A/N: Set between the last episode of Firefly and the BDM.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.

"I prefer to channel my energies elsewhere," Book said, keeping Jayne company on his night to cook for the crew.

"Oh, you mean, masterbatin'." Jayne grinned, giving the older man a hard time. He didn't normally hold with churches and preachers, though he did believe in God, however, Book was different. He wasn't all sermons and eternal damnations over a little thieving and whoring, or if he was, he kept it to himself and went on being a regular, if somewhat reverent fellow. Jayne could respect that and who he could respect, he could like.

"No, not even that," Book answered.

"Gai si! They'd have to promise me a gorram Sainthood before I'd agree not ta' 'take up my plow'," Jayne declared, using the phrase that had become sort of a joke since Saffron's time on their ship. He noticed Crazy as she wondered through and looked at each of them as though she wasn't sure what they were and went on her way.

"Saint Jayne," Book laughed. "I could see that. Seriously, though, haven't you ever been in a committed relationship with a woman? It's pretty much the same. I just made the commitment to God rather than a woman."

"No. I wouldn't make no commitment without at least a little farming other fields allowed, Shepard," he replied. "Besides, I ain't never met no woman who didn't want to me to change who I am. I ain't for all that till death do us part junk."

Book just smiled. "Someday, Jayne, someday you'll meet a woman you will want to change for."

"I ain't never changing."

Just then, all hell broke loose. Jayne never would figure out how his gun came to be laying on the cargo bay floor. Sometimes he would have sworn that girl really could move things with her mind.

6 weeks later.

Jayne stomped into his bunk, leaned Vera against the wall, then punched said wall and kicked the bed before falling into it.

Why her? Of all the women in the gorram universe, why did she have to be the one he wanted to change for?

Hell, he had already changed for her. A month ago, Jayne never would have dropped a weapon just keep some hu tu de female from hurting herself. Why had she even climbed onto the gorram table for in the first place?

He had just been going into the kitchen to use the table to clean Vera when he saw the scatterbrained woman standing on her tip toes trying to reach a pot on a high shelf near the table. When she leaned too far and lost her balance, Jayne hadn't so much dropped Vera as he had thrown her, in his hasty to catch that hu tu de woman.

Of course, he smiled despite himself, she had felt nice and small in his arms, and especially the way she had clung to his chest as she regained her bearings. And she smelled good too, not to mention that position gave him a more than alluring view of her nice, round, firm... He groaned tearing himself away from that line of thought.

Just as he was about to kiss those pretty little red lips, something he had been thinking about for weeks, that irritating, pasty faced whelp of a brother of hers, Zoe, Mal and Kaylee had walked in.

And by the way that gorram, sha, piece of gou shi had looked at him as he ripped her away from Jayne; one would have thought Jayne had been raping her right there on the kitchen table, instead of keeping her from seriously damaging herself. He should have just let her fall and break her pretty little teeth out. Then maybe everyone would have been happy.

Except, Jayne kinda liked her teeth where they were, in that pretty mouth with those little red lips that seemed to twist into smile whenever he came around, and was near those nice, firm…, His thoughts returning to that small, delicate creature clinging to him again. Yep. He was going to be using his own plow again tonight. He clicked off his lights and let his memory and imagination take over.

His one last thought as he drifted off was the he should have punched her gorram brother's teeth out and kissed her anyway. He would never have such a good moment to kiss her again.

A/N: Please read and review.

Translations to the best of my knowledge:

Gai Si = Shit!

Hu tu de = Stupid

Sha = soft headed

Gou Si = dog shit