A/N This fic has been on my mind a lot lately. Not marking it as complete cause I have an idea for an epilogue...maybe. Then again maybe not...
Jane's eyes scanned around the room. Pictures of Maura and little Avery were littered around the home. Walls, bookshelves, any flat surface for that matter, were covered in pictures of the two. It made Jane think about their past and how far they had come. Shortly after Jane found herself pregnant, Casey came home and they decided to marry and stay in Boston with Jane's family. The detective and her best friend grew apart slightly now that Jane was preoccupied with the baby and her new husband. So Maura delved into her own personal life and worked on strengthening her relationship with her boyfriend, Jack Armstrong.
They soon broke up when Jack followed his daughter and ex-wife to another state, leaving Maura alone, again. So, Maura let herself be alone for awhile, and help out Jane in any way she could. When the baby was miscarried, she was devastated, after becoming so attached to the idea of having a niece. She tried various other relationships, both of the male and female persuasion. Nothing worked. No one clicked. It didn't help that she was already married to her job, and that her job was the job that it was. So, one evening, a year and a half after Jane's miscarriage, and her breakup with Jack; after too much time spent alone to wallow, and too much wine, she pulled out her laptop and started to research what was needed to adopt a child. She was ready for that part of her life. She wanted kids, but it didn't look like she'd ever find someone to do it with. Six months and many adoption interviews and applications later, Maura was near the end of the process. Usually, adoption took months and months, maybe even years to get through the process. But with her stellar background and name, and title, she was rushed through the system. Little Avery Grace was born on a bight October morning, and was in her new mother's arms by dinner time. And now, five years later, life couldn't be any better.
Jane and Casey moved into a bigger apartment when he came home, though Jane didn't sell her condo. Tommy took it over and paid Jane rent. Casey and Jane had a quick courthouse wedding. Neither were really into the whole, 'big-wedding/reception' idea, much to Angela's dismay. It was often tense in the Rizzoli/Casey home. Though, three months into the pregnancy, Jane unfortunately lost the baby while trying to save a young girl from a murderer. Those few months afterwards were difficult for the couple. Jane, once out of the hospital, was constantly on edge, wanting to get back to work, and it was grating on Casey. He knew he needed to stay home and comfort and take care of his wife, but, he couldn't handle her edginess. So he threw himself into his work at the V.A. And as soon as Jane was back on her feet and cleared for duty, she was back and throwing herself into her work also. The two quickly grew apart. There was much contention between them. Casey was ticked that he quit his whole career to come home to a family that quickly fell apart, and he was also ticked at himself for not showing more love to Jane. He knew he should, but he just couldn't find it in himself to do it. Jane felt the same. She thought she'd be able to do the pregnancy alone, but when Casey said he'd come home, how could she say no. Now there were back where they started. So after many long, drawn out arguments over nothing, they agreed there was nothing left between them, except contention and guilt. So, Casey re-enlisted and took back his position as General, and Jane stayed in their new house.
It was seven years. Seven years since Jane found herself pregnant. Jane and Casey were married for two, and the other five, Jane spent focused on her work and keeping Boston safe. Maura had taken on less hours to accommodate raising her child. The two remained friends, but it was a rather strained relationship. Maura was focused on her daughter, like a mother should be. Ever since the adoption, Maura had transformed into a much different person, and Jane felt like she didn't even know her anymore. So, she made the effort. She let go of some work hours and spent more time with Maura and Avery, and things were starting to get back to the way they were. It only took a few years to do it.
And that's what brought them here. Friday night dinner with Maura and Avery. It had become a tradition. Jane would help Maura cook something while Avery ran in circles around the living room with either Jo Friday or Bass on her heels. Then came bath time then bed for Avery and wine and chatting for Maura and Jane.
By this time, they had both grown quiet; both weary from a week filled with work. They'd both started thinking to themselves while sipping wine. Jane had been spending a lot of time lately evaluating her life choices and what she wanted out of life, and one question popped into her head and out of her mouth before she even thought it through.
"Why didn't we ever date?" Jane suddenly asked, surprising herself at her outburst
Maura, not even fazed, didn't look away from the wine glass she was staring at, "You were off-limits."
"What?!" Jane scoffed, looking over at the blonde, a smirk building on her lips.
"You were off-limits, Jane. Everyone knew it."
"What in the hell does that even mean?"
"It means that you were always waiting for someone else. First it was Dean, then it was Grant. Then it was Dean again. Then Casey. Then you were pining after Casey when he was gone. Then you got pregnant with Casey. And then you got married. There was no room for anyone, especially me."
"Especially you?"
"Yes, especially me." Maura turned her body towards Jane, "Why do insist on repeating everything that I say?"
"Because you're not making sense. You never told me you were gay, Maura."
"I shouldn't have had to. As my best friend, you should have known. Plus, would it have made a difference? You've always been so insistent that you were straight as an arrow." Maura made up and down motions with her hands.
"It…might… have." Jane said, looking away from Maura. She was right. Jane might have been a little hard to have made a move on back in the day, "And you just looked like my mother when you did that." she pointed to Maura's hands, deflecting.
They both sat back, sipping at their glasses of wine. Quiet, padded footsteps came came sneaking down the stairs, but we not unnoticed by the Detective and the Doctor.
"Avery Grace Isles, you better have a good reason for being out of bed young lady."
They both turned and saw a little blonde haired head sticking around the corner, "But, momma! There's monsters in my closet. Can Aunt Jane come scare them away for me?"
Jane couldn't help but smirk as she jumped off the couch, grabbing the little girl in her arms and swinging her around in a circle, "Of course I can. Though, your mommy might need to help so none of them get away." Jane carried the squealing child up the stairs with Maura behind them, shaking her head with a smile.
Jane plopped the little blond, in her bright yellow pajamas, onto the bed and dramatically snuck towards the large walk-in closet in the corner of the room. (What five year old needs a walk-in closet?) She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned back to Avery and Maura, who was standing in the doorway.
"You ready Mommy?" She asked Maura
Maura donned a serious face and picked up the umbrella leaning behind the doorway. She brandished it and nodded, "Yes. Let's do this."
Avery squealed as Jane whipped open the door and tore into the closet with Maura on her heels. Jane pulled the door shut behind them and they started to make scream noises and Maura banged against the wall with the umbrella. They fought hard to not break into a fit of giggles. It was all for show. Obviously there were no monsters, but Avery didn't know that. When they were finished, Jane threw open the door and dramatically started panting like she was out of breath. Maura emerged after her in the same condition, and threw the door shut.
Avery had crawled under her blankets, with only her head sticking out, "Are they all gone?"
"Yes." Jane fell onto the bed with a sigh, "All gone."
Maura dropped the umbrella back in its spot behind the door and looked down at her sleepy daughter, "Now its time for bed."
Maura pulled the covers up to her daughter's chin and gave her a quick peck on her cheek before Jane did the same. The two left the room, flicking the light off. The faint glow from the night light was the only thing to shed any light in the room.
Maura picked up the empty glasses and took them to the kitchen. Jane followed and plopped into a chair at the breakfast bar.
"So." she started, placing the glasses in the sink, "You never answered my question."
"Which one?"
"Would it have made a difference if you'd known I was gay?"
Jane thought a moment, her face turning a darker shade of red. She'd always had a crush on Maura, maybe even been in love with her. But she always pushed it away, claiming to herself that she was straight. She was afraid of it. That's what growing up Catholic does to you. Maura saw the conflict on Jane's face. The furrowed eyebrows, the pursed lips and the far-off look in her eyes. She stepped around the counter and stood next to her.
"Jane?"
The brunette's eyes shifted up towards bright green ones. Maura felt as though Jane was looking into her soul. Her gaze was piercing her entire being. Those eyes; those dark brown eyes were searching for something.
"No." Jane finally sighed, "I don't know that I would have done anything about it if I'd known."
Maura kept her gaze with Jane, taking a step closer to the tall woman. They were eye to eye since Jane was sitting, "What about now? Does it make a difference now?"
Jane's eyes instantly watered. "Yes."
Maura's heart soared. She went to lean in and kiss the other woman, but Jane's hand on her stomach stopped her, "No, before you, we, do that, I need to tell you something."
Maura took a step back before Jane curled her fingers into Maura's belt loops.
"I want you. I want her." she gestured towards the ceiling were Avery's bedroom was located, "I want this." She gestured towards the house, "I want it all. And its not just because you're living a happy life and I'm living a crappy one, but because I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts. And I could never tell why it hurt, until tonight. When I was stuck in that closet with you, scaring away monsters. It hurts because it's not mine. This life, its not mine. Its yours, and hers. I'm not a part of it, not really. And I want to be. I want to come home to you and little Avery every night. I want to pick her up from school and take her to the park. I want to teach her to play softball and soccer and why the Red Socks are amazing. I want to take us to Fenway for opening day, and even fricken Disney world." They both laughed through the tears that were running down their cheeks. "I want to teach her about right and wrong and good and bad. I want to pick her up when she falls and teach her to get back on her feet when the world throws you down. Because that's what you've taught me, every single day." Jane pulled Maura closer and wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I want to wake up every morning next to you. I want to be the first thing you see. And I want you to be the last thing I see every night before I close my eyes. Because, Maura, you're all I dream about. I'm tired of fighting this, of fighting myself. Please."
Maura surged forward and crashed her lips against Jane's. Jane reciprocated quickly, her lips working furiously against Maura's. Maura pulled back when the need for oxygen started to become a thing. Jane's eyes were searching hers again.
"You want this life to be yours too?"
Jane nodded.
"You want Avery to be yours?"
Jane nodded again with more gusto.
"You want me to be yours?"
Jane's head fell against Maura's chest with a sob. "Yes." came a cracked reply, "Yes, please."
Maura lifted Jane's chin to look in her eyes, "All you had to do was ask."
Maura couldn't even process the emotions on Jane's face. Elation, joy, happiness, desire, love, peace. It was all too much to process before Jane's lips were on hers again.