throw these at close range, not even mid range is recommended. But do I ever complain? You know the answers.

"Why do you even bring these?" Lancer asked.

"Why not?" I humbly answered, "Better always prepared, yes?"

"By carrying two dozens of explosives in a suitcase?"

"Just shut up and let me do the work." I finally said.

Then I started to ran around looking the cathedral, and eventually gotten lost. I could see a mischievous smug in his stupid face. That black moron had nothing better to do than showing off a stupid grin to my face. It made me sick. No matter how good-looking a guy is, a grin is better suited for girls that's a mass murderer. The death grin.

"Fine!" I shouted while catching my breath, "carry *breathe*me y*breathe*you fo*breathe*ool, to the cathedral."

Then Lancer nodded slightly and suddenly grabbed and carried me like a princess of wonderland, and if you're thinking this is romantic, Hell No! even if you're carried by some random knight of other land, basked in his sheer power and all, but it'll still looked like nothing to me. After all, it's not a knight in shining armor, it's the black burnt knight of yesterday.

"Here we are Master."

That was quick, it felt like it was just a minute ago. Then I spotted a sign post that showed local readers the direction, it took me awhile but it still killing me inside no matter how little pain the sign gives. And it said, North; Big Ben, South; London Plaza, East; Cathedral, west; River of Thames.

The midnight moon shine beautifully while the stars were like thousands of diamonds glued to the everlasting darkness of the skies. The cathedral's bell rang and told those who heard it that another hour had passed, but soon no more. I walked and closed the distance between us little by little and eventually arrived in fro nt of the door. Then I released five safety pin of five grenades. Click! And throw all of the five into the window and ran like hell were behind me. The pressure suddenly went sky-rocket. What if I were spotted by local bystander. Having that delusions I continued anyway.

"Whew!"

Continued by the unbelievably loud noise and a full force of shockwave swept me away further the soon-be-rubbles of the cathedral, even the sounds are too complex to be heard perfectly as the windows shattered and walls torn and flew of in every direction. Shattered rocks and stones thrown away to skies as my ear still can't hear anything. Five grenades out, nineteen grenades left.

It still hurts, but I managed to get up on my feet while lancer kept staring at the former cathedral. But even before I make my next move, what the hell is that? No wait, it's not what it's who… and how?!

A girl. Standing in the middle of the rubble, seemed she's protecting something, or someone, behind her.

"Is that girl insane?" I asked. Well, I said it in a very low voice, but it looks like that black moron have a great ear, and actually, he answered me,

"You want to save her?" at first I was just like, 'I don't care! She'll run away soon!' but hey, guess what? She doesn't even budge a millimeter!

"Oh for the love of mercy," I sighed, and there's a frown on my forehead, then I continue, "let's take care of her before the rubbles of the cathedral do that first."

"By that you mean finish her?"

"Obviously," I hissed, "Was it so hard to understand?"

And then, that black thingy, someone I call servant, is smiling! What a handsome smile—What?! What did I say—never mind. I mean, I could use that face to get my way with female weapon dealer at the black market, that's pretty handy.

First, lancer is moving faster than me—hey—that's pretty stupid! Don't leave this little girl—I mean your master alone! But then he turned and move like—maneuver gear? I guess, and grabbed me. Hold my stomach with—those dirty hands, oh my!

"What—hey! Let go of me, pervert!" I shouted, a girly shout, oh well, I am a girl. And that black thingy is saying nothing, at least for a moment, before I'm trying shout another harsh words he answered "Don't you think this is the right time to say, 'Lancer, I need a fast legs!'"

"No! I have a fast legs!" Well, at least my mom said I have it. But it seems our black friend is not answering. He is just carrying his little princess—I mean his master and run, well, he has fast legs, it's just like—a ninja in a movie, but the difference is, this guy is the real one, probably. And he almost arrives there in—ten seconds? How fast, although it may be it's just my imagination—but before I do a right compliment he stops, and that sudden move is throwing me, to his hug—what? This guy is the real pervert!

"What do you want bastard—want a warm hug from your master, huh? Then how about a warm sla—", before I could finish my word, he presses his index finger against my lips, is this a sign of… Is he trying to keep me shut up? He stay silent for a sec then use the other sec to jump and hide. And take off his finger from my lips.

"Master. Could you give me a permission to say something that a bit harsh to you?" And there he go again, another formal speaking.

"What?!" I hissed.

There's a hint of disbelief looks on his face—just what's wrong with this black friend of ours? We'll find the answer.

"Master, are you stupid or your master sense is broken? That girl over there… I can sense it. She's definitely a servant."

A servant-? She's a servant? Oh dear.

I couldn't say anything, but right now my mouth is opening wide, just like my eyes. No wait, I'm just moaning 'cause I kind of sleepy. But still, no wonder he did those evasive maneuvers. What? You think I don't know… well, at least I knew now, but it still haven't clean the pitiful satisfied face

I got from seeing his damned good side.

"You should be grateful she haven't realize u—" Before lancer finish his another speech there's an arrow landed on a tree—three inches from me!

"Master!" Another arrow is arrived. And it looks like a—normal arrow? But—there's no normal arrow here. And that is an arrow from—it was actually looked ancient or something? Now I realized, that arrow is a servant's. Just how dumb I am? Blow up the whole cathedral and wait for it to turn into a rubbles, hope all of the servants and their master will die, have the holy grail for myself? But there's no weak servant in this Alternate Grail War. And that means there's the woman, an archer, and lancer.

I hate this but—what lancer said is right. I should've known this plan will make the whole master is my enemy. And it feels like the whole universe is against me.

I…

I… Like it…

"Master!"

I opened my eyes as big as I can after I hear that shout,

"who?"I asked, with a stupid tone of a waking princess.

"You zoned out for few minutes just now, I can't believe how pathetic you are." this black moron is—grinning? About me? Panic? Passed out? Oh, right, dude. I'm in the middle of a battlefield, where everyone is seeking for a stuff called 'Alternate Grail'

"Master, your decision?" said lancer as he destroys this silent moment.

"Aaa—" Holy shit! I can't think! What should I do? Will I die? Give up in this moment? Let this black thingy take care of the rest? And die peacefully? WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Haha, just kidding. There's obviously one thing left to do.

In the middle of despair, I said, "Lancer, kill them while there's still a chance"

"Rejected, master." He said, with a stupid innocent face, Oh the idiot!

"WHY?!" I shouted, right into his ear. But I'm glad he is quiet a patient man.

"The other master will quickly countered us and their servants will annihilate us together." Shit—that's a bad news. And to make this condition is even worse, I had to left my other stuff back at home. Alright, I give up. And here's my other decision..

"Lancer. Put me in someplace that you think is safe. And let's take care of this fight, that I started." I said it, a final decision, with a—calm voice. I can count it as a calm voice for this kind of situation, in a cathedral called hell. And I guess that decision is good enough to summon lancer's smile. And he quickly place me in a—tree? Really?—this place is safe?! How dumb can he be?—

"Wait here. Don't ever move before I come to you. Got it?" And dashed away from that tree before I could say a word. But I will not regret it, at least not yet. Good luck, lancer, not that you need it, hopefully.

"Kill them" I said, then take a long and deep breath before continue, "This is the first order so make sure you will come back alive."

No wait! Why did I have to agree to him? I could've said no, but did I? No! This is just ridiculous… well, at least there's something to amuse me and that's lancer's fight.

That black servant is already dashed away from me, moving like a little pieces of a falling star in the dark night, no wait, like a small fragment of ash in the middle of the sun, as he wield his spear with a slightly-above-normal strength.

I hope he will cut someone and tore their flesh before coming back…

A servant and the master shared one vision, so that mean's I can see what my servant see, although to me it's kind of a blur. and here what I see.

He is dashing toward the battlefield, with an unbelievable high class speed. So at this moment, I know. Agility is the key of this Servant strength.

And his target is—that girl—that I saw before, hope she will be an easy opponent. And there, Lancer is getting closer and closer and closer to the girl—wielding his spear while the tip of it is targeting the girl's head. three centimeter—one centimeter from her head—and…

CLANG!

That girl, with a sudden move—she countered lancer's attack with one hit of a—sword. I see, a saber. And both of them is jumping back, make a distance. Prepare for the next clash of hot iron in battle.

"May I ask from those battle style and weapon. Are you this war's Saber class?" Asked lancer, as he make his spear stand beside him and gaze at the young girl in the front of him with respect. A respect from a soldier, to the other soldier.

"Yes." The girl answers it solemnly, as strength surged her arms and she hold her sword respectfully. "And you are this war lancer class, yes?" ask the girl back with a careful voice. Lancer nodded as a respond.

"Your master have sinned to destroy the neutral zone cathedral, as for that move aside and let me bring her to justice!" the girl in armor said with a rising tone.

"I'm afraid that will not be possible" And with no further explanation, they've gone back to battle position, and walk in a circle while facing each other eyes carefully. Which one of them will make the first move? I could only watch.

They getting closer, but keep walking in a circle. It looks like they are observing each other. His enemy is a girl, with a blond hair, almost as shining as her armor, with a.. Whoa, pretty face.

And when they are so close… One of them is making a move. And once again, it was lancer. He wield his spear tightly and land a strike as his move. Well, out from the fact that she has a pretty face, she could dodge it properly, without hesitation nor intervention. But lancer didn't give up that easily, he turn around and land another strike toward saber's gut, but once again, she countered it and created a quiet big sound of a hitting steel, but when saber's sword and lancer's spear is hitting each other, lancer's grip on his spear got weaken and let saber throw it away, no, almost throw it away—not a normal human speed lancer took the spear again, with his left hand and turn around, super fast. And it almost blow saber's head away if she hadn't move her sword and countered it in one centimeter from her face. Slashes and strikes, thrusts and attacks, hit and counter, created a tiny spark out of their weapons, as they dancing in the middle of the night, with the moonlight guides them.

Whoa, this girl actually have a quiet big strength, and it made lancer overwhelmed.

"Tch…" Lancer's face is frowning. He can't say anything, and it just gotten worse when saber countered his spear and thrown it away from him.

"Oh crap—that dumbass. What the hell is he doing?!" I said it, with a half-whisper voice, due to the condition that all of the servant is here, probably If there was just him and that girl, I bet I've shouted already. Then again, where is her master anyway.

And there, saber do her finishing move and swing her sword over lancer's chest and created a big wound on it. And it's bleeding. That's a big deal.

Lancer suddenly make a distance again between them, as he hold his wound with one of his hands, that covered with blood from the wound.

Saber is preparing, slowly getting closer. Looks like she going to kill lancer with a finishing blow this time. And on the other side, lancer is not making any unnecessary move, he is standing there, calmly. Too calm! And it made saber hesitate when she looks at his face. Why he was so calm? I wonder. I bet Saber is wondering the same thing. But she closed the distance between her and the black knight.

Then a flash of light rain upon their fight and ignites into disarray, blinding and destroying the battlefield and the rest of the cathedral. "Lancer!" I screamed, but the shockwave had to deflect all the noise and everything and thrown them aside like it was nothing. The light were so bright it beat my explosives' light like a morning breakfast, and even the destruction it caused had been deadly enough it needed 7 explosives for that shot. I too was pushed away by the shockwave, and landed in a fountain, soaking my favorite tux. "Oh, come on!" I hissed

After awhile, the light started to dismissed. At first it was weird, but then it became utterly obvious. Emerged from the shadows a man dressed in a Japanese archery clothing from hundreds year ago with a large long bow his left hand, followed by a cute ponytailed girl in modern archery clothing. Looks like the third party had just joined in the battlefield of the no-more cathedral.

"Halt! In the name of Justice!" screamed the boy in archer clothing.

I took this chance to stand up, soaking wet, and take a quick look at lancer to find any abnormalities. Which is none, thank god. As I think about the situation, it is quite dire indeed. Archer just had to come and spoil the little party while lancer is bleeding quite heavy.

"You two battled each other at the neutral zone!" He continued, "Therefore I decree your punishment will be…"

"Oh shut up!" I snapped, "Can't you see the fight are getting more interesting?"

Sheesh, what a party pooper. All he had to do was throw a big firework and forced everybody to go home just because one of them got injured by accident.

"You have yet to wait for your own turn to take a path towards damnation, lady."

"What?"

Oh great, another weirdo has descended upon ourselves. Really? This is dumb, you expect me to hear all this pathetic nonsense instead of watching lancer beat the crap out of the blonde lady. Or be beaten up. But still, this? No! I refuse myself to meet freaks!

"What I'm saying is, lady, Die." He said with calm and preciseness tone. Then soon took an arrow from the quiver in the back and took it in the longbow, and he's aiming for my head. What? Oh crap, what does everything had to be harder than everything else just because my name is Bianca.

"May god forgive your soul…" The archer boy finally said. Then released his right hand to fire an arrow that could end anyone wherever they decide to land and pierce anything open. I could hear the arrow ejected from the steel bow.

"…"

It missed, Holy shit! You call yourself an archer? Ha! That pathetic arrogant bastard knows nothing more than swinging his sharp-edged steel bow. No wait, what? I just realized. Perhaps he is one of those close-range archer that excels fighting with melee weapons, but with an ability powerful enough to call him an archer.

And without further delay, I started to look for my suitcase and finally found it. It's just right over there, in the middle of the no-more cathedral. Just across the archer boy and his master, the modern girl. And behind them standing there is saber with an old man.

"Great…" I sighed and starting to think the perfect strategy. But god apparently said it was not possible for me, if you're asking why it's because, the next thing that's going to happen.

Chapter 1. End