FOR THIS FAN FICTION, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ ANY OF MY OTHER Q FAN FICTIONS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!
The rights for Avenue Q are owned by Jeff Marx and Robert "Bobby" Lopez.
Well Rod, Welcome to Hell, I thought to myself as I stared at the brick building of terror that they called Greenwich High School. The American flag in front waved in the early morning breeze as a cheerleader made out with a very large jock below it.
Well, at least it's a normal high school.
"Rod? Rodney, are you listening to me?"
"What?" I jumped in the passenger seat of my first car as my father tried to get my attention. Sure, I wouldn't be able to drive the brand new 1988 Porsche 911 Carrera Coupe for another year, but that didn't stop my parents from buying for me as an "I'm Sorry We Had To Move Far Away From All of Our Family During Your High School Years But Your Mother Just Got The Greatest Job Offer Any Broadway Musical Theatre Critic Could Have" present. Besides, if they had offered you a very expensive car, would you have said no? I thought not...
"Yeah dad, I was listening to everything you said," I responded, still staring at the flag and the couple. By the look of it, they were about to go to second base.
"Then what did I-"
"You said that I should make new friends, try to like my teachers, and suck up to anybody in the Performing Arts department," I sighed as I opened the door of the car and grabbed by backpack, throwing it over my shoulder in one quick movement. "I'll be fine, dad." I closed the door of the Porsche, and walked straight into the doors of Hell with a fake smile on my face. Or, at least I tried to…
"Move out of the way, queer!" I heard as my face made contact with the yellow linoleum floor only a few minutes after I had entered. Most of the students around me started to laugh as they opened their lockers for the first time that year.
Wow, I didn't even have to give away any hints and they knew, I thought sarcastically as I brushed myself off and the laughter in the hallway started to calm down. I knew the idiot couldn't think of any other insult in time, and he probably was just trying to make himself look like a bully, but making fun of my hidden sexuality always helped me keep it further inside.
As soon as I rubbed my nose, I knew right away that my nose was bleeding. From the hard fall I had just taken, I was surprised that I didn't have a concussion and broken glasses as well. I tried to catch the dripping blood with my hands as soon as possible, but there was already some on the floor.
Oh well, that's what janitors are for!
"Hey dude, your nose is bleeding," some teenager at his locker said. He was eating a cherry Pop-Tart with sugar sprinkles, some of which were getting on what looked to be a new t-shirt. It had some crazy band I didn't listen to, but I was sure a majority of the students here knew about the band. His extremely small amount of stubble was very noticeable against his green complexion; he obviously had just started to grow a mustache for the first time in his life. In fact, he was pretty hot… for a guy in this stupid town, anyway.
"Thanks for telling me the obvious," I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my bag with one hand from the floor and began to look for my locker. I didn't care if the black piece of fabric got stained."Of course," I said to myself,"it's right here."
"Welcome to Hell, locker neighbor," he replied as he opened his own locker, revealing a whole box of Pop-Tarts. He took one out of the package and handed one to me, along with one of those silly travel-sized Kleenex boxes.
"Thanks," I took the 'Treaty Gifts' graciously and blew my nose. "I'm Rod. You know, that was exactly what I was thinking when I walked into this stupid ass place."
"Nicky. Don't worry, that's what we all think when we first walk into high school for the first time."
I almost spit out a piece of the Pop-Tart when I had heard that statement. He probably thought I was a freshman! I couldn't blame him though; he hadn't seen me anywhere in Greenwich High School before.
"Oh, I'm a sophomore," I responded, "I just skipped a grade when I was young, and I'm new here."
"Oh, sorry!" Nicky quickly apologized."Hey, what's your last name?"
"My last name is Muretti, why?" It was a weird question to ask, wasn't it?
"Cool, that means we're in the name homeroom! My last name's Marposa," he quickly explained as we both started to walk to the classroom closet to our lockers.
It was an extremely small homeroom; there were about ten other people in there, including Nicky and me. The tiles were green instead of yellow, and about half of the desks were missing some piece of them.
"Don't worry, there are a lot more people in the other homerooms, the school just sticks all of the people with the same letter for their last name in the same homeroom, no matter how big or how small."
"Hey Nicky," a girl with the only head of hair that wasn't teased said, "Who's the new kid?"
"This is Rod," Nicky responded.
"Hi," was all I could say. I was never good at introducing myself to people.
As Nicky started to introduce people, I noticed that the girl who had spoken out was staring at him oddly, like he belonged to her or…
"And that lovely lady is Kelsey Maskowitz, the hottest girl in the room!" Nicky flirted with the Maskowitz girl. Kelsey rolled her eyes towards me.
"Whatever my boyfriend says, the only thing he's done to me was stick his tongue down my throat!" The girl next to her laughed, obviously getting the weird joke.
Of course, all of the hot guys were taken by women! Now I would be stuck in the closet until college! Wow, did it suck to be me then!
As soon as Nicky and I took our seats- me at the desk by him, and Nicky's desk closer to Kelsey's then it should have been- the bell rang, and a large, old teacher walked through the door.
"Nicholas, please put your desk where it belongs," she said without looking up from a book that she was holding. "I do not care whether Miss Maskowitz is your young soul mate, no desk should be close enough for you two to play footsies!"
"Boy, is it your lucky day," Nicky whispered to me sarcastically, "we've got Ozug!" I laughed as he made gagging noises and pretended to puke into his backpack.
"You two," Mrs. Ozug almost would have poked my eye if I wasn't wearing glasses when she quickly turned around, "Detention, right after school!"
"I don't think you're allowed to do that-"I began. As soon as I started, her bloated face turned red with anger.
"Make that a week of detention!" she yelled, "Maybe you should teach your new friend the rules, Mr. Marposa."
As soon as she finished that sentence, the bell rang for the first class. I ran out of the classroom as fast as possible.
"Don't worry about the detentions," he rolled his eyes,"Ozug gives everybody a detention before they graduate; it's like, a high school law!"
"You know," I said to him, "Usually, I would hate you for doing that crap, but even if it wasn't half my fault… I wouldn't really care!"
"You know what Rod?" Nicky smirked as he walked down the hall with me, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"
"Cheesy, much?" I laughed.
Suddenly, Hell didn't feel like hell anymore… it felt a bit like Heaven.