I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Tragedy of tragedies, and all that.
I wrote this story for two reasons. Well, actually, I POSTED this story for two reasons (I wrote it because it popped into my head). First reason: I realized how disturbing my mind can get, and I wanted to share that delicious detail with all of you, lol. Second reason: I thought of something spectacular, and I want to know if anyone wants to do it with me:
I propose we play a game of tag. Really, what that means is we all decide on a title, plot, and genre/rating, and we all write it together. We each write one chapter, and then we 'tag' the next person. (If I was playing with KarinUzumaki and UniversalOverlordess, for example, I'd tag Karin and she could either tag me back or tag Overlordess.) The only two conditions is that it must be in the Kingdom Hearts category, and it must be AkuRoku (but there can be other side pairings). Anyone who's interested can tell me in a review, or a PM or something.
Edit: January 22, 2008: I didn't think the ending was very clear. We all know Axel was destroyed by his own fire in his last attack, which seriously made me cry. Anyway, at the end of this, I don't think I clarified well enough. It IS possible to look someone in the eye as you die. So, yeah. Sorry, I read this over and realized it sounded like his death was all peaceful. Well, it was a beautiful end, but peaceful? No way.
Tag! You're it!
Tag! You're it!
On those rare occasions when Roxas had let a bit of his other's personality show through, he was funny as hell, if you shared a similar sense of humor. As similar as they were, though, Axel was different in that respect. That didn't make Roxas any less funny; Axel just wasn't sure if he should laugh, or run for his life.
Tag! You're it!
That was their little 'secret.' In the way that Axel wanted to be remembered by beings of existence, Roxas wanted to be remembered by beings of nonexistence. It wasn't a surprise, exactly, when Roxas had kissed him at first; Axel could definitely be considered a 'being of nonexistence,' and was also Roxas' best friend. Favorite partner. Whatever. They spent lots of time together, willingly, and perhaps Roxas' strange sense of humor had just been surfacing. But Axel hadn't laughed, even when Roxas did, and instead stole another minute or two of air. Roxas soon stopped laughing, and started panting instead.
Tag! You're it!
Catchphrases were not overrated, thank you very much. Axel had been doing his bit to remind the world of that; and if it annoyed Roxas, so much the better. He personally thought that if everyone had a catchphrase there would be more surrender, because of prolonged bouts of head-scratching (and general dumbfounded skepticism). Roxas decided to retaliate in the strangest way possible.
Tag! You're it!
The first time Axel heard Roxas use his catchphrase, he was in the process of slicing through a pack of annoyances. Later, Axel couldn't remember who or what they were – were they Heartless, or people, or what? He didn't think they were Heartless, because he remembered being treated to the sight of a blood-drenched Roxas grinning at him, a wicked glint in his eyes. He'd said that was the proper way to use a catchphrase, kissed him on the mouth, and told him to 'get cleaned up' because he was covered in blood. Axel had known exactly what Roxas meant, but the hazy look in his ocean-blues told Axel that Roxas didn't much mind getting cleaned up instead. In fact, Axel's tongue had been complimented.
Tag! You're it!
Roxas told a lot of people to shut up, mostly when they were saying useless things or begging for mercy or asking questions he couldn't bother to answer. But that wasn't his new catchphrase. He'd never told Axel to shut up, until one slow night – a dark night; rainy, because their story had to be a little cliché somewhere. Axel had been giving Roxas a rundown of that day's events, since Roxas had been away, and Roxas had been staring at him. Axel could tell Roxas wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention, but he kept talking because Roxas seemed to like listening to him talk. Or at least, Roxas had never before told him to shut up.
But that night, Roxas told him to shut up, and took advantage of his temporary speechlessness by shoving his tongue practically down his throat. Axel hadn't minded that much, and he'd made a mental note to talk idly more often. Roxas seemed to like watching his mouth move.
Tag! You're it!
It occurred to Axel one day that Roxas' catchphrase was a secret to the world. He didn't say it around the others, and he never said it outside of a fight. It was a little secret between Axel and Roxas, and he knew that he'd be pleased if he could. Actually, he already was. He could remember. It also occurred to him that the catchphrase was creepy as hell, but that was just details, because it was Their Little Secret and there was no way he'd give it up just because it was a tad disturbing.
It would also occur to him, at a later date, that he was a bit too attached to the cantankerous Keyblade wielder. But until he realized that, he was content to look past Roxas' dark humor. Besides, wasn't that what they were? Creatures of the dark?
Tag! You're it!
As time went on, Axel noticed something interesting. Beneath Roxas' dark and disturbing sense of humor, he had something…else. Axel could never place it; but even though it was out-of-place in a person like Roxas, it wasn't out-of-place in Roxas. Because Roxas was Roxas and if it was part of Roxas, it wasn't strange at all.
Axel also noticed that that interesting thing was also beneath his kisses, and beneath his words, and in those ocean-blues. Axel couldn't, for the existence of him, figure out how those eyes could be so expressive if Roxas couldn't feel. He had no idea if Roxas thought the same, and so it didn't come as a surprise when Roxas didn't ask.
Tag! You're it!
Axel could never quite decide if he wanted to see what it was like inside Roxas' head. On one hand, it might help him understand the one he might've loved, had he been able to. On the other, Axel knew that someone with thoughts and memories in place of feelings would always have a mind to be frightened of.
He knew this from personal experience, and maybe everyone was right – maybe Nobodies couldn't feel, but they sure as hell could remember, and that was just as good. Or bad, in this case, because Axel had a feeling that if he saw into Roxas' head, he might just run away screaming. At any rate, he was already inside Roxas' head, and he was currently winning the tongue-fu spar.
Tag! You're it!
Sometimes, Axel wondered what would happen if Roxas stopped existing. Those were the bad days, because he couldn't remember existing without Roxas.
Sometimes, Axel wondered what he'd done to deserve Roxas in the first place. Those were the worst days, because he couldn't remember anything good.
Sometimes, Axel got to hear Roxas call out his still-secret catchphrase. Those were the best days, because he couldn't remember what 'worried' him when Roxas was out of sight.
Tag! You're it!
When Roxas left, Axel was only slightly surprised. He hadn't been distancing himself; on the contrary, Axel had been hard-pressed to find time for himself. That had been fine, though, because alone-time was always better spent with Roxas. Axel thought he was prepared.
But he thought wrong. That night, he daydreamed (but he didn't really dream, because he wasn't asleep; it was more like a hallucination) about that day Roxas had first shouted his catchphrase, and the way his eyes had looked as Axel 'cleaned' all the blood away. That had been one of the few times Axel had been in control, he thought. He hadn't even realized it. He didn't think Roxas had realized it either.
Tag! You're it!
Nobodies didn't get depressed. That was one good thing about being devoid of a heart: moping was out of the question, because the phantoms of feeling were always much lighter than the real thing. So when Axel suddenly, inexplicably, found himself incapable of moving, he began to realize that something was definitely wrong, and it sure as hell wasn't something in the water.
Tag! You're it!
If Axel had heard the expression, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, he would've snorted and probably told whoever spouted that nonsense to go do something nasty. It wasn't that Axel discounted the theory, but that phrase was only used to console a lonely person, and Axel's heart didn't exist. Absence makes the unheart grow obsessed would've been a better sentiment, and it disturbed Axel that he knew this and still wanted Roxas back.
Over time, Roxas was equated with pasta sauce, in Axel's mind. Noodles could satisfy, just like mundane existence could, but sauce made everything right, just like Roxas did. Sauce was kept on the back burner, but even though a person said they wanted pasta, they were really thinking about the sauce. Just like Axel really wanted Roxas, but he could deal with mundane existence until Roxas was ready.
Tag! You're it!
Sometimes Axel forgot. Those were the bad days, because Roxas had dominated him – in more ways than one – during the part of his existence he actually wanted to remember.
Sometimes Axel remembered. Those were the worst days, because he knew that Roxas wasn't coming back.
Sometimes, Axel was surprised. Those days were the days he wanted put an end to certain people's miserable lives – states of existence – whatever. Axel was surprised, because this time, Roxas forgot, and those ocean-blues somehow became dull. That flash in his eyes was gone. Gone, too, was that dark and disturbing sense of humor that no one but Axel had ever really noticed; in its place was quiet introspection, a pathetic shadow of everything Roxas meant.
Tag! You're it!
Their secret, Roxas' catchphrase, was also missing.
Tag! You're it!
Shortly after Roxas left, Axel accidentally looked into a mirror. He didn't do it, as a general rule, because Roxas had once called him a 'narcissistic idiot.' His eyes had been flashing in that beautifully wicked way, so that had been okay, but Axel had avoided mirrors after that. When he met his own eyes, they were replaced by wide, flashing ocean blue, and an echo in his head.
Tag! You're it!
Their secret. Roxas' catchphrase. Tag! You're it, he would call, as he carved up another foe with his sinister-looking Keyblade. Tag! You're it, like it was some sort of game. Like he wasn't ending the lives – existences – whatever – of all those beings.
It occurred to Axel that it had been Roxas' way of dealing with everything. All his confusion, all his phantom frustration, all those things he wouldn't say (because the moment he said he was fine, it would be a lie), would come out as he destroyed enemies like weeds, in those three little words.
Tag! You're it!
In a different life, Axel would've been touched that Roxas had chosen to share that with him.
Tag! You're it!
He'd been existing on borrowed time – stolen, actually, because all Nobodies were existing on borrowed time already. All he'd wanted to do was see Roxas, even one last time, but it wasn't a wish that would ever come true. Sora – Roxas' goddamn antithesis – was good, he had to admit. But in his last moments, he saw only Roxas' ocean blues, staring out of a concerned face that was not Roxas', but close, and he heard a faint echo, just like the love he'd felt for the true owner (in Axel's now extremely hazy mind) of those captivating eyes.
Tag! You're it!