"I'm curious, professor; why'd you just dump Sarah Jane Smith off the TARDIS like that?"
The person to whom the question was directed froze for a moment, then continued what he had been doing, although with an exaggerated slowness that let the questioner know just how deeply that question had hit. Now all she had to do was wait, with extreme interest, to see if he would answer it.
He took his time, putting the finishing touches on the piece of equipment he'd been repairing before rising to his feet with the same, deliberate slowness, and finally turning to face his questioner.
He regarded her steadily, looking at her as if he'd never seen her before. As if he'd never seen a dark-haired, dark-eyed British teenager from the late 20th century. As if he needed to engrave her image in his memory, to be described in meticulous detail to some unknown audience at some unspecified time in the future.
Ace withstood that regard stoically. The Doctor would either walk out of the room and the subject would never be raised again, or he'd answer her. She continued to wait.
"Why do you want to know?"
Ace suppressed a relieved grin. He was talking to her, and about the subject she'd brought up. Both good signs. She pursed her lips consideringly. "Partly because you never did anything like that to anyone else," she finally offered. "I mean, whenever you left someone--like Susan--it was usually a 'for their own good' sort of thing. Pushing them to do something they really wanted anyway. But mostly because they usually left you, instead of the other way around, so the ones you left sort of...stand out."
"You've been at the computer files." The words were accusative, but the tone showed only mild interest.
Ace moved away from the wall with a shrug and sauntered over to perch on the edge of a bench close to the Doctor's pile of gadgets, eyeing the repaired whatever-it-was with academic interest. She nudged it with the toe of one black-booted foot, then raised her eyes to meet his once again. "Mel gave me the code to her files before she left," she admitted.
Mel. It figured. The Doctor had always known about his former traveling companion's skills with a computer; why had he thought those on the TARDIS would be immune to the young red-head's insatiable curiosity for any sort of electronic information? He should have known she'd been poking around in what he liked to consider his second set of memories, the files the TARDIS' continuous recorder system had neatly stored away. Files that were meant for no one's use but his own.
But that hadn't stopped Mel from meddling in them, going so far as to set up files of her own. He shook his head tiredly as he moved to sit next to Ace. "What exactly do these files contain?" May as well get it over with, his tone implied.
Ace nodded. A trade, eh? Fair was fair. "They're kind of biographical files on the people who've traveled on the TARDIS with you. Nothing on you, at least, not directly," she hastened to add. "Just sort of statistics. And film clips. How they got here, how long they stayed, important things that happened while they were here, that sort of thing. And," she added, her voice heavy with significance, "how they left."
The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. "Statistics. Seems the sort of thing Mel would keep track of."
"She's kept herself in there, too," Ace inserted eagerly. "And left directions on how to put in about her leaving and my coming on board. Where to get the info, that sort of thing."
"Conscientious," the Doctor murmured, with perhaps a trace of irony. He shook his head once again, glanced at Ace out of the corner of his eye. She looked completely at ease, unworried about what she was asking. What she had no idea she was asking. "Why Sarah Jane?" The Doctor repeated his earlier question. Something about her answer didn't sit right.
Ace's eyes strayed toward the ceiling and her foot tapped against the floor in what might be mistaken for a nervous motion. But the Doctor knew her rather well, and he recognized the moody toe- tapping as a mere sign of intense thought.
After a moment a grin flickered across her face and she returned her eyes to his. "She just sort of caught my attention. Actually, both of you did. You told her it was because you couldn't take her to Gallifrey, right?" A question not requiring an answer, which Ace demonstrated by rushing ahead with her explanation. "But she didn't look like she believed you. And you've taken other people to Gallifrey, lots of times. Even when there were emergencies to take care of. So why not this time?"
"If I told you it was none of your business, would that suffice as an answer?"
Ace pulled a face. "Come on, professor," she scoffed. "If you were going to tell me that, you would've done it when I asked you the first time. You wouldn't have let it keep on like this."
The faint ghost of a smile crossed the Doctor's lips, just enough to let Ace know she was right. "I suppose you'll give me no rest until the 'mystery' you've built up in your overly vivid imagination has been solved," he capitulated with a sigh.
Ace merely grinned and moved into a more comfortable position on the bench. "C'mon, out with it."
"I blame myself, really," the Doctor murmured, his gaze turning inward. "We'd become lovers, you see." Ace stiffened at that revelation and widened her eyes in surprise. The Doctor nodded at her. "Oh yes. What did you think, that I lived a monk's life? No, I've had my moments, young lady. Sarah Jane Smith was...very special to me."
"Did you quarrel?" Ace's voice held even more interest, if that were possible. Her image of the Doctor was totally blown by that simple statement, and she found herself eagerly awaiting a story that she'd initially prodded him into telling out of sheer restlessness. Nothing had been happening lately, and the old box was getting a bit stuffy. So she'd finally dug into the files Mel had told her about, retrieved this particular bit of info, then dropped it into the Professor's lap to see what would happen. She'd certainly never expected anything like this!
He shook his head. "No, we didn't quarrel." He didn't elaborate, and Ace waited patiently; he'd get to the point. Eventually.
The Doctor's eyes were dreamy now, no longer seeing Ace or the room the two of them occupied, filled with a vision of a beautiful young woman with thick, brown hair and expressive eyes. "We started off as mere traveling companions; Jo Grant left to get married--just like Susan, but without requiring any kind of 'push' from me," he added wryly, Ace's earlier words coming back to haunt him. "Harry Sullivan came on board for a while, and then it was just Sarah and myself once again. That's when it happened."
oOo
"Told you I could do it." The voice, with its Liverpool undertones, was smug and highly self- satisfied. The face was glowing with triumph, once you looked past the soot and ashes sprinkled across the cheeks and nose. "Bet you didn't think I had it in me."
The Doctor paused on his way out of the console room to shake his head with its unruly mass of dark curls. "Really, Sarah Jane, you make it sound as if I go round belittling people's abilities. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A little healthy skepticism, that's all I show. And if I showed such skepticism during this particular incident, that's all it was. Not a personal judgment as to your abilities with a rifle." He continued through the doors on that note, flinging his scarf over one shoulder in a familiar gesture.
Sarah strode after him determinedly, catching his arm with her hand and falling into step. "Where are we off to now?" she asked, letting his comments slide. For now. There would always be time to resurrect the argument later, if necessary.
The Doctor shrugged, slackening his pace slightly to accommodate her. "Lunch?" he suggested.
Sarah's eyes lit up. "Lovely! How about meeting me in the conservatory garden?" She glanced down at herself ruefully. "You'd better give me a few minutes; I think I could do with a bit of cleaning up."
"Sandwiches all right?" The Doctor waited for her enthusiastic nod of agreement before patting her hand and veering off into a side corridor. "See you in a bit!"
"See you!" Sarah glanced after her traveling companion thoughtfully, then headed for her own room, brushing distastefully at her sleeves. The black came away easily, and a smile returned to her face. Maybe she wouldn't have to give up the lovely gown, not just yet. After the picnic.
Fifteen minutes later, a freshly--if rather hastily--scrubbed Sarah Jane entered the beautiful garden, finding it as enchanting and improbable as she always did. She raised her face to the unseen light source, hidden in the ceiling and skillfully masked by the way the plants covered the walls and beams of the large, open room. It felt like sunlight, it acted like sunlight; who was she to complain if it was located completely indoors?
She glanced around the room, letting her eyes settle where they would. Flowers were in bloom, the grass was full and green, and there was her favorite bench, beneath an arbor. She crossed over to it, content to sit and warm herself by the "sun" while she waited for the Doctor.
It was only a few minutes later when he strolled in, picnic basket in hand. He'd not only discarded his long overcoat and even the ever-present scarf and floppy hat, but had rolled his sleeves up above his elbows and unbuttoned his vest, giving him more of a casual air than Sarah had ever seen him exhibit in the past.
"Fashionably late?" she called out teasingly as he scanned the garden for her.
"Just gathering the right props," he replied cheerily, raising the picnic basket and altering his course to head directly toward her. "It seemed to go with the setting." He reached the bench with those words and took a seat next to her. "Hope you're in the mood for ham and cheese!"
Sarah nodded, laughing self-consciously as the Doctor glanced at her apparel and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "I used to love playing dress-up with the clothes in my aunt's attic," she explained. "I don't get much of a chance to do that anymore, as you can imagine." She smoothed the edge of one sleeve lovingly. "I know it sounds silly, but I just don't want to give this up, not yet." She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes, smiling at the understanding she saw in his eyes. "Now, how about that sandwich?"
Neither of them spoke again until appetite was fully satisfied, and not for a few, contented minutes after. The Doctor closed his eyes and let his head drop back on his shoulders, stretching slightly. It was always nice to relax a little between the apparently endless array of emergencies that seemed to make up his life. Perhaps, he speculated idly, the TARDIS needed a bit of a rest as well. They'd find their way back to UNIT HQ, in the proper time; all they had to do was be patient. It was nice, he admitted to himself, to be able to simply spend time with a traveling companion; it was so difficult to get to really know people in the middle of rushing about from one emergency to the next. Especially a traveling companion as enjoyable--and unpredictable--as Sarah Jane; he'd never have figured her for the type to play dress-up as a child! With that thought, he opened his eyes and glanced at Sarah. Who, he noted with some surprise, was studying him intently. He raised an eyebrow, inviting her to make the comment she so obviously wanted to make. Whatever it was.
"I was wondering something," Sarah began, then broke off to laugh nervously and shake her head. "It's silly."
"Well, I can't tell if it's silly if you don't tell me what you were wondering," the Doctor replied, grinning down at her lazily. "Come on, out with it."
"I was just wondering what you would do if I--" Sarah lowered her eyes, biting her lip uncertainly.
"If you what?" the Doctor asked, brow furrowed in confusion. Really, it was quite unlike Sarah to be this coy about asking him anything. Usually, it was all he could do to get her to be quiet!
"If I did this," Sarah replied. With no further warning, she leaned forward and kissed him.
A real kiss, too, full on the lips. But brief. Very brief. While the Doctor was still groping for a way to respond to this completely unexpected development, Sarah shook her head, muttered, "Not quite like that," and leaned forward again. This time she placed her hands on his shoulders as she kissed him, and this time the kiss was less speculative, more demanding.
The Doctor put his own hands on her arms--to steady her? To remove her? They did neither of those things. Instead, they pulled her closer as he allowed himself to respond to that kiss, to return it. If she had merely been looking for a reaction, if it had just been curiosity and experimentation on her part, she would pull away, and that would be the end of it. But if it was more...
Sarah Jane didn't pull away, not immediately. When she did, it was only to lean back a little, to look into his eyes and gauge his reaction.
He met her gaze frankly, then smiled. A small smile; just enough to curl the edges of his lips, to let her know that he was willing, if that was truly what she wanted.
It was all the invitation Sarah Jane needed.
oOo
"Then?" Ace prompted as the Doctor fell into a brooding silence.
"Hm?" He looked up, blinking in a startled manner. Ace received the distinct impression he'd forgotten her presence completely.
"Then what?" she repeated patiently. "What happened next?"
"I think you know very well what happened next," came the Doctor's tart reply. "I also think you know how little of 'what happened next' you're likely to hear about."
"None of it," Ace replied with a cheerful grin. The Doctor nodded firmly and she wrinkled her nose at him, not at all abashed as she abandoned that line of questioning and zeroed in on her next target. "So why did she kiss you then? Not to put down your obvious charms, of course," she added teasingly, "but it seems a rather abrupt way to go about it, if you know what I mean."
"It wasn't really all that abrupt," the Doctor disagreed. "We'd been together for rather a long time, and I know I'd been, er, 'noticing' her quite a bit. Now that I think about it," he added musingly, "I don't believe we ever discussed--well, let's call it motivation, shall we? It just never came up."
Ace nodded, then braced herself mentally; her next question would be the toughie. "Well, that's the beginning, but you still haven't answered me about the end. Why did you make her leave? And so suddenly? It must have been quite a shock to her."
The Doctor winced at her choice of words, then pulled himself abruptly to his feet to wander around the room, peering up at the walls as if searching for an errant memory in the ancient structure. "Because I didn't want her to leave," was his contradictory answer as he came to a stop behind Ace.
She turned to look at him, finding his back to her, as she'd expected. He was discussing his personal life--in much more detail, she thought shamedly, than she really had any right to hear--and he was doing it after having been teased into it, both the kinds of things that would make anyone feel uncomfortable. Ace felt her own discomfort growing, but she was determined to get the answers to her questions; she was far too intrigued by the story to just let it drop without hearing the ending. Besides, she rationalized, he wouldn't be telling her if he didn't feel the need to talk to someone. Really, she was doing him a huge favor by listening.
"So why did you, then?" Ace asked, her conscience momentarily soothed. "I mean, you didn't even kiss her good-bye--unless you fooled with the monitors," she added in sudden suspicion.
"No, I neither 'fooled with the monitors' nor kissed Sarah good-bye," the Doctor replied tiredly. "I hadn't the strength of will to do so; if I had, I'd never have been able to let her go." Ace nodded her acceptance of that explanation, even though he couldn't see her. "As for the rest..." The Doctor's voice trailed off as he leaned his head against the wall, then raised and lowered his shoulders in a small shrug. "I had to let her go; she'd grown dependent on me. Too dependent. When we first met, she was a fiery young thing, filled with passionate convictions and a free-spirited, independent way of looking at life. By the time I received the call to Gallifrey, she'd started...regressing. Slowly losing her independence, bit by bit. Relying on me to get her out of scrapes and situations that could probably have been avoided, had she not fallen into the trap of expecting me to come to her rescue all the time." A brief pause as he moved away from the wall. "It kept getting worse and worse, the longer she traveled with me. She got into the habit of wandering off, getting into trouble, and screaming for me to get her back out again. Like I said, it was my own fault," he added quickly. "I let her do it, let her get away with it, because I was beginning to enjoy playing White Knight to her Damsel in Distress. When I realized that, I also realized it had to stop," he continued quietly. But not so quietly that Ace couldn't hear the anguish in every word.
She didn't want him to continue; this was so obviously painful for him, that she longed to take back her original question. But it was equally obvious that he'd been holding all these thoughts and feelings inside for far too long. That sort of thing just wasn't healthy. "So you booted her off for her own good, is that it?"
The Doctor nodded slowly, still facing away from Ace, his hands clasped loosely behind his back. "For her own good. And for mine. I was getting too sloppy. Every time we were in danger--every time she was in danger--I could feel my objectivity slipping just a bit more. I was beginning to react with my heart, in situations that called for my head; my judgment where she was concerned was...slightly off." He turned his head, just enough for Ace to see a fleeting, ironic smile flash across his face and disappear. "If that kept up, I'd soon be as much a danger to her as she was beginning to be to herself. We were...feeding each other's bad habits, and I couldn't see any way to change things; it had all been so gradual. There was no one place I could say, it began here; this is what we need to change. The call from Gallifrey couldn't have come at a better time," he admitted painfully before falling silent once again. This time, Ace sensed, it was for good. He'd said all he had to say on the subject, and she'd certainly heard all she needed to hear.
The young earthwoman rose to her feet and headed out of the room. She paused in the doorway and glanced back, a speculative gleam in her eyes. Some other day, she decided as she finally allowed the door to swing shut behind her, she would have to remember to ask him about Tegan Jovanka.