My second fanfic, also in english, hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, although I might say it saddened me a little to choose this topic, although not every story can have a completely happy ending. Right? Review and comment.
Legal disclaimer: (Sigh) I do not own Castle, every merit goes to the people that make that great series
Kate, didn't wake up the next morning, she just couldn't. She couldn't face a world without him. Rick Castle was dead and it was all her fault. If she had taken his advice and left her mother's murder case he would still be alive, and she knows it. She has thrown her own life into a big dark and scary hole by killing the only good thing she had in her life. People around her say that it is not her fault, it was the "Dragon". Even Martha and Alexis force themselves to stay with her and smile at her, treating her like a member of the family. But even so she couldn't stop herself from thinking that it should have been her and that he was dead because of her.
If she had just ignored the message from her worst enemy, inviting her to meet him at one abandoned werehouses on the East River, he wouldn't have followed. She wouldn't forget the look in his eyes when the bullet pierced through his chest and went out through his back, the look of deep love he threw her. After that she had surrendered her life to the "Dragon", and was on her knees ready for whatever was coming, except for what really happened, as Javi and Ryan arrived with a SWAT team and arrested the "Dragon" and his men. She later found out that Rick had called came later was one of the worst moments, and probably the worst, of her life as the paramedics confirmed Rick's death.
After that she just remembers fragments, Gate's look of pity when se learned of the news, it was probably the first time she saw that face on her captain. She informing Alexis and Martha of Rick's death, the look on their faces as they fell to the sofa crying, they had cried all night in that sofa after that, as Kate did but on Rick's room. His funeral, with all his friends crying, even Javi, who had just gotten engaged to Laney, was.
She returned home after the funeral and saw a message of Rick but didn't dare to hear it. After all when she had told him about going to the abandoned werehouse to meet the "Dragon"they had gotten into a huge fight. She still remembers his last words to her. "Don't you see that I can't lose you Kate! If you died I would die too! Be reasonable pl..." he didn't get to finish that last sentence as she went out and slammed the door shut. And that was it, he didn't hear his voice anymore and would never do it again.
After the funeral she didn't go out of the appartment and all she did was receive visits from friends and his father, who was probably the one that understood her the most right now although he didn't feel the guilt she felt. Everyone had been trying to convince her to go back to the precint but she just threw them out. Alexis, Martha and Laney called almost everyday to check on her status and she just lied to them, telling them she was fine, eating well and going to therapy, and just hung up the phone shortly afterwards, as she knew, and probably they did too, she was barely eating, was depressed and didn't even call her therapist.
She was carrying on like that for almost a month. But after some strugling with herself she finally came to a conclusion. "It is time to end this all" she said softly to herself, and for the first time in the month she sounded sincere. She went out to her office and picked up her gun , then she went to the wardrove and picked her police uniform, she went to the bathroom and took a shower, her first one of the week. After she was done and dry, she put on her uniform, and put the holster on its place, she went to the mirror and for a brief moment she saw the policewoman she once was. She pulled out her gun and pressed it against her head.
"Should i write a note?" She asked herself.
After some consideration she thought that she should. She went to her office picked up the pen her mother gave her at her graduation, and began writing. Thanking everyone for their support and love, asking for forgiveness etc. She read it 5 times to make sure no one would feel guilty about her death. Then she went back to the bathroom after leaving the note on her bed and pulled the gun again.
"I should hear his message" she said to herself again, and although part of her knew that postponing her suicide, she thought she needed to hear his last words, even if it were only made up of harsh words she needed it.
She went into her voice mail and pressed Rick's message to hear it, then she brought the phone up to her ear to hear it.
"Kate, its me, Rick. I know you are angry at me, but I seriously can't let you go there, not alone. I can't lose you, I knew it from the moment we met and this past few months we spent as couple have only reinforced the idea. Even though I know you can't let go your mother's case the idea of losing you is making me go crazy. I know your mother wouldn't have wanted you to die, not now not ever, because of her.
Even if you don't do it for the people who love you, do it for NY, because Kate, we can't have the best city in the world losing its best homicide detective now. Can we? " This remark made Kate smile a little. "Because then" message Rick continued jokingly. "Who would put the bad guys behind bars?"
And lastly Kate, do it for yourself, because even if you don't believe it you deserve it Kate, you deserve to live. Do not ever doubt that. I Love you. Rick"
The moment the message ended the mobile phone fell from her hand, falling hard to the ground. She soon followed tears falling from her eyes. After all she made him go through he still loved her and only wanted her to live. He who was always there with her through good and bad times only had her best interest at heart, and always had a smile for her. She cried soundly for two straight hours until she fell asleep.
She woke up at 9 pm. She took off her uniform and put the gun on her office again, she put on the pajama and had dinner. She told herself that she would continue to live no matter the cost, she would continue to put bad guys behind bars and save lives, just as Rick has saved hers.