'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a-

Gollum- Can we gets on with it?

Oh, fine. And there was a Gollum.

Gollum- That's me!

Shut up. And he had an evil plot.

Gollum- He, he, he!

I told you shut up!

Gollum-(grumbles)

Any way, he would steal Christmas and he would steal a lot.

Gollum- That'sss not making sense!

All right, what's better that rhymes with plot?

Gollum-………mot?

Agggggg! Just let me tell the story or I'll call Samwise and tell him to stew you along with carrots and taters!

Gollum- (wimpers) We doesn't like taters…..

And so he got a big bag and put on a beard-

Gollum-We doesn't like this beard.

Too bad. Got on a Santa suit and-

Gollum- Boy, we looks weird!

Grr! He got into a sled and rode into town

Gollum- Weeee!

And he knew the hobbits were sleeping for there wasn't a sound! He crept down the chimney-

Gollum- Umph!

Of one of the little hobbit holes, and every Christmas thing he saw, he stole!

Gollum- Stoled? Hows? We doesn't have a big enough bag! And we isn't carrying a nasssty tree on our backs, are we precious? Oh no, precious, no. Gollum, gollum!

That's what the sled is for, bright one!

Gollum- Oh, yes, we are bright!

I was being sarcastic.

Gollum- Oh.

And so he finished stealing from one house and he was filled with such glee, he went to Bag End and started stealing ornaments from the tree!

Gollum- We isn't talls enough! We needs a ladder.

Then steal everything you can reach! But then down from the stairs, came the daughter of Sam, and she saw Gollum stealing her father's Christmas ham! She let out a scream-

Gollum- Hurts our ears, it does, preciousss!

Which woke Sam up. And he ran downstairs to find Gollum packing Rosie's best Christmas cups!

Gollum- Woops! We drops some! Oh wells! (cackles evily)

Sam let out a roar and grabbed the nearest pan, and started smacking Gollum with a BAM, BAM, BAM!!!

Gollum- (squeals) OWWW!

Gollum sped out of the house, forgetting his pack. He ran and ran and never came back! San tucked in his daughter and got all the toys and gave them back to the girls and boys! Gollum ran to his cave and took off his suit and beard. Sighed happily and said,

Gollum- No more looking weird!

He had a bath and had a bite and before he went to bed, he said

Gollum- Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night………

Not!!!!!!

Written 12/18/02