As Long As I Have You
Disclaimer: No own
Shawn flopped down on the bed in his hotel room, eyes brimming with tears again. He'd just given up every ounce of self respect he had. True he didn't technically lay down for Bradshaw, but he didn't put up a fight either.
What was his problem? Why did he have to be so damn independent? His boyfriend wanted to support him, but nooooo, he had to be so damn independent.
It didn't matter now. Shawn had given up one thing that he'd held so dear.....that self respect. Bradshaw ruined him. He had nothing. His lover wouldn't want him now anyhow. Not after tonight.
Sobbing openly now, Shawn stripped and rumaged in his bag for his pocket knife. It just wasn't worth the pain anymore. The seperation from his love, the slavery to Bradshaw, the looks and comments he was getting from coworkers and friends. He just couldn't take it anymore.
Finding what he wanted, Shawn curled up underneath the covers of his bed. He closed his eyes and drew the blade across his wrist, feeling numb to the pain. Suddenly, feeling lonely, Shawn sat up and grabbed the stuffed panda bear his lover had given him before they parted. He hugged it close, crying into its soft fur which now was now becoming stained red with his blood.
Teetering on the edge of consciousness now, Shawn suddenly felt warmth next to him. He was turned over on his back and a distant, desperate voice called his name. He felt a sudden pain as something was pressed against the wound on his wrist, stopping the bloodflow.
"Please don't leave me." came the desperate voice. "I'm here for you Angel, please don't go."
Shawn knew no more as he surcumb to the dark.
--
He couldn't believe it when he actually woke up again. He didn't want to wake up. He wanted death: a release from his pain. Yet none the less, he was urged awake gently by the softest of loving voices.
"Shawny-Bear. Come back to me Angel. Come on Baby."
Shawn groaned and opened his eyes reluctantly. There sat his lover on the edge of the bed he lay on. He looked around at the sterilized white walls and smelled the smell of disinfectant. He was in a hospital.
His lover reached forward and brushed Shawn's hair out of his eyes.
"Thank God Shawn, you're alright." he said in relief.
"Hunter...?" Shawn croaked in shock.
"Yeah, I'm here Shawny." He whispered soothingly, continuing to stroke Shawn's hair.
"What are you doing here?" Shawn asked.
"I saw what happened on Raw yesterday and came straight here. When I found you in your hotel room....like that......I thought you were......Honey why? Why'd you try to hurt yourself Love?" Hunter whispered, swallowing.
"I didn't try to hurt myself." Shawn muttered, rolling away from him. "I tried to kill myself."
Hunter lay a hand on Shawn's shoulder.
"Oh Sweetheart, talk to me." he said gently.
"Just leave me alone!" Shawn shouted. Then he lowered his head and let a single tear fall.
"I'm sorry." he whispered.
"Shhhhh." Hunter soothed, wiping the tear away. "This was about last night wasn't it? What Bradshaw made you do?"
Shawn nodded. Hunter pulled Shawn into his lap and rubbed his back.
"What happened?" Hunter asked softly.
"I was...crying. And feeling really depressed. I felt like.... I'd given up my....my self respect...and..." Shawn started to cry into Hunter's shoulder. Hunter just held him, rocking him gently. When Shawn finally calmed, Hunter whispered in his ear.
"I love you Shawn. Don't leave me again ok?"
"You really love me?" Shawn asked.
"Of course I do. Now get some sleep, we'll talk some more when you wake up.
"Ok." Shawn muttered, laying down on his bed. Hunter pulled the blanket up and tucked him in, kissing his forehead. Shawn smiled and closed his eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep. Everything would be ok now, as long as he had Hunter.