Jack's training included the ability to keep things to himself, even under extreme torture, even under the most extreme circumstances. He knew how to survive the worst interrogation methods. Physical pain was something he could set aside when the situation called for it.
There was a different kind of pain associated with keeping a secret from his team. It was something that weighted his soul; especially when it was a secret he really could tell them and he had to wrestle almost daily with the need to tell them.
There had been times when he was so fiercely proud of the three of them, so certain of their utter devotion to him and in his unspoken and unconditional love for them that he had been this close to just spitting it out.
I have a son…..
Four small words with so much meaning, so much impact, that it scared the shit out of him to even consider saying them out loud. It wasn't like every engineer and miner from the SGC on Edora hadn't figured it out. It was just that his own team didn't know.
Jarrett was safe on Edora. For over a year, Jack had not doubted that even for a moment and he had seen the boy four times while helping Col. Ross and the Army Corp of Engineers to set up the mining operation in the hills just outside of town. Jarrett was loved. He was adored by his mother and his brother and his large extended family. As one of the first children born after the tragedy of the last fire rain he was a symbol of hope and the future.
Then, yesterday, the message had come from Ross. Within the report about the hurricane they had suffered on Edora, the details of what they had lost and the request for material and personnel to help rebuild there had been a private message for Jack.
Laira was dead. Edora had suffered a major hurricane and flood and she had died in a rescue attempt.
It was so much like something she would do that Jack's heart had ached all the more for her, even though he was frustrated and impotently furious with her.
Christ, woman, what were you thinking? You have a child…
He had grieved on his own at home the previous night over a six pack. Considering how close he had just come to dying himself in a Russian sub at the mercy of an implacable foe…
The next morning he had crawled out of bed, lingered over leaving the house, rolled into the SGC an hour late and dragged his sorry ass to Daniel's office.
Daniel looked up when he appeared in the doorway, away from the computer screen and the book open in his lap. His expression was welcoming, guileless, with the perpetual curiosity that was as much a part of him as his glasses and his stubborn streak.
Jack's steps faltered and he stopped on the verge of coming in. Daniel caught it immediately. His expression changed to concern. He sat up like a lion that had been dozing in the sun but suddenly sensed danger.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Got a minute?" Jack asked, almost in the same moment that Daniel spoke so that their words tumbled over each other.
Daniel reached for the mouse, saved his work, closed the screen and set the book on the corner of the desk.
"Sure," he said, warily.
Jack walked in, stopped long enough to climb up on one of the stools at his work table and didn't bother clearing away the clutter. He regarded Daniel for a long time and Daniel gazed back, waiting.
Why Daniel? Why start with Daniel? The answer to that was as hard to accept as it was to voice.
Daniel already didn't trust him. Not like Teal'c and Carter did. Three words would always prevent that – Abydos, nuclear device…..
Daniel didn't follow Jack out of sense of loyalty or because of military discipline. Daniel didn't follow Jack at all, even when he was taking the team's six. Daniel walked at Jack's side and questioned everything he did.
Which Jack needed more than he would ever admit. Daniel wanted Jack's trust but it wasn't something he was ready to give unconditionally to Jack.
And Jack did trust Daniel, in all matters that concerned the heart and soul.
Jack took a long breath that felt like he was inhaling smoke and told Daniel, slowly, about the message from Col. Ross, the hurricane, the damage to the mining camp and the village.
"What do you need us to do?" Daniel asked when Jack paused for a moment. It was clear he was about to make suggestions or jump to conclusions. But Jack held up a hand to stop him. Daniel cut himself off with a sharp intake of breath. "What?" He demanded.
Then Jack told him about the child. His son. Jarrett. The son he had known about for almost two years and never told them about.
"How often do you see him?" His eyes were studying something on his desk but Daniel's feigned casualness didn't fool Jack one bit. He was fighting hard to stay rational and remain calm.
But Jack could see all of Daniel's childhood abandonment issues surging forward. For the first time Jack wondered if telling Daniel had been a good idea and if their improbable friendship could survive Jack's lapse in judgment.
"As often as I can," Jack said, "Come on, Daniel. You're a smart guy. Did you think I really took such an active personal interest in the naquadah mining on Edora?"
Daniel looked back at him then and his expression had hardened considerably. His gaze had gone intensely blue and reflected the disappointment Jack had put there.
"I thought you were going to see Laira," he said, accusingly. "I didn't want to interfere with that so I never asked to go with you or asked what you were doing there. I guess now I know."
Jack didn't flinch outwardly but his soul cringed as if it had been whipped. He suddenly realized how much he wanted Daniel's absolution and if there was enough penance in the galaxy to obtain it.
"He's always had everything he needs, Daniel."
"Except his father," Daniel shot back.
The emotional blow made Jack's hands shake for a moment. He sought the smart-ass comeback that had served him so long it was now instinct. But he couldn't find one.
Then Daniel slouched. His shoulders slumped forward and his eyes closed for a moment. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger for a moment. When he was done he tossed the glasses on the desk, as if all of this was going to be easier if he couldn't quite see Jack clearly.
"And like everything else you chose not to trust me with this," he said.
"Daniel…." Jack hadn't bargained at all on this making Daniel hurt. He hadn't given it a thought.
You can be such a shit, O'Neill…
"Why tell me now?" Daniel asked, interrupting Jack's thoughts.
"I want you to go with me, to the funeral and….. I want you to meet Jarrett."
"Jarrett?" Daniel asked, "That's his name?"
"Yes, though I've always called him Jett."
Something in Daniel's expression softened and Jack wasn't sure why. But he had clearly just said something right. He seized on it like a drowning man grabbing a piece of driftwood.
"So," he said and now the feigned casualness was his. "You'll go with me? To the funeral?"
Daniel shook his head but not in refusal, in exasperation.
"Jack," he said and Jack almost broke at the sound.
It was chiding forgiveness. He knew a profound sense of relief at the knowledge.
Daniel wasn't deserting him. Daniel would still walk at Jack's side and question everything he did.
And Jack had been an ass to ever doubt that.
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