AN: I originally wrote this in 2002, the same date as Usagi's diary entry. I've gone through and edited it, mostly for format and errors, and rewrote a few sentences. I believe it was fairly well done for my older work so it's more or less unchanged.

A quick explanation: Usagi senses what the other girls are feeling as she does at times in the manga. Takeuchi-sama could have worked on it a little bit, but it is there. In the Infinity arc Usagi was very confused about why she always felt sad when she was with Haruka, but after the kiss she realized she was feeling the older senshi's sadness. Our little Usa is empathic!

Suicidal Thoughts

By: Moonbunny

July 21, 2002.

Dear Diary,

What drives a person to attempt suicide? Does the problem lie in a flawed upbringing, or the absence of love in one's life? Perhaps it is as a result of a traumatic experience. Are these things responsible for causing one to believe that their life isn't worth living, and to just give up on it? Do they think that by performing such an act their pain would ease and they will finally attain peace and happiness? And by going through it, does he/she believe that he/she is being strong?

What fools these people must be!

To believe such things is to be blind, deaf, and numb to the good in the world. In many different ways we are taught that everything contains both good and evil, only the proportions vary. Each part feeds on recognition-how often the quality is acknowledged. Take the time to look for the good in each situation, it is there right along with the bad.

I heard some of the girls in my class talking today. A girl named Alandra committed suicide yesterday and nobody knows why. Something about this stirred me. Maybe it is the fact that in a past life I died by committing suicide. But that was Princess Serenity, not Tsukino Usagi. In this life I would never consider suicide.

Somehow I did not receive detention today, and I was just on time to overhear a conversation the girls were having. Mako-chan was talking about Alandra:

"I heard that she did it because her boyfriend died and she loved him so much she

couldn't live without him."

There was an audible intake of breath followed by silence. I imagine they were remembering the fate of their princess; their expressions were stricken.

"You don't think Odango would do something like that, do you?" Rei asked softly

Minako looked down at the table, "I don't know."

"She watched him die for the second time..." Ami did not need to finish the thought, everyone understood.

Makoto just shrugged. Of all of the, she looked the closest to tears.

The terrible grief in the room shook me. I entered then and the girls stared, obviously wondering if I had heard.

"I would not even consider it. I miss him, and it's unbearable, but there are other things to think about."

Everyone gaped and Rei made a comment about how mature I sounded.

I could feel their waning embarrassment, but more so I noticed the grief was replaced by relief that was just as strong. I just smiled.

Now I miss Mamo-chan more than ever; it hurts emotionally, mentally, and even physically not having him near. But I must stay strong–for my family, my friends, my planet and my prince. Somehow I know he is not completely lost to me yet. I will save him.

Ja, Usagi :)

© 2002, Moonbunny.