A/N: So this wouldn't leave my head soooo hopefully you guys like this…Just saying I know nothing about veterns or army stuff but I have been reading so many captain America fanfics, this idea wouldn't leave…soooo here we go..

Adam never thought he would come home after his third tour of duty. He lost so many friends and had seen countless atrocities. He expected to never set foot back on American soil, part of him wished that was true. He wouldn't have to deal with the awkward conversations with his brother, the pounding headaches, the fact his left arm pretty much hung limply at his side because of the fucking nerve damage from the IED and the worst of all the flashbacks that render him unable to leave the house without having to worry about the impending panic attack. Death would have been so much kinder

"Adam?…Adam?..Adam? You here with us?"

Adam was pulled out of his head by the persistent sound of Jay's voice. He must have checked out again, he knew it scared Jay when he got that thousand yard stare. He ran his hands through his progressively longer hair before looking over at his brother. Jay had a tense look on his face that mirrored his husband Chris's. The only people that were not staring at him were his three year old twin nieces who just cared that Uncle Adam liked having tea parties with them.

" I'm here Jay, I'm here. I'm tired. I couldn't sleep well last night." Adam told him looking down at his barely touched plate eggs. It has been almost six months since he came back home and nothing has been the same, he can't eat, he can't sleep and the fact Jay keeps trying to make him go to a shrink was driving him crazy. He just needed to adjust.

" Well Chris was saying that he was talking to a guy when he took you to the V.A that there is this apartment building just down the street that caters to vets. They have cheap rent, a swimming pool, work out room and there are councilors from the V.A that live there too and are on call if you need them." Jay said passing him some colorful pamphlets. " Plus I know you said you wanted to be more independent and we would be only a twenty minute drive if you ever needed us."

Adam looked down at the papers and tried to look interested. He knew living with Jay would not last long and Adam didn't even blame him. Jay had his only life with Chris, Ruby and Charlotte, they did not need someone with them who goes into meltdown mode when he accidently turns on the hunger games and ends up hiding in the closet screaming. He wouldn't want to live like that. Adam spaced after that, just nodding whenever Jay looked over at him with that hopeful look on his face. He did not want to be a burden on his brother anymore.

It took two weeks to get everything set up and there Adam was holding a box in his arms as Jay talked animatedly with a man name John who seemed to be the head of the program. John was US marine who got an honorable discharge after 4 tours, he set up the program with the VA after his trouble of getting reacquainted with the outside world. So far it has been a huge success though Jay seemed a lot more excited than he did. He set the box down as he somewhat listened to them. He just clued into tidbits.

"Service dog…"

"Counselling.."

"Getting better adjusted.."

Adam set his box down and walked into the hallway, it was clean and in soft colors. Every door had the person's name on it and there was even signs saying where they are, the year and they are safe incase people check out in the hallways. Adam ran his hand down the textured wall following the soft sound of music coming from the room down the hall. Adam looked at the nameplate on the wall. Jeff Hardy, Counselor. The door was wide open he looked in just seeing a thin man with bright blue hair, painting on a large canvas as he sang along to Pearl Jam coming from his radio. Jeff must have known someone was watching him, when the song ended he turned to look over at the doorway giving Adam a soft smile.

" You are the new guy aren't you?" He asked setting down the paint brush he was holding. He did not move closer to the door way but made sure to keep distance from Adam. This guy knew what he was doing, not crowding the crazies. Adam rubbed his neck and looked up from the carpet.

" Ya…Um..I'm Adam. I live down the hall. I kind of wondered away from my brother and John. I'm sorry for interrupting you. I was just tired of listening to them talk to me without really talking to me." Adam looked around the room checking all the sight lines quickly.

" That's how most people feel when they move in here. You can come in if you would like." Jeff motioned for Adam to come into the apartment. " I have a dog so I hope you don't mind. He's one of the therapy dogs I use in my sessions they seem to help…I'm sorry, Im rambling." He pulled his hair up into a loose bun.

" No. no I like dogs." Adam said simply as he walked in doing a quick security check, looking around siting out all of his exits. The apartment was extremely open and inviting, all soft fabrics and bright colors. He sat down on the green couch as a white dog hopped up on the couch beside him nudging his hand. He smiled softly running his fingers through the soft fur.

"The dog is really good at grounding when people check out." Jeff said flopping into a dinning room chair long limbs hanging over the arm rests. " Plus I've had her for years, her name is Willow."

Adam didn't really say much as he watched Jeff talk with a bright smile on his face. Some people might find him alittle too loud to be comfortable but Adam loved it. The blue haired man did not look at him like he was a broken toy who was missing too many pieces to fix. He hated feeling like this, Jay never looked at him like he used too.

" Did you serve?" Adam blurted out as he watched Jeff talk about something to do with his painting.

"Oh me, no I never did. I never fit in very well with the whole don't ask don't tell thing. My old man did and my brother did. I started working at the V.A when Matty came back home and he was having a rough time. They haven't gotten rid of me yet so I guess I'm pretty decent at this thing." Jeff shrugged his light laugh made Adam smile softly. His smile faded quickly though when he heard his brother's frantic voice coming from the hallway.

" I should have probably told him I was going for a walk." He admitted softly as Jay walked into the room looking slightly frantic as John looked like he was trying to calm him down.

" Addy, you need to tell me when you leave. I didn't know where you went or if you had an episode…"

"Jay, I'm living by myself now, I should be able to go down the hallway by myself. You aren't going to be able to hover over me anymore." Adam chuckled softly when that deflated his brother pretty quickly. "You wanted me to be independent, you gotta trust me."

" I trust you Addy, I know you are gonna do fine. You do need to help me unpack you house though. I don't know where you want things. Thank you for everything John, I think we are pretty much settled in." Jay said helping Adam up off the couch.

"No problem guys, Adam if you ever need anything I am in apartment 109 and you should come to the VA tomorrow and we can figure out a schedule for you." John told him. Adam nodded and stayed close to his brother. He looked over John's shoulder and gave Jeff a shy smile.

" Adam, you can always come and talk to me too whenever. Doesn't matter what time, I am usually always awake."

" I'll keep that in mind." Adam said still smiling slightly as he followed Jay out of the room and down to his own apartment. The nerves he had this morning were still there but now it was just a dull ache and not full blown panic but he still had to make it through a night by himself and nights never seemed to go well.

The night surprisingly was not any worse than usual, nowhere near better but no worse. Adam fell into a restless sleep around 3 in the morning, sleeping till 6 before waking up in a cold sweat with the sense of impending doom. He followed his ritualized early morning routine of a handful of pills, peppermint tea and a piece of toast all while listening to the radio. Adam could not help the small flutter in his chest when he heard the first few opening cords to Pearl Jam's Even Flow.

Adam looked over to the door way and saw a small yellow piece of paper by the door. He set down his plate and went over picking the note up with his hand and unfolded it. It was a note from Jeff, full of loopy cursive and a few quick flower doddles. That flutter in his chest got worse as he read the note.

Adam

The first day is the hardest but after
that everything is going to change for the better.

I believe in you

Jeff