The Innuendo Squad
By: The Bubbles
Summary: K-9 overhears a conversation between the Doctor and Romana and gets the wrong idea. Because even innocent tin doggy ears can pick up on innuendo if it's blatant enough.
Disclaimer- My comic series Adventures in Bad Humour has a robot dog in it who looks suspiciously like K-9, but I don't own the real thing.
XooXXXooX
The TARDIS was getting ready to land, so K-9 was going to alert his Master. He'd scanned, and sensors indicated that he was in Romana's room. He trundled off in that direction, and stopped right outside the door. He was about to call out when he heard them talking, and since he was a very polite little tin dog, decided not to interrupt. He waited and listened patiently.
"Are you quite sure you want to do this, Romana?"
"Very sure."
"All right, if you insist. But I'll warn you now, once I get started there's no stopping me until I'm done."
"I totally agree, Doctor. Now get the stuff. We want to do this right."
There was a pause of about three seconds, but by the time K-9 registered this, they had started talking again.
"Have you ever done this before, Romana?"
"No Doctor, I can't say that I have. What about you?"
"I used to do it with some of my other assistants. Sarah Jane was actually pretty good at it; she always got the better of me. It's been a while since I had another Time Lord to do it with though. It should make things interesting."
"Well I don't want you going easy on me just because I'm new at this. I want you to come at me with all you've got."
"Agreed. You know how this is done, right?"
"Yes, I think I've got the general idea."
"Good, then come over here by me on the bed and we'll get started."
"All right, but make sure you keep that scarf of yours out of the way."
K-9 had heard enough. Even innocent tin doggy ears are able to pick up on innuendo if it's blatant enough. They were supposed to be searching for the Key to Time; after all, there would be plenty of time for that later. He decided to put a stop to it. He cleared his throat. (A)
"Master? Mistress?"
"Come on in, K-9, the doors open!" the Doctor called.
K-9 nudged the door open and rolled in. Inside, the Doctor and Romana were sprawled across her bed, a checkerboard between them. Romana was busily setting it up and the Doctor was adjusting his scarf so that it didn't fall on the board.
k-9 gaped, or, well, did the closest thing a tin dog can do to gaping.
"Yes, what is it, K-9?" the Doctor asked.
"Master, sensors indicate that the final fragment of the Key to Time and we will be landing soon."
"All right, then. I'm sorry, Romana, we'll just have to do finish up this game later."
"Agreed."
She grabbed the locater off of her bedside table and followed the Doctor out of the room and down the hallway to the console room. K-9 remained behind. He eyed the checkerboard for a moment and his head drooped. Organics were quite irritating. There was never any way to tell what they were saying. Computers, on the other hand… you could always tell what a computer meant. As he followed into the console room, he decided then and there that he would find another computer to talk to. Maybe a nice girl computer with pretty servos…
XooXXXooX
A/N- My beta reader told me that this story disturbed her. I can't imagine why…
(A)- Yes, K-9 can clear his throat. Anyone who doesn't believe me can watch "The Armageddon Factor, part 6." In it, K-9 very clearly clears his throat.