I looked at the couple, holding hands. I looked down at my own hands, intertwined with each other. I felt the bitter liquid drip down my face, and suddenly I had all the reason in the world to cry.

I cried for my sorrow.

I cried for my heart.

I cried for my mind.

And I cried for all the pain I had inflicted on others.

…

It had been raining, the first day I met him. Maybe I should have listened to this, the circumstances which I had met him under, I think it was a forewarning of how we were to end, broken for all of time.

I had sat in my chair, dreaming. Wishing of another.

Was there someone in my heart at the time? Yes. There was Yamada Kosuke, the only man I had ever looked at for the five years of my life I had ever loved so strongly. I liked him as only a friend, then soon it became something more, something that I was afraid of, it was not something I could explain though.

It consumed me, it was contagious, it controlled me. Kosuke-kun… Do you know how much I feared myself after you? How I wondered whether I was honestly insane? How I cried, how I sobbed silently, how I screamed from the pain, the pressure, the dull throbbing of my useless heart.

I loved my mask. And now, I hate it. The mask which shrouds my face, my emotions, my sorrow. The one which projects at the same time, the one which screens a dimpled smile, my perfect teeth, the puffs of my eyes which scrunch when I smile. The one which displays happiness, the one which creates my emotions for me.

The mask, which made him fall him in love with me.

Li Syaoran… He was the sort of guy who was very quiet in class. He didn't talk much, and he didn't smile much. But he was the type of person who made you sit up, and pay notice when you did know him. His aura, it wasn't the type to overpower and force on others, it was a gentle hugging and encouragement to get to know him. He was different, but at the same time, he gave the appearance of just being another one in a crowd.

And he loved me. Kinomoto Sakura.

The girl, who under no circumstances, deserved him.

And I knew it, I knew it very well actually. He felt for me, the same I felt for Kosuke-kun.

…

In many ways, I was very selfish. I loved the feeling, of being loved, of being surrounded by others, of feeling happy. It was pain and sadness which drove me further, it was euphoria which drugged me. It was dangerous, I know why so many of the wealthy are so selfish and greedy, why many of those who have money are so bitter and cruel to those around them.

If I had known Syoran-kun earlier, I probably would have fallen for him instead of Kosuke-kun. But I can't dwell on such things, I know that if I had fallen for Syaoran-kun, it might have been a reversed situation.

It's easier to wish and dream for the things you know you'll never get. Once you have something within your grasp, it always seems so much more trivial that it had been when you were wishing for it. All the effort you put into trying to reach your goal, it's easily forgotten once you have what you want.

Maybe that's also why the wealthy are bored. Because there is nothing that is not within grasp of their name.

It's so obvious I'm being selfish. It's so obvious that I just want some comfort, because the love of my father and brother isn't enough. Because I need someone to hold me like a lover, I need someone to hold me like they care about me too much to care.

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A/N: Holy… Can I just say I think I'm starting to type fricken fobby English? ARGH. Not cool. This is the opening for my series of oneshots and short stories. I'm not sure if this is allowed -0-;; I'll update soon I promise. Please review to tell me what you think, any suggestions to improve are gladly welcomed and if you have an idea which you would like me to write up, please do tell me!