AN: Settees-under-siege just came to visit me here in the American Midwest, and as a fellow travel nut, she introduced me to the Sons of Maxwell song "United Breaks Guitars." My immediate thought was that we could rewrite the song starring our favorite couple. If you haven't heard "United Breaks Guitars," we HIGHLY recommend looking it up on YouTube first so that you can follow and understand this (and because it's a hilarious song/music video on its own merits).
We hope you enjoy "Cobert Breaks Furniture."
My son married an American against my wishes;
I blame all this destruction on her with all her foreign manners.
Whilst in the drawing room Lady Shackleton could hear strange noises,
She remarked, "That sounds like hammers."
Patrick and I exchanged a look best described as terror
At the noises from their bedroom, and knowing who had bought what was in the air.
So before she left, we told her we're renovating, but I thought,
"My God, they're throwing furniture up there!"
Robert…
Cora…
You broke more furniture
Robert…
Cora…
You exotic creatures
You broke it, you should fix it,
You're liable, just admit it,
Miss Levinson, this is your expenditure!
Because you broke more furniture
When they came down, I went up and I confirmed what I'd suspected—
The settee had been the victim of vigorous act of passion in Mercia.
So continues a long saga of "You must've misheard," "It broke on its own," and "We're a respectable couple."
So to my son and his Cora, from upstairs to downstairs,
Including the library, you've broken a couch, a lamp, and the bed.
I've heard all your excuses,
And I've chased your wild gooses,
And this attitude of yours is quite ill-bred.
Robert…
Cora…
You broke more furniture
Robert…
Cora…
You exotic creatures
You broke it, you should fix it,
You're liable, just admit it,
Miss Levinson, this is your expenditure!
Because you broke more furniture
Well, I won't say that I'll never speak to you again,
Because maybe, since I live here, I probably will,
But we won't buy more furniture,
And if we do, it won't be for your bedroom.
Because you'd just go and break it,
Into a thousand pieces,
Like you break your composure
When you break the furniture.
Robert…
Cora…
You broke more furniture
Robert…
Cora…
You exotic creatures
You broke it, you should fix it,
You're liable, just admit it,
Miss Levinson, this is your expenditure!
Because you broke more furniture
Yes, you broke more furniture
Yes, you broke more furniture