A/N: This is set in New Moon. Edward/Bela, obviously. Based on "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I'd like to dedicate this to Eleen, who read over a good chunk of it to tell me if my tense made any sense, and to Gema227, who is happy to see me branch out. Read and review? Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
Somewhere in Forks, Washington, a petite brunette crumples to the forest floor. Her teary eyes are locked on a bronze haired boy whose face is comprised of stony looks and forlorn grimaces. He knows that she wants him to stay, and he dearly wants to, but if he stays, he knows that he would only be hurting her more. It would be best if he just left.
He lingers for a few minutes, just staring at her. The last thing he wants to do is break her heart, but he is afraid that the damage has already been done.
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
She glances down for only a second, but when she looks back, he's gone. Vanished. But it is as if he never left at all. Every miniscule feature is imprinted in her mind, and although his presence has shortly since passed on, it won't go away.
She lies on the scratchy ground, tree roots and sharp rocks jabbing into her from all angles, but they are nothing compared to the wound he left on her heart not ten minutes ago when he told her he didn't want her anymore. That pain is one that she fears will never go away.
She wishes she could turn back time, undo all of the mistakes she had made while with him. Perhaps then he would still want her. Then again, what if his decision was the same? There was probably too much for time to get rid of, for unlike her, he would always remember.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
If he could cry, he knew that tears would be streaming down his face. He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. In the past, he had always been there to console her from all of the hurt and the pain. When she cried, he would kiss them away. When she was scared or woke up with a nightmare, he would sing her back to sleep. Not this time.
This time he was the one causing her pain, and in return, he was being chewed up by his conscience. He would not be able to hold her hand and tell her that everything would be all right, because that would be lying. He was the one that was currently causing her pain.
He could hear his heart cracking loudly over the roar of the engine as he sped home. He had no doubt that hers was doing the exact same thing. He had just witnessed a glimpse of it before he fled. Little does she know, that even though his heart is breaking, she still has it, back there in the forest, along with the soul he never knew he had.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
And now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Just like everything else about her, he thinks her mind is a beautiful think. Every second of everyday he wishes he can hear what she is thinking, but she is blocked to him. Such a gorgeous mystery she is…
As he packs his bags, he finds himself remembering all of their times shared together. Prom is a big one.
He chokes on dry air as he zippers up his suitcase, locking away the memories of her that hung all over the leather jacket that now carries her permanent scent. It is time to just let go.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
Every night she dreams of him. Every emotion that ever passed over his face, she can remember perfectly. If it hadn't been for him leaving, the dreams would be pleasant. Now they are just tortured nightmares.
Being able to remember his voice is a miracle. It is even better that she doesn't have to imagine what he is saying. The words flow naturally as they warn her about the dangers of her everyday routine. It drives her to stupidity. Then again, if being stupid makes him return to her in at least one way, in her mind, it is completely worth it.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
The monster is back. It resurfaces just when he realizes that coping with the fact that she is gone is useless. She is still with him, she always will be. But he yearns for more than a memory. He wants her. He needs her. Who is there to blame but himself? He is the one that ran. In his mind, it was the right kind of wrong. And in the end, without her physically there with him, he is alone.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me