First I want to thank everyone for reading my one-shots. I know chapter stories are usually more appreciated, but thank you all for reading, commenting, liking or following. In this story I included pictures that I copied from .com, but I cannot post these on here. If you want to read the story with the pictures see . I recently wrote a fic about the list of everything Will did to piss Sonny off (Sonny's list) and now I decided to write a fic for the day after the fight. It includes Sonny's 'other' list. I hope you all enjoy it, I look forward to your comments!
Sonny's POV
I look at my sleeping boyfriend. The sun is coming up, and a light glow is lightening up our room. It is only 5.30 in the morning, and I enjoy this quiet time in which I only have to stare at the beautiful and unbelievably sweet man beside me. Yesterday we had a fight, and even though we made up and all is OK now, I once again realised how insecure he is. How he thinks he is not good enough for me, worried I might leave him to look for something better. He didn't say these words yesterday, but his eyes told me loud and clear. And the moment I mentioned a list of everything I had to put up with, I saw the insecurity covering him completely. He joked about it later, but I know that deep down he is afraid that such a list will tear me away from him. I hated myself for saying those words, mostly because I know that that list is short and insignificant. It would never give me a reason to leave him, and throwing it in his face was mean and unnecessary. My eyes caress his face, his golden hair, his slightly parted lips, and two rosy cheeks from sleeping. I wish I could tell him how I feel about him, about us. I wish I could put into words what I see when I look at him. And I wish I could explain to him my other list, the one I did not mention yesterday. The list with everything I love about him, the list that is endless and so much more important than the one I threw up during our fight. I bite my bottom lip while I let my mind wonder, never letting my eyes stray away from his sleeping profile.
(...)
I love you're blue eyes, which are always telling me what you cannot say in words. Through your eyes, fear, anger, sadness, and happiness all find their way straight into my heart. The intensity of their gaze holds me captive and I have seen many different shades of blue that translate into each emotion. Almost transparent blue tells me you are happy, and it makes me feel as though I am staring into the sky on a sunny day. When you are sad they become slightly darker, and even darker means you're angry. And when they are deep dark blue I know we are about to make passionate love to each other, and I have to catch my breath when I look straight into your eyes. I love each colour, each shade of blue, and the fact that I know and understand each shade tells me you are mine, only mine.
I love your smile because it makes my heart sing, and I just have to smile along. When you smile at me, you have the sweetest face in the world and I always feel butterflies in my stomach. I wish I could make you smile forever, but I know I can't. But I will do everything in my power to make you smile as often as possible, because I need it just as much as you do. The twinkle in your squinted eyes and the curve of your beautiful kissable lips is nothing short of perfect, and I cannot live my life without it anymore.
I love your scruff. I know you usually shave every morning, and most people only see you with a clean shaven face. But to be honest, I find a little scruff on you a major turn on. Every morning I enjoy the little stubbles on your face, and I enjoy them even more when I kiss you good morning. I love how they scratch my face when our lips meet, or how they scratch my shoulder when we make love. Maybe I should ask you not to shave every morning, but I also like the fact that you in scruff is something only I see, something that is just for me. It tells me you belong utterly and completely to me.
I love you in a suit, but I prefer you in a sweater or a T-shirt. For some reason I love the sporty, relaxed look on you, and it makes me want to hug you all the time. The sleeves usually show the curves of your arm muscles, and it hugs your perfect chest close. And it always reminds me of the time we went to play basketball with our friends, and afterwards we were sitting in our great grandmother's cafe. You were so relaxed and cuddly, hugging and kissing me without caring about the people around us. That's the guy I fell head over heels in love with.
I love the way you look at me when you are about to kiss me. Your eyes are all soft and sweet, and they seem to see nothing else but me. And what I love even more is your habit of hiding your hands in my hair as though they belong there. Before I met you I would tell anyone who tried to touch my hair not to mess with it. But you... you are allowed to make all the mess you want, because having your fingers in my hair makes me feel loved, wanted, and completely yours.
Call me shallow, but I love you body. To me it is so perfect, and so gorgeous, and the fact that I can hold you and touch you anywhere I want at any time I want, makes me so very happy. Your chest is a work of art, and your strong arms make me feel safe and protected. I hold my breath when I see or touch your masculine back, and your flat stomach with the V-line turns me on more than anything else. And squeezing your ass is something I will never stop doing because it just feels so good. Needless to say, making love to you is heaven on earth.
When you kiss me I see stars and I feel like I am flying. The way your arms and hands hold me close feels so comfortable and when I had a rough day, it is the one thing that can calm me down. When you kiss me I feel and taste how much you love me, and I only hope I am doing the same for you. When our tongues stroke softly I always lose my breath and my brain goes all fuzzy. During those moments my world stops and everything feels right, because I know we belong to each other.
I love it when we hug. Ever since we first met we have hugged each other, and every hug always feels good. Your body pressed against mine and your arms around me feels as though we become one body and one soul. The way you press your face in the crook of my neck and how you clutch me close as though I am the final straw you can hold on to, is perfect to me. As though I am your strength and you need me to stand up straight. As though I am the only person who can keep you together when everything around you seems to fall apart. I love to be the person you can lean on; I love to be the one you turn to when you are vulnerable and scared. And I want to be there for you for the rest of my life.
I love to fall asleep next to you, and wake up with you every morning. When we are in bed we always find our way to each other and usually wake up close together, holding on to each other. Kissing you goodnight every night makes me so happy, and is the only ending of every day I want to have. And waking up seeing you close to me is the only way for me to wake up with a smile on my face, ready to face a new day. Only when you are close to me I can have a restful sleep because when you are not there is feels as though a part of me is missing.
I love it when you play guitar. I know you are getting better and better and sometimes, when you don't know I can hear you, you sing along. I don't cry a lot, but every time when I hear your beautiful singing voice I have to swallow and blink a lot more than normal. I am still waiting for the right moment to ask you to sing for me. I know you will most likely say no, but maybe if I pick the right moment, you will sing a sweet love song to me, and I am sure I will cry like a baby.
I love sharing an ice cream with you for several reasons. First of all, you don't eat that much, so I have most of the ice cream. Second of all, you suddenly become all childish and we end up in a spoon fight. Thirdly, sharing an ice cream is such a couple's thing to do. But most of all because I enjoy hanging out with you, talking to you, and just spending time together. You are not only my life partner, and my lover, but you are also my very best friend in this whole world. And that makes me proud and unbelievably happy.
I love how we can just goof off together, and be silly and childish. How you let yourself go, and just be you when we are together, makes every moment easy and comfortable. When you are like that I just want to tease you until you get fed up. Then I only want to cuddle and kiss you, until you are no longer annoyed, but just like soft liquid in my arms. When you act silly I know you are happy, and that makes me happy. So I hope that a little part of you will never grow up, and will make me fall in love over and over again.
I love how you always believe in people. Your innocence and kindness is unmeasured, and I often wished I had a little bit of that. My Kiriakis roots leave me prejudiced and slightly distrusting people, but you always approach everyone openly and kindly, and you give second chances to everyone who sincerely wants one. It also means you can get hurt by these people, because you let them in your heart with the best of intentions, and they do not live up to that. I know that sometimes when you realise someone took advantage of your good intentions, I have to be there for you. In those moments I have to keep you safe while you sweet heart needs some time to heal. Just so you know... forever and ever I will look after your heart if you need me to, I just don't want you to change your open nature.
I love how you can cry without holding back or feeling ashamed. You are the best example that men do cry, and that it does not make then any less of a man. But when you do I just want to hold you, wipe the tears away and do whatever you need to smile again. When you cry, my heart breaks and I just want to hold you as close as possible. I love you for showing your feelings so openly, allowing me to take care of you when you need me to.
And even though I always tell you not to be jealous, deep down I love it when you are. Especially when you get to the point where you will tell anyone who comes too close to me, to just back off. The anger is in your eyes, and your determination is all kinds of hot. You are so possessive when you are like that, and I like it. I want you to be possessive and I want you to fight for me. Because in those moments I know how much I mean to you.
When you say 'I love you', my heart skips a beat. I always hear violins and smell roses the moment you say that, whether it is to my face, over the phone or in a text message. The 'I love you's' we share come in many different forms, but I love them all. From the deep purposeful mentioned 'I love you', to the quick goodbye when you casually say 'love ya', instead of 'see ya'. The first time you said I love you was the best moment of my life thus far, and I will never forget the sincere look on your face showing vulnerability and sheer happiness. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
I love how you still pinkie swear when you make a promise to me. I know you only do that with me, and you once told me to be flattered about that. And to be honest, I really am. It is something that only we do, that only we understand. It is a simple gesture that always puts a smile on my face. And sometimes I think that when we get married, yes when and not if, we have to seal our 'I do's' with a pinkie swear.
I love you when you fight for something you really, really want. Especially when that something is me. That time you came to see me in the coffee house after we broke up, I had never seen you so determined. The way you kissed me was mind blowing and for me to refuse to take you home was the hardest thing I ever had to do. When you set your mind to something, you go after it, and I think that is sexy as hell.
(...)
Big blue eyes flutter open and I stop my walk down memory lane. My hands goes up to his face and softly strokes is cheek, as he is trying to adjust his eyes to the sunlight in the room. He looks at me all sleepy and says softly:
"Hi."
I smile back, unable to say anything. All the memories have choked me up and I hope he won't see it. But of course he does.
"You OK?"
His voice is still a bit croggy, and I clear my throat before I answer him, hoping my voice won't tremble.
"Goodmorning babe..."
No luck, my voice trembles slightly, and his eyes show his concern. He rolls on his side so he faces me and his hand strokes my arm.
"Hey... what's up?"
I shake my head and swallow hard, trying to smile, but instead I have to bite my bottom lip so I won't start crying. His eyes never leave mine and suddenly he pulls me in his arms. His fingers stroke my back and I let one warm tear fall from my eyes. We don't speak and just hold on to each other tightly. After a while his voice whispers in my ear:
"Tell me Sonny..."
I take a deep breath and whisper back:
"OK..."
I wait a while, thinking about how to explain all this to him. He just waits, continuing to stroke comforting circles on my back. I pull back from our hug so I can look at him and this time I manage to give him a little smile:
"It's just... you, I guess..."
"Me?"
"Yeah...you..."
My hand is back on his cheek and I enjoy the feeling of his scruff against the palm of my hand. I lean in to kiss his lips and then I say quietly:
"I was thinking about you, and how much I love you..."
He doesn't say anything and I see the emotions in his big blue eyes. He bites his lip and I realise that's another thing I love about him.
"And that made you cry?"
I nod and repeat:
"That made me cry..."
It is all I manage to say. All the words I said in my head while I remembered everything about him that I loved, are gone. And all I am able to say is that I love him. But somehow it seems enough. He must see the depth of those words in my eyes, or he must feel it in my touch, and maybe he found it in the wetness on my cheek from the tear that fell down. But somehow he seems to understand that I love him more than I can say. After a while of just staring in each other's eyes, his eyes wonder to the clock and he says softly:
"It's only six o'clock... you don't have to go for another 45 minutes."
I nod wordlessly and watch his eyes as the transparant blue from utter happiness changes to a deep dark blue. He leans over so his body covers mine and his hands find their usual place in my hair. I enjoy the feeling when I touch his strong back, and when he deepens our kiss I let a moan escape. He lets go for a second, so we can take a breath and then we can go in for another mind blowing kiss. While I feel his warm breath against my lips I suddenly realise something. I suddenly understand why all the memories brought tears to my eyes, and why I am emotional. I realise that all those memories reminded me, not only of how much I love him, but reminded me even more of my deepest fear. And I just have to let him know that my deepest fear, and my deepest insecurity resemble his. Just before his lips capture mine I whisper breathlessley:
"Don't ever leave me."