Hey everyone! This is just a letter written from Fred/George to Harry about dating Ginny :) Takes place in Harry's 6th year!
Written for Round 6 of the QLFC for Keeper
Written for the Fault in Our Stars Competition: Isaac, Quote 4 "I'm just saying, I'd much rather be deaf than blind."
WORD COUNT (without A/N): 964
Dear Harry (you scrawny git),
It's Gred and Forge, your two favorite people! Well, up until you read this letter, that is.
See, Harry, we have heard from a special source about you and our little sister being somewhat of a couple, and we think it's time to give you the brotherly talk. Well I guess it would be called the brotherly 'write', since we're not actually talking to you… Or it would be the brotherly right, because we have the right as brothers to write to you about dating our sister. Get it? Write, right. Ha, ha.
Alright, that was Gred, idiot he is (what kind of joke is 'right, write'?). Anyway, we'd do it in person, except we're busy at the shop, and I don't think McGonagall would appreciate it if we took a little visit to Hogwarts just to tell you this.
She's already told us to stop sending products out to students. But what can we say when an innocent little first-year wants to have some fun after an exam? Nothing, that's what. We can't turn down the opportunity to fish out young pranksters. Ha ha, Harry, we're breaking the rules of school without even going to school… whoopsie daisies (Merlin, Forge, what are you, a girl?!).
Okay, back to the subject at hand. First, we'll be clear about who's speaking, because I (Gred) certainly do not want you to think I'm a girl like Forge here is. So this is me, Gred (my nickname's George), okay Harry? Okay. Always knew you had promise, you.
Yeah, and this is Forge (also uncommonly known as Fred). Alright? Alright. So this is what I've got to tell you about the "Don'ts" of dating Ginny:
1. Don't hurt her. You'll have the entire Weasley clan hunt you down, but more importantly and more frightening, you'll have Ginny hunt you down.
2. Don't make her mad. She'll go all Mum-like on you, and well, you've been around us long enough to know what Mum does when she gets angry.
3. Don't make her sad. Ginny hasn't cried in a long, long time, and you don't want to be the one to break that, or all the Weasleys will breakyou, which, no offense, will be rather easy considering how skinny you are and how many of us there are (excluding Aunt Muriel; she'll probably be like one of those muggle girls with those two puffy things that they wave in the air - a cheer-follower or something like that - and cheer that you're doing good for that 'feisty little tomboy Ginevra').
Right, now Gred will continue our list! -Forge
Gred writing. Alright, onto number four…
4. Don't display a lot of affection in front of Ron. This one doesn't quite need to be explained, as I'm sure you're clever enough to have figured this one out.
5. Don't give her haircuts. Sorry, Harry, we wouldn't want her getting hair wild as yours. (Only kidding, mate. We know you're not daft enough to give your girlfriend a haircut. Unlike Forge here, that idiot…)
6. Don't make her wait. This one's for your own good, mate. Well, maybe she's more patient with you, but every time we'relate to something, she clubs us with her broomstick or pinches us like those darling little gnomes in our backyard.
And now, this one that we've both cleverly thought up of…
7. Don't make her babies (yet)! You'll have plenty of time for that later on.
Now onto the "Do's"! - Gred/Forge
1. Well, most importantly, do put us in her good books, won't you? We don't want to one day anger her and have her injure us with one of her nasty Bat-Bogey Hexes. Thanks, mate!
2. Give her stuff from Honeydukes when she gets angry. That stuff calms her down like we calm down people.
3. Play Quidditch with her. But don't let her get near those Bludgers, or you'll become too incapacitated to play at all. (Speaking of Quidditch, you better win the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor this year, Captain!)
4. If she gets angry, let her yell at you and bear through the screams. Otherwise she'll start punching at your face (according to our experiences), and we're just saying, we'd rather be deaf than blind.
5. Compliment her whenever possible. It's crazy what compliments can do. Now it's just time for little Ronniekins to learn that…
6. Bring her to our shop. It'll make for good business, we can already see the headlines: "Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley Go to Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes for a Date".
7. Do invite us to your wedding, won't you?
And that's what we've got the right to write in our brotherly write! Well, one more thing: Don't show her this letter. Please. She'll kill us.
We hope this letter finds you well and that you haven't yet been beaten up by Ginny. If you have, we send our deepest condolences, and in the summer, you can pick up a tube of our healing gel at the shop.
With love to one of the Boys Who Lived (hey, this includes us, doesn't it?),
Monsieurs Fred and George
P.S. Do you think it'll be a good idea to write one to Hermione about Ron? We imagine that for the "don'ts" we'll just need to write "Don't expect him start reading as much as you do" or "Don't make the mistake of thinking he's clever". …Just kidding, just kidding… not really.
(Actually, Harry, don't show this letter to Ron either. In fact, do us a favor and burn this up in the Gryffindor fireplace. Make sure there's no evidence, as Ginny has a way of sniffing out these things. Swear she's going to become just like Mum… anyway, toodles, mate!)
Hope you all enjoyed and got a smile out of that :)