Shinji stood on the bridge in the Eva cage. Late in the night, the cages were desolate; his breathing echoed off the walls and he could hear the rush of blood in his ears from the pent-up stress of recent events.
He felt safe around the cybernetic behemoth. It was one of the few times in his life where he felt invincible. Shinji hazarded a glance upwards, towards the observation deck. He always took care to come in when his father wasn't watching. It gave Gendo a semblance of omnipotence.
At that thought, Shinji stood with his hands firmly at his sides. His head was bowed and his attention was fixed on the amber-colored liquid beneath the metal platform on which he stood.
It came alive.
Idly, he dug his nails into his palms. He assured himself that no one was around, that no one would bother him, and he breathed more freely with the assurance.
I don't know, was the thought that accompanied his visible agitation. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks, but the self-inflicted pain did not cease. Shinji looked up and was faced with the demonic visage of the Evangelion that had chased him out into the mountainous rural region some ways off from Tokyo-3.
Shinji dragged his foot along the metal bridge. The thing wasn't staring back at him, yet he felt like an intruder in its cage, as well as a sense of what could have been ease. He reasoned it was the raw power Unit 01 possessed-power that it had used to tear its way out of the bowels of NERV's base, power that it had used to scare the entire military out of its wits that night.
Power that it had used to protect him. Willingly, like his was worth something.
He relaxed his hands, which were still in his pockets, and a sigh escaped him.
He had a feeling of being watched. He looked at Unit 01 but its eyes were shut. Shinji looked up further, dreading and knowing who it was. The light was not on, but Shinji saw the faint gleam of Gendo's glasses. Shinji was unsure whether he should run. There was an air of menace that rained down from the window above.
A few moments later, his ears picked up the faintest sound of leather shoes making contact with the metal floor. The sound of cloth being readjusted made it clear to him that he was not alone. Shinji braced himself, turning around to face Gendo. The man looked, for lack of a better term, on the edge. His posture was rigid and he seemed about ready to jump on anything that had the misfortune of vexing him. Shinji, though visibly frightened, gave a quick bow.
An extended silence filled the area, with little more than the sound of the coolant sloshing beneath the metal of the bridge to fill it. Gendo, so as to assert his position of authority, was the first to speak up. "Why are you here, Shinji?" The Commander queried, aggression lacing his voice in subtle undertones. He spoke again before Shinji could even process the question, voice both accusatory and riled.
He leaned close to Shinji. Shinji could pick up the distinct odor of alcohol coming from his father's mouth; it was a smell he was used to being around due to Misato's massive consumption of the stuff. However, he was more than a bit shocked with his father. His father may be an unbearable prick, but he was always a calm, collected one. The fact his father could be slipping was more than slightly terrifying to him. "She loved you more," Gendo growled.
"Who...who loved me more? No one has ever loved me." Shinji mumbled with a slight aversion of his gaze. Gendo grabbed his arm. "She loved you more than me, you know very well!" The man's eyes gleamed behind his yellow-tinted glasses: they seemed to be red, from alcohol or tears Shinji could not tell. He remained limp in his father's grasp. Resisting, he thought, would only lead to injury. My father will not hurt me, he reasoned, for once, he needs me.
"I know you're spineless, but you're not ignorant, you hopeless brat."
The boy, in a brief moment of defiance, made an attempt at pulling away. Though his thoughts mere moments ago warned him against it, there was another part of him that wanted some distance between him and the unstable man. It really did bother him, being so close to someone so obviously crazed. Gendo gripped tighter as he struggled against his superior.
"Come on, father, please, let me go," Shinji pleaded. "This isn't like you at all." He found it nearly impossible to hide his fear, which upset him. Shinji was hoping he could at least reign supreme this time in that area-being calm. His father's response was to practically bare his teeth and shove Shinji down onto the metal platform.
The younger Ikari made an attempt at pushing himself up with his arms, only to receive a harsh kick to the gut. Gendo was not hesitant in his advance, and in a heartbeat he had Shinji half-off the edge of the platform, pinned with his foot on his chest.
Shinji found defeat under the oppressive heel of the Commander, quite literally. It was all he could do to mumble something, in anger or defiance, only he knew. The actioned earned him further pain in the form of Gendo pressing the heel of his shoe further into his chest.
"If you have something to say," he spat out, "then say it."
Shinji didn't blow his hair out of his face. He lay there in silence with the sounds of the general area being his only guarantee, other than pain, that he was not dreaming. The tips of his fingers were cold, he noted. Shinji reached out, feebly, and grabbed his father's leg.
"I never loved you."
Shinji wheezed in response, "You think...you think I never realized that?" Shinji began to struggle and squirm, his legs flailing. A stray foot caught Gendo in the back of the knee. The NERV commander fell down backwards, sprawled and limp, still heaving. Shinji rolled away slightly, wriggling back onto the relative safety of the catwalk. "How can you be so thick?" Gendo growled, as Shinji stood.
Gendo was still crouched. "You foolish boy, what did I do to deserve you?" Shinji tensed, then began to run. He jerked forward and fell to the ground, just as he almost gained the hallway. Wheezing, he touched just below his rib cage where pain was spreading. His hand came away damp. Shinji braced himself as he looked at the blood covering his hand.
He turned his head to look at Gendo and began weeping. Not loudly, but gentle streams of tears began rolling down his face. His father's pistol was still smoking. He then looked at Unit 01 and said, "Why didn't you come for me now?" Shinji looked down at the ground and tried crawling away.
A groan rumbled through the Eva cage. Gendo turned to face Unit 01. The groan came from deep within the Eva. He did not have time to scream as the Unit 01 grabbed him and flung him across the cage, its mouth open in a grimace. The Unit's other hand reached about and carefully picked Shinji up. The Eva brought him close to its face. The groan became a howl and continued, a soft rising and falling note.
He looked at the Eva. He did have to smile though. As it wept for him as he once did for it, begging it to save itself... And slowly, Shinji's eyes grew bright, "I should have known it was you...goodnight, Mother."
Author's Notes: The Cruel Fans here! This is a sequel to My Guardian Eva but not another chapter. Why? We had a hard time seguing the two together, feeling that this could be read on its own and stood better on its own. Enjoy!