HAPPY BEERDAY… OH! BIRTHDAY SQUALL LEONHART
Disclaimer: The characters and places belong to Square-Enix. Those are not mine
The following are spoofs from commercial products or television shows.
Light Horse is a parody of Red Horse – a popular product of brewed beer from the Philippines.
Marboro Lights- a parody of Malboro Cigarette Lights.
Balamb Idol – a parody from Idol Series, searching for a star like American and Philippine Idol.
Let's Make Series – a parody of Icha Icha Series book from Naruto.
It's been five months since her first ordeal in the Garden, Sharon still continuing her usual routines like training away from the training center, doing researches, helping everyone in need as well as she can and do anything to pass time like reading….whatever. Even though Squall now considers her as one of the most trusted and best assets in the Garden, she decided not to get too close to him, to Rinoa and to their friends except in some missions or being invited on the parties. She did really trust them though, but she just doesn't want to have her fellow SeeDs or cadets make any rumors or gossips about her being suck up to them or having any insecurities.
Finishing her lunch at the cafeteria with others, she went back to her dorm when she saw an envelope on her bed. She sat down and opens it and reads:
To Ms. Burks,
You are invited at my Birthday Party going to be held at Dollet Pub today at 18:00 hours. Your attendance is a must.
Squall Leonhart
"Your attendance is a must? Is this a threat or something?" She chuckles "I wonder if the rest of the Garden received the same thing. I better to keep this myself."
At 16:00 hours Sharon went to take shower, fixing herself and she doesn't always forget her items especially her trench knives on her holster. It is one of a SeeD's rules. Always bring your weapons. She wears black blazers with a red shirt with a SeeD logo on the left chest underneath, denim pants and white sneakers.
She goes to parking area where her motorbike awaits. That was her first priority when she became SeeD and made her worked hard for that. After doing that 3 minute warm up, she goes to Balamb Town to park that bike and buy a ticket for riding a ship. She finally, reached Dollet Pub through car rent before the mentioned time with an invitation in her hand and asks the receptionist to confirm it. All of a sudden someone called her.
"Heeeyy Burks." Irvine waves at her.
She sighs in relief.
"Come on, Sharon have a seat. Don't be shy." Quistis said." Pointing at the vacant chair
She sat down besides Selphie. Scanning the area she asked "Am I the only one who's been invited here?
"Yes, but don't worry about it. The rest of SeeDs had been able to hanged out with him every graduation ball or at the battle field so you don't have to be formal here. Selphie assures her.
At exact 19:00 the martial artist come bringing ice chest with lots of drinks. "Oh yeah let's get the party started baby." Finally the commander and his girlfriend with their arms wrapped on one another and meeting their lips. And Rinoa turned to face Sharon.
"Oh Burks, I'm glad you came and…" approaches her whispers "That Let's Make Series, it's very addictive" Sharon just grinned at her. A few seconds the gunblade user steps forward and make his speech.
"Ahem, I will not keep you waiting. The truth is I've never experience celebrating my birthday on my whole life even at the orphanage. This is new to me and I've yet to know what it's like doing this with my friends and the one who I love most So what are we waiting for? Let's dig in." He turns to Rinoa and she smiles in return uttering "I love you Squall and happy birthday." He nods and smiles.
"Let's hit that paaahtay!" Selphie said jumping with excitement.
Squall opens the ice chest and distributes the drinks to them one by one and when Sharon's turn, it's been obvious that she's not an alcohol drinker through her expression on her face. So…
"And to our special guest, these one's for you." Giving her two bottles of drinks. "I promise these are only soft drinks and it is alcohol free." Squall said.
"Thank you sir." She tastes it first then when the first bottle went empty she added. "Whoa! This tastes good. In this case I'm gonna drink more." She eats two hotdog sandwiches and fries then added "Oh, you haven't taken pictures yet. Have you? I have a digital camera here."
"Oh! Really? No, not yet anyway. Thank Hyne you saved us all. None of us have camera." Zell thanked her.
"Well then, everyone, please take your positions. All of them are making their own pose. Taking shots after shots, Squall somehow allowed himself to get pictured still his expression is emotionless. Finished, Sharon showed the preview on them.
"Well, I'm going to send your own copies to your e-mail account immediately when this party ends."
She puts her camera on her pocket, that's when she is starting to feel strange. A sudden headache and weakness on her legs. She is holding her head almost losing her balance and her other hand is looking for support, Rinoa immediately rush to her aid offering her body as support telling her to sit down.
"Are you alright Sharon? How many alcohol drinks did you intake?"
She shook her head "I just drink two bottles of soft drinks and … wait a second," she grabbed an empty bottle of her drink searching for a label and It's says with 5% volume of alcohol.
She winced. "Alcohol!? I've been tricked! Oh sheesh that's why it's so hot."
"I guess she's not used to it." Selphie said.
"Commander, how could you do this to me? I can't believe you. You promised me that these are only soft drinks." Rubbing her head very upset.
"Promises are often to be broken during the battle. You should always remember that." lecturing her.
"So that's how it is. Damn you commander for tricking me like that." Still holding her head groaning headache.
"Oh! Squall you are so cruel!" Rinoa looked at him with a disgust while she comforts Sharon then the trench knife wielder gently rested her head on the table as if she's going to lose consciousness.
"Well it's just only low level of alcohol Rinoa." Squall argues with her and turned to Sharon. "Oh! Hyne just two bottles of Light Horse and you're knock out cold. One, two, three, ring the bell ref." Squall teases her laughing out loud.
Zell grabbed an empty bottle and a fork then makes a noise as if he rings the bell with a grin.
"But it' doesn't make any difference. Alcohol still alcohol sir." She's very dizzy and one more move she might vomit.
"Squall!, you meanie." Rinoa shouts at him then telling her. "Sharon, just take a nap and don't move." Sharon then draws out her camera. "Here, use it." She then closes her eyes.
"Oh my goodness! You're already drunk we're not even at the halfway yet." Quistis giggles.
"Consider this as a part of initiation rite for you becoming SeeD." Irvine joked gently patting her back chuckles.
"Come on, let's leave her alone for now Rin." Zell said.
They continue their happenings until they've decided to do videoke singing. Selphie goes first then Irvine. These two are the best singers since music is one of their assets. Next is Zell, he is doing fine but average. Lastly Rinoa and Quistis in duets. All sang twice each.
"And now for the grand finale of the evening, how about a singing performance from our birthday celebrant" Irvine announced.
"What!?" he was surprised.
Irvine whispers "Hey buddy hurry up they are waiting."
"No I won't do it even if Rinoa ask me to" He folds his arms across his chest annoyed.
"Oh come on man don't be a KJ*" Zell sighs (*kill joy)
"So, you refuse, I'll make you sing." Rinoa is now pestering him. Starting from her then the rest follows her. "Sing, Sing, Sing, Sing."
"Ugh. Ok ok fine already. I'll do it." Squall said with annoyance. Quistis give him the mic while Zell went to the machine pressing the numbers. Rinoa sets up the camera to VIDEO mode to record his singing but Squall sees it and stops her. "Don't even dare." He growled at her and Rinoa giggles. "Squall, battery is out, see." As she shows the camera, he feels relief.
He starts to sing. His voice is totally low and cold his singing was totally out of tune although his diction is somehow good but overall his performance is just like those worst rejected contestants in the show "Balamb Idol". The people around him cover their mouth trying to hide their laugher at least he didn't notice it. Maybe he's already drunk.
A few seconds, Sharon is slowly getting up rubbing her eyes and making a stretch, and compared earlier the dizziness slowly gets off her. Resting her heard against her palm. Selphie talks to her.
"You finally awake. Are you ok? Here, eat something."
Sharon nods. "Did I miss something here?" while eating
"Hey Burks, you spent your time here sleeping. Too bad for you and here's your camera" Rinoa sat beside her. She shakes her head in disappointment and sighs. "Yeah, too bad."
Zell looks on his watch exchange nods with Squall decided to call it a night "Everyone let's head back to Balamb Garden and Ragnarok is waiting for us. Let's go."
"Commander, wait, bring me to Balamb Town I left my motorbike there please." Sharon begs.
"No, no, girl I won't allow you. You might get arrested for DUI" Irvine stops her.
"Don't worry I will bring it for you." Zell reassures her. And she thanks them both tossing her keys to Zell.
Squall and Rinoa lying in their bed. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and whispers "I'll never forget this experience Rinoa. Thank you so much." kissing her forehead soothing her hair.
She leans her head in his chest running her hands on his muscular abs, chest and his arms taking his hand kissing it "This day is very special for you. I'm happy that you appreciate it. There are many good things in life waiting for you so we'll take it slowly."
He nods. "I love you my sorceress".
She responds "I love you more my knight."
They shared a deep passionate kiss before succumbing to their sleep.
Sharon's finally recovered from last night. Thankfully, she wasn't assigned in any missions at least. She's playing basketball then something hit her. "Oh crap! I can't believe I forgot. I'm the only one who has yet to give him a present."
She sits down on the bench thinking what it would be, almost forgot that her mp3 player is fully charged so she immediately remove it from the plug. Turning the gadget on, she starts opening file folders and notice one of the files says "MIC 8/23 22:55 PM". "I don't remember saving a file like this."
She then put the earphone and plugs it on her ears. "Aha! Now I know it" She shouts. "I guess my forgetfulness has started again. Damn that stupid alcohol." Then as if a light bulb appeared on her mind she thought "I think I have an idea." An evil grin formed on her face.
Squall just came back from the council meeting this morning when a group of SeeDs and Cadets are laughing at him. He noticed and gave them a cold stare and they ran off. Where ever he goes they are doing the same thing. Sighing he just reached his office when Quistis, Irvine, and Selphie also barged into his office seeking some answers.
"Squall, there is a rumor about a scandal involving you and it's spreading all over the Garden." Quistis told him.
"Scandal? What scandal?" Squall asked with a surprise along confusion on his face. That's when there is someone's playing that embarrassing although funny 'audio' on the PA room, all of them starting to laugh up to death. His face went into coldness and darkness in humiliation. Finally Rinoa and Zell come in
"Yo, what's going on here? The whole Garden is laughing at you Squall." Zell ask.
"You guys have a better explanation to this!" Squall retorted as if he gave them an order.
"Squall, just calm down. Believe it. It's not me." Zell defends and sighs. If his dreadful glare could kill he's probably dead by now. It's Rinoa's turn to be asked.
"You did that. Didn't you!? The commander angrily asked her.
"Did what!?" She was puzzled. She knew she didn't do something wrong but what is he accuse her for?
"That!?" he points out at the speaker. That embarrassing audio still plays repeatedly.
"Of course not! You did even stop me from recording even though you knew that Sharon's camera was out of battery" Rinoa defends herself.
Squall is not convinced "Sometimes, I always forget that you and Sharon are partners in crime."
"What!? It has nothing to do with her." Their arguments continue until a knock on the door meet them.
"Please come in." Quistis is covering her mouth trying to hide her laugh.
It's Sharon holding a folder. She salutes them and gives it to Quistis "This is a file that you're asking for ma'am." As she did, the played audio still continues but didn't make any reactions. She is about to leave when the instructor asked if the SeeD knows anything.
Sharon went direct to the point by clapping her hands "Oh, that audio? It's from me."
All the people in his office were stunned at her admittance and at the same time Rinoa covers her mouth in gasped then the gutsy SeeD shrugged unrepentantly "What did I do?"
"B-But you were knocked out cold, sleeping." Zell wondered
She pulled out her mp3 player. "I think you got it all wrong. Sir Dincht." She starts to play it.
It's been one and a half hours passed since Rinoa left her alone napping so she can be with them doing videoke. Squall finally convinced by his friends to sing thanks to their ribbings and Rinoa's pestering him. They didn't know that the black haired girl finally awakes because of their noises. Sharon took the advantage by pulling out her mp3 player from her pocket. She turned the gadget on then hurriedly select the MICROPHONE menu anticipating Squall and pressed the "Start Record" button.
The next morning, the hot-headed SeeD rushed off to the PA room locked the doors and asked help from the people in charge to play that 'audio' to the whole Garden and since they considered her a good friend, they helped her. She then made an announcement.
"Ahem, ehem, Good morning ladies and gentle men, this is Sharon Burks would like to make a very important announcement to the whole Garden community. We all know that yesterday was Squall's… oh! Commander's birthday so, consider this as his birthday blow out for all of us, he held a mini concert. So without further ado here he is, Commander Squall Leonhart himself."
The whole Garden was silent for a couple of seconds anticipating. They listen now at that 'concert'. When they heard his singing voice their jaw dropped at first as if they saying 'Huh' and all of a sudden they burst into a laughter.
One of the cadets spoke "Wow I've never thought that he has a sense of humor."
The SeeD beside him replied "I'm going to ask for a copy and saved it on my phone."
"He's probably drunk but overall it's very funny." A female SeeD said.
Even Cid and Edea were present taking a breakfast when they heard it.
"If I heard him singing like that again, I'm going to cover my ears for sure and if it plays in a my karaoke, I'm going to turn the power off." Cid jokes while sipping at his coffee.
Edea playfully slapped his forearm "You're so mean Cid. I think Squall can be a stand-up comedian someday when he retires." She chuckles while taking a bite of crackers and drinks her milk.
Nida and Xu were on the bridge when they heard that audio and made their own conversation. "Xu, as her mentor you're surely going to pay for it." He too couldn't even stop his laughter.
Xu just doing a face palm shaking her head "What in the world? I'll be the one who will end up dead here."
Sharon then continued her jokes at the PA. "This mini concert is brought to you by: Light Horse Beer. Once you taste it, you can ask for more and: Marboro Lights: The official cigarette of Dollet Republic."
The crowd were cheering, wooing, whistling, and clapping still laughing. Sharon is done and looked at the people around her shocked. The first personnel said with a worried face "What on Balamb are you doing?" The second personnel was praying "Oh Hyne please save us if the commander found out about this."
Sharon kept quiet for a minute thinking, and finally told them. "Everyone, I think he doesn't need to be upset. I believe as a commander not only commands and lead us but he must also boost our morals and do something that make us relax or sooths our stress from exams or missions."
They exchanged glance. She has a point so why he's going to feel upset? And to end her foolishness she added. "So here is what we're going to do, if he confronts you just tell him that I threatened you, so you followed my orders. I'm ready to take responsibility."
She thanked them for everything and then left. But came a surprise when many cadets and SeeDs line-up in front of her asking for a copy. She hesitated at first but she finally agreed but as a payment they need to keep quiet about whoever spreads it. She wants to make sure it should be coming from her own mouth.
"Oh my God, you did that Burks? Irvine asked her amused trying to ignore Squall's glare. Sharon only grinned at him giving a peace symbol. "Congratulations you did it. You upset Squall." shaking her hand. He then laughing again almost fell on the floor. "My stomach hurts really."
"What a nerve of steel too. Whoooohooo." Selphie raises her hand high while jumping.
"Are you guys finally done!?" Squall is totally pissed at the two.
"Well, why are you so upset Squall? Who knows that your performance might reach platinum" Quistis joked.
"Shut up! Quistis." Squall snarled at her. She couldn't do anything but to stay away from him and laugh. Even Rinoa couldn't stop her laughter adding "Squall, that's what we call 'KARMA'. "
"DAMN YOU RINOA!" Squall's screams and Rinoa didn't offended instead continue her laughter then he turned to face the SeeD.
"So SeeD, you know I'm not angry for what you did for me. I know that was a birthday gift for me and I thank you for that." Squall feigning innocence by slowly going towards her extends his hand to shake hers.
"Your style sucks commander. Like, I'm going to fall for that again." The SeeD thought as she slowly stepped back trying to avoid him at all cost.
"Get out of here now! He's going for the kill. Run and save yourself." Rinoa warned her while the rest of them barring Squall from reaching her.
"Commander, it's your fault for tricking me in a first place. Then at least we call it even." She laughs.
Squall's eyes open wide in almost rage trying to break his restraints. "Shaaaaroooooon! I will chop you into pieces!"
"Then do it if I let you sir." She said between laughs then ran off.
Squall then remembered Seifer's words.
"You know, you might be the one who'll end up dead if you're not being careful around her." But he is too late to realize it
"Come back hereeeeee!" Squall's screams echoes in the whole corridor.
"Don't blame me. Ahahahahahhahahah."
Sharon Burks' birthday gift: Squall Leonhart's Audio Scandal.
Warning: PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. YOU'LL GET SUE FOR SURE.
Author's Notes: Actually I did some research about American Idol's rejected contestants on the so that I can write properly on how Squall sings because most of the fan fics I've read, he always end up horrible.
And that 'audio' scandal was inspired by Ashbear's SINGING TAPE
Several of you now ask: Who is this Sharon Burks? Don't worry you will find out someday.
Once again I thank the following: Ashbear for urging me to write a fanfic, Niqsta for appreciating my work and Kuchiki Jeanne for motivating me even more in writing. I love you guys.