Road to Redemption: A Crime and Punishment Sequel
Raskolnikov sat alone in the prison in Siberia, contemplating everything that had happened since his trial over a year and a half ago. From the death of his mother to the marriage of Razumikhin and Dunya, it seemed like so much was going on outside of the minimal world of the prison. He had, indeed, encountered some animosity from the other prisoners, and he and Sonya had both become ill, but those things were only small events that had occurred as the year and a half had slowly ticked by.
In relation to his crime, Raskolnikov had been his harshest judge, perhaps even harsher than the one who had been present at his trial. With that judge, he had gotten off easy, and some people might even argue that he got off far easier than he should have with the given circumstances of his murder. His crime had been deemed a brainstorm, and he had been given a short eight years of prison time to serve. As his own judge, however, Raskolnikov was far harsher. He was ashamed of the way he had given himself up so easily, especially when he had once considered himself extraordinary. An extraordinary person would never find themselves in prison as he was at the moment.
The one shining ray of hope in his dark existence was Sonya, who had followed him using the money she had received from Svidrigailov. He had come to rely on her presence, as she was the only one he had. Dunya and Razumikhin might very well not arrive in Siberia for another five years, and the prisoners could never be much company for him while they only thought of him as a poser. She provided him with the company that he finally realized that he sorely needed, and had always needed, even when he had been trying so hard to push everyone away before the murder.
At that moment, someone had just taken his or her place beside him. Raskolnikov wondered who it might be, and for a second, he considered that it might be one of the other prisoners, ready to hurt him as soon as he turned around. At this point, he could almost accept death if one of the other prisoners would be the one to bring it to him. He had long ago decided that he would not take his own life, but if someone else did it, it would not be the weak act that suicide would be. Prepared for whatever might happen, he turned his head slightly to see Sonya's eyes looking straight into his. A small smile found its way to his lips as he thought of the unconditional love that she had for him and that he had for her. After wanting to have someone love him unconditionally for so long, he knew for sure that Sonya did indeed love him that way, and after a bit of time, he was able to return those affections.
Sonya was clutching a book to her chest, and after a closer look, Raskolnikov found the book to be the copy of the New Testament that she had once read to him before. She had brought it to him during the earlier days of his prison sentence, not once forcing him to open it, but soon enough, he had lifted up the cover of the book and had started to read the words contained inside. He looked at the book, thinking of the faith he had adopted, her faith, which he had taken as his own as a result of his love for Sonya. His acceptance of something that he had once had trouble believing in all had to do with her. Maybe he did not fully believe in what the book had to offer, or maybe he was slowly making his way to the point of complete belief, but for her, he would make a point of trying to accept her ideas and beliefs. Perhaps her faith would even provide him redemption for the crime that he had committed over a year ago.
Sonya took the book and passed it to Raskolnikov, and he opened it to a particular page, allowing Sonya to read the words to him. As she spoke, he could not help but think back to the time when he had once tested her with his endless questions, and how she had not once wavered in her faith, and had stood unshakable in her beliefs no matter what he would throw her away. This aspect of Sonya was one of the things that drew him to her, and had at one time made him humble himself to her by kissing her feet. He had never been unshakable in any of his ideas, and had always waffled back and forth about nearly everything, even things that he had at one time thought that he was completely sure about. Now, as he thought about it, the only thing that he had never waffled about was his love for Sonya. He had a feeling that his unconditional love for her would remain unshaken in the years to come, and he would never waffle back and forth and question if he truly loved her.
He slowly moved his hand closer to her, and she lightly placed her hand on top of his and with this gesture, he knew that her love for him would never change either. He looked to her and she gave him a small smile before she continued to read to him. She was reading to him about Lazarus, which she had read to him even before he received his prison sentence. As he listened to the words he spoke, he thought of how her faith, which was slowly becoming his, would be what would finally be for the crime he had committed.
By the time she had finished reading to him, he found himself waffling on his ideas about redemption that had come to him not too long ago. He wondered if her beliefs were what would provide him with redemption, or if it was something far different. As he glanced at her once again, the thoughts in his head finally found words to attach themselves to. Maybe my unconditional love for Sonya and her unconditional love for me will be what finally redeem me for the murder, all of my waffling and blundering, and my shameful attempt to be an extraordinary man when I am only ordinary. Perhaps my love for her will be the closest thing to anything extraordinary that I will ever experience. It is quite extraordinary that anyone could love me even after everything I have done, and who I am, he thought, looking at her once again.
He wondered if his love for her was the sole redeeming aspect about him, and was what he needed to finally set himself free from all the judgment that he had put upon himself from the crime. Maybe now that he had this idea in his head, he could finally take the big step from his old life of self-criticism, waffling, and regretting the mistakes that he had made during the murder to a new life filled with unconditional love, where he could forget about his past mistakes and allow himself to love and be loved back and finally finish the long trek on the road to redemption.
He knew that he loved Sonya and that she loved him as well, so the logical conclusion for him would be to marry her. Marriage would be another confirmation of the unconditional love that he was now sure that would lead to his redemption, and he was certain that it was what he wanted. He considered asking her to marry him right at that very moment, but he knew that right after he did so, he might waffle back and forth about it endlessly. He kept the thought to himself and stored it in the back of his mind for another day that would come along when he waffled no longer and was sure of his own thoughts and judgments. It was then when he would finally reach the long awaited end on the road to redemption, but for now, he was content to sit next to Sonya and listen to her read the words of the bible.