"Listen up, girls, assignment time!" the bosomy, heavily made up woman announced to the assembled young women. "Louisa, Adelaide, Greta..." Maria scanned the room, her eyes alighting on the pale girl slumped in the corner. "And you, too."
The girl's body seemed to tense as she nodded. The others dispersed to apply makeup and change their clothes, but the girl remained in her corner. Maria sat down beside her.
"Are you alright?" she asked gently. "If you don't feel up to it we can send someone else."
The girl smiled weakly. "Thank you, but it's fine. I'll be fine."
Maria searched the frightened gray eyes for the lie, but the pain blocked out anything else. Well, if she wasn't going to be honest Maria wasn't going to waste too much time trying to make her. "Let me know if you change your mind."
While the other girls worked for hours on their looks, hoping to attract regular customers, this one never tried. She just brushed out the long, thick auburn hair and buttoned up the long green dress Maria had been trying to throw out since the girl arrived. And somehow it enchanted men. They wanted to see what she was hiding beneath the high collar, wanted to know what emotion she kept covered by a stony mask. She was successful by default.
The girl pulled her knees up to her chest and pressed both hands to her face, leaving small white half moons as her nails dug deeper into her flesh.
Ruin your life running away from this and what happens? What do you end up doing?
Maria broke the girl's reverie with a soft tap on the shoulder. "Time to go."
She stood, twitched the wrinkles out of her dress, and stepped out into the dark alley, lifting her skirt out of the trash littering it. Goosebumps rose on her bare arms; they would remain until her work was done. There was a time when she was always too warm. As a child she never needed a coat, even when snow began to fall. But now... She was never warm. No matter how many sweaters or blankets she piled on, she froze.
She even knew how it had begun. A mild night with a boy who made her feel so scalding hot she thought clothes would never be necessary. With him to protect her she could have gone anywhere, been anyone. He was her chance.
But she'd gotten angry with him, yelled at him, made him feel guilty. And he'd left. The moment she saw him lying in his own blood the cold began.
The girl pressed herself into the wall, letting out a small whimper. All she wanted to do was melt away, just melt away into an untouchable nothingness.
Wishing won't bring him back.
She rubbed her arms, roughly chafing feeling back into them, slightly pleased that she could still cause herself pain. It meant she truly was human, even if it didn't seem like it.
So dark...
She had always been afraid of the dark. How many nights had the moon betrayed her, sending a thin line of silver across her floor while she lay still until his heavy body and wished for death? More nights than she could count.
She turned her face to the sky now, searching for a glittering star, a wishing star, to save her.
Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight... Please. Take me away.
But when had that wish ever done her any good?
Just do it tonight. Do it tonight, do it tomorrow, do it for just a while longer and you'll be done. You'll run away and never come back to this place.
Yes, run away; she was good at it. How many people had she left behind, waiting for the letter that never came? How many times had she slipped away before dawn, leaving the only people who had loved her to smooth over the dent she'd made in their lives? She never meant to hurt anyone, but she did it anyway without trying.
He was right; I'm broken. This is all I'm good for.
No. No, that couldn't be true. And even if it was, he had made it so.
You're something more, you hear me?
But a deeper, throaty voice would not stay out of her head.
Stupid little whore, little know-it-all, you'll never become anything. I'll teach you your place...
The sound of crisp, new shoes could be heard clacking smartly down the street, towards the alley. It had to be the man. Who else would be coming for her?
She couldn't breathe; her chest was painfully tight. The night air seemed thicker than the glue she had slapped onto paper hearts only a few years ago. She would have given anything to be that little girl again. That girl... Her life had been far from perfect, but there had still been a chance to make things better.
Those shoes, closer and closer... She wanted to run, to scream, to lift off of her feet and fly away into the blanket of stars. But no. Not tonight, not ever.
The shoes stopped before her, polished and perfect. The man they belonged to reached out, raised her chin, and let out a sigh of longing.
"Child, you're a beauty."
The nightmare had returned. There was nothing she could do now. Slowly, she turned and led the man to a door at the end of the alley, waiting while he fumbled with the key he'd been issued.
"What's your name?" he asked as he unlocked the door.
No one ever asked for names. They got what they'd paid for and left. But she couldn't dwell on such abnormalities. It was time to give herself over to the night, leave her body and go somewhere else while the shell in the bed did her work. Somewhere untouchable with that magical boy.
She looked up into the stars one last time.
Starlight, star bright...
"My name is Ilse."