I've wanted to do a sequel since I finished 'The White Stuff', but I couldn't decide who I wanted to be the guy in the ally. Well, I've decided, but that will make this fiction a little AU because he's technically not supposed to be here. Just go with it and don't question my sanity….the voices in my head are already laughing their asses off for no apparent reason. Assuming that the voices have bodies, of course. Anyways, read and laugh.
SASUKE'S SWEET REVENGE
After Naruto ate four bags of PURE SUGAR, he and Sasuke did R-rated activities for hours just to wear him out. There was only one problem:
Sasuke Uchiha didn't have that much stamina. And he really had no choice but to admit it after Naruto's last orgasm.
"Damn Sasuke, that was good sex," Naruto said, his tone clearly stating his exhaustion. But he was a little confused when he didn't get an answer. "Sasuke?" He leaned over to get a look at his lovers face ---
"OH MY GOD I KILLED SASUKE!" Naruto ran around the room in a panic. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god. What am I going to do? Itachi will kill me! The fan girls will kill me! The law will kill me! Sasuke will come back from the dead and kill me!"
Naruto's panic induced energy ran out around the 50th lap around the room and he collapsed next to the bedside table. After a few deep breaths and began to think out loud. "Okay, so I killed Sasuke. Now what? I know! I'll call Sakura-chan. She'll be able to help."
Now that he had something close to a plan he picked up the phone on the table behind him and dialed her number. She finally picked up after a few rings.
"Naruto, It's 2 am, this had better be good."
"Sorry Sakura-chan, but this is important."
All of her anger left her. Naruto hadn't added the -chan suffix since they were 14. Something must be wrong. "What's wrong, Naruto?"
"I… I ki…"
"Spit it out Naruto."
"IkilledSasukeIdidn'tmeantoitjusthappenedI'msosososorrySakura-chanIdon'tknowwhattodo!"
Sakura was silent. She was pretty sure she heard "Killed" and "Sasuke" somewhere in the jumble of words, but wanted to make sure. "Repeat that, and slowly this time."
Naruto took a deep breath. "I killed Sasuke. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I'm so, so, so sorry Sakura-chan. I don't know what to do!"
"Are you sure he's dead?"
"He's not moving!"
"Check his pulse."
Naruto pressed his index and middle finger against Sasuke's wrist. "I don't feel anything, Sakura-chan."
She wasn't worried yet - he hardly ever managed to find the pulse point in her wrist when she tried to teach him CPR. "Do you have a hand-held mirror?"
"Of course I do. Or have you forgotten that I live with pretty-boy?"
"'M not pretty."
Naruto turned his head to the bed so fast that it was a blur. "Sasuke! You're alive!"
"Hn. Stupid dobe." The voice was soft and hoarse - though that could be blamed on a the yelling that he'll never admit to that he did during sex. Luckily, they were far enough away from the rest of Konoha that no one could hear them.
Before Naruto could open his mouth to say anything else, Sasuke had fallen back asleep.
"Naruto?" Sakura asked from her side of the phone. "Is everything okay now?"
"Huh?" Naruto had forgotten about her. "Oh, yeah. Sorry for waking you, Sakura."
"Yeah well, it's not like I have to be up at 6:00 in the morning to get ready for work or anything. Anyways, what were you doing before you thought Sasuke was dead?"
"Well, we were having the best sex we've had in a long time."
Who cares about sleep? Sakura just got the chance to hear Naruto talk about his and Sasuke's sex lives! Cause, you know, it's not like she has a copy of the tape from Ino's video camera that they 'accidently' left on in the tree that just happened to be in front of Naruto and Sasuke's bedroom window - not that they knew which window that was, of course, because they are not the presidents of the SasuNaru Yaoi Fan club (that doesn't exist) that is not full of girls (and no boys, either) who have cards that say they are A-class stalkers (because they aren't, and the fact that they used to be Sasuke's fans who had lots of practice plays no part in this)
Anyways, the point was Sakura was running around the house looking for tissues because…um…she was sick! Yeah, she was sick and had a runny nose. No, that won't work, since she's a doctor and all. Um…allergies? Yes, allergies.
So, Sakura, who is not part of the secret SasuNaru Yaoi Fan Club was running around looking for tissues for her nose because of allergies, not because she was about to hear Naruto talk about his sex life. And she couldn't find any because she has had this problem all week, not because she and Ino watched that movie that did not exist.
Yeah, that is totally believable when this is a yaoi story.
"Hey Sakura? I gotta go. Thanks for your help."
"Huh?" Damn, she was so busy looking for those tissues (because of her allergies, of course) that she missed her chance to ask for details - for medical purposes, not to satisfy her curiosity. Of course. "Oh, yeah Naruto. But next time make sure he's dead before you call me." So, not the best thing to say, but no one in that Yaoi fan club (that didn't exist) could blame her.
*****
When Sasuke next woke up, it was almost noon. Remembering what happened the night before, he sat up to get his revenge on Naruto, then quickly lay down again, his sore muscles telling him that revenge on Naruto can wait. So he decided to get revenge on the bastard that gave Naruto four bags of PURE SUGAR and sat up again, but his lower back told him that limping to the doorstep of someone to tell of the their certain doom was not very threatening. Besides, he didn't know who he was supposed to kill yet anyways.
But he did have a suspect list.
KAKASHI - likes to see Sasuke suffer
OROCHIMARU - likes to see people in general suffer
IRUKA - glares at Sasuke every time he escorts a limping Naruto to work; may want revenge
ITACHI - thinks it's his job as an older brother to watch and laugh at his younger brother's suffering; thinks it's even better when he is the cause of said suffering
After some thought, IRUKA was mentally scratched off of Sasuke's mental suspect list. If he wanted revenge, he'd go for Sasuke personally, not put Naruto in the middle and be forced to admit that yes, Naruto is enough of a dobe as to buy bags of an unknown substance from strangers.
OROCHIMARU was also mentally crossed of the mental list because he tricked Jiriya into saying that he's gay (which he isn't, seriously. Orochimaru is just that tricky), so everyone should be safe from snake-man for a few days.
So that left KAKASHI and ITACHI. He doesn't remember doing anything to piss off either of them lately, so it was hard to choose.
Sasuke was sure he heard an evil chuckle that he has heard many time before, and crossed KAKASHI off of his list (physically, because he had written the names down on paper out of boredom).
****
Itachi watched in sadistic amusement as Sasuke winced every time he tried to get up. He unconsciously let out a dark laugh, but realized his mistake when Sasuke jerked his head up in recognition. Whoops. Time to go. And it was like he was never there.
*****
Remember that part about limping to you enemy wasn't very threatening? Well, it's even less threatening when walking up to Itachi Uchiha, the most threatening person that ever lived. Not that Sasuke would ever admit his brother was better than him, though. And everyone else - except for Kakashi, who liked to see him suffer - wisely kept their words of agreement to themselves.
So, the fact that Itachi would never see him as threatening, and being the only one who knew he was going to end up like this, Sasuke decided to get his sweet revenge over with. But first, he needed food.
As if on cue (which, being a fan fiction, it was), Naruto walked in the bedroom with a tray of food. And none of it was ramen.
"Um, Sasuke? How are you feeling?"
"Hn."
"I brought you your favorite breakfast."
"Hn."
"Sasuke, I'm really sorry. I didn't know."
"Hn."
"If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me."
"Hn." But this 'Hn' was graced with a smirk. Naruto gulped, but said nothing. Sasuke took the tray and ate in silence, plotting his revenge.
"Naruto, go grab the Naughty Uke Nurse dress, the Uke/Seme French Maid dress, and the Sexy Seme dress."
"We don't have a dress that's only for Seme's."
"Oh. Well, grab the pink mini-skirt with the matching see-through shirt and hair bow."
"Why?"
"We're going to pretend like we're giving in to his desires, but we'll only do it on one condition, then we'll lull him into a false sense of security, and when he least expects it, I'll snap."
Naruto figured this had something to do with getting revenge for something, and left it to Sasuke. Revenge just wasn't his thing, though he usually got dragged into Sasuke's plans anyways.
Sasuke to a nice long, warm, relaxing bath, so that by the time he got out he could walk again, even if he was slightly unsteady. Oh well, this would only make the false sense of security more believable. Who in their right mind would try to get revenge when they couldn't walk straight?
Sasuke, that's who.
But who's to say he's in his right mind?
Anyways, it was time to go.
*****
Naruto and Sasuke walked to Itachi's house that he shared with, well, himself; the outfits on hangers and covered by a trash bag. Sasuke told Naruto his plan, and it took the blonde almost an hour to stop laughing. It wasn't supposed to be that funny, though.
Now, it was common knowledge that Itachi lusted after Naruto, and it was known only to the two Uchiha's and Naruto that the eldest brother also lusted after Sasuke, and was constantly trying to talk the younger boys into a threesome.
It was Sasuke's hope that Itachi will be too caught up in lust to know what hit him until it was too late. So let's go onward.
Sasuke knocked on the door, but not putting as much force as he usually would have behind it. It would raise suspicions if Itachi knew Sasuke had already regained most of his strength.
Itachi opened the door, and looked surprised to see them. Which he was; he expected Sasuke to try and sneak up on him in the middle of the night and do something to his hair.
"What are you two doing here?" he asked.
"We give up," Naruto said, as if that explained everything.
"Excuse me?"
"Well, we're obviously not going to get any rest until you get your threesome. So, here we are, but with one condition," Sasuke explained.
Actually, Itachi just wanted revenge on Sasuke for leaving him alone with those horrible creatures last weekend. Never mind that the 'horrible creatures' were family he's supposed to love and cherish, though he secretly wishes he could kill them all. But if Sasuke wants to think he wanted sex, who was he to argue now that they were giving in?
"What condition?"
"You wear what we tell you to."
Itachi opened the door more and stepped aside. "You should probably come inside."
The younger boys did so, and Naruto put on his best "I'm an adorable uke. You know you want to fuck me and I'm ready for it NOW" look. Being as this was Naruto, and he was the best of the best in the underground society for ukes, it worked like a charm. Itachi was ready to drool, and the little blonde was still fully clothed.
Then again, Sasuke had accidently looked at Naruto and was now in the same state. Before either of the Uchiha's could move, Naruto reminded them of the outfits. "Itachi, this one is yours."
Itachi held the pink mini-skirt with matching shirt and hair bow. The only thing keeping him from throwing it back and calling the whole thing off was Naruto's Uke face staring straight at him, along with Sasuke's lust-filled one. Sexiness must run in the family.
So instead he lead them all to his bedroom and changed into the pink outfit while Naruto changed into the Naughty Uke Nurse dress and Sasuke into the Uke/Seme French Maid dress. Sasuke looked at Itachi and smirked. Before anybody could do anything, Sasuke whipped out a camera from his discarded shorts, snapped a picture of Itachi in pink, and ran like his life depended on it (which it will, as soon as Itachi figures out what happened), with Naruto close behind.
It was dark, so the few people on the street ignored the two boys running down the street in dresses.
The next day, that picture of Itachi in pink was all over Konoha.
Nobody saw the eldest Uchiha for a week. (He had locked himself up in his room, trying to figure out a way to prove to everyone that he was a man that didn't involve showing off his very impressive cock.)