Every Villain Is Lemons
- Spongebob checks in on Mermaidman & Barnacleboy while Plankton, Man Ray, The Dirty Bubble & The Strangler form a pact to eliminate him.
Characters
Shady Shoals Caretaker
Spongebob Squarepants
Sylvester
Lonnie
Mable Lobster
Old Man Jenkins
Mermaid Man
Barnacle Boy
Sheldon J. Plankton
Man Ray
The Dirty Bubble
The Strangler
Gary The Snail
Mermaid Man Clones
The Story
The story begins at Shady Shoals Rest Home. The caretaker is at the reception desk reading an outdated newspaper. Suddenly he hears a bell ring constantly. He finally rips the bell out of the hands of Spongebob & forms a fake irritated smile.
CARETAKER: May I help you?!
SPONGEBOB: Are Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy available by any chance?
CARETAKER: If it gets you away from me, then yes they are!
SPONGEBOB: Ok thank you!
Spongebob kisses the caretaker on the cheek as a token of his gratitude. The caretaker rushes to the bathroom.
CARETAKER: I better not get mononucleosis!
Spongebob enters the mingle room. He sees Sylvester playing solitaire with Old Man Jenkins.
OLD MAN JENKINS: Are you peeking?
SYLVESTER(hearing aid off): Reeking?! I don't reek! How dare you!
Other residents mingle about doing their own thing. Spongebob finally sights Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy, both napping on the couch.
SPONGEBOB: Oh there they are!
Spongebob skips on over. His skips &
SPONGEBOB: Lalalalas!
Wake Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy up into cranky moods.
SPONGEBOB: HEY GUYS!
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy just simply groan.
SPONGEBOB: So what's shaking?
BARNACLEBOY: Mind coming back another time Sponge Kid, or better yet never. Me & Mermaid Man are not so in a good mood today.
SPONGEBOB: And why's that?
MERMAIDMAN: Always every Monday thru Friday! It was Prune Juice with Broccoli & a side of chili beans! But now it is only on Monday thru Thursday! I now cannot enjoy the best meal while watching my westerns on Friday nights!
SPONGEBOB: Sorry to hear that.
BARNACLEBOY: So with whatever plans you have today, do us a favor and cancel them!
MERMAIDMAN: Please! I flushed my glasses down the toilet! Again!
SPONGEBOB: Well I just wanted to stop by and say hello to my favorite elderly superheroes! That's all!
BARNACLE BOY: Thank you for your enthusiasm, now please leave so I can return to my dream of going on a date with the 1950's Bikini Bottom Hottie.
MERMAIDMAN: And I would like to get back to my dream of being…. Mermaid Man!
BARNACLE BOY: You are Mermaid Man you senile old coot!
MERMAID MAN: Oh yeah.
SPONGEBOB: Well have a good day!
Spongebob skips out of the rest home while Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy return to their slumber. As Spongebob skips on home, Plankton watches from the distance.
PLANKTON: Perfect! Got him where I want him! Hehehe!
The scene cuts to the Chum Bucket. The doors to Plankton's laboratory open and entering are Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy's arch enemies, Man Ray & The Dirty Bubble. Following, is also the Tattle Tale Strangler. The three antagonists all sit at a table with Plankton at the head of it.
PLANKTON: Now you are all probably puzzling on why I called you here.
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: Yes please explain! You interrupted my regularly scheduled hour of feeding dirt & manure to little kids! Hahaha!
MAN RAY: Dirt and manure?! And yet he is the most evil?! Huh?!
TATTLE TALE: Just explain why we are here!
PLANKTON: I brought you terribly evil dirtbags here for one reason & one reason only! Spongebob Squarepants!
MAN RAY: That annoying little cheesehead?
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: Cheese Block!
TATTLE TALE: I'd go with Cheese Body.
PLANKTON(irritated): WELL ALL THREE OF YOU ARE WRONG! He is a sponge & an absolute menace to us villains alike! For instance! He tried to make Man Ray good!
MAN RAY: I still have nightmares about that blasted tickle belt!
PLANKTON: He popped The Dirty Bubble with a pencil!
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: It was very embarrassing.
PLANKTON: And he made Tattle Tale so insane, that he needs to take counseling classes four times a day!
TATTLE TALE: 5 times a day!
PLANKTON: But most important of all! He always stops me from stealing the Krabby Patty Secret Recipe! I say THESE CHARADES END TODAY! I propose we four villains form an evil alliance to destroy that stupid Spongebob once and for all!
MAN RAY: How do you plan to do that?
Plankton bangs his head on the table and then does a facepalm.
PLANKTON: Man Ray, are you that much of a special lightweight?
TATTLE TALE: I am down for destroying that yellow menace! If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have Bipolar mixed with Psychosis & Schizo!
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: As long as dirt is involved, I am in!
MAN RAY: I got nothing else to do, so why not?
PLANKTON: Then it is settled! We are Club E.V.I.L! Or also known as Every Villain Is Lemons! Hands & bubble in the middle!
Man Ray, Plankton & The Strangler put their hands in the middle while The Dirty Bubble rests on top of the hand of Tattle Tale.
PLANKTON: 1.. 2.. 3!
EVERYBODY: Every Villain Is Lemons!
Plankton's new team of evil begin making their plan to get rid of Spongebob.
At the pineapple house, Spongebob finishes making some organic snail bits for Gary.
SPONGEBOB: Here you are Gary, fresh from the stovetop!
GARY: Meow
Gary eats his treats while Spongebob sits on his chair proceeding to read the latest issue of the Krusty Krab Chronicle. Plankton & his pack of villains observe from outside.
PLANKTON: Ok! Let's go over our plan one more time! The Strangler will bust down the door with his diabolical hands!
The Strangler is determined & ready.
PLANKTON: Man Ray then stuns Spongebob with his laser!
MAN RAY(getting the laser ready): Muahhahahaha!
PLANKTON: The Dirty Bubble will go and…. make us some smoothies.
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: Of dirt! Hahahaah!
TATTLE TALE: What is it with you and dirt?
PLANKTON: And I will trap Spongebob in the cage, bring him back to the Chum Bucket, surgically remove his brain so I can find his memories of the Secret Formula & then I will burn him in a vat of chemical acids and publish a fake news story of him being assassinated! Ok! Are we good to go?
TATTLE TALE: Hey! Why do you get the honors of burning him?!
PLANKTON: Because, I am the leader of this group & a psychopathic evil genius that knows how to make plans go accordingly! NO MORE QUESTIONS! THANK YOU!
Tattle Tale rolls his eyes before punching Spongebob's door. It doesn't come off its hinges & causes The Strangler great knuckle pain.
TATTLE TALE: OWWWWWW!
Spongebob opens the front door and is confronted by Man Ray.
MAN RAY: Meet my laser Scumbob!
Man Ray fires a laser ray which bounces off a mirror & hits him in the groin.
MAN RAY: Ahhhghghh!
Man Ray collapses to the ground in pain. Spongebob & Gary look at each other in confusion.
PLANKTON(about the failures): This um worked better in my head..
Spongebob then notices The Dirty Bubble making custom dirt smoothies outside & also sees Plankton before realizing that he intends to destroy him.
SPONGEBOB: No! NO! I NEED HELP!
Plankton blocks the way with his doomsday laser.
PLANKTON: I'm afraid that will not be necessary Spongebob! Muahahahaha!
GARY: Meow!
PLANKTON: Shut up snail!
Gary vomits a slugball on Plankton.
PLANKTON: Disgusting!
Spongebob then grabs Gary and the two vamoose. Man Ray & The Strangler try to catch them but it is too late. They then notice The Dirty Bubble just casually floating.
MAN RAY: Dirty! Why didn't you go after Spongebob?!
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: I was specifically told to make smoothies! Sheesh Man Ray, stick to the plan!
Man Ray punches The Dirty Bubble in the face & repeatedly growls angrily. Plankton finishes cleaning the slugball off of him and gets annoyed by Man Ray.
PLANKTON: Will you can that incessant grief already?!
MAN RAY: Sorry boss but I'm just so MAD!
TATTLE TALE: We all are!
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: We are?
MAN RAY: Yes!
Man Ray punches The Dirty Bubble in the face again. Plankton takes out his plans and puts on his eyeglass.
PLANKTON: Plan B it is!
Spongebob & Gary continue to run throughout the landscape. They pull up outside the Mermalair behind Shady Shoals.
SPONGEBOB: I think we lost them Gary! Come on let's go see Mermaidman & Barnacleboy, they'll know what to do!
Spongebob & Gary head down into the Mermalair. The old heroes have finished their nap & are out of cranky moods, well sort of.
BARNACLE BOY: Mermaid Man! Stop eating all of our watermelons and come help me build this freeze ray already!
MERMAID MAN: Nothing is more important than the melon young ward!
SPONGEBOB: I hate to rain on your parade Mermaid Man but there is something more important.
The heroes look to see Spongebob & Gary standing before them.
BARNACLE BOY: What do you want now Sponge Kid? Can't you see Mermaid Man & I are busy?
SPONGEBOB: Guys I need your help! An alliance of evil are after me!
BARNACLE BOY: What evil?
SPONGEBOB: Plankton made an alliance with Man Ray, The Dirty Bubble, & the Tattle Tale Strangler to try & destroy me for who knows why and I am freaking out! HELP!
MERMAID MAN: Can I finish my melons first?
BARNACLE BOY: Mermaid Man!
MERMAID MAN: Stop calling my name you woman!
Plankton & his team of evil are nearby the Mermalair.
TATTLE TALE: Are you sure this is where Spongebob went?
PLANKTON: Oh trust me, it is!
Barnacle Boy & Mermaid Man begin to get into one of their old person arguments.
BARNACLE BOY: Stop calling me a woman & a boy!
MERMAID MAN: You do not talk back to me like that! I raised you better than this!
BARNACLE BOY: You're my mentor, not my father!
SPONGEBOB: Guys
MERMAID MAN: And I'm certainly not your mother!
BARNACLE BOY: You are not even making any sense!
Plankton & his team of evil walk up to the Mermalair.
SPONGEBOB: GUYS
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy are having a faceoff.
MERMAID MAN: Stop staring at me big nose!
BARNACLE BOY: My nose is only 46 inches long!
SPONGEBOB: GUYS!
MERMAID MAN & BARNACLE BOY: What?!
SPONGEBOB: The villains have arrived.
Plankton & the evil doers are shown ready for a fight to remember.
PLANKTON: Attack!
Man Ray & The Tattle Tale Strangler deal with the heroes.
MERMAID MAN: Brace for impact!
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy try to get some ground cover & defense. The Dirty Bubble confronts Gary.
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: Hahahah! Give up snail! You're time of reckoning has come! Hahahahah!
Gary The Snail scoffs, grabs a soap sprayer & sprays it into Dirty making him a bit clean.
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: OH NO!
The Dirty Bubble floats off to waddle in mud & oil to get his filth back. Spongebob & Plankton have their own faceoff.
SPONGEBOB: There is only one person that is going to win it all! And it's me!
PLANKTON: That is your incorrection Spongeboob!
Plankton fires a beam from his doomsday laser into Spongebob's leg sending him down.
SPONGEBOB: OWW!
PLANKTON: Muahahaha!
Barnacle Boy notices.
BARNACLE BOY: Hold on Spongebob! We'll be there soon!
Mermaid Man & Man Ray face off.
MAN RAY: Hahahah! Good night Old Timer!
MERMAID MAN: That is 62 Old Timers to you sonny boy!
62 & also elderly Mermaid Man's show up & surround Man Ray.
MAN RAY: Noooooo!
The Mermaid Man clones dump tartar sauce onto Man Ray freezing him into a chamber.
Barnacle Boy tries to save Spongebob but The Tattle Tale Strangler tackles him to the ground and begins strangling him.
BARNACLE BOY: Ahhhhhhhhh!
TATTLE TALE: NOBODY EVER BEATS THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER!
Before Barnacle Boy could be strangled to death, he suddenly notices Mermaid Man's Gym cleats just chilling nearby. Barnacle Boy manages to get the cleats after a huge struggle and he throws them right into the Strangler's eyes.
TATTLE TALE: AAAAHHHHH! CLEATS! AH AH OOOOOOO!
Tattle Tale releases Barnacleboy. Barnacle Boy begins to regain his breath while The Strangler runs around holding his eyeballs in pain after pulling the cleats off. The Strangler then accidentally runs down into the Mermalairs abyss still screaming.
Plankton presides over a wounded Spongebob and points his laser right at his face ready to end this.
PLANKTON: Once you are gone! This world will be much better off and I will finally have the RECIPE!
Spongebob, instead of trembling, faces Plankton with no fear & is determined to make sure the formula stays out of the Chum Bucket. Plankton fires the laser but Spongebob catches it into his eye ignoring the pain.
PLANKTON: What the?!
SPONGEBOB: You messed with the wrong fry cook!
Spongebob fires the laser right back at a screaming Plankton turning him into nothing but charred ashes. Gary, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy help him up to his feet.
MERMAID MAN: You did it Spongebob!
BARNACLE BOY: Good job!
SPONGEBOB(jokingly): Next show is Thursday Night ay Gary?
GARY: Meow Meow
Spongebob, Gary, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy eventually laugh & relax. Man Ray groans in his tartar prison, The Dirty Bubble is wallowing all over a mud lake.
THE DIRTY BUBBLE: I am so violated!
The Strangler is still screaming down in the abyss.
SPONGEBOB & BARNACLE BOY: Sweet relief.
MERMAID MAN: Now… can we get some prune snow cones?