Another day, another plot bunny.
Don't worry,guys, I'm not cheating on my other fic but what I'm currently writing is so dark and gloomy that I just needed to write something cute and fluffy to balance it off. Besides, I'm not gonna be able to write on my vacation so consider this a compensation for the lack of updates. Reviews are always appreciated.
Sanji was acting weird.
Usopp had been the first one to notice, though the feeling had quickly spread through all of them as they sat down for breakfast on that breezy April morning. The cook had smiled as they entered the kitchen chatting lively all the while but had not spoken a single word himself, not even when Nami complimented the buttermilk pancakes on her plate. From his side of the table, the marksman had seen Sanji's eyes glaze over in loving adoration as the navigator addressed him and sighed mentally preparing himself for his usual tirade about her beauty and kindness only to be met with silence. Even Nami had seemed a bit taken aback by this unexpected turn of events. Her confusion, however, lasted for about two seconds as she tore hungrily into her share of the pancakes which Usopp couldn't help but notice was slightly larger than the others.
They continued to chatter about nothing in particular, the breakfast shrinking gradually on their plates. Chopper was excitedly telling everyone about his last remedy for the common cold he had, so far, only tested on rats but the results looked promising. Luffy had been amazed at the revelation and stated that he didn't know rats could even catch colds. The reindeer doctor's explanation never reached Usopp through the laughter that ensued but after he finished wiping the tears from his eyes, he noticed the cook had not laughed with them. His face bore a large grin as Nami and Chopper tried to speak over one another to explain the scientific method to their clueless captain and he had even chuckled softly to himself a couple of times. Nevertheless, Usopp could have sworn he hadn't heard him speak even once since last evening.
His brow furrowed in thought. It had been about a week since a freak storm that not even Nami had been able to predict nearly pulled the Going Merry apart and almost took their captain from them. Sanji had dived after him that time and they all could remember the cook developing a sharp cough during the next couple of days and even staying in bed for an entire day after Chopper decided to lock him in their makeshift infirmary and threatened to swallow the key. His methods might have been extreme but Usopp could not argue with the results. Sanji seemed to be getting better. What was with the sudden change?
The marksman looked at the swordsman across the table to find his own puzzlement reflected in the green-haired man's face as well.
"Oi, dartbrow! Pass the maple syrup."
Zoro's voice had a special ring to it which he only used to provoke the blond cook into something. Sanji's right eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Without a single word, he reached towards the bottle with the golden brown liquid and hurled it across the table with such strength that the swordsman's chair slid back a little as he caught it.
"Hey, careful! You want to smash the last bottle we have?"
Usopp could feel himself grinning. As far as they were concerned, that bottle was indestructible and Zoro knew that. He himself had knocked it to the ground countless times much to Sanji's exasperation.
If the swordsman was trying to get Sanji to say something, he had failed. The cook just shot a death glare in his direction and bit into a green apple as if establishing their little strife was over.
Zoro, however, was not giving up so easily.
"What is it with you, love cook? Cat got your tongue?"
Sanji fumed but continued to defiantly munch on the apple, carefully ignoring Zoro. The whole table immediately dropped their respective conversations and focused on the new source of amusement.
"Or is this some sort of penitence for spilling Nami's drink yesterday?"
The rest of the apple crunched under Sanji's fingers as they squeezed it like a cider press.
"Yeah, Sanji, how come you're so quiet today?" Luffy piped up, his mouth still full of pancake.
Zoro's lips curved in a malicious smile.
"There was a spider on the ceiling yesterday. I bet he's so traumatized by that he can't..."
"Shut the hell up, moss-head!"
The words came out as something between a squeal and a high pitched scream. A dark shade of red quickly spread across Sanji's face as Zoro snickered and the rest of the crew just looked at him dumbfounded. With a murderous gaze still fixed upon the green-haired swordsman, he swiped a notepad from the kitchen table, scribbled something hastily and slid the result towards Luffy.
The captain picked it up, turned it around and stared at the fluid cursive handwriting, his lips moving in silence as he deciphered the message. The navigator sitting next to him was much quicker, though.
"You lost your voice?!"
Sanji sighed. He reached across the table to retrieve the notepad and scribbled something longer, sliding it towards Nami this time.
The navigator read the message, looked at him and shook her head. Usopp could not make out the words on the page but he could distinguish a couple of hearts and too many exclamation marks than anyone would ever need.
"I guess it can't be helped, then." Nami shrugged and was about to slide the notepad back when Luffy's hand clasped over hers stopping her.
Their captain's eyes studied the lines on the paper, looked at the cook, then back at the note. Usopp could almost feel the mood in the room shifting as Luffy slowly lifted his hand from Nami's and allowed her to return the notepad to its owner. A shadow crossed his face for a split second before he sat down, looked Sanji straight in the eye and nodded in understanding.
Still glaring daggers towards Zoro, the cook stood up and started collecting the plates. He was just about to take Luffy's as the captain suddenly straightened up and grabbed the tower of plates from Sanji's hands.
"Don't worry, Sanji! I'll do i…"
Usopp could see the subtle flaw in Luffy's plan a second before the tower wobbled in the captain's syrup covered hands and crashed to the floor. Luffy's eyes widened in horror as he gaped at the mess under his feet and looked at Sanji apologetic.
The genuine surprise on the cook's face was quickly replaced with twitch inducing irritation. He flipped open the notepad again, wrote furiously and slammed the page in front of Luffy's face. The words were etched into the paper with such strength the marksman was sure he would be able to read them perfectly just by the marks on the page behind it.
What the hell are you doing, dumbass? We only have so many plates as it is! You want us to eat off the floor till we reach the next island?
Luffy hung his head. Usopp could feel something in his usually cheerful demeanor changing ever so slightly. Their cook, however, was way too pissed to pick up on it. His fingers flew over the paper again. The next page bore only five words.
Get out of my kitchen!
Sanji whistled softy to himself washing away the soap from his hands. He had learned to treasure those quiet moments on the ship between meals when the crew was busy with their own duties and the kitchen became his once again. Back at the Baratie, this kind of opportunity only arose once every couple of months and even then for short spells as there was always something to do and never enough hands to do it. The Going Merry, however, was a completely different story. Here he could work at his own pace and nobody ever misplaced his equipment or cursed unspeakable obscenities behind his back. Nobody had ever even set his hair on fire… except that one time.
He dried his hands and flipped through his recipe notebook thinking about the next meal. His fingers traveled absentmindedly towards a small wooden pillbox and slid out a round gold and green tablet Chopper had given him to soothe his throat. As he popped it in his mouth, he stopped reading for a second and just stood there flabbergasted, savoring the unexpected sweetness with a fresh finishing note. Damn, the thing might be medicine but it almost tasted like candy! With the right combination of eucalyptus, peppermint and honey it could be made into something delicious and refreshing for the coming summer. Nami and Robin would definitely appreciate…
"Hi!"
A loud enthusiastic voice brought him back to reality. He turned around to see his captain standing in the doorway. He was smiling but the strange determination on his face he had spotted at breakfast was still there.
Sanji waved at him and mouthed a greeting. Healing candy or not, talking still felt like sandpaper on his vocal cords.
"What are you doing?"
Sanji pointed towards a large pot where water was slowly beginning to steam.
"Right…" Luffy paused for a second as if only now remembering that Sanji could not speak to him. "I'm sorry 'bout the plates."
Sanji shook his head dismissively. He picked up the notepad, tore out the used pages, wrote his reply and handed it to Luffy. The rubber boy drummed his fingers on it as if stalling for time and scrutinized it like some faded treasure map. Sighing slightly, Sanji took it back from him, stoke a line under his last words and wrote the message again in big capital letters.
NO BIG DEAL. WE HAVE ENOUGH PLATES, ACTUALLY.
He immediately regretted his phrasing, it almost sounded like he was giving Luffy permission to just break more of them. The captain beamed as Sanji turned away from him and started chopping onions.
"Great! Can I help you with something else, then?"
Sanji felt his hands freeze mid-slice. In his current state, he couldn't answer but he was pretty sure that he was emitting strong waves of stunned silence. He quickly snatched his notepad back and wrote the only possible reply that came to his mind.
WHAT?
Luffy just grinned back at him.
"You're always stuck in here while we're all having fun outside. I want to help you so you don't have to do everything yourself all the time."
As far as Sanji knew, Luffy was the only one having fun outside. Usopp and Chopper were probably way too busy with their own concoctions to pay attention to anything else, Nami and Robin would have their noses buried in books and maps and Zoro was probably snoring away somewhere or working himself to muscle failure again.
Sanji bit his lower lip, considering his options. As much as he appreciated the thought, his captain had the attention span of a five-year-old on a sugar high. Letting him inside his kitchen felt almost sacrilegious but when Luffy set his mind to something, there was no talking him out of it. His current condition, made it completely impossible.
EVERYONE ELSE IS BUSY, HUH? He wrote desperately.
"Not really! Usopp was trying to teach me how to catch flying fish. I just felt like helping you instead."
Well, that did it, he was doomed! If Luffy had managed to ignore flying fish to come here and wreak havoc in his kitchen, his chances to work in peace were looking pretty bleak. He exhaled with quiet resignation.
"All right but do exactly as I s…"
"Hey, what's this thing right here?"
Of course Luffy had just ignored him and started turning the place upside down! What else was he expecting? He quickly spun around just in time to see Luffy dig into the spice rack over the stove. Sanji heard the glass clinking between his fingers and feared the worst.
"Wait! If you're not careful one might fall into the pot and…"
Okay, so the bottle didn't fall into the pot. That was little consolation, though, as when he reached Luffy and grabbed him by the collar dragging him away from the rack, all the bottles he was holding slipped from his grasp and spilled onto the kitchen floor. There was a sneeze, a cloud of multicolored dust and when the air became breathable again, Sanji was holding on to a dejected Luffy clutching one solitary bottle.
"Sorry, they must have been greased or something, they were so slippery." Luffy looked up at him and raised the small cinnamon container. "What is this thing for? Can we use it?"
A tiny voice in the back of Sanji's mind told him to play it cool. It was quickly outvoted by a hundred louder ones screaming in rage. Hooking a foot around Luffy to prevent the captain's hands from moving, he shoved him to the other side of the kitchen and shook his head furiously. He picked up a small broom and started sweeping the spices into one large jar. Maybe they could still be saved. The damned things were expensive as hell. Nami would have a fit if she found out what had happened to them. Maybe they could still be used for some black pepper-oregano-cumin-curry-cayenne-thyme-rosemary- basil-aniseed sauce.
He prayed to every God he could remember that by the time he had to tell Nami, someone would invent a thing like that.
"Why not?"
Luffy's voice rang next to his left ear, as carefree as ever. Sanji resisted the urge to kick his head into a wall. The road to hell was paved with good intentions and for Luffy in particular it was paved with a chronic inability to take a hint as well.
He bent over the notepad once again. The next words came out a little crooked.
THERE'S DOUGH THAT NEEDS KNEADING THERE. He pointed towards the large dinner table on which a huge and puffy white lump was sitting. EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT THAT TABLE IS OFF LIMITS. UNDERSTAND?"
Luffy nodded. The uncharacteristic persistence in his eyes was beginning to bug Sanji more and more. Usually, the rubber boy would have gotten bored of a task he wasn't good at and would just entertain himself with something else. His unfinished projects gathering dust on the Going Merry were many and varied and included an unfinished birdhouse, a fishing rod with a scope Usopp had dared him to make, a surprisingly detailed mermaid painting that still haunted his nightmares and a crudely smashed together wax statue of what Sanji swore was a large pork rib. The fact that he had taken this sudden interest in cooking made him more than uneasy. What if this scenario repeated itself every day from now on?
They would starve. But not before he killed him.
Luffy sank his hands into the dough and tossed it around. Clouds of flour floated above the table, almost covering him whole.
"Hey, this is actually pretty fun!"
Sanji resisted the impulse to look. The less he saw, he decided, the better it would be for both of them.
"It's really sticky too." Luffy continued. "Almost like a spider web."
The table creaked under Luffy's hands. For a while, that was the only sound in the kitchen until Luffy's laughter broke the monotony again.
"Look, Sanji, now it's almost like rubber."
Sanji turned around and stared at the white lump between Luffy's hands. The sight almost made him question his sanity. He walked up to the perfectly kneaded dough and pressed his fingers against it, not ready to believe his own eyes.
IT'S GOOD.
The words he had just written seemed unreal even to him. Who knew, their captain could actually produce something half-decent if he concentrated. He raised his eyes to find Luffy grinning like a madman and bouncing the dough rolled into one big ball on his forearm.
"See, I told you I could help! This was almost too eas…"
Luffy's bright smile wavered as the puffy lump soared through the flour clouds above him, escaping his control. The dough ball described a large arc in the air and sank into the boiling pot with a large splash. The pot wobbled unsteadily as the dough sloshed around, quivered on the edge of the stove as if unsure of what awaited it on the floor, then decided to go for broke and clattered to the ground dragging a pan and a cutting board full of vegetables with it.
Sanji's patience snapped in half. He raised his leg ready to kick Luffy out once and for all but paused as his eyes surveyed the damage done. The last thing the place needed was more violence. Moving as slowly as he possibly could to avoid the anger taking over him he walked towards the notepad and wrote.
GET OUT.
Luffy looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Come on, Sanji, I'm really new at this. By tomorrow I'm sure I'll get much be…"
He stopped mid-sentence as Sanji thrust the notepad in front of his face again. The words were now underlined twice.
Luffy looked at the paper, turned his gaze towards the cook, and then looked away. For a second, Sanji could see actual disappointment in his dark eyes. The captain looked at the water on the floor, the ruined vegetables and the big lump of dough, half-boiled, half-smashed on top of it all. When he answered, his voice sounded crushed.
"Okay."
He turned around and stepped out, leaving flour covered footprints and a bewildered cook behind.
Sanji sighed as he shook the spice jar in his hand. The thought of having to buy every single thing in there again made him cringe as his mind raced in search of an alternative that didn't involve dipping into their cash. Chopper could talk to animals after all. Maybe they could acquire a large ant colony and offer them their freedom in exchange for reorganizing the spices in their proper containers. Then again, that involved knowing that bugs had crawled all over them, probably losing some of their comrades in the process.
He shuddered. He wasn't that desperate yet.
He stood up and examined the kitchen once again. Apart from the slight crack in the floor where the pot had crashed, nothing seemed to reveal the ordeal it had sustained a couple of hours ago. Nevertheless, now dinner was ready, the pots have been washed and for some reason, those two simple facts made everything all right again. Sanji crossed his fingers in silent hope that Luffy's sudden infatuation with cooking was as fleeting as everything else that ever captured his attention. He could not take another day like this. The girls´ cinnamon rolls had been completely ruined for instance.
He walked outside to a dimming day, a chilly breeze and the voices of the crew chatting among them. Usopp and Chopper gave him a slight wave and continued to mix something in a long glass tube that bubbled and crackled against its walls. Remembering the incident that almost left him completely bald, Sanji waved back cautiously and walked in the opposite direction only to be met with a strange sight.
Luffy stood at the front of the ship with a dark, worried expression. The figurehead of the Going Merry, his favorite sitting spot looked almost naked without him. After what had happened in the kitchen today, Sanji was about to turn around and take his chances with Usopp and Chopper or anyone at this point but the strange stillness in his captain made him hesitate. Luffy wasn't the kind of person to stay still for more than three seconds and Sanji was even less used to seeing him deep in thought instead of running wild. Granted, he had been behaving strangely since this morning but even in his strangeness, he was still recognizable as their easily amused captain with the attention span of a squirrel. The picture in front of his eyes was almost alien to him. If there was anything in the world capable of reducing Luffy to a silent, pensive statue, he had to find out about it.
Who knew, maybe it could come in handy sometime in the future.
Walking up to Luffy, he took the notepad out of his back pocket and wrote, switching from capital letters to a rounded, separate-letter handwriting.
Hello
He tore out the page and waved it in from of the captain's face. Luffy stared at it and turned his head towards him. A slight smile appeared on his lips.
"Hi."
Good, that was a start. At least he was still talking to him.
"I guess the food is ruined, huh?"
There was something in his voice that made Sanji uneasy. Luffy wasn't supposed to sound so somber. He didn't even know the meaning of the word. His stomach twisted. Heaven only knew why but maybe the whole kitchen business had affected him more than he had assumed.
He found himself struggling for the appropriate words as he wrote his reply.
Not really, just the cinnamon buns. It's doesn't matter, though. I got the cinnamon and sugar proportions wrong, anyway.
Luffy looked at him surprised.
"But you already made them once, remember? They were amazing back then…!" He paused and looked away in embarrassment. "Sorry, they were for Nami and Robin, right?"
Sanji nodded in amusement.
Technically yes but I was going to make a separate batch for you guys anyway.
Luffy nodded excitedly. For a second, he seemed like his regular old self until a troubled shadow returned to his features again.
"I'm sorry about the spices. Nami's going to kill me when I tell her."
We can get new ones. Money is not that tight. He tapped the notepad with the pencil in thought, then stroke a line under the last sentence and wrote.
Why do you want to learn cooking? Are you tired of waiting for your snacks to be made?
Luffy hung his head. His already dark features now bore something that almost resembled guilt.
"I wanted to help you."
Sanji sighed. The unabashed blatant eagerness in his captain's voice almost made him consider giving him a second chance.
Almost.
He bent over the notepad again wondering if the events hadn't turned out as bad after all. Luffy could have taken an unexpected interest in medicine. Having him messing up a sauce was infinitely better than the prospect of him messing up stitches or something worse.
But I thought you hated it. Remember the Baratie? That was a nightmare for you!
He resisted the temptation to add "and everyone involved."
"That was on purpose."
Sanji could feel the tip of his pencil snapping against the paper as he stared at Luffy in pure astonishment. For all he knew, their captain was incapable of any kind of deception not even the simplest one. He quickly dug out a sharpener, turned the pencil against it frenetically and wrote again trying to make his words as legible as possible.
What do you mean, on purpose?
"I mean that I didn't really pay much attention to what I was doing. I thought if you guys realized I was a terrible help, you would let me go. And then Krieg showed up so the problem solved itself." Luffy's voice acquired an almost desperate tone. "But this time it was different! I really tried, I swear!"
Sanji's thoughts went back to the neatly kneaded dough on the table. As far as he was concerned, it was the first time he had seen the captain put legitimate effort into anything that didn't involve violence or at least a self-destructive element. The confusion he was feeling right now was probably reaching some kind of world record.
Why?
Luffy lowered his gaze again. The burning guilt upon his face was now plain to see.
"It was the only way I could make it up to you, you know?" His voice was laced with frustration as he clenched his fists and looked Sanji in the eye for the first time since this morning. "I see how hard you work and the crew is getting bigger and you never have any help at all." The words were coming out in a stampede now as if he was trying to get rid of them as fast as possible. "It's just not fair! I know all the sacrifices you make for us. And now there's your voice…"
Luffy stopped mid-sentence to catch his breath. His face was slowly turning red and his eyes were avoiding his once again. The sincere anguish only made Sanji more confused than ever. He appreciated the thought, sure, but not being able to speak for a couple of days barely deserved the utter despair in Luffy's voice. He had seen him overreact over trivial matters before but this time the situation was entirely different. It was like…
The sudden realization hit him like a punch in the face.
It had almost the same effect too. Sanji staggered backwards, his right hand instinctively gripping the notepad to prevent it from plunging into the sea. He felt his eyes widen and his mouth fall open as he stared at Luffy's grief stricken expression. It was not possible. Surely, their captain could be a bit dim-witted sometimes but this was insane even for him. And even so, as his mind recollected the events of the day and Luffy's weird behavior, he could not deny the overwhelming evidence before his eyes.
A small chuckle escaped his lips. It was quickly followed by a second, and then a third.
Luffy's pained face quickly furrowed in puzzlement as Sanji doubled over in silent laughter. The cook fumbled with the pencil trying to write a coherent reply but it slipped from his grasp as a new fit shook him. For a couple of seconds, Sanji could do nothing but stare at him in a mixture of shock and amusement wiping the tears from his eyes but as he regained control again, his writing went back to the big capital letters he had used in the kitchen.
YOU IDIOT! YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS PERMANENT?
Luffy gaped at him, mouth almost hanging to the floor. No one could fake sincerity like that.
"You mean it isn't?!"
Sanji slammed an open palm against his face so hard he almost broke his own nose. The monumental relief in Luffy's yell had been so great, the cook could not help but snicker a bit more before picking up the pencil from the deck and writing again, carefully rounding out the letters.
Of course it isn't, dumbass! Haven't you ever had a cold so bad you couldn't speak for a couple of days?
Luffy shook his head in furious negation. Of course he hadn't, Sanji though, utterly defeated. As far as he knew, idiots couldn't catch colds. Rats could, apparently, but not someone as simple-minded as Luffy.
That happens to me sometimes. That's why Chopper gave me these, see?
He dug out the pillbox from a pocket and cracked it open revealing the small green and gold marbles inside. In the weak evening sun, they gleamed a little bit, as if coated in oil.
It's medicine. I'll be able to talk again in a couple of days. This used to happen all the time back at the Baratie.
Luffy picked up a round pill, sniffed it curiously and then put it back with a huge sigh. His shoulders slumped a bit as if a humongous weight had been lifted of them. When he looked at Sanji again, his grin was back at full power.
"I'm so glad! I though you would be stuck like this forever after saving me."
Sanji buried his face in his hands. He was not sure whether to reassure him, smack him or just keep laughing so he did all three. Luffy looked at him confused as Sanji scribbled something in his notepad again.
Really, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. It's not that big a deal.
"Of course it is!" The captain stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "I like your voice, I would be very sad if I never got to hear it again."
The cook's stunned expression seemed to go right over Luffy's head as he babbled on happily.
"Hey, maybe we can have a secret sign language! I always wanted to use something like that!"
And just like that, things were back to normal again. Sanji rolled his eyes and scribbled in his notepad.
I should be getting better in three or four days. You won't have time to use it.
Luffy's lips formed something that wanted to resemble a pout. It ended up looking like a bad imitation of a duck.
"Come oooooon! No one ever wanted to make up a secret language with me! They always say it's weird."
That's because it is. Besides, it's going to be long and complicated. Verbs alone will take a while.
Luffy looked at the notepad, slightly disappointed.
"But I have all these ideas! I have like five separate signs for "meat"! See?" He raised his hands in front of Sanji's face and closed one in a fist. "This is for pork 'cause it kind of looks like a snout!" This is for beef…" He extended his pinky and index fingers forming the image of horns. "This is for chicken, 'cause they look like feathers." He extended his middle and ring fingers. "And this…"
Sanji stared amused at the captain's open palm. He quickly jotted down something and handed it to Luffy.
Let me guess, turkey?
The eyes scrutinizing the notepad lit up like fireworks.
"See, you're getting it! Now we just have to figure out the rest!"
At some point in his life, his captain must have perfected the puppy dog eyes without realizing it himself. Sanji pinched the bridge of his nose as a smile spread over his face. Luffy really could not be talked out of something once he had made up his mind. In his current predicament, arguing would be long, complicated and utterly pointless.
He tapped the pencil on his index finger, looked at Luffy's excited face and wrote the only answer possible.
We're going to need a bigger notepad.