I still believe in love…
And here I am back with another story guys. This one is very close to my heart; let's just leave it to that. My sole inspirer my ever loving bestie HEENA is the only one who keeps me under the delusion that I can ACTUALLY write… soo lottss of love to her.
It is also dedicated to the one person in my life I love and hate at the same time.
Soo go ahead and take a peak. Hope you like it.
CH 1
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls,
But pass it does. Even for me.
"Bells", Rose said to me- the last of the thousand times- before I got to the plane. "Please, you don't have to do this."
Alice nodded her head while she dabbed her eyes to stop the tears.
I tried to act busy with my baggage trying to avoid their eyes.
"I WANT to", I lied. I'd always been a bad liar, but I'd been saying this lie so frequently lately that it sounded almost convincing now.
Just then my phone rang. It was Tanya. My best friend. The whole reason I was leaving my beloved Folks for 5 years and exile myself in Minnesota on scholarship. She had sent me at least 1000 msgs and called more than 100 times to find out my whereabouts. I had moved into Alice's home for a few days just so that I wouldn't have to face her. Yeah…She was my neighbor. Hurray to me.
Rose snatched the phone from my hand and switched it off.
"She has no right to talk to you!" she said gritting her teeth.
"Rose, it's not her fault. Please don't give her hard time when I leave. She, she was my best friend." I said softly.
"BEST FRIEND?!" Alice snorted. "BEST FRIEND don't stab your back Bells! She and that fuckward could go die in hell for all I care and…"
"Please stop!"
My hands went down to my ribs almost unconsciously as if to hold myself. It was an unspoken agreement to never speak his name in our conversation. It had been 7 months since last… last encounter with him. And yet my heart dies a thousand deaths whenever I hear his name.
It was useless to argue with them. We had this discussion a million times. And right now I didn't have in me to defend her.
Yes I love Tanya. I love her like my own sister. She was my sun, my touchstone. She was my strength and support; she made my life worth the moments that we spent together.
But now, she had become my biggest weakness.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. But sometimes you can't let others see the pain you feel. I had to get away from this town. The city lights. I know I was a coward. I am not afraid of admitting that. I couldn't face my problems in the eye, and say I don't give a damn. Because I fucking did!
I did give a damn that my best friend had hurt me beyond repair. I did give a damn that she did not think twice before she took away from me the reason for my existence. And yeah, she did that in my face.
I shook my head to clear the disturbing memories that started flooding my head again. I had learned the best way to deal with this situation. Well, best for me, and stupid and frustrating for my other two besties. – I just turned it off. My emotions, the hurt, the pain, the hatred- all of it. I had learned to feel numb.
We heard the flight attendant making announcement.
"That's my que." I sighed.
They both hugged me tightly, their tears flowing freely.
"We'll miss you." Alice said sniffing.
"I'll miss you guys too. Please remember your promise. Nobody should know where I am going. Especially…" I said trying to hold back my emotions. They nodded sparing me from saying the name.
"Oh. Almost forgot. Bells we have got you something." Rose said rummaging through her bag. She handed me something heavy. I shook it trying to guess the article.
"What is it?"
"It's something that will keep us close to your heart even with 1000 miles distance." She said sadness clear in her voice.
I gave her a small smile and thanked them.
Before I got in the plane I looked at them for the last time. I cannot begin to define how much I will miss them. But I had to do this. For once, I had to be selfish and leave all of them for the sake of my own sanity. I didn't fully believe any miles of distance from… from HIM will ever lesser the pain in my heart, but I had to try. Time, distance and patience- it's all I have got to rely upon now.
Alice and Rose had been my friends since we were babies. Alice was short pixie like, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and would point in every direction. While Alice and I got along within 5 seconds of our meeting, Rose and I were quiet the opposites. For some reason, I was always a bit wary of her. And who wouldn't be? She was pretty statuesque blond girl who wouldn't take a crap from anybody.
Alice is adorable, but Rosalie is more complex, at least to me. She's the secondary underdog type of character, the type that's viewed as a bitch, when beneath the facade they really aren't. While Alice was impulsive, Rose was a care taker.
Thinking about them always brought a smile on my face. Though both of them were nothing alike, they both were fierce when it came to the protective department. Their love for me was so pure and so unconditional; it was almost too much to ask from someone. And here I was leaving my heart and going to a strange city, where I knew absolutely nobody!
I didn't relate well to people my age. May be the truth is I didn't relate well to people, period. My best friend Tanya was the only one I was closer to than anybody on the planet. We were two friends who would do absolutely nonsense for no good reason. Our friendship was time bound. Friendship people could swear on. Forever.
That is until she showed her true colors!
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be landing at the Minneapolis/St Paul airport in about fifteen minutes .Local time is five- eighteen p.m. and the current temperature sits at fifteen degrees Fahrenheit. Please return your luggage to their proper location and place your seatbacks and tray tables' upright position. We hope you have had a pleasant flight and enjoy your stay in the Twin Cities."
I flinched, startled by sudden noise. I realized I never even bothered to pull out my book or iPod on the trip. I laughed somberly as I mused to myself about the very possibility that to the other passengers I probably looked like a zombie by staring off into space for the duration of my two and a half hour flight to Twin cities.
You're really starting to lose it Bella.
Pushing myself up to the stand, I hobbled into the aisle, careful to keep my weight on my good leg while I groped around the overhead bin for my crutches. Crutches. Right. Did I mention how in my little time of insanity, I had managed to fall off 3 flight of stairs without dying?
I did get a few stitches, and pulled a few leg muscles. Hence the ugly crutches. A constant reminder of my past I was so dying to bury. Not to mention I was basically un coordinated person when it came to moving over solid ground and the crutches definitely hindered what little grace I could usually pass off.
Stop with the self pity Bella, I chided myself. You deserved it. You always do.
After retrieving my suitcase from baggage claim I stared down at it, pondering just how I was going to make out to a cab with my messenger bag, a duffle, a rolling suitcase and no free hands.
"Need a hand?"
I didn't have to look to know who it was; this voice- sweeter than honey, a voice I would know anywhere- know, and respond to it, whether I was awake or asleep…or even dead, I'd bet. The voice I would have sworn once to walk through fire for- or less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.
I could see him standing behind me through the mirror facing us. It was really him, no hallucinations this time.
And I realized that my delusions were more flawed than I'd realized; they'd never done him justice.
His green eyes were boring on mine and I could already feel myself light headed.
And I realized the last seven months meant nothing. His words in the forest meant nothing! It did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived.
I clenched my hand tightly taking a deep breath and slowly turned towards him.
"What the FUCK are you doing here CULLEN?!"