My Dearest Angel (Edit) - Ludwig x Reader

Part 1

Ludwig's POV

I sat at the bar, the same spot to drink the same poison to cover my verdammt guilt like a coward. I looked at my hands while my mug was re-filled to the brim. I could almost see the blood covering them... so much blood... Why?

I can still hear the screams of the innocents. So many screams. Some were higher pitched hen the others; The voices of innocent women, and the children they tried so desperately to protect. The worst part was when they were suddenly cut off, the speaker dead.

I hated that crazed idiot, but I had to follow orders. If I didn't I would die. Why though? What's the use of surviving if I just keep on regretting my mistakes? I should have just ignored orders and died. What was the saying people used? The alcohol was starting to affect me. Ah! Better to die as a hero, then to live long enough to see yourself become a villain. I will always be a military dog, won't I? Destined to follow my masters orders, no matter how gruesome. I chuckled softly at the thought, my last bits of sanity starting to slip, but I still managed to hold on. I don't know why. Was it the hope that I could one day make up for what my country did? For what I did?

Everyone had managed to forget, except my brother and I. At least I hadn't tried drugs to forget, mein armer älterer Bruder... I still remember him trying to get clean. Sitting in the rehabilitation center going through withdrawal symptoms, the stench awful as his body sweated out the toxins. I helped alongside Francis and Antonio, keeping him from leaving to go find more drugs.

I remember when I first found out he was using drugs. It killed me even more on the inside; another regret to forget with the help of alcohol and hookers. I blamed myself for not seeing the signs, instead I walked in his apartment, he was nearly overdosing. The only thing stoping him from dying was that he was my eastern half.

I took a long drink from the mug, filled with the only thing that seemed to keep me going; That sweet amber liquid. Really, any kind of alcohol kept me going ; I wasn't picky anymore. As long as it ensured that I would be unable to feel nauseous from guilt and sleep without nightmares, I would gladly drink it. I could hear the screams quieting down in my memories, ready to pounce when I was sober and undistracted.

I paid my tab once I couldn't walk a straight line if my life depended on it. I didn't feel like dealing with the night terrors. I checked my wrist watch. Work would start in 6 hours... Might as well find a hooker... Even though they were faint, I could still hear the cries of the innocent women and children as they were slaughtered...I walked off towards the usual street and sighed.

"Ich bin wirklich erbärmlich ... "

I arrived at the world office late the next morning, my hair messed up and my breath smelling like the Oktoberfest was recently hosted in my mouth. I would rather show up looking a mess then late. I didn't even get a chance to sleep and now I had an awful hangover to boot. My head pulsed to a sharp, painful beat as I tried to fix my appearance.

As I straightened my tie, I noticed a beautiful new girl at the front desk. They finally hired a secretary, huh? She lifted her head and smiled, her (e/c) eyes meeting mine.

That's when it started. When she found her way into my mind and wouldn't get out.

(Reader POV)

You saw a tall blonde man walk in, looking very disordered and...was that a hickey? You just assumed he had a very affectionate lover. Lucky. You could never trust anyone to be that close with you. You would just end up broken hearted like everyone else. It was nice to see that someone was happily in love.

You looked up at him with a smile. "Good morning. I'm _ _ , the new secretary." You smiled, hoping he would do the same. However, he flinched as if in winced, and then whispered "I'm sorry, does your head hurt?" The country nodded, cradling his head with one hand. "Ich bin Ludwig Beilschmidt, die Personifikation auf Westen Deutschland" his head hurt so much that he slipped into his native tongue, he couldn't acquire the strength to concentrate.

You tilted your head and looked at him confused. You really couldn't understand a whole lot of what he said."Sorry. I am Ludwig Beilschmidt, the personification of West Germany". You nodded. "Don't worry about it , Mr. Beilshmit! I will bring some coffee to your office, it seems as though you had a very rough night..." He nodded.

"Danke, und feel free to call me Ludwig."

(Ludwig's POV)

I walked into my office and slunk into the chair behind my desk. I leaned back and began to massage my temples in an effort to make my headache go away, not noticing _ sneaking in with a warm cup of coffee.

T heard her set it down gently and I soon felt her hands over mine. Her small voice whispered, "Here! Let me help…" I rested my hands on the arms of my chair as she helped to alleviate my hangover-caused pain. After a few minutes, she removed her hands and walked to the front of my desk. "Better?"

I gave her a weak smile and nodded. How could someone this sweet show kindness to a monster like me? Had the other countries not told her, warned her of what I was capable of? Of what I had done?"Ja, danke Miss _."

_ smiled back, as if my happiness was her own. "If you need anything, let me know!" she turned and walked out of my office, l leaving me to think about her and her kindness.

I continued to stare down at the stack of paperwork in front of me, not offering it one bit of attention, my mind focused on one being. _ _ . She ruled my thoughts with an iron fist. It was a nice change for someone like her to play in my mind, rather than my demons. However, I still felt like I needed a drink. I stacked up my paper work to be finished tomorrow and left my office, ready to sit right back down at the bar.

(Reader POV)

You packed your briefcase as Ludwig rounded the corner hurriedly. You laughed slightly, catching his attention. "Where's the fire?" He stopped and stuttered "Oh, t-there is none, I just want to get home and relax ..." His eyes shifted as his ears turned red as well. That's odd? It was almost as if he was shrugged and let the matter go. He must have his reasons. You sighed "See you tomorrow then!" He nodded and smiled as he continued on his way "Guten nacht, Miss _!"