A/N: Hello everyone! Has it really been almost 6 years? It's amazing how it just takes one rereading of an old story to bring me back to the fanfiction world in the most magical way. Naturally I've watched other shows, but none of have grabbed the fanfic fangirl side of me like Inuyasha.
This idea came from reflecting on popular Inuyasha fanfiction storylines where Inuyasha waits to be with Kagome for 500 years. I'm taking an alternative ending approach to the manga/anime canon universe. It is a long one-shot so hope you have time to read it.
Enjoy and happy reading!
- The Right Timing -
It didn't feel right.
Beside her, the man shifted slightly in his sleep and pulled her tighter against his lean frame, a happy sigh escaping his lips. Brushing his bangs for a few moments, Kagome managed a small smile. It truly was amazing to have him here, lying next to her with no worries in the world. No demons or jewel shards to think about and no crazy half demon coming to attack them. Though, she doubted he had considered such a danger in a long time. In all, it was a picture-perfect ending.
And yet it didn't feel right.
Heaving a heavy sigh, she rolled out of his warm embrace and stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Why couldn't she shake this feeling? Here she was with the man she loved, feeling safe, and at peace. And yet, that nagging voice in her brain wouldn't shut up.
When she turned to look at his sleeping form, he was wide awake. "You okay?" He asked, without a hint of grogginess in his voice. Had he been awake as long as she had?
"I'm fine." She replied. His fingers came up to tentatively stroke her cheek in a soothing manner. Bringing her eyes to his, his smile appeared as he brought her in for a chaste kiss.
"Get some sleep Kagome." He spoke, pulling her towards him. She complied obediently and allowed herself to be drawn into his protective arms once again. She could feel the rumble in his chest and her body relaxed despite her previous rattling thoughts. His heart beat practically sang with hers and she felt as if their harmony would never be broken.
XxXxXxXx
Breakfast was always a strange affair. At first, she had been amused by his skills in the kitchen. But now, she felt the need to do something, maybe cook or prepare something. But as time would have it, her skills were rather limited and his were impressive.
"Worked as a cook at a military camp during the war. Had to start somewhere, you know?" He explained after she questioned his ability to wield a spatula.
"But you know how to cook more than just Japanese food." Kagome noted in awe. "I doubt the military taught you all that."
"No, you're right." He agreed. "I just picked up the other recipes myself. A fun habit I guess."
Along with his cooking prowess, he always seemed rather insistent to do everything for her. Thus, every morning, all she could do was pour them drinks while he worked liked an expert. For the moment, she sat quietly on the floor next to the eating table, waiting for him to finish.
She took a moment to quickly survey the room, noting how everything was clean and in order. Simple and masculine design, the dark brown of the wood floor contrasting nicely with the bright white walls and dark gray furniture. A few movies were stacked on the shelf, and he even had a couple video games laid out on the counter. Everything was so perfect. It was their space. It was their home and she knew Inuyasha had enough money stowed away to move to a bigger space if she asked.
They ate in a companionable silence filled with nothing more than her occasional compliments about his cooking to which he replied with a soft "It was nothing". Nevertheless, she continued to compliment him because it made her feel good.
Spinning around from her dish duty, she spotted him putting on his police vest for his day at work. She smiled at the sight. He never seemed very eager to go to work, and she had a sneaking suspicion he only worked there to make her proud. But it was true. She was happy that even in the modern day, he was still saving people.
A childish energy suddenly filled her as she strode toward him and kissed him deeply, enjoying every pleasurable sound he made. Smiling against his lips, she managed to finish the last buckle on his vest as his hands busily worked on her waist. Her fingers quickly found the locket around his neck and with a decisive tug, she snapped it off. It fell to the ground aimlessly and she rested her forehead against his chest breathlessly. She didn't even need to stretch her spiritual senses to know that his form had shifted. Demonic energy soon filled the room and she smiled as the familiar protective aura touched her senses.
Pulling away from him slightly, she stared into his amber eyes and slowly took in his face. His expression was completely unguarded and focused on her. It reminded her of how he used to look at her when it was just the two of them. But now, gone were his boyish looks and ever-present scowl. He seemed so much more at peace and she felt guilty for reminiscing the past.
He kissed her back sweetly, before moving to pick up the locket. Tying the ends together, he moved to bring the necklace back over his head. Without even thinking, her hand stopped him. "Wait…can't you just stay like this for a bit?" She whispered. The guilt in her stomach doubled.
"Wish I could, but you know I can't." He slipped it back on and she watched his features change in silence. "People would go crazy in the office if they saw me like that."
Office. That's right. He worked in an office. She knew that. "Oh right." She managed with a smile. "Sorry. I forgot about that."
"It's fine." He replied, readjusting his uniform.
"When will you be done today?"
"Thankfully I'll be finished earlier, so I can pick you up from school." He glanced at the clock. "Which you are late to…"
The comment had her moving like a storm and she quickly grabbed her things before they both headed out the door.
XxXxXxXx
Standing outside her school gates, Kagome waited patiently for him to arrive. Granted she did get out a bit earlier than usual, but he was planning to pick her up and she didn't want to keep him waiting any more than he already had. A few minutes rolled by before a group of familiar girls appeared behind her.
"Kagome!" They called out and she spun around to see Ayumi, Yuka and Eri.
Her mood instantly brightened. "Hey guys! How are you?"
Her friends immediately broke out into smiles before Yuka stepped forward. "Kagome! What have you been up to? We never get to talk anymore."
"Seriously Kagome!" Ayumi chimed in. "We see you in class, but you always leave right after school. I mean, it's great that you're able to come to school more consistently now, but we'd like to see you after school also."
Kagome smiled sheepishly. "Sorry guys. I've been busy lately." The three girls exchanged all-knowing smiles and Kagome blinked at their stares. "What's with those looks?"
"You have to update us Kagome!" Eri said, grabbing her wrists in an excited way. "Just because Hojo gave up, doesn't mean we have. Who are you waiting for Kagome? Is it that that two-timer?"
Kagome rolled her eyes. Of course, they would bring Inuyasha up. With a smile, she evaded the second question.
"What makes you think I'm waiting for someone?"
"Last week, we saw you waiting after school before someone picked you up." Ayumi supplied eagerly. "And that someone was a man. A man with a really nice car."
Kagome laughed at her comment. "You're right. It was a really nice car." She paused for a moment, as their excited forms inched closer for her words. She sighed with amusement. "…and a man too."
They cried out in success. Yuka, looking as though she was about to faint out of excitement, began scanning the street for his car. Meanwhile, Eri's grip on her wrist had not lessened. If anything, it was even more eager than before and practically cutting off her circulation. The dozen or so questions came once more and somewhere within all the questioning, one of her friends asked her to describe him.
"Well…" She started. "He's a police officer and we've been together for a few months now. I've been going to his place every day after school and sleeping over."
"Wow Kagome!" Ayumi reveled. "You just met him and you're already living at his place?"
Kagome bit her lip, not sure how to respond to her words. "Yeah. I mean, I know it seems sudden but it feels like I've known him longer than that."
Ayumi swayed like a starry-eyed ballerina. "How romantic."
But Yuka quirked an eyebrow and counted off on her fingers. "Has an apartment, steady job, and a nice car. Just how old is this guy Kagome?"
"He's…older." Kagome ventured carefully before adding, "He means a lot to me."
Before the girls could ask any more questions, the man in question's car appeared from around the corner. Kagome stared at the approaching vehicle for a moment before glancing back at her girlfriends. Their stares were on the verge of anticipation and she wasn't quite sure how to say goodbye to her high school friends.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow in class?" She tried. But their stares remained persistent. She rolled her eyes and continued. "…and we can eat afterschool too."
They instantly squealed. "We'll see you then!" Ayumi and Eri replied with a wave, but Yuka had one more question.
"Wait, you never mentioned the two-timer. Inuyasha? What happened to him?" She pressed curiously.
Kagome sighed at the pavement, realizing that she hadn't completely evaded the question. Looking at all three of her friends, she suddenly felt so distant from them. Here she was, the same age as these girls, and yet she felt light years away from them.
"He…he's better now." She answered. "It didn't work out for us before, but I know he's better now."
XxXxXxXx
Biting her lip in concentration, Kagome's eyes carefully scanned the document before her. It was all unfamiliar as she struggled to answer even the most basic questions. Despite never having filled one of these out before, she thought she would be at least be able to figure it out. But instead, many of the words went over her head and she found herself at a loss.
She sighed heavily. What had she been thinking, disregarding her modern life so much? Hadn't she figured that her future was likely here, and not in the past? Why didn't she prepare herself better?
Before she could even write her date of birth, his warm breath cascaded over her shoulder. "What are you looking at?"
Her heart raced and she practically jumped out of her seat. She hadn't even heard him come in.
She slid the paper behind her back. "You said that you were going to your favorite restaurant with your friends after work. What are you doing home so soon?"
He glanced away. "I changed my mind. This way, we could spend more time together."
Her eyes softened. Another cancelation? This was like the third time and it was quickly becoming an obvious pattern with the same excuse. "Inuyasha…you know that I'm fine with you spending time without me. Plus, I'm perfectly safe here and I want you to have fun too."
But he ignored her, eyes looming at the paper she was trying to hide. "What's behind your back?"
Caught red handed, she revealed the document and sighed. "Job application. I want to have this filled out and turn it in by tomorrow."
He reached for the application. "Let me help you with it."
But she pulled it away from him. "No, it's alright."
"Honestly Kagome, let me help." He reached for it again. "I've done these dozens of times."
"I'm serious." She bit out, whipping the document away from him. Her tone was a bit harsher than she intended, but for some reason, she didn't care. "I can figure it out myself."
A frown marred his face. "What's your problem?" He snapped slightly, the air crackling around him. She recognized that look instantly. He was getting annoyed with her and her last words hadn't helped much.
"Nothing's wrong." She insisted, standing up out of the chair, away from him. "I just want to do this myself. That's all."
He rubbed the back of his head in frustration. "I can see that, but you know that you that don't need to worry about getting a job. I can take care of everything just fine."
She took a deep breath, the paper in her hands crumpling slightly. "I know that." She began as the stress closed in around her. She kept her eyes downcast. "It's just…"
"Just what?"
"I…can't tell you." A poor choice of words, but it was because she didn't know the answer for herself. It wasn't just him and this new life. There was more too it. She just couldn't explain it. She just couldn't explain why she felt so…wrong.
"Kagome…" His voice called out again, only this time dropping a few octaves lower. "Don't you… trust me?"
The question was like a gunshot to her throat. Instantly, she whirled around, shocked at his words. "Of course I do!"
Relief filled him, but didn't satisfy his worries. "Then why are you acting so strange?"
"I just want to be able to do more." She stated without even thinking. Looking down at the paper in her hand, she stared at it blindly. "I thought that maybe getting a job would help."
"But you don't need to."
"But I want to."
Her immediate words were met with a brief air of silence, nearly suffocating her and her nerves. But when he finally spoke, he voice was of unwavering certainty. And the emotion that had collected in his eyes was so strong, she nearly lost it.
"Kagome…" He began slowly, hands clenched at his sides. "I didn't wait five hundred years for you to take care of me. I know how things work now. I know how to handle this life and your time. I made sure of it. I made sure that when I did find you, I would be able to take care of you."
Silence seemed like an easier option, but doing so would only make him feel unappreciated, which was the last thing she wanted.
"I know that." Unsure of where to look, she stared down at her hands. "And I thank you for that."
His footsteps grew closer and before she knew it, he was standing before her. A chime alerted her to his movements and she looked up to see him removing the locket around his neck. Instantly, her favorite silver haired half-demon entered her vision. The change was definitely welcomed, compared to his human facade. It eased her worries a bit more and she loved the fact that he knew this.
"Inuyasha…"
A clawed hand touched her cheek. "There's something you're not telling me. And you know I can't help you unless you tell me. So, don't be stubborn."
"I'm not being stubborn."
"Yes, you are."
"I've just been thinking. There's a difference." She declared with a slight pout.
He sighed at her words. "Fine." He said calmly. When he headed toward the kitchen, she knew she had won this one. He had barely put up a fight; had barely said anything in response to her pessimistic exterior. There was no yelling match. No crying or running off in an angry huff. Just a simple end to an unfinished battle.
She turned away from him, eyes returning to the document in her hand. The next question was about her past work experiences. But her mind was hardly focused now. She didn't even think she could formulate an answer at this point.
A couple pans were thrown on the stove top as the half demon's voice carried over his shoulder. "You okay with fish again tonight?" He asked with no defensive or frustrated edge to his voice. And if possible, her mood plummeted.
Somehow a fight would've felt so much better than his thoughtful question.
XxXxXxXx.
The events of just two days ago stilled lingered freshly in her mind. She was lost in the darkness for a timeless century filled with fear and solitude. Her hope was fragile at the time as she felt the inky blackness nearly suffocating her nimble form. She was alone; more alone than she had ever been before. And while the deafening voice around her had taunted her with the wish to see him again, she resisted and lingered on with her faith and hope. She held on for the chance to see her light again.
And then, like the sun breaking through the clouds, her light appeared; a light so bright and wonderful that she thought she had been dreaming. Words were lost between them as they embraced, and yet just his presence gave her just what she needed. Her courage seized her within seconds and she stared back at the deafening being with a new resolve. She made her wish. A wish she knew was the right one; a wish that carried not only the strength of herself, but also the most important person beside her.
A new pure light pounded through the air as it shattered its rays across the darkness. Fading power pulsed around her sending chills down her spine. She could feel the spirits moving on and the last touch of purity fading to nothing.
And then she blinked, her surroundings suddenly focusing in on the old well house and her family. She hadn't even hesitated in embracing them; the need to tangibly confirm their existence fueled her thoughts completely. She had barely spoken a few words to her family before another light appeared, and this one was less than welcomed. It embraced his body and all she could do was watch; watch as his shocked expression mirrored her own. And then he was gone. They were separated. And there was nothing she could do.
It was painful now, just to wake up and continue on with her life. While studies did give her a chance to lose her mind in something else, she could never forget him. Her eyes stared unblinkingly at the cracked sidewalk as she slowly made her way to school. Around her, people hustled and bustled, bumping her lightly on the arm every so often, but she hardly noticed. They didn't know her. They didn't know what she had just lost without a fight.
As she turned the third corner of her school block, a figure stepped in to her path. But instead of moving out of the way, he merely stood there, thwarting her stride.
She sidestepped to the right to make a move around him, but he intervened again, stepping into her path. She moved to the left this time, but he repeated the same action as before.
"Do you mind?" She grumbled. "I have to get to school." Her footsteps carried her forward as she expected him to clear a path for her, but once again, he remained an obstruction. With a frustrated sigh, she settled on glaring at him.
Time literally stopped.
She recognized him instantly, despite his unfamiliar attire. He appeared to be a typical Japanese human male in his early thirties. He wore a casual, but clean look consisting of dark jeans and a button up shirt. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up halfway at the forearm, complimenting his toned arms and framing his body nicely. But the shock from his modern-day attire quickly wore off when she saw his eyes. Though a dark brown at the moment, he looked at her with an emotion she couldn't quite pinpoint. He was speechless as he stared at her with eyes that glowed with a pure, undefined happiness. His expression was completely unguarded and absolutely stunned to the point of absolution. He hadn't said anything yet, but his eyes said it all and she felt like he had poured his soul out to her.
She was in his arms before she realized it. Her tears matched his own and after a moment, she heard his whispered words.
"Finally."
XxXxXxXx
Idly lost in thought, she twirled the straw wrapper around her finger, barely paying attention to what her friends were saying. They had decided to meet up at the burger place in order to catch up on the latest gossip. Although Kagome was almost positive her friends just wanted to hear more about the new man in her life.
"Alright Kagome, no more hiding." Yuka insisted. "Give us some details."
"I already told you." Kagome began slowly. "He's a police offi—"
"We already know that." Yuka reminded. "So why don't you share something else? Like his name for instance."
"Tamotsu." She replied quietly. At least, that was his current name. He had changed his identity many times over the centuries. It was expected, given his demon blood. Once she had asked him why he didn't change his name back to 'Inuyasha' around the time they would be reunited. His reason was for her and her friends. They knew his name and what his younger self looked like. 'Inuyasha' wasn't exactly a common name and it would've made for a confusing mess. This made things much easier for her and their life together. Seems he had thought of everything.
Eri stroked her chin. "Tamotsu. A strong name."
Yuka nodded while sipping her drink. "Literally. It means protector."
Her words washed over Kagome as a memory hit her.
His fingers were warm and reassuring as they tightened around her own. Taken aback by his sudden movement, she could do little more than stare at him. And when he spoke, his fingers had tightened ever so slightly.
"In that case, I'll protect you with my life." He promised. She gasped at his words and whispered his name, not because she doubted him, but because she knew he meant it.
That memory…it felt so long ago and yet, wasn't it just a few months ago? At least for her it was a few months ago, but for him, it had been centuries. And yet he had kept his promise all those years and had done everything he could to ensure that his promise continued. Before she had realized it, her eyes were on the verge of tears.
It was Ayumi's quiet voice that broke through her turmoil. She reached across the table and took her hand. "Is…is everything okay with him? He's not hurting you or anything, right?"
"No!" Kagome cried, hastily wiping at her eyes. "No of course not! I'm fine guys, really." But even her words sounded forced in her ears.
Their silence stabbed at Kagome's very core. Across from her, the three girls shared a glance before Eri finally spoke. "We're here to listen, Kagome."
"Yes. And we'll help you with anything at all if something's wrong." Finished Ayumi. "Really Kagome. We're here for you."
Kagome took a deep breath and stared in to her three friends' eyes. She could also see a bit of nosiness, but there was also true concern in those depths. And above all, she saw the love. The love she had with her friends ran deeper than she had bothered to notice or think about. But above and beyond her absences and lies, they were still here for her and she knew she couldn't possibly afford to waste it anymore.
She took in a weary breath. "I just don't know how I feel about being with him. Everything is supposed to be perfect right now. We know we love each other and there is nothing holding us back anymore, and yet…I just don't know anymore."
"Let's start with what you do know." Ayumi declared professionally. "What do you know about him? And what do you love about him?"
"I loved his courage and dedication." She said without missing a beat. "He never backed down from a challenge, and when he cared about something, nothing would stop him from protecting it. Even with his flaws, it didn't matter because I knew that it was all for the sake of those he cared about."
"You said 'loved'." Eri immediately caught. "Has he really changed that much? Didn't you say you've only been dating for a few months?"
"He's different now." Kagome confessed, drawing invisible circles on the table. "I guess I just wasn't prepared for it."
"Just because you aren't prepared for it, doesn't mean that it won't work out later." Yuka quoted firmly.
"I know that. I guess I'm having a hard time adjusting to the new him."
Resting her head against her propped up hand, Ayumi spoke. "What specifically has changed about him?"
Kagome sighed. "Nothing really, I guess."
"But you just sai—"
"I know." Kagome cut in tiredly. "What I mean is that…he's still the same. He's still courageous and dedicated like he's always been, but now I'm seeing a different side of him. It isn't a bad side necessarily. It's just…not what I expected. When I picture him, I have a…an image in my mind, but now it's as if that image has shifted. He's so much calmer now and he barely gets angry. Plus, he's so open…so open with his feelings. And…he cooks! He even cooks now! He's learned how to cook Japanese food, American food, Italian food, everything! I used to do all the cooking, and now he's the one who's making dinner late at night while I-"
"Because you both are practically living together, maybe you're just not used to his routine yet?" Ayumi interrupted gently, ending her potential rambling spree. "Making dinner for you doesn't seem so bad. It actually sounds kind of nice."
Kagome sighed. "I know. And I should be happy with that."
Eri tried a different approach. "Why do you think he's changed so much?"
"Time." Kagome whispered in a way that was only haunting to her own ears. "He's…everything has changed so much in what feels like such a short amount of time."
Yuka snorted. "A couple months and he's already changed so much? He probably wasn't being truthful to begin with. Sounds pretty fickle and flaky to me."
"Yuka!" Ayumi breathed.
She raised an eyebrow. "What? It's true."
Kagome's eyes narrowed. Yuka's words had a surprising effect on her. Rage flared within her at Yuka's ignorant comment. How dare she insult Inuyasha in such a way. Inuyasha was far from flaky or fickle, especially considering his dedication and love for her over the past five centuries. If truth be told, he was anything but flaky and fickle.
"He's not like that at all." Kagome defended, fire lacing her voice.
Yuka's confident eyes found hers. "Then how would you describe him?"
"Not in the way you just did."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Guys!" Eri practically jumped in. "Let's just calm down, okay?" Yuka simply crossed her arms and Kagome practically growled. Girl never backed down from anything. All Kagome could think was if this girl was a demon, she'd be dead on the spot.
"I'm perfectly calm. Kagome's the one who is about to blow a fuse." Yuka retorted, before turning toward her. "You need to grow up Kagome."
Kagome froze instantly at her words. "…W-What did you say?"
"You need to grow up." Yuka repeated, before looking out the window with slight regret in her eyes. "I mean…I was just joking."
But Kagome barely heard her last words. Staring down at her hands, she suddenly realized her knuckles were bone white from gripping so hard. Forcing herself to relax, she watched as the color slowly returned to her hands.
The conversation continued as the girls decided to change the subject to something more superficial, but Kagome barely heard it at all. Yuka's words just kept repeating over and over again in her head. They rang like a truth bell in her very ears and yet she tried to convince herself otherwise. She was mature and grown up. She had been through things that these girls had never seen before. She had to balance jewel shard hunting with school life. So undoubtedly, she was a grown up.
But the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach continued to grow.
XxXxXx
The way he stroked his fingers up and down her spine left her feeling comfort and ease that she hadn't felt in a while. If there was one thing that hadn't changed, it was this. Not the intimacy, but rather, his innate ability to sense when she needed something. The moment she had come home from her dinner with her friends, he could tell something was wrong. She didn't even need to ask before a cup of hot cocoa was handed to her, along with his hand ministrations. They sat on the couch together in silence, her sipping her drink and him sitting vigilantly by her side.
She soon finished her hot cocoa and moved out of his embrace to place the dish in the sink. When she returned to the couch, he was staring at her with an unreadable look in his eyes.
"You really haven't changed." He breathed in amazement, more to himself than to her.
She paused, the unsettling feeling in her stomach returning for the second time that day. Desperately, she leapt onto the couch and pulled him flush against her. Her bold kisses to the base of his throat startled him momentarily, but he quickly joined her in their dance of the night. Within seconds they had found the bed while still staying in each other's arms.
'Everything is going to be fine', she mentally promised. She was going to make this work.
XxXxXxXx
Fortunately for Kagome, the next two weeks passed by rather quickly due preparations for the New Year Celebration. Living at a shrine meant that many families would be visiting during the holiday in order to pray for the upcoming new year. Not only did decorations have to be set up, but food offerings had to be made along with a formal blessing of the grounds to bring the upmost prosperity for the visitors. Given that this was one of Japan's most important holidays, it was the shrine's busiest time of the year.
This year, Kagome's duties had mainly involved the use of her spiritual powers to bless the grounds and the lucky tokens that were going to be given out. She also helped her brother clean the shrine, while her grandfather set up the traditional decorations and welcomed early guests. In the meantime, her mother and Inuyasha handled the cooking inside the house.
Bringing Inuyasha to her home upon his return had not only been strange for her, but for her family as well. They had seen her at her lowest point when she thought that he was gone, and they too had mourned the loss. Then, less than a week later, she walked in with a much older looking human Inuyasha. Not recognizing him at first, the look on her mother's face was one that she would never forget. It had shifted from concern over Kagome's coping methods, to one of absolute joy once the hanyou had removed the locket. Her brother had screamed while her grandfather babbled in shock over the magical properties of the trinket.
While still processing the situation herself, Kagome quickly explained how Inuyasha was here now. She spared no expense at describing how incredible he was for waiting all these years. If possible, the look of joy grew on her mother's face and Souta's hero meter literally doubled before her eyes. Her grandfather on the other hand, began speculating just how many demons still existed out there. Inuyasha shared that many of them had died out over the years, but it was his powerful demon blood that had kept him alive. While there were far fewer demons out there in comparison to humans, they remained in hiding to keep the peace.
"Inuyasha! Are you going to marry my sister?" Souta suddenly inquired, practically bouncing up and down. Kagome had flamed red at that, but it was Inuyasha's bold affirmation that gave her a first taste of how much he had changed.
"Eventually, yeah." He said with no waver to his voice. His cheeks were a lighter shade of red than her own, but he had never sounded so certain.
Her grandfather stroked his chin, before speaking aloud to the group. "That may be…but he looks twice her age. I'm just not sure what others will think of that." His words implying how he was feeling about everything.
"I don't care about that!" Kagome had immediately protested, her grip on Inuyasha's arm tightening. And it was absolutely true. He may have looked older, but that didn't matter. Older or not, he had waited and now he was here. Beside her, Inuyasha had visibly relaxed.
Mama Higurashi took that moment to speak. "Perhaps they can wait at least until after Kagome graduates from high school?"
Kagome bit her lip. Part of her wanted to agree at the logic behind it all, but she also wanted to move forward. She didn't want any more uncertainty. He was here and they knew what they wanted. Wasn't that enough? Surprisingly, it was Inuyasha who stepped in.
"Your mother has a point." He whispered lowly to her. "A lot has happened today and I don't want to rush into anything. Plus, I've waited five centuries. I can wait three more years."
She sighed at his mature words, and nodded. The rest of the family had agreed to the plan as well; once she finished high school, they could get married. Of course, that didn't mean that they couldn't be together every day in the meantime. As long as she kept up with her studies, she could spend the rest of the day making it up to him for all the time he had spent without her.
After channeling a hint of her spiritual energy into a small talisman, Kagome handled it to an elderly woman who was hoping to pass some good fortune down to her grandchild this year. She gave the woman a warm smile and briefed a glance toward the window of her home. Inside, she could see her mother and Inuyasha working together and engaging in easy conversation. Such a sight still felt unfamiliar to her, but she was glad they both seemed happy.
XxXxXx
Kagome had mixed feelings about family parties. On one hand, this was the one time of the year where she got to see all her extended family members. On the other hand, she had to handle all her nosy family members. At least the shrine guests would not be visiting for the rest of the night. This was a time to spend eating with family members, and most of the visitors had filtered out by the time the sun set.
Traditionally, it wasn't appropriate to bring a boyfriend to a New Year Celebration unless he was married into the family or an intended. But Kagome's life had been far from traditional and her grandfather and mother had not protested his inclusion. He was practically her fiancé, with their intention to marry in a couple years. Of course, that didn't stop her nosy aunts and uncles from asking numerous questions. She could see it in some of their eyes. The judgmental looks, especially given that Inuyasha both looked and was twice her age (in human years) and the fact that she wasn't even finished with high school yet. But Inuyasha's looks had never mattered to her, and even though her thoughts had been rather heavy lately, she refused to dwell upon them now.
But just because she was on her best behavior, didn't mean that others would be. A quick exchange between Inuyasha and her uncle was all it took to change her mood.
"How old are you boy?" Her uncle Kaito questioned, sipping on his beer.
"31."
He smirked. "31 huh? What's a man like you doing with a girl like Kagome?"
"That's none of your business." Inuyasha responded neutrally.
Kaito snorted. "Whatever then. If you wanted a young desperate one, there's plenty of those overseas. Cheap and beautiful ones too."
She had always hated her uncle Kaito. Almost everyone in the family hated him. And hearing his words just made her blood boil. Feeling a brief crackle of demonic energy in the air, she knew Inuyasha felt that way too. Her uncle's words had undoubtedly angered him, similar to Kouga's comments in the past. She knew a swearing match was coming. However, this time she didn't just expect it. She welcomed it.
But Inuyasha merely took a deep breath and walked away. Her uncle Kaito smirked at his retreating form and Kagome had never felt so disappointed.
XxXxXxXx
"A game?" Kagome had asked later that same night.
"Yes. It's a game that I learned during my time in the United States." Her cousin Kira supplied. She was about eight years older than Kagome and was known as the adventurous one of the family. Always bursting with positive energy and ready to try new things.
Kagome exchanged glances with Inuyasha who shrugged. "Well…" She began, but Kira's positive personality did not falter.
"Tamotsu can play too! It's better with a large group anyway." She didn't even give them time to respond as she all but dragged the two of them toward the outdoor patio area where some chairs and a table were set up. Feeling obligated at this time of the year, Kagome and Inuyasha sat down while Kira gathered more cousins to play. Eventually about ten of them were seated around the table, willing or coerced into playing Kira's game.
"Why do we always have to play your stupid American games?" Arato groaned, his elbow propped up on the table in boredom. He was one of Kagome's older cousins as well. He was in college and always complaining about everything alongside his father Kaito.
'Like father like son…' Kagome inwardly scoffed.
"Because they're fun! Plus, think of it as a bit of an international experience." Kira immediately retorted. It seemed like she had explained herself like this before.
"Alright, the game is called 'Never Have I Ever'. It's very simple. First we all hold up our ten fingers." Everyone held up their hands as told. "Now, think of these fingers as your life points. We will each go around the table saying one thing that we have never done before. For example, I could say 'Never have I ever had a cavity'. Now is there anyone here who has had a cavity before?"
A few of them nodded, including Kagome. She managed to sneak a playful glare at the hanyou beside her who was grinning on her behalf. Stupid demon blood.
"Great! So those of you who have had a cavity, you put one finger down. Basically, every time you have done the action that the person says they haven't done, you put one finger down. We'll keep going around until only one person still has fingers left. And that person is the winner!"
"So, the winner is basically the person who has done nothing in their life?" Arato snickered, earning a few chuckles from the other cousins.
Kira laughed nervously. "Well I guess you can think of that way. It's also a chance for us to learn more about each other. Does anyone have any questions?" Everyone shook their heads. "We'll start with Sora since she's the youngest and then continue towards her left. And let's keep it clean, okay everyone?"
Sidekick Hayato nudged Arato knowingly and they both laughed. "Sure. We'll try." Arato teased.
The game began innocently enough, with Sora claiming that she had never cheated on a test. Only one of the cousins lost a finger to that one. Most of the statements that followed were all faux pas school related acts, which most people hadn't done too, so no fingers lost there. They finally ventured outside the comfort zone of school related statements when Kagome's turn came up.
"Never have I ever lied about my age." She declared with a grin, shooting a knowing look at Inuyasha. He returned her look with a glare and lowered his first finger. Surprisingly, a few others lowered their finger as well.
"Kagome, your statement seemed intentionally directed." One of her cousins teased and Kagome merely shrugged.
"Isn't that the strategy of the game?"
"Well if that's how it's going to be." Inuyasha began, and Kagome felt an excited chill run up her spin at the challenge in his voice. "It's my turn and never have I ever gotten drunk after inhaling some mountain mist."
It was his turn to give her a pointed look and she flushed while everyone laughed. Figures he would remember that mountain adventure they had when visiting Miroku's master. Her head had been killing her afterwards and stories of her terrible singing were retold over and over again when they returned to Kaede's village.
"Alright, it's my turn." Hayato said. "And speaking of drunken experiences, definitely never have I ever been kicked out of a club for being too drunk."
"Seriously Hayato? Thought we weren't gonna mention that again…" Arato groaned. He begrudgingly lowered a finger. However, so did…
"Inu- Tamotsu? You too?" Kagome exhaled in complete surprise. She wasn't sure what shocked her more, the fact that he had been drinking so much or that he was at a club in the first place. She never figured him to be that type.
"Well yeah…" He confessed rather awkwardly. But Kagome could only stare at him, completely thrown off.
Yuna, one of Kagome's more logical thinking cousins, interjected. "Give him a break Kagome. He's been around longer than most of us. Of course, he's had those kinds of experiences."
"Yeah." Another cousin chimed in. "He probably lied about his age during that time too."
"She's probably more surprised that he never told her." Arato mumbled under his breath. Kagome nearly leapt across the table at his words, but Inuyasha's hand on hers stilled her movements. Still Arato's words were partially right. Despite being together nearly every day for months, she realized that she didn't know much about what Inuyasha had done over the years. Five hundred years was a long time, and yet most of their attention was focused on their future, with only a few tidbits of the past.
She soon learned more about Inuyasha as the others began naming adventurous and unique experiences. From skydiving, to hiking Mt. Fuji, rock climbing, and riding a helicopter, it seemed Inuyasha had done it all. Even the inevitable dirtier experiences like going to strip clubs, receiving lap dances, and watching porn, you name it and he had done it in some way. Before she knew it, he was the first one out.
"Wow Tamotsu. Looks like you're done." Kira commented. "That was fast."
"Seriously." Yuna remarked. "Half of us still have five fingers up."
The game continued, but Kagome was only half paying attention. It hadn't escaped her notice that despite Inuyasha's quick elimination, there were two questions that he had hesitated about.
Just a few minutes prior, Sora had said, "Never have I ever traveled outside of the country." Obviously intended for Kira, Kagome was surprised that Inuyasha had also not traveled outside the country. He had sighed heavily at the statement and stared at the ground with an almost regretful look in his eyes. Her eyes had saddened at the sight. Had he really remained in Japan for five hundred years? Even with all that he had done, he had never once left? That didn't sound like the free-spirited Inuyasha she knew and loved.
Next, Kira had tapped her chin thoughtfully before saying. "Never have I ever fallen in love with more than two people."
A short discussion had followed over the true definition of 'love', but Kagome's eyes were trained on Inuyasha's still form out of pure curiosity. He was thinking deeply to himself again, his eyes becoming even closer friends with the ground. He looked conflicted over the statement, and after a brief glance in her direction, he left his finger standing. Kagome let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as a realization hit her.
She knew who the two people were. There was no doubt. And while most girlfriends would be thrilled to have such a loyal man, Kagome felt no such happiness or relief. It was like a sharp guilty arrow had gone right through her. That look of sorrow in his eyes…
He had loved someone else while waiting for her.
XxXxXxXx
"A week?"
"Yeah." She breathed, throwing one of her shirts into her backpack and feeling a sense of déjà vu hit her. "I really need to focus on my final exams right now and well…I study better when I'm at the shrine."
He crossed his arms suspiciously. "But we're still in the middle of January. Final exams aren't until March."
She winced inwardly. That excuse had always worked before. Of course, he would know more about her school system now. "Right…what I mean is that, this will be my first term in a while where I actually won't be missing class every other week because I'm 'sick'. I want to do well this term."
His eyes softened and he dropped his arms. "Alright then." He conceded. "Do you want me to drop you off at your house?"
Kagome managed a thankful smile. She added a few more items to her bag before getting into Inuyasha's car. The drive to the shrine was quick and soon they were at the bottom of the shrine steps.
"I can make it up myself." She declared, before he could even offer to walk her inside. She gave him a small kiss on the cheek, genuinely grateful for his understanding. "Thank you for driving me and letting me have this time for myself."
He smiled, twirling a lock of her hair in his fingers before playfully tugging on it. "Study hard and call me if you need anything."
She nodded. Waving goodbye once more, he drove off and she waited until his car had turned the corner before heading up the shrine steps. At the top, she found her mother waiting for her.
She didn't know what came over her in the moment. Perhaps it was the lingering stress she had been feeling over the past month. With family celebration drama and this unsettling feeling in her stomach, it had been a difficult time for her. She didn't know how much longer she could handle being at Inuyasha's with this heavy weight in her heart. And while seeing her mother waiting for her with open arms was not what she deserved, it was what she needed.
"Oh mom…" She cried, her steps quickening. She dropped her bag and ran into her arms as her mother rubbed her head soothingly in an almost all-knowing manner.
XxXxXxXx
The week passed by slowly much to Kagome's pleasure. She attended school as normal and continued to stay on top of her studies. But being at home gave her some much needed peace and time to reflect on the past few months.
Inuyasha had waited for her. He had waited five hundred years to be with her. And at the moment of their reunion, all she wanted to do was be with him. There were no more enemies to fight, and no more jewel shards to hunt down. It could simply be what she had always wanted it to be; just her and him enjoying the love between them. But now that she had it, she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted. She felt selfish and guilty for thinking this way, but she couldn't deny her true feelings. She couldn't lie to herself while trying to make it work.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." She confessed to her mother. They were sitting under the scared tree, the snowy white branches glistening in the sunlight.
Her mother nodded understandably. "Yes dear, but life rarely turns out the way we expect. And it's rarely perfect."
"We were supposed to grow up together, and learn how to live together." Kagome continued brokenly, wrapping her scarf more tightly around her neck. "But now it feels like we're in different time periods."
Her mother chuckled. "Kagome, you both have always been in different time periods."
"But it's different now." She countered. "All this time I felt sad because I had left him behind and now it feels like the opposite."
"You don't blame him for that, do you?"
"No!" She protested immediately, nearly dropping the tea cup in her hand. "I would never blame him for that. If anything, I should be thanking him for coming to me."
"You are thankful Kagome." Her mother assured. "I can see that."
"But you didn't see his face mom!" She buried her face in her hands. "I can't imagine the life he had to live while waiting for me. What he had to give up…"
Her mother's hand stroked her back reassuringly. "You're right. We don't know what kind of life he had to live. But he's here with you now and yet you don't seem happy."
"I don't know if I am." Kagome choked.
A thoughtful expression came on her mother's face. "Right now, perhaps not. But sometimes I wonder if this is how it was meant to be or if things should be different."
Her mother's words had Kagome's head whipping around in shock. She expected such words from her grandfather, but she never thought she would hear them from her mother. Her mother had always been an accepting and supportive woman so for her to say such words, it crushed Kagome's heart slightly.
"I don't care about his age." Kagome felt the need to say. "I don't care about what others say about us being together."
"I don't doubt that, but that's not what I meant." Mama Higurashi corrected. "I'm talking about timing."
"Timing?"
"Yes Kagome. There's different forms of timing. Most people just think of good timing and bad timing. But there's also timing that is right, and timing that is purely convenient. It was bad timing when you were in the well house on your birthday, but I suppose it was also good timing since you eventually got to meet Inuyasha."
"Time has never been on Inuyasha's side." Kagome noted. "It made him wait for me all these years."
"True." Her mother acknowledged patiently. "But after five hundred years, why did Inuyasha choose to reunite with you at that moment? Was it based on convenience since you had just lost him from the past?"
"It was the right time." Kagome argued. "I was in mourning and nothing would've made me feel better other than seeing him again.
"Perhaps." Her mother said neutrally. "However, now that you are both together again, I think it's up to you both to figure out how you want to use your time together."
It was an angle she had never considered before. Time had always been a huge factor in her relationship with Inuyasha. Because they were from different time periods, they had always been at the mercy of their differences and the will of the bone eaters well. But they had gotten used to it because they cared for one another. In the back of their minds, they feared that the well wouldn't work one day. But with their limited knowledge of its magic, they could only hope that it continued to bring them together.
And now look what it gave them. The closing of the well had given her the gift of a modern time Inuyasha that would never be magically taken from her again. They had jumped into their relationship at the first chance they got. And yet it was tearing her up inside just living it.
She pulled her mother into yet another embrace. "Thanks mama." She whispered, eyes beginning to water. "You always know what to say."
Her mother kissed the top of her head gently, before dusting some of the snow out of her hair, just like any mother would do for their child. "Anytime Kagome. And I know you'll figure things out with Inuyasha. You just have to listen to yourself."
Wiping a few of her tears away, she nodded earnestly. She would take the next few days to think it over and figure out how to move forward.
XxXxXxXx
Ever since Kagome had returned from her week-long study break at the shrine, she had been acting a bit differently. Hell, Inuyasha would've been lying to himself if he hadn't noticed that she had been acting strange for the last month.
It wasn't an obvious sort of strange, but it was definitely different than the first month she had begun living with him for most of the week. In the beginning, she had been living on a cloud of happiness, which had made him happy in return. There was nothing that made him happier than seeing the absolute joy on her face whenever he kissed her or told her how much he loved her.
But as the months went by, she seemed to be more withdrawn. She didn't completely ignore him, but the smile on her face had begun showing up less and less. Their routine was slowly established, but she seemed to be just going through the motions. Other than her bold advances a few weeks ago, his Kagome seemed to have lost her spark.
In all honesty, he was at a loss. He resorted to cooking and doing everything for her in order to make her feel better, but that was barely improving matters. He had noticed that for the past few days since her return from shrine studying, she had been asking him endless questions about what he had done while waiting for her. And while there were countless things he could recall, he felt bad because none of the stories had her in them. Stories of him sulking or her friends slowly passing on seemed too cruel to share, and his other adventures in Japan didn't seem worth mentioning. So, he held back and focused on their current lives and future together.
"I thought we'd order in?" She offered that night. "Ramen?"
He smirked briefly. If one thing hadn't changed, it was his love of ramen. Although he preferred the fresh stuff now, nothing would ever change his opinion of his favorite meal. Surprisingly, he hadn't learned how to make it during all those years of cooking. It was better to leave his favorite food to the experts.
Her offered to go buy it, but Kagome insisted. When she returned about half an hour later, he realized she had spared no expense at buying the expensive combo meals with the finest ingredients. He was more of a simple and classic ramen eater, but he would never turn down food from Kagome.
They ate in peacefully with nothing but the sound of slurping noodles filling the air. In that moment, Inuyasha contemplated bringing up his worries. How he had noticed how different she had been acting lately and whether there was something he could do to make it better. But he was worried about what that could turn into. What if that only drove her further away from him? He refused to let that happen.
After their quick and easy clean up, they settled themselves down on the coach to watch a movie together. However, it quickly became obvious that neither of them were really focused on the film. Kagome had been idly playing with the hem of her shirt while he had been staring out the window most of the time. Strange how these moments had happened quite often lately.
Grabbing the TV remote, Kagome abruptly turned off the screen.
She moved to face him on the couch. "Inuyasha…I want to talk to you about something."
"Alright." He replied, mirroring her movements. Perhaps after she was done sharing, he could share his thoughts as well. "What is it?"
He knew that look anywhere. She always had it on her face when she was about to ask him to return to her time. It was the face she had when she wanted to tell him something she knew he wasn't going to like. However, this time, the look on her face only confused him. He didn't complain when she had asked to study at the shrine, so why did she look so nervous now? Did she expect him to be all temperamental like in the past? Sniffing slightly, he detected the scent of fear on her as well. That scent only made his fears grow.
"Kagome?"
"I want to be honest with you from now on."
His past self would've thrown a confused fit, growing impatient with her words or wondering just what she had lied to him about until now. But he was better now. He had learned to control his temper. "Okay then. Did you want to tell me something?"
He meant to reassure her with his words, but she seemed to deflate slightly. She took a deep breath. "I didn't go to the shrine to study." He nodded. He figured that much out since her excuse had been terrible. Nonetheless, he trusted her with his life. Plus, the book had said something about giving women space. And so, he let her go if she needed the time for whatever reason.
"I went because I needed to think. I needed to think about a lot of things, but mainly about what has happened over the past couple of months…between us."
Just saying those words, she had never looked so small. It was as if she was slowly opening a dam and had to be careful with every plank she removed. It frightened him more than he expected and he swallowed deeply.
"Kagome…"
"I don't know if this is what I want."
And with those words, it felt like a bomb had been dropped in the room. There was a deafening echo that rattled throughout the walls even though nothing had happened. Well, nothing yet. He could hear her heart beating rapidly, matching the pace of his own. She was still scared and so was he.
Patience be dammed, he spoke, his voice a bit strained. "What-what do you mean?"
Her head snapped up at the hint of panic in his tone. "It isn't because of you!"
Lies. Her guilty declaration just now meant that it was because of him. If it was something else, she would've addressed it directly. She had said that she didn't know if this is what she wanted. In other words, she didn't know if he was what she wanted.
"Then what else could it be?!" He shouted, feeling more vulnerable than ever.
"Inuyasha please." She cried, grabbing his hand, but he snatched it away from her.
"Talk Kagome." He growled, feeling his frustration mounting. "You said you were going to be honest with me and I believe you. Just say it, even if it's not what I want to hear."
She lowered her eyes in response, the guilt coming off her in waves. But it didn't matter now because all he could feel was the pain in his chest and he didn't know how to handle it. He was starting to crack. There was no way she was rejecting him. No way. After all the time and effort he had put into preparing for their relationship…. She had only mourned his loss for less than a week because he had made sure she wouldn't have to wait as long as he had. She didn't need to get a job because he had plenty of money saved up. Their apartment was close to the shrine so she could visit her family. He had thought of everything and now, it felt like she was about to throw his hard work back in his face.
He could smell the salt of her tears as she spoke. "Inuyasha…words cannot express how thankful I am that you waited this long for me."
He snorted at her words. If she was thankful, she was doing a shitty job of showing it. He didn't respond and instantly regretted it. Her next words completely shattered him.
"But I think we need to learn to live without each other."
An icy bucket rained down on his prone form and spread a frigid cold throughout his veins. At the same time, his blood practically boiled the water with the absolute rage he was feeling. Did…did she hear what she had just said? Her gasp indicated that she knew his demonic energy had spiked. And although he would never hurt her, she could now feel his anger and hurt growing.
"Live without each other?" He grounded out, venom lacing each word. He chuckled sarcastically, a dangerous red glint in his eyes as he stared right into her tearful ones. "What the fuck do you think I've been doing for the past five hundred years?!"
"Inuyasha-"
"What do you think I've been doing all this time Kagome?! Do you think it was easy?!" He roared.
She shrank back and looked like she was about to respond, but he didn't let her speak. It was his turn. "You lost me for less than a week! I lost you for five centuries! Do you have any idea how it felt to live without you for so long?!" He stood up, complete anguish and raw emotion in his voice. He clutched at his heart with a trembling fist. "Do you have any idea how lonely I was?"
She was practically crying now and he knew it wouldn't be long before he was as well.
"I spent decades regretting the time I wasted when you were with me. All those months when I knew you loved me and I didn't do anything. And so, I promised that I would not ruin my future life with you when I finally saw you again."
She had no words for him, so he asked her point blank. "Do you love me?"
Silence. Absolute hesitation masked in silence, and each second that ticked by felt like he was dying again and again.
When she still didn't answer, he cursed loudly and walked away from her to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. It hurt. His heart physically hurt in a way that he hadn't felt in centuries. He wasn't sure what was worse. Losing her before, or losing her now. Leaning against the frame, his words came out more quietly this time, but still as heartbroken as ever.
"Do you even realize what I did for you? I had nothing, but I saved everything I had. I went to school multiple times so that I could get any job you wanted me to get. Even when the war happened, I didn't leave the country because I feared something would happen and I wouldn't be able to return. I turned down opportunities with Shippo and Sesshomaru overseas to make sure that I was here for you. Hell!" He laughed a hollow laugh. "I even took anger management classes because I know you hate it when I lose my temper."
He heard her stand behind him. "I never asked for tha-"
"I wanted to be perfect for you." He confessed quietly, the words thunderous in the room.
'But it wasn't enough…' he realized internally.
The agony in his heart practically screamed and howled as despair filled him. He had fooled himself into thinking that it would work. He had pushed himself to stick it out and never waver. Even when doubt had urged him to stop looking towards the future, he had forced himself to think of her face. And now he truly felt alone because his reason for living didn't want him.
He moved towards the front door, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned to see her shining blue eyes boring into his own. Streaks marred her beautiful face and he whimpered internally.
"I did realize it." She sobbed, her fingers like a vice grip on his arm. "I realized how much you had done for me."
"Then why don't you love me? What do you need me to do?" He inwardly cursed himself for his weak words. He sounded so desperate. And despite his previous thoughts and the sadness he currently felt, he would do anything for her if she only asked for it.
She shook her head sadly. "You don't need to do anything more for me. It's something I need to do for myself." She took a deep breath to collect herself and he waited patiently, hanging on her to her every word. Whether she realized it or not, she held so much power over him, it was crazy.
"Think about it." She continued helplessly. "I'm... I'm just a teenager. A teenager who doesn't even know what job she wants to have in the future."
"I don't care about that." He assured and he meant it.
"But it matters to me." She responded with a shaky voice. "When you first returned to me, I pictured our life together, but it never crossed my mind that you would already have a life established in the modern era. Looking back now, I was really stupid for thinking that way."
His eyes softened despite him. "You're not stupid Kagome."
She gave him a watery smile. "But with all the maturing and growing up that you've done over the years, I've realized two things. First off, I'm so proud of you Inuyasha, for the life you've created for yourself and me after all these years. And second," She shook her head sadly as if processing her words once more. "I'm not worthy enough to be by your side."
"You are worthy." He bit out without hesitation. Spinning around to fully face her, he grabbed her shoulders. "I knew that you were going to be the same as before and I was fine with that. That's the Kagome that I wanted."
"But I don't want to be the same person." She admonished. "I want to be worthy enough to live by your side. I want to grow up."
He felt himself relax slightly at her confession. This. He could work with this. "If that's all you need, then fine. I can wait for you. If you need help figuring things out I can even help you wi-"
"No." She cut him off sharply in a way that left him stunned. "I want to grow up without you Inuyasha. And you need to do the same."
He didn't understand her words, but allowed her to continue.
"Tell me Inuyasha. Where do you see yourself in the future?" He opened his mouth to answer, but it seemed she knew what he was about to say. "And don't say something that has to do with me."
He fell silent. That was exactly what he was about to say. He figured that answer was a given, but now that he thought about it, he really hadn't thought about a future without her in it.
"I…" He swallowed, feeling an emotion completely foreign to him. "I've never thought about it before."
"Because of me, right?" She gently pressed and he nodded. It had always been for her, plain and simple. There was no denying it. Any thoughts or desires he had, had to have her in it. She sighed deeply. "I knew it."
"Kagome?"
"Don't you see Inuyasha? The life that I've taken from you?" The scent of guilt suddenly filled the room, stronger than ever before. When her eyes met his, she was practically pleading for him to understand.
His protector instinct immediately balked at the sight. "You haven't taken anything from me."
But she shook her head vehemently. "Yes, I have."
"No…no you haven't." He assured her. He refused to allow her to feel this way. "When the well sealed, that wasn't your fault. And you didn't force me to choose this life. I wanted to see you again, and I'll never regret that."
She agreed with his initial words. "I know. And I'm not apologizing for what happened to the well because I know that was out of our control. And I know you made your decision on your own. But…" She took her hand in his, emotions swimming in her orbs. "But that doesn't change what ended up happening and how unfair it was for you to give up your happiness for me."
He frowned at her words. "I'll admit it was hard at times, but it was worth it because I wanted to see you again. I didn't give up my happiness."
"What about her?"
"Who?"
"Her. The one you fell in love with."
His eyes almost rolled to the back of his skull. "Seriously? Kikyo? That was a long time ago Kag-"
"No, not her." Kagome insisted. "The woman you fell in love with while waiting for me."
His face paled at her words. There was no way…how could Kagome know?
"I saw the look on your face when we played that game with my cousins." Kagome explained. "Falling in love with only two people…you hesitated and…you looked so sad."
He couldn't meet her eyes, the shame now coming off him in tremendous doses. He had never planned to tell Kagome about her. Truth be told, he felt incredibly guilty for that part of his life. They hadn't married or anything, but he had seriously considered it.
"You're leaving?" She asked, her eyes shining with sadness. "When will you be back?"
He turned his back to her. "Don't count on me returning. You'll probably be old and gray by then." His words were harsher than he intended, but he had no choice. She was waiting for him and he still had over a century to go.
She grabbed his hand, fingers laced in his claws. "I don't care. I'll wait for you." She promised. Turning around, he braved one final look at her face. She was beautiful with short brown hair and one of the kindest souls he had ever met. In fact, it was her he had to thank for warming the lonely ice around his heart after all these years. But thanking her now just seemed cruel with his departure.
He knew he would probably be happy if he stayed with her forever, but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to her.
Planting a kiss to her forehead, he grabbed his bags. "Don't wait for me. I'm not worth it."
And with that, he left her behind him.
He had checked in on her a few times without her knowledge. She had married a short time later through an arrangement settled by her parents. The brightness on her face had definitely dimmed and he knew it was because of him. But her husband treated her well and her soul remained kind through the work she did for the children of the town. When tensions grew between the samurai and the imperial government, he returned to her nearby hometown to make sure she was safe and found that she had died in the crossfires of an uprising.
"I…" He was completely stunned for words, not sure how to proceed. "I didn't mean for it to happen."
But Kagome's unexpectedly bright smile startled him out of his uncertainties. "How could it not? You're an amazing person Inuyasha and I couldn't have been the only one who saw it."
He sighed deeply. This was what he had waited for, for all those years. Kagome's acceptance was everything to him and always felt like home. But he still didn't know how to proceed. Should he ask for forgiveness?
Ever the mind reader, Kagome spoke. "Don't you dare say that you're sorry Inuyasha. You have nothing to be sorry for. I could never fault you for any of that. You waited for so long. It would be unfair to expect you to give up your life while you waited. So, whoever or whatever you did…that's your business and I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself. If anything…I'm sorry that you gave her up, and for anything else you gave up."
"Don't be sorry." He spoke, unable to think of anything else to say. He was afraid any other words would crack the emotional glass that held them together. While he was thankful for her understanding, there was still deep seeded feeling of nervousness in his stomach. Her words…they were beginning to make sense to his ears. But it also felt like he was betraying her.
By now, the tears had left Kagome's eyes and resolution had filled them. "So that's why…I want you to have the life you never had." She reached up and stroked his cheek thoughtfully. "I want you to understand that I will always be thankful for everything you did for me. And know that I will always love you. But now…now I want us to choose ourselves instead of each other. I want us to live for ourselves and see where that takes us."
He grasped her hands in his. "Kagome…"
"Live for yourself Inuyasha. Visit your brother and Shippo. Find out what you really want to do with your life and only think of me when reminiscing the past."
He could feel a part of him shifting, embracing her words more and more with each one she uttered. And not because they were filled with the selfless nature that Kagome always was, but because a part of him, a tiny part of him…had always imagined a different life for himself.
However, a small voice in the back of his mind was still clinging. If he gave in now, it would be as if he let her go himself. It would feel as if he failed her. He needed more reassurance.
"I don't want to lose you." He whispered.
"You won't. And you didn't fail me Inuyasha." She assured. He blinked at her perfect words. How she did that, he'll never know. Her smile was more hopeful than ever. "I'll be around. But I don't want to anchor you down anymore. I want you to be free."
And with those words, he rested his forehead against her own, and took in a shuddering breath as the true meaning of her words sunk in. Closing his eyes, it finally struck him. She loved him. She always had, but she wanted him to find out what else was out there in the world.
Inhaling deeply, he held her in his arms for a long time feeling more at peace than he had been in a while. Their hearts synchronized once more and a feeling of calmness spread over the pair.
When he opened his eyes, he found that she was crying again. Wiping a few stray tears from her face, he kissed her. But this kiss felt different. It didn't feel like a final goodbye, but it felt different. Older, full of understanding, and not with the energy they had held on to from the past. It felt fresh and new as she melted into his arms.
Pulling away, he managed a smile. "What am I going to do without you?" He breathed, half joking and half serious.
She reached up to rub his ears just as she always did. The action sent a shiver down his spine and he effortlessly succumbed to her movements. "You'll be fine. And I could say the same thing." She confessed. "You've made my time in high school so exciting." He let out a laugh at her words and she giggled in return.
"High school isn't so bad." He retorted, a cocky gleam surfacing in his golden eyes. "I've graduated at least four times by now."
She smacked him playfully and a comfortable air fell between them. This would work. He knew it would. And if it didn't, then it would be interesting to figure it out along the way. Plus, he'd be lying if a part of him wasn't eager at the thought of running freely somewhere else besides Japan or the thought of learning how to cook in Europe. It had been a secret desire of his to visit France and learn from some of the best.
He suddenly took her hand in his, having one last thing to say. "I meant what I said Kagome. I don't regret waiting for you."
She smiled a warm smile. "Thank you."
XxXxXx
It had been about two months since her and Inuyasha had broken up. Her family and friends had been saddened at the news, but still supported her nonetheless. And despite the inhuman amounts of break up ice cream Kagome had inhaled for a week after the split, she was doing alright now. School had begun to pick up with exams just around the corner and Kagome had been studying like a mad woman. Somewhere in between studying, she had even snagged a job at a nearby café which kept her busier than she expected.
The last text message she had gotten from Inuyasha was the news that he was leaving the country. That was about three weeks ago. He had always wanted to travel the world; to run through some god forsaken jungle or cook with exotic ingredients from different countries. Whatever the reason, Kagome was glad that he could now take the opportunity to try it. She sent him an encouraging response, genuinely excited for him and his new adventure. He thanked her for her support and wished her the best in high school.
It was sweet of him to let her know that he was leaving Japan, but thinking back to their last meeting, she wasn't surprised.
As she gathered the last of her things in his apartment, he shyly asked. "Will we ever…?"
"See each other again? We will. But not until it's the right timing." She added at seeing a look of longing in his eyes.
"The right timing?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow. "When is that?"
She shrugged earnestly. "I don't know."
He didn't accept her answer and narrowed his eyes.
"Ten years." He declared.
"Ten years?" She repeated, and he nodded. "Why ten?"
"It's a pretty long time and you'll be around my age." He stated before glancing away. "Give or take a couple years depending on how we're feeling."
She sighed internally, not wanting to give him another time stamp to wait for. But then again, he was doing this on her insistence and even though he agreed with her intentions, it was probably much more difficult for him. She had to compromise.
"Alright then. Ten years it is. We'll check in with each other, but you have to promise me that you'll live your own life. Do what you want to do and don't wait for me. I'm planning to do the same." She said honestly.
He crossed his arms in slight annoyance. "I can't tell whether you're opening the door for me or slamming it in my face."
"Good. That's exactly what dating is for." She said triumphantly, but without any malice. He shook his head amusingly and she beamed. "I want this for both of us Inuyasha. For both of us to have a chance…for me to grow up and for you to live by your own standards. We're not trying to forget each other, but we have to try moving in a different way this time."
Nodding his understanding, he gave her a final hug; one that she fell into easily. She could hear him inhaling deeply for the last time as he buried his head in her neck. She closed her eyes as well, burning the feel of his arms in her memory for safe keeping. Giving him one more of her heartwarming smiles, she walked out of his apartment and shut it behind her.
She knew he would undoubtedly get a new phone number during his travels, but Kagome didn't ask for it and Inuyasha didn't offer it. They were both on the same page now and Kagome was so happy that he was trying to find his own definition of happiness. Plus, she knew he would be able to find her easily once the time was right.
"Kagome!" One of the waitresses called her out of her thoughts from the other side of the kitchen window. "Can you bake up some more of your red bean buns with the chocolate glaze on them? They're a huge hit and we're almost out of them in the front."
"Of course! Coming right up." She quickly grabbed the baking ingredients from the back pantry and started melting the chocolate for her version of the café's dessert. Baking was a science process that took some time to master and perfect, but she was quickly getting the hang of it. Her supervisor had even allowed her to test her recipes with the customers and they were loving them.
Her supervisor suddenly appeared beside her. He smiled at her work. "I'm impressed Kagome. The customers are loving your new dessert. Maybe being a professional baker is in your future."
Never having given it the thought, Kagome blinked thoughtfully. "Maybe." She agreed. Perhaps baking was in her future. France was known for its baking. Maybe once she finished high school, she could try to get into baking school there. She smiled at the possibility.
XxXxXx
A/N: The little red thread of fate gets me every time. Had to sneak it in there. Did you catch it?
I've always been happy with leaving the fanfiction world with "How Lucky I Am" being my final story. But this was begging to be written, especially given the little fanfiction writing kick I felt. A bittersweet ending, but I do enjoy the realistic feel of these.
Perhaps my perspective has come with age, but I had to wonder…most stories portray Inuyasha in almost exactly the same way as he was in the past after he waits for Kagome. And it always seemed so easy for the two of them to just continue their lives together when I feel like it's much more complicated than that. Five hundred years is a long time to yourself and a lot of things can happen in that time.
While I don't doubt Inuyasha's dedication, I believe that he would have changed somewhat over the years while Kagome remained relatively the same. I can also imagine he would've given up a lot in his life to make sure that he found her again. Which could leave our couple in an awkward place; a place where they can be together, but is that really the best thing for them in that moment? Especially since one of them has had 500 years without the other and they both have never fully experienced their lives after each other's absence. Inuyasha lived with his desire to see Kagome affecting his every decision and Kagome never learned to live without Inuyasha like he had to with her.
The age wasn't meant to be the deciding factor, but it definitely didn't help matters. I believe that it played a subconscious role in Kagome's mind, especially with her needing to grow up. Kagome has felt self-conscious before, being the most untrained member of the team, so it didn't seem like a big stretch for her to feel "unworthy" in her home environment where she assumed she would excel in when compared to Inuyasha.
Hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading!
