I am sin.
I always have been, and I always will be.
I am sin in every sense of the word.
I'm not crazy like Marik. I don't want to die and drag everyone down with me. I don't want everyone to suffer.
I'm not darkness like the jackass pharaoh who can't survive without light nearby, whose very existence is challenged by every obstacle placed in front of him. I am not diluted like him by the sadness of others. Their sadness doesn't soften me.
Nor am I corrupt like the priest whose honor fell at the sight of possible power. I don't want power. I don't need power.
I am merely sin. Plain and simple. The evil inside everyone that tries to get out. I don't want everyone to die. In fact, death used to disgust me, but my own physical pain changed that. Now I enjoy the blood dripping down my wrists and the searing pain the cuts leave. Now it gives me pleasure to see those I hate in pain. The suffering in their eyes makes me smile.
And yet...I don't hate him. Not at all.
If I don't hate him, why do I hurt him?
He's sleeping right now, his beautiful, pure, white hair hanging over his eyes. I brush the hair away, a small smile on my face. No one will see me smile. Not even him. He's perfect in every way, the complete opposite of me. My perfect angel. I run my hand over a bruise on his cheek and frown. I did it. I know I did and I don't deny it. There is nothing to deny.
More proof that I am sin. I hurt the one I care for most. But I'm not crazy, I know that. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. He's too weak. This world is full of horrible things that could drive you past the brink of insanity.
It's funny, actually. Like some sick kind of vanity. The thing I lust for most looks almost exactly like me.
Lust? No...its not just lust. Lust is physical desire. It's just not the only thing there. There is more to what I feel than just lust. Lust is what I felt for Marik. It's not the same feeling.
I shouldn't dwell on the past. This same past that has made this deceased tomb robber who he is. What he is. I would never let him know my past. Just telling someone can't destroy sin. It stays there, haunting you until the day you die. I will never allow my past to destroy my future. His future. But I will not let anyone have him, none but me. He is mine, for all eternity.
Could it be love?
No. Love is an illusion created by your mind to keep you occupied. Nothing more. Love can't feed you or keep you alive. Nor can it keep you warm at night when there is nothing left for you in this world to hope for but your own survival. And besides...
Sin can't love.
Can it?
I always have been, and I always will be.
I am sin in every sense of the word.
I'm not crazy like Marik. I don't want to die and drag everyone down with me. I don't want everyone to suffer.
I'm not darkness like the jackass pharaoh who can't survive without light nearby, whose very existence is challenged by every obstacle placed in front of him. I am not diluted like him by the sadness of others. Their sadness doesn't soften me.
Nor am I corrupt like the priest whose honor fell at the sight of possible power. I don't want power. I don't need power.
I am merely sin. Plain and simple. The evil inside everyone that tries to get out. I don't want everyone to die. In fact, death used to disgust me, but my own physical pain changed that. Now I enjoy the blood dripping down my wrists and the searing pain the cuts leave. Now it gives me pleasure to see those I hate in pain. The suffering in their eyes makes me smile.
And yet...I don't hate him. Not at all.
If I don't hate him, why do I hurt him?
He's sleeping right now, his beautiful, pure, white hair hanging over his eyes. I brush the hair away, a small smile on my face. No one will see me smile. Not even him. He's perfect in every way, the complete opposite of me. My perfect angel. I run my hand over a bruise on his cheek and frown. I did it. I know I did and I don't deny it. There is nothing to deny.
More proof that I am sin. I hurt the one I care for most. But I'm not crazy, I know that. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. He's too weak. This world is full of horrible things that could drive you past the brink of insanity.
It's funny, actually. Like some sick kind of vanity. The thing I lust for most looks almost exactly like me.
Lust? No...its not just lust. Lust is physical desire. It's just not the only thing there. There is more to what I feel than just lust. Lust is what I felt for Marik. It's not the same feeling.
I shouldn't dwell on the past. This same past that has made this deceased tomb robber who he is. What he is. I would never let him know my past. Just telling someone can't destroy sin. It stays there, haunting you until the day you die. I will never allow my past to destroy my future. His future. But I will not let anyone have him, none but me. He is mine, for all eternity.
Could it be love?
No. Love is an illusion created by your mind to keep you occupied. Nothing more. Love can't feed you or keep you alive. Nor can it keep you warm at night when there is nothing left for you in this world to hope for but your own survival. And besides...
Sin can't love.
Can it?