Experiment
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its character. Only the scenario belongs to me. It's also the first fic I've written in first person.
I stared into the mirror, admiring my reflection. The blond curls fell in an elegant swept over perfectly manicured eyebrows, accentuating flawless and prominent cheekbones, and cascading in waves over a perfect pair of shoulders and a perfect back. Perfect was the only way to describe what was reflected in that mirror. I could hardly believe it was me.
To make sure, I reached out and pressed one flawlessly manicured against the mirror. The slim, white hand with the tapered fingers pressed back. It was me. I couldn't believe it. Though I'd been like this for a year and though I'd been beautiful even before my transformation, I still couldn't get used to the utter perfection reflected in the glass before me. Such flawlessness almost made losing my family and my humanity worth it. Almost.
But almost was the wrong word. Barely was the word. Barely described the slight compensation for losing every bit of my life except for my beauty. I would never see my family again because I was a danger to them. And even after I was no longer a danger to them, I'd be too young to go to them without arousing suspicion. Suspicion was the enemy. Carlisle had told me that. Suspicion made the Volturi angry.
How I hated the Volturi. My fists clenched at the thought of them, and even though my nails were long and sharp, I felt no pain in my palms. Where was I? Oh, the Volturi. Right. Anyway, the Voltuir were what was keeping me from my family. Otherwise, I could have gone back to them and be reunited. I could have been with my brothers years from now. I could have seen my parents. I could have had everything back.
A lump began to rise in my throat, though the vision in the mirror didn't show it, and before I knew it I was sobbing.
My mind was aching with loss, and every fiber of my being wanted to undo what had been done. I would do anything, sacrifice even my beauty and be plain and ordinary if I could have it all back. And I meant. You can laugh if you want to, say that I'm too pain, but what's beauty worth if that's all you have? Nothing. It's worth nothing. It's just a Confederate bond.
I raised my hands to my face and began to rake my nails over it.
It hurts, I thought. It hurts, it hurts. Oh, it hurts.
But it didn't hurt, and that was what I hated. I couldn't make the granite of my face feel anything, and I couldn't mar the cursed perfection that was now mine. I applied even more pressure, pressure that would have raked my skin to the bone when I was human, and the smallest imperfection appeared on my face.
And then I was laughing in triumph. I had marred myself! Maybe my wish would come true. And that was how I was, holding my tear-streaked face in my hands laughing hysterically, when I heard a nervous voice, a voice that was normally calm and confident, say, "Rosalie?"
I immediately turned and saw Edward standing in the doorway. He was shifting awkwardly from frame to frame and averting his eyes. That made me laugh even harder. I'd unnerved Edward Cullen! Oh, it was hilarious. Sure, it had taken self-mutilation combined with sobbing hysterically and then laughing even more hysterically, but I had done it.
"Rosalie," he said again, clearing his throat. "Um, I suppose this is a bad time. I—I think I'll…um…come back later then."
"No," I shouted, my hand reaching out to him. He was the perfect (ha, that word again!) distraction from my pain. Maybe his discomfort even had to do with some attraction me. More likely it was because he thought I was going mad, but I was willing to be optimistic.
Edward froze in the doorway, a nearly imperceptible crease appearing on his smooth, white brow.
"I'm fine," I continued. He took the step towards me, then stopped, his eyes darting between the hallway and me. Then he took another step forward and said, "Rosalie, I was wondering if you would mind if I kissed you."
I was right! He wasn't uncomfortable because he thought I was going mad. He was uncomfortable because he desired me. I was positively giddy now, nearly giggling with delight.
"It's just an experiment, mind you," he added, and my face fell. It was only for a moment though. Surely I knew enough about kissing to make him like it. I had been taught well by Ro...but I wouldn't mention that name, not after he had…but I wouldn't mention that either. It didn't bear thinking amidst my newfound giddiness.
"I want to see what everyone's making such a big fuss about," Edward finished.
"Of course, I understand perfectly," I said, nodding my head and making my curls bounce. Then something occurred to me. "Edward Cullen, are you seriously saying that you've never been kissed?"
He started to shift around again, and I laughed. Gorgeous, wonderful Edward Cullen had never been kissed? It was hilarious. I stifled my laughter though. I didn't want to bruise his fragile male ego or make him think I was going mad anymore than I already had.
"It's just that…well, you're the only girl I can kiss and not risk infecting. Well, besides Emse, but I can't kiss Esme because she belongs to Carlisle, and it's not like I can go up to a human girl or Carlisle," he continued.
"Of course not, Edward," I continued, furrowing my brow ever so slightly. He was beginning to get on my nerves. Here I was, deigning to kiss him, and he was trying to make it clear he wasn't attracted to me? What kind of boy did that? I didn't voice my thoughts aloud though. I'd do that later, after I'd kissed Edward.
"Come here now," I said. "I swear I don't bite." Edward laughed awkwardly at my joke.
Then he walked over to me and sat down next to me on my vanity stool. He sat there for a moment, staring at his hands, and I realized that he didn't know what to do.
"Put your arms around my waist, Edward," I said.
"Isn't that a bit intimate?" he asked, biting his lip in embarrassment.
"No," I replied.
"If you say so," he said. Then his cold arms encircled my slim waist. I frowned ever so slightly, sticking out my lower lip in what had previously been determined an appealing gesture. His arms were cold. But then I was cold too. An ice queen of sorts, I supposed.
"Now, I'm going to put my arms around your neck," I said. Edward gulped slightly and nodded. This time I did laugh. "Edward, it's not like we're getting ready to bed each other." That made him blush.
Well, that answers that, I thought. I'd always wondered if vampires could blush. Then I put my arms around him, pulling his face slightly towards him.
"Now, lean in," I ordered. He did so. I like him come within an inch before I finished. My grip tightened around his neck, and he parted his lips in surprise. I flicked my tongue in his mouth, baiting his tongue, and his grip tightened around my waist in shock. He didn't know how to respond.
I pulled away and said, "Edward, push your tongue against mine."
"I will," he said as though he'd just agreed to swallow an entire factory's worth of glass. I nearly grimaced this time, but he'd pulled me back into his embrace before that.
The kiss was better this time, with Edward actually responding and playing along. We kept going, and I knew that my heart would have been pounding against my chest if it had been able to beat at all.
Edward's hands tightened around my waist even more, and he pulled me against his strong chest. The nearly took my breath away, except I wasn't capable of losing my breath. I slid one arm away from his neck and ran it down his chest. He started to shake, and I knew he would have been shivering if he cold. We continued like this for a while, getting hotter and hotter. Then we broke apart, and Edward pulled me forward, putting his pale, cold lips to my neck.
He froze there as though he'd just realized what he'd done, and he pulled away from me all together. "I just don't like you that way, Rosalie."
"But did you like the kiss?" I asked. I was sure that the answer was yes. It had been a good kiss, and he'd learned so much during process. He had to have liked it.
"I did," he admitted. "I just don't like you."
This time I did grimace, but I still managed to say, "I knew that."
"Really, Rosalie, I don't know what I was thinking," he continued. "I just don't feel that way about you. It's more brotherly, I suppose."
If I had had food in my stomach, it would have come up as I imagined one of my brothers doing with me what Edward had just done.
"The kiss was good though," he continued. "It just didn't fit with you." Then he left, and I stared after him, trying to figure him out. He didn't like me, but he'd said he liked the kiss? Was he just being gentlemanly? Had he actually felt nothing? Did he prefer men, like Oscar Wilde had, and was just denying it to himself? Or maybe he was just a crazed, confused vampire boy who had no idea how to deal with his hormones.
"I suppose Edward Cullen is just strange whatever else he is," I said aloud. Then I realized that I didn't have feelings for him either. Pity. We would have made such a lovely couple.
I know that was strange. Anyway, review and tell me what you thought of it.