And You Are With Me...
Like a plague. A curse even. I couldn't get you from my mind. No matter what I do, you're there. And it annoys me somewhat... But how can I tell you? The question runs through my mind as I see you in the courtyard. I turn away so you don't see the wistfulness in my eyes.
I leave tomorrow. Your mother says we'll be gone for no more then a year. A year! A year without seeing your face. I hear your gentle voice outside my window. How can I resist? I hear you say 'I love you,' and my heart skips a beat.
But you aren't saying it to me, my presence is still unnoticed. Your father stands proudly as your mother weeps quietly beside him. I see tears in your silver eyes and long to comfort you, but I cannot, for I leave tomorrow.
I can take it no longer, so I shut my window and turn to my bed. My armor stands near the door, polished and glimmering in the candlelight as I once again check my sword. I run my hand along the blade and nearly slice my finger off. I cringe and quickly walk to my supply closet.
I whisper a minor healing spell and retrieve a healing lotion. As I spread it onto the wound it begins to heal. I should be able to wield my sword without discomfort again by moonset. I hear footsteps outside my chamber and hold my breath for a moment.
The footsteps pass and I release my breath gratefully. I return to the window to watch you yet again. I'm afraid others will notice the indentation I've caused near my window watching you. A worn path also reveals itself to me as I look around my room. How shall I explain that? I haven't an idea how.
The truth? That I'm in love with the Daughter of Morning? It seems unthinkable, even to me. Yes, I've seen the looks your father gives me. And your mother has taken to giving me advice about how to improve Imladris' safety. She thinks of Elflings, I know.
But does she think of our children? I've told her. She knows. Yet I hesitate to approach your father with my feelings. Perhaps she's already told him, and he waits only for my move.
A move I am too frightened to think of.
It seems foolish, I know. I cannot tell you how many times I've almost asked him, the times I almost said something. And then I think of you, and my resolve is lost.
My mind goes back to the time when you fell into the sea. I dived in to rescue you...No one knows the true reason why. I loved you, even then. Many believed I rescued you because I was so close to your parents, but that was not the reason. Others believed it was because I felt I needed to save you because I hadn't been able to save my brother.
After that incident fathers began approaching me with their daughters, each one touting the advantages of marrying his daughter. But I would take none of them, for I loved you. You were a lovely child, even at birth. With your father's hair and your mother's beauty you were hailed through out the land. As the years passed, your beauty became subtler, yet it changed not.
The moon is westering now, I can tell by the shadows your father, mother and you cast. It tells me I should be asleep by now, but how can I sleep with such torment and anguish in my heart of hearts?
Can you love me? Could you find the strength in your spirit? I've asked myself these questions everyday, practically since your birth. And yet I cannot find the courage to ask them to you. I've faced untold dangers in my pitiable life, and I cannot summon the strength or courage to even ask a simple question.
I hear a knock at my chamber door and I quickly answer it.
'Why aren't you resting?' I sigh quietly. 'I'm too ready.' I answer steadily. The Elf nods and looks around my room. 'We could leave now, if you wish.' He says kindly. I shake my head quickly, almost too quickly and he nods.
'Very well. I'll see you at Sunrise.'
Sunrise. We leave at sunrise.
How do I find the strength to leave you? A lot can happen in a year... I know how much.
I listlessly walk to the candelabra in the corner and blow out each candle unhurriedly. I walk to my bed and push the pile of supplies to the floor crossly and lie down.
You will go home after we leave. Your mother told me so three weeks ago. I want to know how you like Imladris. Have you enjoyed your stay? But how can I ask you these simple questions? We leave in the morning.
I'm not looking forward to more battles. I experienced more violence in my childhood then most Elves will experience in their life.
And I do not want to enter Mordor, no matter what the threat...
Of course, I was the one that suggested we defeat Sauron. I'm the one that started this whole campaign. And now I don't want it to happen.
The moon has set long ago, and I see the predawn light on the horizon. I've spent the entire night thinking of you, yet you spent it weeping for your father. My soul can feel your anguish at the thought of being separated from him.
Can you feel my anguish? I certainly can. I feel it dripping from my body, from my soul. Yet no one can know of it. No one, not even you...
I might as well rise from my bed and prepare for the journey. I do so, my armor clanking quietly as I retrieve it from the floor. One of my menservants appears and quietly helps me with my armor. I send him away after he places my breastplate and finish the rest myself.
I pull a section of my dull brown hair from my face and fasten it back with a strip of leather as I begin to hear impatient horses outside my window. I hear the deep neigh of my stallion and smile in anticipation as I whistle to him. He gallops around the courtyard and I lean out my window, a look of indecision on my weatherworn face.
Suddenly a smile breaks across my face and I leave my window. I reappear backwards and climb from my room. Several of the Elves already waiting began laughing as I near the ground and I see you watching with a merry twinkle in your eyes.
My steed gallops to me and I fondly scratch his ears as I notice the High King ride to me.
'Are we ready to leave Peredhil?' I smile broadly and cast a last look in your direction as I mount Mith. Your father rides up next to us.
'Are we ready Gentlemen?'
'Of course we are, Lord Celeborn.' I reply confidently and say my goodbyes to Imladris.