A/N Disclaimer : I don't own Harry Potter
Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Challenges & Assignments) History of Magic (Assignment 8)
Prompt: Write about a squib discovering their lack of magic
Word count: 1,004(ish)
I'm still awake, even though everyone else is asleep. The whole house is quiet, the only sign of life in the whole neighbourhood is a cat that slinks across the road in the amber glow of the streetlights. I'm waiting, like I've waited every night for the last month. Most nights I've drifted off to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open, but tonight I will stay awake. This is the last night. Tomorrow is July 31st and my letter still hasn't come. My sister's letter came in the first week of July, and my brother's came on the second day.
I've never done any magic but my mother always said that once I got to Hogwarts it would all be fine. My letter has to come, it has to. I won't be able to bear it if it doesn't come, I have to go. My parents met each other at Hogwarts and now both my siblings are there. I can't be the only one not to go. It's not fair, I know I would be a great witch, I would make my parents proud. If I can't go to Hogwarts what is left for me? I'll never be happy here, in this world without magic, this boring, ordinary world.
But, as the sky turns pink and the sun appears behind the houses opposite ours I know it's not coming. I'm a squib. The word sounds dirty, even unspoken in my mind. I have failed my family, have ruined everything.
I throw myself down on the bed and sob, burying my face in the pillow and let my shoulders heave with misery and despair.
I didn't realise how hard it would be to come to Diagon Alley. This should have been my time. My first year, my parents should be buying my uniform, my books. My mother said I could stay home but I thought it would be better to come. I could still be a part of the Wizarding world even if I didn't fit in but now I realise that was a mistake.
Everyone else here has a purpose, hundreds of people bustling around, buying new robes and cloaks, books and wands. Today there are many young people my own age, preparing for their first year.
I have to force myself to rush past Ollivander's. I had been looking forward to buying my own wand, dreaming about what it would look like, what it would feel like. But now I know there will be no wand, I will never feel the magic tingling through me.
We all split up, my brother and sister going off to buy their school supplies, my mother to look for new robes and my father looks in on his friends in the Leaky Cauldron. I am left alone, left to wander by myself.
My favourite shop is Flourish & Blotts, the bookshop. I shuffle past the school books, trying to ignore the children who rush about, clutching their acceptance letters. I find my way to the back of the shop and sit with my back against one of the towering spirals of books. I select a large dusty volume and open it.
I am disturbed only once. Usually no one comes back here, but as I shift and turn the page a girl stumbles into my corner. She knocks a few books off the shelf and gasps. When they tumble onto my head she shrieks.
"I'm so sorry! Oh my gosh are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"I was just exploring and then I was so shocked to see you and then..."
She babbles on for a while until she realises I am not listening. I don't mean to be rude but she talks quickly, and it is difficult not to be resentful of her. She talks quickly and I gather she is a muggleborn, just about to start her first year at Hogwarts. It is hard to be jealous though, when she is so apologetic and kind. She has just asked me whether I will attend Hogwarts and I am wondering how to answer her when an old woman pokes her head round another pile of books.
"Annabel? It's time to go."
She jumps up and waves cheerfully at me.
"Bye!"
As she bounces off I smile a little and turn back to my book.
My mother finds me, hours later, still engrossed in my book. She smiles, and I know it is because for the first time in days I am happy.
This is it. I'm not going. I'm standing on the platform watching everyone else clamber aboard the train. A great sense of loss fills me but I shake it off, determined not to cry. I try to be helpful, carrying my sister's suitcase and cheerfully waving to my siblings as they board the train.
When my parents are not looking I jump onto the train. I just want to stand on it, to be part of things for a moment. I am about to climb down when the girl from the book shop runs over.
"Hi! Will you sit with me? There are so many people, I was a little lost." She laughs and I smile back, unsure of what to say.
"I'm sorry, I-I can't go to Hogwarts"
She look at me with a confused expression buy before she can ask me any questions the clock strikes eleven and the train whistle blows and we are on our way.
I am going to Hogwarts!
I am going! Almost immediately though I am filled with fear. What will happen when I get there? I don't belong there. I will be sent home again, sent home in disgrace. This is a mistake, an awful mistake and now I am rushing away from home to a place where I have no purpose, no hope of fitting in.