"Cause you gotta look her in the eye
And you gotta love your way of life
Cause you gotta guilty, filthy soul
Don't you know it's out of your control"
-AWOLNATION (Guilty, Filthy Soul)
-/-/-
Remus smiled faintly at the memories the surrounded him as he slowly embarked on the short journey from his bedroom to the kitchen of Grimmauld place. He had been living in a flat on his own, much more well off than he had been before the world had become much easier for a werewolf. It had been a long time since he had really stayed at Grimmauld place, not since the summer after Sirius' death. Of course he had visited once Harry had moved in here with Ron and Hermione, but this had been the first time he'd stayed for longer than a meal or drinks. And back in his old room as well.
Everyone was back in fact. All the Weasley's, including Ginny who had been living there since she finished Hogwarts only two months ago. Neville and Luna were there as well, both staying just the one night, the same as him. It was safe to say that the house was very crowded.
It was on the account of Harry and Ginny's engagement that they were all there. Molly had decided to throw them a dinner in celebration, and knowing everyone would be staying late anyways, the couple had offered up the many spare rooms in the house.
As he walked, his mind flooded with memories of that short year where so many more were alive. It felt odd being in the house of one of his closest friends now that he was gone, but at the same time, the house had changed so much. It was lighter, and felt like a home. That was clearly the work of Ginny and Hermione.
The creak of a door made his head snap up. Hermione stepped out and shut the creaking door behind her.
It took Remus a moment to take her in. He'd seen her a few times in the past few years, at get togethers or when he came to visit Harry, but it was always brief and it was rare that the two ever found themselves alone.
His eyes scanned her without realizing. She wore a pink dress made of a satin-like material. Her hair fell in curls around her shoulders. When he realized he was staring he quickly lowered his gaze down to the ground. He didn't dare look her in the eyes, for until now he hadn't realized how grown up she was, how much she too had changed.
"Remus," Hermione said, acknowledging him with a smile.
"Hermione," he nodded. "I wasn't aware we were meant to dress up. I would have put on something more formal."
His eyes moved up to meet hers, which he realized might not have been his best plan.
"Oh, no, you're fine." Her hands wound together as her gaze dropped to the dress. "Ginny insisted. She said she wanted at least someone besides her to dress up. I don't think any of the guys will be though, and Fleur will be going for a more comfortable attire."
"Well, you look beautiful." The words came out before he ever knew he was thinking them. Of course it was true, but him thinking and saying so must have been uncalled for.
His worry caused him to miss the blush, and the smile that Hermione responded with.
"I'd uhm - I'd better get downstairs. I promised I would help out before dinner. I'll see you in a bit."
As she left, he couldn't help the feeling of guilt that flowed through him. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling, or what he was thinking about the girl, well, woman now, who was twenty years his junior. He didn't know what he felt when she came out in that dress, but he knew it wasn't good and that he was right in feeling guilty.
Staring at her as her figure vanished down the stairs, he remembered the first day he realized her brilliance. It was their first class, and back then his admiration for her was strictly academic. He saw that she was quite possibly the brightest young witch in that entire school, and throughout that year she only proved him right time and time again.
And now, she only continued to provoke his wonder and admiration. He just couldn't seem to help the fact that he had noticed more than just academic beauty about her.
At the table, Remus chose to remain silent, only talking to compliment Molly on her cooking. Hermione sat all the way at the other end of the table between Ginny and a very pregnant Fleur. It was during the toast that they first made eye contact, and from then on, it became frequent. Each gaze was more lingering than the next. By the end of the meal, Remus felt horrible. He hung his head in shame and could barely touch his desert. It got to the point that he had to excuse himself to the library to get in a clear thought.
What was he doing? Of course any rational person could argue that he hadn't exactly done anything besides call a young witch beautiful. Remus, however, knew that even just the thoughts running through his head were enough to be wrong. He shouldn't be feeling even the slightest bit of attraction to her, even if she was to be twenty soon. Unfortunately, he did, and he didn't know what to do about it.
"Remus?" Her voice pulled his gaze towards the door where she stood. A confused look was upon her face, alongside something Remus couldn't quite place.
"Are you alright?" she asked timidly.
"I'm fine, Hermione, I just needed to get away from everyone for a moment, to think."
"Oh." Her gaze dropped and he watched as her teeth gnawed on her lower lip. Was she nervous? his heart dropped at the thought that he had made her uncomfortable.
"Why don't you go back and enjoy the celebrations. I'm sure you wouldn't want to spend your time with talking to an old man like me." His own words caused a twang of pain in his chest, but he knew that was all she could possibly see him as.
She frowned, as if the words pained her as well. "You're not old, Remus." The words were quite, almost a whisper.
She stepped forward slowly, with hesitation it seemed, but within a moment her pace had quickened. Then, before Remus could object, their faces were centimeters apart. Leaning in, she placed the ghost of a kiss on the corner of his mouth, not quite on his lips.
"And for the record, I'm not all that young anymore, not a child." She searched his eyes for a hint of what he was going to do next.
"I'm your professor-" he started, but she cut him off, and he immediately regretted what he said.
"You were my professor. There's a very big difference."
Immediately Remus was reminded of a moment he had almost forgotten. A moment from three years ago. A moment it seemed had been buried away in his mind, best left forgotten.
The sound of laughter filled his ears and he watched as couples and friends danced away their fears of the war, and what might happen in the days to come. many had tried to pull him onto the dance floor, but he had politely declined. It was much safer for those, and the potential dance partners, if he just watched from the sidelines.
He heard the soft voice of Ginny as she dragged Hermione and Harry over to where he was standing.
"Having fun, Remus?" Ginny asked with a smile.
He responded with the same words he had told everyone who had asked so far. It seemed as though people assumed he wasn't having a good time because he was simply watching.
His response seemed to satisfy Ginny, and soon she was telling Hermione how she thought Fleur really did look splendid in her dress. Then, the song changed and a grin spread across her face. Quickly, she grabbed Harry's had and tried to tug him in the direction of the dance floor.
At his hesitation she said, "Hey, it's one dance, and I haven't danced all night. What harm can it do?" It seemed as though Harry had given in, because he then let Ginny pull him off into the dancing, leaving Hermione and Remus alone.
There was an uncomfortable silence. The two of them had never really been alone together, and found they didn't have a clue on what to say to the other.
"Would you care to dance?" Hermione asked awkwardly, finding no other conversation starter to use.
"I don't know-" Remus started nervously. He knew he would just make a complete and utter fool of himself out there.
"Oh come on. Like Ginny said, it's just one dance. Then maybe people will stop thinking you've been having a horrible time." Her argument was strong, and she did have a point. Remus found himself unable to say no to the brown eyes peering up at him hopefully.
"Just one," he stated before reaching for her hand and leading her out onto the floor.
They danced around silently to the slow song that played. Neither one of them quite knew what they were doing, but Remus figured it might have been something close to a waltz.
Back straight, he led her around the dance floor rather stiffly, and halfway through the song Hermione let out a small giggle.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing- It's just, I can see why you were reluctant, you're stiff as a board." She glanced down sheepishly to hide the laughter she couldn't help. She was right though, he was terrible.
"Well that's a nice rude thing to say to a teacher," Remus said, but he too was chuckling lightly.
"Former teacher," She corrected with a smug grin spreading across her face.
The two continued the dance in silence, occasionally laughing at the others dancing, or grinning widely at one another.
Remus didn't know why he hadn't remembered that moment until now. Perhaps it had been forgotten because of the war that followed.
"A very big difference indeed," he said, his mind still on the moments when they had been so close, dancing with such lightheartedness.
"Remus- I know, and you know as well that our ages are no testament to who we are. And, well, you said yourself once that I was older in mind than I was in years." Her eyes met his, as if pleading to him to forget, to forget who they both were for just a moment.
"Yes, but-" Remus frowned. "You deserve so much more than, well, me." He didn't know what was going through her head, or what was going through his. Never had the two expressed any form of interest towards the other, not verbally at least, and while he had come to the realization that his admiration, possibly even love, for her was more than he could ever have possibly imagined, he couldn't understand how anything even relatively the same could be going on in Hermione's mind.
"I'll decide what I deserve, and what I want." She frowned, her forehead wrinkling slightly as she stared up at him. With a fixed look of concentration, she leaned in and captured his lips with hers. He was about to pull away, but something about the kiss and the passion it brought forth made him match the kiss with the same level of intensity.
He pulled away after coming to the realization of what they were doing, and what it meant, and what it could possibly mean for their future.
"Do you really mean that? Surely you-"
"I do," she said. "I need you. I don't know when I realized it, but once I had, well, there was no going back."'
She kissed him again, and this time he didn't pull away.
He knew that this was out of his control, and no matter how hard he tried, this was never something that could be forgotten. He would never lose the memories of what he felt, and if he ever tried, he would surely drive himself mad.
Perhaps, this really wasn't such a bad thing.
An: Okay, so this was my first time writing these two in a non time travel fic, and even though I love to read the ship, I've found I can't quite write it. I don't know what it is, but it just didn't come out the way I wanted to portray it all. I think I'll be sticking to writing them in time travel from now on.
This was written for the Test Your Limits Competition Round 1 (Prompts: Lethe, "That's a nice rude thing to say to a teacher.", Things Best Forgotten, "Guilty, Filthy Soul." by AWOLNATION), The Hunger Games Trilogy Competition (Dialogue: "I do," I say, "I need you.") Birthday Competition (August, Birth Flower, Remembrance)