THE MAN HE USED TO BE

Starsky faces the biggest challenge of his life, recovering from Gunter's attack. Can he fight his way back from the edge of death and be the man he used to be?

Author's Note: Since the first few chapters will follow the actual events from the episode "Sweet Revenge", some excerpts from that story line will be used. However, this story will focus more on Starsky's time in the hospital and long recovery afterwards, as well as Hutch's emotions during that period of time more than it will the actual search for Gunter.

CHAPTER ONE

It was a beautiful sunny day in southern California. The kind of day to forget everything and spend an afternoon at the beach. The temperature was in the high eighties even though it was still early in the morning and the sky was relatively free from smog. Despite the attraction of other activities, for Starsky and Hutch the job came first.

The squad room was in disarray because it was being painted. The long tables that were normally used as desks had been folded and leaned up against the walls and tarps were spread everywhere. One painter stood on a ladder covering a wall with the same obnoxious green that most institutional facilities seemed to favor. A second painter was sitting in a corner eating an early lunch. Someone had pulled the ping-pong table from the break room into the squad room. To pass time until they got a call, Starsky and Hutch were indulging in a game of "Trivia" Ping-Pong. The loser had to buy the winner a three-course meal at a restaurant of their choice. It had been a close game but Starsky had managed to score the winning point.

The two detectives left the squad room arguing good naturedly about Starsky winning the bet. As they left the building through the rear door that opened into the parking lot behind the station, Starsky said with a smirk,

"You owe me a dinner, buddy boy."

"Well, a bet's a bet," Hutch agreed, as the two men walked past a row of black and white cruisers parked along the side of the building and started to cross the lot to the Torino.

"All right!" Starsky gloated gleefully. He had expected Hutch to put up more of an argument.

"Hey, look….as long as I'm buying, why don't we pick a date? How about tomorrow?" Hutch suggested

"Tomorrow? Sounds great."

"How about five in the morning?" Hutch said with a grin as he stepped around to the passenger's side of the car and waited patiently for Starsky to dig his keys out of his skin-tight jeans.

"No way," Starsky told him. "You owe me a three-course dinner."

"What? Hamburger, fries and a chocolate shake, huh?" Hutch teased him affectionately.

"No way," Starsky told him defensively. "I'm talking about a broiled lobster maybe or a New York Steak."

"Come on. Hurry up," Hutch said impatiently waiting for Starsky to unlock the car doors.

"What's your hurry?" Starsky asked as he fumbled with his keys. "It's not every day you can buy your best friend a three course meal." He flashed a grin at Hutch over the roof of the Torino.

Hutch's attention was drawn to the sound of metal scraping against metal. He glanced over towards the building in time to see a black and white cruiser pull forward, the rear quarter panel hitting the front fender of the cruiser parked beside it. The blond watched as the barrel of a gun suddenly appeared in the window on the passenger's side of the cruiser.

"STARSKY!" Hutch screamed frantically, reaching for his own weapon and automatically dropping to his knees beside the body of the Torino. "GET DOWN!"

Gunshots filled the air, followed by the sound of shattering glass and bullets slamming into the metal body of the Torino. Tires squealed shrilly as the cruiser accelerated and roared out of the parking lot. Hutch fired three shots after the retreating vehicle but it was moving too fast for his aim to be accurate. Bouncing to his feet, it suddenly registered in his mind that he hadn't heard any answering gunfire from Starsky's weapon.

"STARSKY!" he yelled desperately as he shot another round at the fleeing cruiser. "STARSK!" he shouted again, his voice even more frantic when he didn't get an answer from his partner. His heart pounded with fear, slamming against his chest like a sledge hammer. Dropping his weapon to his side, he ran around the front of the Torino and stopped dead.

Hutch felt the color draining from his face and he felt like he'd been hit in the stomach with a wreaking ball. His partner and best friend lay crumbled on the ground beside the car, his body curled in a fetal position with his head resting in the rear wheel well. Blood was rapidly pooling on the ground beneath him, pouring from wounds in his chest and abdomen. Starsky had been caught in the direct line of fire, trapped on the driver's side of the car with no place to hide.

The parking lot broke into chaos as other officers came running out of the building attracted by the sound of gunfire. Hutch didn't even notice the shouts and curses that filled the air as he slumped down to the ground beside his fallen partner. He was afraid to touch Starsky, afraid of what he would find. Then instinct took over and his trembling fingers reached out to press against the side of Starsky's neck, searching frantically for a pulse. He found one but it was weak and erratic.

Gently, Hutch eased Starsky's head and shoulders into his lap, using his hands to press down against the terrible wounds in his chest, trying to stop the blood pouring out of his body. Other officers had arrived at the scene and were frantically trying to help, pressing jackets and bare hands against the wounds to slow the loss of blood. Hutch heard someone yelling that an ambulance was on the way but his attention was focused solely on his partner who could be dying right in front of his eyes.

Starsky's face was pale, his eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow and labored. Blood ran from the corner of his mouth in a frothy foam that indicated a direct hit to his lung. Hutch could hear the gurgling sound deep in Starsky's chest as he struggled to draw in each breath. He'd heard that sound too many times in his career. It meant that Starsky was drowning in his own blood as it filled his lungs.

"Please God…." Hutch whispered, the tears that burned his eyes beginning to fall down his cheeks. "Not now….not like this. Don't die on me, Starsk. Please don't die…" Hutch knew his prayers were futile. It was out of his hands. Starsky's fate rested in the hands of a much higher power now.

"The ambulance should be here soon," someone that Hutch didn't bother trying to identify said.

"Starsky's tough." another person commented. "He'll make it. You'll see."

The wail of an approaching ambulance drowned out the voices around him. The sound was cut off abruptly as the ambulance pulled into the parking lot. The emergency vehicle screeched to a halt a few feet away and two paramedics jumped out, running to the fallen man lying on the pavement. Hutch felt hands on his arms, trying to pull him away from his injured partner.

"Come on, son…let the paramedics take care of him now," Captain Dobey's voice said soothingly as he tried to pull the tall blond to his feet.

"NO! HE NEEDS ME! I HAVE TO STAY WITH HIM!" Hutch yelled, trying to fight the hands that pulled at him insistently.

Reluctantly, Dobey gestured for assistance and three other officers stepped forward to help pull Hutch away from Starsky's side. Hutch cried out in despair and struggled against the hands that held him, hands that pulled him to his feet and away from Starsky. Dobey held Hutch's arm firmly, holding him back and keeping him from falling back on his knees beside his partner.

"Let them do their job, Ken," Dobey said quietly, his own eyes watering with tears at the tragedy unfolding in front of him. Like every other officer gathered there he knew that Starsky's chances of survival were slim at best. Starsky was losing too much blood much too quickly. His body was torn apart by the bullets.

The paramedics worked rapidly to access Starsky's condition and to stabilize him for transport to the hospital. Time was of the essence. An oxygen mask was put over his nose and mouth, and IV's were started. Pressure dressings were slapped over the wounds to prevent both blood loss and to keep air from getting into the chest cavity. An EKG monitor showed Sinus Tachycardia caused by the severe blood loss he had already suffered.

Without any time to waste, the two paramedics carefully lifted Starsky onto the gurney and started to lift it into the back of the ambulance to rush him to the hospital.

"Give me that bag of Lactated Ringers." the dark haired paramedic yelled at his partner as he started a second IV. "He's bleeding out! We gotta move or we'll gonna lose him!" The ominous words echoed in Hutch's ears as he watched the doors to the ambulance closing.

"Come on, son…" Dobey said. "I'll drive you to the hospital." He could feel the tall blond's body trembling beneath his touch as he guided Hutch over to his car and helped him inside. Several other officers rushed towards their own vehicles to accompany their fallen comrade to the hospital.

Hutch slumped down in the front seat of Dobey's car and buried his face in his hands, silent sobs racking his body as they raced towards the closest hospital with a trauma unit. Dobey threw worried glances at the man beside him. He recognized the early signs of shock and he knew in his heart that he stood the risk of losing not just one good officer but two. If Starsky didn't survive then neither would Hutch. They were too close, their lives too intertwined with each other.

Every man and woman who pinned on the badge knew the risk they faced every day. Dobey had lost his own partner several years ago and had never gotten over the loss completely. He had the love of his wife and his family to help him deal with his grief and loss but Hutch didn't really have anyone except his friends in the department to stand by him. He was estranged from his own family who didn't approve of him deciding to become a cop instead of following in his father's footsteps. Starsky and Hutch had both had some close calls in the past but never anything like this. Dobey said a silent prayer that Starsky wouldn't die on the way to the hospital.

Although Dobey had never admitted it to the two detectives, Starsky and Hutch were his favorite team and he cared about them as if they were part of his own family. He knew that the sight of Starsky lying on that pavement surrounded by a pool of his own blood would be branded on his brain for the rest of his life. Captain Dobey was a religious man and he believed in miracles. He knew that Starsky's life was now in God's hands and that God would be the one to decide if he lived or died.

Without a second thought, he reached over and laid a comforting hand on Hutch's thigh. "He's gonna be okay, Ken. Starsky won't give up without a fight." Dobey said, using Hutch's first name deliberately to focus his attention. "But he's gonna need you right there beside him fighting too."

Any further words Dobey had planned to say were cut off as he pulled into the driveway at Memorial Hospital. Hutch was out of the car and running towards the emergency room entrance before Dobey had a chance to come to a complete stop. Slamming on his brakes, he threw open his door and hurried after the distraught blond, moving remarkably fast for a man of his bulk.

Inside the emergency room, he found Hutch at the receptionist's desk demanding to see Starsky.

"He's a cop! He was shot just a little while ago!" Hutch said in a loud voice, ignoring the fact that he was in a hospital. "He's my partner and I want to see him! Now where the hell is he?"

The nurse on duty looked uncomfortable as she said, "Sir, if you will just have a seat over there….I'm sure someone will be out to talk to you soon."

Stepping up behind him Dobey put a gentle hand on Hutch's shoulder and said quietly "Let's sit down, son. They'll tell us how he is as soon as they know anything."

"C..C..aptain…." Hutch said, the stutter that only appeared when he was upset or under stress making him stumble over his words "I have to be in there with him. I can't let him d..d..ie alone…."

Hutch's words tore at the Captain's heart. He knew how Hutch felt but he knew that the medical staff would never allow it. Their eyes met and they each saw the pain and fear reflected there. Hutch's shoulders slumped in defeat as he meekly followed his Captain over to one of the hard plastic chairs in the waiting room and sat down at his side. Hutch didn't even notice several other people sitting in the waiting room blanching at the sight of his blood stained clothes. He leaned forward, his forearms resting on his thighs as he bowed his head, closed his eyes and prayed harder than he had ever prayed in his life.