June 15th. The fifteenth day of the sixth month of the year. It's funny how a date can stick with you, despite having so many other important things in ones life.
June 15th. I think it was, though it might be childish to admit it, the date that changed my life entirely. For better or for worse… I can't tell anymore. There have been dozens… no, hundreds of days exactly like it. Get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Same routine, day after day after day.
But on that day, on that insignificant day, I met you.
To be completely honest, I had never dreamed of entering Shadow when I had joined ZECT. As a low level entry, it was only expected that I would start at a low rank. Work hard, be careful, follow orders. It was a mantra I had learned by heart by my fourth month of service.
On the fifth, I was promoted to Shadow team.
June 15th. The day I met my new commander.
It's rather embarrassing, now, to think back on how I acted that day. I tripped over my introduction, but you only smiled at me. You only ever smiled at me, telling me in your calm voice that I've done a good job.
At first I admired you. I placed you on an untouchable pedestal, the center of our team. My mantra was still playing over and over in my mind - work hard, be careful, follow orders. But this time I didn't care about a promotion. I just wanted you to turn your head and smile at me one more time. To tell me I had done well.
But like all good things. Well. You know.
Admiration turned to jealousy. Jealousy turned to rage. Instead of everything good about you, all I could see were your faults. In the end, my mantra had served me well. I was promoted, and my once proud commander fled in ruin.
Where did you go then? My head at the time, was too full of my own self importance. My own idiotic arrogance. I was so blinded that I couldn't see the fault in my own actions. I had broken the pedestal and cast down my self-made King to take his place on the ruins.
For my actions then… I cannot apologize enough.
As time wore on, my self-righteousness only grew. Friends became foes and any essence of teamwork you had stirred within me vanished.
This, I think, was my downfall. TheBee chooses only those who are worthy. When it could see what I had become, when you showed it what I had become… it left me, as it had you.
Were you like me? Did you cry, and wish for some way, any way to restore yourself? Somehow, I can't think of you like that. You were always a bigger person than I am.
June 15th. It came back to me then, at that time. The feeling I had gotten when I first met you. The way it felt when you smiled at me, just for me. I wanted to hear you say I had done a good job. Just one more time.
A hand reached out to me. A simple question, a promise of redemption - no. Acceptance.
Aniki.
My aniki.
To think, that it would be you who pulled me up then. You were the one who sought out the own cause of your downfall. It was ironic. But… if someone else had come to me then… It was only your hand I wanted to grasp.
To walk the path of darkness and abandon all of the light from my past. That was all you asked from me. And in return, you gave me power I couldn't dream of. We became brothers in all but blood.
But I lied. I think you knew it then, even as you gave me my Zector. There was a lie in my heart. You never questioned me on it - as I have never question yours.
…..
June 15th. Today. But it's different now. I'm different. I think you knew, even without my saying it.
Work hard.
Be careful.
Follow orders.
Even as my head is swimming, your face coming in and out of view, I can still hear those words. Work hard. Be careful. Follow orders. Why? Why did I abandon it now? Why had I gone against you.
Looking up at your face, it almost glitters. Rain? Or were those tears? The world is too blurry, I can't seem to tell.
"I'm sorry."
Your voice. It sounds… it sounds like that day… that day that seems a life time ago.
"I didn't make you mabu tofu this time."
Oh.
June 15th.
Somehow I had never noticed it. June 15th. Every year since we had met. Every year without fail, you had made the same dish. The same dish with the same smile and words. Without fail. Each time came flooding back to me, just brief flashes of that smile. Why won't my eyes focus. I'm sure if I can just get them to focus I can see it one more time. Just one more time..
"Aniki. I lied. My light… it…"
For a moment you don't speak. Another drop of rain hits my cheek.
"My light never left either."
Your voice seemed to come from far away. So far, as though it was filtered through water. My eyes are tired, I can't seem to open them to see your face.
"Aibou… Shun. Good work this year."