Disclaimer: I do not own Lost Souls.
.Moving On.
"I love you," comes the breathy admission from under me. I just pant in response, groaning as I pull out before rolling next to Ghost. As he rolls over to bury his face in my neck, I loosely drape an arm around his middle. I don't respond to his confession nor do I plan to. As I let my body relax into his familiar scent mixed with the afterglow of our orgasms, I feel the safety of the familiar envelop me. As Ghost's breathing begins to even out to the rhythmic sleeping pattern, I place a light kiss on his forehead, making his lips curl slightly with a last effort of consciousness. We had started this strange relationship juts a little over a year after everything happened. I can remember the night clearly, the way the moonlight illuminated Ghost's face better than usual due to the wet trails from the tears we had both been shedding. He sat over me, brushing back my hair while it was obvious he needed comforting as well. The next moment I was up and meeting his lips with mine. We had shared kisses before, but this one was different. There was a bit more desperateness behind both of us mixed with some sort of desire. His skin was as soft as any girl's I had ever been with. Although he cried out at first, it was gentle yet just what we both needed. After that, one of us turned up in the other's room every night.
Sometimes I try to tell myself that this is just for comfort, mainly Ghost's comfort. He's always taken care of me so this is the least I can do for him. I know that is bullshit and I want this as much or maybe even more than Ghost does. Something between us just works. It has always been there, this undeniable connection that kept us together through everything. This connection as well as the intimacy that is caused by sharing the secret of the events of last year makes us closer than I thought I'd ever be with him. If I had to go through this with someone, I'm pretty sure that no one is better than Ghost.
Things have changed so much despite me not wanting them to. But no sane person could really expect things to be the same after what we went through. But I don't think I could have been considered 'sane' then.At first, I tried to pretend this all didn't happen and go back to normal and kill myself with my music. Ghost sat through it all, coaxing me out of it and silently helping me through my breakdown by keeping his distance yet remaining. Things eventually did go back to normal, with only my occasional nightmares, which Ghost was there to help me though with gentle touches and soothing whispers. I think those times was what made me think more of Ghost. It was also those times that made me realize that Ghost understands, that he has been through the same thing. I clung to Ghost from then on, affection growing.
I think that I might have always loved Ghost like this. I just needed all of this to point that out to me, sadly. I've always known that Ghost loves me, it might have been what kept me to him at times as well as my unconscious love for him. Sometimes I scorn myself for not realizing this earlier. If I had, Ann would still be alive most likely. Ann…I'm sure I loved her. I know I loved her, but maybe not in the way I needed to love her. I tighten my hold on Ghost, making his head roll onto my chest. Ghost has tried to tell me it isn't my fault with her, but I don't think he believes it. It really was my fault, if I hadn't fucked everything up with her, she wouldn't have felt the need to run to Zillah and then…
Even in his sleep Ghost knows when I need to stop thinking and just let go as his arm curls over my own hip. Ruffling his hair a bit, I stare into the dark again, banishing Ann and the green-eyed monster from my mind.
But it never is that easy. If it were that easy, we wouldn't have sleepless nights of screaming and crying anymore. A surge of anger and my nails accidentally dig into Ghost's back, causing him to make a disapproving voice. Grunting, I disentangle myself from Ghost, sitting up and grabbing my thighs, letting my nails sing into them. I bit my lip and glare, willing back images and memories. Even two years later and I cannot forget the bloody mess and the green glinting eyes that haunt my conscience. My nails dig harder before a feather light kiss is placed on my shoulder, followed by another. I sigh as these kisses seem to release all tension form my body. I turn around to see Ghost staring softly and knowingly. I can imagine my own pitiful face like the ones I've made many times before and seen mirrored by Ghost. Closing the space between us, I kiss him with as much care and passion I can muster up. He counters with just as much. As we pull away, I pull him down on top of me, just looking up at his form, skin ivory in the moonlight. He just smiles down, watching me in the same manner.
"I love you, Ghost," I say firmly, investing my whole self in the statement.
"I know," Ghost says, accepting my statement. "I love you too." A small smile graces my face and all monsters are banished for now. I pull him to lie on top of me, holding him there with both of my arms. He nuzzles into my neck and I kiss whatever skin I can get.
"We're getting out of here tomorrow," I announce.
"Okay," Ghost murmurs, not asking where or why.
"We aren't coming back," I warn.
"Alright," Ghost affirms. He knows I don't mean this as I have said it many times before u this willingness is all that matters to me.
"We're going to go far away and leave everything behind. Just…get out of all of this, be new people." I go on.
"Mmm, but I don't want to be new people. I like being Ghost, and I like you as Steve," he argues. I think about this for a moment.
"I like you as Ghost too," I whisper. Ghost just hugs me tight, planting a kiss on my neck. He knows that we'll be back and we'll go back to our normal lives after I get far enough away for my liking before turning back. I'll go back to the Whirling Disc and things will be as they normally are. We can't leave yet, this isn't over for us as we're still trapped by the memories. I know that I'm not ready to be unable to run down to the old cemetery and visit Miles Hummingbird and that damned foetus when I need to. I'm not ready to leave Missing Mile. Neither is Ghost, but I think he will be long before I am. Until then, we're here together and once that day comes, we'll leave together. Looking down at Ghost, who has once again fallen asleep, I smile a full smile at the prospect.