Omg why? Just...Why?!

I shouldn't really be starting anything...but I did...

Inspired by American Horror Story: Freakshow, but nothing has been copied from it, just the circus/freakshow theme used as the setting

Warnings: mentions of violence, racism and other derogatory references, yaoi (duh)

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come"

-Joseph Campbell-

Chapter One

June 2, 1950

This was not how I thought my life would end up. I never thought that I'd be gripping the hands of my sisters, running towards our cousin and seeking the comforting embrace he always offered but I never wanted. Not me, nor Mei, but he was what we needed. We needed family.

I definitely didn't think that we would end up in the back of a yellow cab, driving past country side, weeds and swamps and forest preserves, quaint blue sided houses with red flowers in the window boxes, a white picketed fence, a small type of town with mom and pop shops that screamed "AMERICAN SOUTH" even without the help of American and Confederate flags that flown on the sides of houses, even on stickers that stuck to the bumpers of cars, beside each other. I didn't think that, when the cab stopped, it would be on a black, asphalt road, heat waves rising like worms drowning in mud, insects buzzing in the over grown grass and thicket of trees all snarled and smelling too sweet, like rotting peaches and oranges.

"You stoppin' at the Circus?"

"Yes," I said because my English was better than Mei's. Than Sakura's.

The cab driver -a heavy set man with a belly that spilled over the waist band of his denim pants like too much honey in a too small jar, salt and pepper hair in his nose and around his temples, avoiding the crown of his head but that was only seen when he removed the brown flat hat to wipe the sweat from his brow and dark, brown skin -only grunted, understanding and knowing all too well of America's treatment of those that were Different. He, who had surely suffered from the perceived "curse" and "disability" of his rich skin that reminded me of starry nights spent laying in summer's upturned soil and long, swaying grass, and now us, foreigners in a place built by them but were so distrusting of immigrants that had come for the same reasons as their ancestors. There was little in the way of work for an African American man in the South, where Confederate flags still billowed in unseen breezes and where the bleached bones of slaves still laid buried and forgotten beneath ruins of old plantations and the beginning of a new era of New and Innovation; there was even littler work for a man, such as myself, who's accent dripped and fell from my words like ethylene glycol, tripping them and morphing them to make them New, to make people stare or avoid eye contact.

"Working there?"

"Hai," Sakura said with a demure nod of her head, her tiny fist -she was only thirteen -curling into the sleeve of my shirt.

"Good luck to ya," he said tilting his cap at the three of us, "That Circus, it travels. Makes good money."

"Thank you."

"Kami no shukufuku ga arimasu yō."

"What does that mean?"

I smiled, it was small and was no where near as graceful and darling as Sakura's whose lips immediately tilted and turned into a beautiful, beaming smile after uttering the words. "It means 'God bless you'."

The man blushed, pulling his cap over his eyes to hide his embarrassment. "And with you, miss."

The three of us -Sakura, Mei and I -got out of the cab, grabbing our bags and paying the man, including a generous tip. The man drove off, leaving us standing in front of our future.

I definitely didn't think that, one day, I would be standing in front of a path big enough for three people to walk side by side, the grass yellowed and pressed down close to the ground to allow a comfortable walking surface, a sign hanging above the path made out of iron posts decorated with snakes and ivy, and an arched sign made of wood, clowns painted on either side of the words, "CIRQUE DES MERVEILLES: FEATS OF SKILL AND FREAKS OF NATURE! Sponsored by LIZ&ROD INC".

But here we were.

"Nii-san," Sakura said staring up at me with her big, honey colored eyes, "are we going to see Yao?"

"Hai."

"After so many years..." Mei spoke, shaking her head and gripping her suitcase handle tightly in both hands, "It seems unreal...do you think Aniki changed? Young Soo? Lei Siu?"

"We will see when we get in there, won't we?" I said gently, squeezing Mei's elbow and patting Sakura's head before walking ahead of them, leading the way to where the circus was sure to be located.

As suspected, the circus was further up the path in a large clearing, the grass shorter and maintained better than the area surrounding it. There was a big tent immediately in the center, the material purple and red vertical stripes, surrounded by strange mirrors and statues that looked to be from the romantic or gothic era in Europe, connected to that tent on my right was a smaller tent with red and yellow stripes, surrounded by snakes and devils painted like adorable cherubs, to my left was another tent attached to the larger tent only this one was a plain green, almost the color of vomit with a tin sign that read, simply, "Performers Only". There was also a small Ferris wheel to the left, in front of the green tent and blocking it -mostly -from view, and a small carousel to the right, slightly in front of the red and yellow tent. The mouth of the main tent looked like a dragon, and I couldn't help but imagine, as we walked forward, that we were about to be consumed, never to be seen or heard from again. As if everything would come to a crashing, burning, screeching, halt if we entered that tent. But it was oh so tempting, to give in to the unknown and loose myself into the abyss of Never and Nothingness. It called to me like a familiar lover and, when Sakura held my shirt sleeve tighter and Mei stepped closer to me, I knew they felt it too.

It was terrible. Breathtaking. Terrifying. Magnificent. Appalling. Provocative.

Just as we were about to enter this arena of doom and seduction, a voice sounded in the distance. It was a frantic and unfamiliar, deep with manhood and, as I turned, I saw that man running towards us, recognizing the strand of hair bobbing in the wind. "Young Soo...?"

He came like a whirl wind, laughing and crying and babbling, too much and yet not enough as he embraced my sisters, exclaiming teary endearments in Korean and English. Once he pulled away, though, laughing and scrubbing his eyes, and he saw me, he froze. Everything became still and tense as we stared at each other. I did not mean to do that to Yao, I tried to say. Fuck your bitch ass, Young Soo's eyes seemed to say, how can I forgive you? How can he forgive you? Before I could say anything -tell him how proud I was of him, how proud I was that he was taller than me even though I was older, how proud I was that he was no longer a green bean of a prepubescent boy, but a sixteen year old with muscles and armpit hair, a tattoo on his bicep of an octopus -I was cut off by a high pitched cry, soon surrounded by slender arms and the smell of Chai leaves and plum blossoms.

"Kiku!" the voice was distinct, my arms curling around the torso that was as slender as mine, hands on the small of his back, "Kiku, I didn't really think -aiyah! I didn't really think you would come! I have missed you! So, so much!" Yao was crying, his arms wrapped around my shoulders, one hand running through the back of my head, in my black hair. Held by him, I distinctly felt the warm feeling of home, belonging, like a prodigal son being welcomed with open arms despite the cowardice displayed in fleeing home in the first place. How had I been able to hurt him? Turn my back on this man, my cousin who was more of a parent to me than my own and an older brother that I had always needed and wanted? How had I done those things when being cradled like a child felt so welcomed, a relief, that made my eyes wet? I held back the tears, hiding my face in his shoulder and breathing in the scent of Chai, plum blossoms and sweat.

"You were the only one that we could go to, Aniki..." Mei said, bunching up the light, white fabric of her skirt in her fist. "We don't have anyone."

"Watashitachi wa anata o hitsuyō to shite imasu. Watashitachi wa totemo kodokunanode, aru," (We need you. We are so, so alone) Sakura whimpered, Mei wrapping an arm around her half-sister, pulling the petite female against her side and linking their hands together.

"Shhh, it's ok now," Yao said keeping one arm around me while he placed his hand over the girls' linked hands, "Aniki's here. You will find a home here, you three are gifted and shall fit in perfectly."

"We already talked with the Ring Leader and he said it's alright," the Korean said, crossing his arms behind his head, "He would like to talk to you, though."

"He is in the back," Yao said wiping his face with the cotton of his white, button down shirt that seemed to swallow him, "Follow us, aru." My sisters and I followed Yao and Young Soo as they walked around the three main tents and the carousel, going towards the back of the clearing; there, a plain, white, canvas tent was set up in addition to multiple different trailers and a big, black truck. Yao grabbed my wrist before pointing towards the plain tent, "That's where everyone is right now. It's about lunch, right, aru? Who is making lunch this time around, aru?"

Young Soo scratched his cheek, puckering his lips and twisting his mouth to the side as he thought. "Hm...Jett and Lei Siu's, I think."

Yao nodded, "Shì de, dāngrán." -(Yes, of course) -"Kǎo xīn sī, here, everybody takes turns making breakfast, lunch and dinner. You remember Lei Siu, right? It may be his turn to cook for us, it's my turn to cook tonight."

"Good," Mei said with a small smile, "I've missed your cooking the most."

Yao laughed, leading us forward. There were rows and rows of tables beneath the white tent, set on the grass cut so short it was almost like carpet, with another row of tables going from one side of the white tent to the other that held pots and pans filled with home made biscuits, yum cha, egg tarts, boat congee, xiaolongbao, lemonade, sweet tea and cucumber sandwiches. These tables were filled with people of such oddity that Kiku couldn't help but stare as they sat, stuffing food into their mouths or waiting in line to heap food high on disposable plates and fill foam cups full of something cool for the Southern heat or afternoon tea to relax tense muscles. "Come on, we can sit with the members that we usually perform with."

Young Soo and Yao practically dragged Kiku, Mei and Sakura to a table on the far right. There were a few people there already: a man with short blonde hair and a colic, square glasses, energetic blue eyes and a bright smirk, wearing a shirt cut to show the bulging of his arm muscles, on his left another blonde male with colder, brighter colored blue eyes, muscles, a button down shirt buttoned to the very first button, black leather gloves and, behind him, was a mass of grey, black, reddish and white fur, then was a man with auburn hair and a strange curl, amber eyes, a bright smile, who talked with enthusiastic hand gestures and wearing tight clothes that showed off too much skin, across from them was another blonde with longer, wavier hair and a curl in front of his blue-violet eyes, round glasses, a baggy sweater and mass of white fur behind him, another man who was tall and intimidating, beige blonde hair -shaggy, purple eyes visible even though they were scrunching up in amusement at the auburn haired man and he wore a pink scarf and bright, oddly patterned clothes, and, finally, there was a small boy with tanned skin, indifferent amber eyes, black hair poking out through his red hat, he also wore knaki pants, black slip on shoes, a white shirt with too big sleeves and a brown vest.

"Guys! These are our cousins we told you about!" Young Soo said throwing his hands up in the air excitedly, "There's Kiku and his half sisters Mei" -he pointed at the Taiwanese girl in her pink qipao and white skirt -"and Sakura," he motioned to the other girl, smaller than her siblings with short, black hair with a yellow flower by her left temple and her pink kimono; Sakura smiled kindly and bowed.

"Ve~! Such belle ragazze!" the man with the auburn hair said, bouncing to his feet with frightening speed. He skipped over to Mei and Sakura, grabbing Mei's right hand and Sakura's left and bringing them level to his chest. "Caio~! I'm Feliciano, e 'un piacere conoscerti!" (It's a pleasure to meet you!)

With a blush, I grabbed the back of my sisters' shirts between the shoulder blades, pulling them back and way from the strange man before their hands could be kissed. "My sisters value their personal space. Gomen'nasai."

The man, Feliciano, blinked in confusion before his lips stretched into a toothy, beaming smile. "Oh? You're Japanese? That's great, ve~, we've never had a Japanese person here! We have people from all over the world! Even Russia! Right, Ivan?"

"Da!" the man in the pink scarf, apparently named Ivan, exclaimed with a big smile and excited little laugh.

Feliciano giggled, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, his smile shifting, turning into something different...darker. Almost wicked. Or an emotion I couldn't pin point, having never had a smile of the sort directed my way before. "Ve~ your name is Kiku?"

"...Hai..."

"You're a very handsome man, Kiku," Feliciano said lowering his eyelids and his smile becoming a grin, one that said 'come hither and I promise you will not regret a single moment of it'; he stepped forward, so close that I could feel his breath mingling with mine, sending uncomfortable goosebumps rushing from my neck down to my tailbone. His fingers tips caressed the back of my hand, going up my wrist to my elbow, then back down, "I would be more than pleasured if I had the chance to get familiar with you~."

"Wha-?!"

"Feliciano!" the man with the slicked back blonde hair and hard, cold, blue eyes bellowed, having banged his hands on the table and stood, "Zhat is enough! He is obviously uncomfortable!"

Feliciano broke into a fit of giggles. "But, Luddy, when he blushes, he is almost as cute as you~!"

At this, the man turned bright red, "Feliciano-."

"Ve~ are you jealous?" he asked with a glint in his eye, reminding me of a child that was about to break the rules and knew it was wrong. A troublemaker glint.

"Feliciano," the blonde man said in a tone that was not to be argued against, or trifled with. I was grateful for the man's interference, I had started to develop a pressure in my chest and abdomen, a feeling familiar and uncomfortable, as Feliciano had gotten closer and the interaction had dragged on. He turned to me, looking calmer as he took a deep breath; he didn't smile but his face had softened, making the intense, intimidating features more welcoming, "Guten tag, my name is Ludwig. I apologize for my friend-."

"Lover," Feliciano cheerfully corrected, bouncing over to Ludwig in his green pants, that I suspected were some kind of dyed silk, and tight white corset with green laces and green lace around the bottom edges and the top edges; he wrapped his arms around Ludwig's thick arm, leaning up on his tip toes to kiss the man on the cheek.

The blonde blushed. "Ja...yes, my lover. I apologize for him. He doesn't know ze meaning of personal space und is too friendly vizh people he has just met."

"It is because I'm Italian~!" Feliciano giggled. He giggles a lot, I thought.

"Yeah, that means that he's ten times gayer than anyone here!" the blonde with the colic exclaimed, laughing loudly.

"Shut up, Alfred," Ivan said with a big smile, "Leave little Feli alone. We all know Ludwig is gayer anyway."

"Don't tell me to fucking shut up you filthy communist!" Alfred hissed leaning over the table to grip by the end of his scarf.

The blonde with the wavy hair slapped Alfred's hand away. "Relax, Al, you're getting too worked up again..."

"Everyone settle down!" Yao demanded in his scolding, parent voice. Everyone settled down, staring at Yao and waiting for him to go on. This was amazing and heart breaking. It was here, a table full of freaks and failures and outcasts, people too odd to be part of the Outside, where Yao finally achieved what he wished to achieve. Here, he was respected, listened to, admired, maybe even loved, like the role model, the big brother, he had always wished to be. Something that his family had not been able to give to him. "We introduced our cousins to you, now we must introduce you to them!"

"Ok, Yao-Yao~!" Ivan hummed.

"Thank you, Yiwan," Yao said making the bigger man blush and laugh happily, "Kiku, Mei, Sakura, you have already met Feliciano. He's from Italy and is part of the trapeze act, along with his twin brother. Ludwig, the scary blonde man who is blushing like a little boy right now" -Ludwig glared at the Chinese man as Feliciano cuddled into his chest -"is clearly Feliciano's lover; he's German so he's obviously not very cuddly to anyone except Feliciano, but he's also the Circus' canine animal tamer?"

"Canine?" Mei asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Ja," Ludwig said, placing his fingers in his mouth and whistling, "Aufstehen! Sitzen!" The fur mass behind him moved, the heads of four wolves lifted in unison, scrambling up from their laying position; it was three wolves colored black, grey and reddish brown, all relatively young, a white one with a streak of caramel colored fur along its flank that was older than the rest. Among the adult wolves, and the lone elder, was a tiny little thing, a puppy with white fur the color of snow but, unlike the others, this wolf had two heads. My lips parted in shock as all of them, including the puppy, stood at attention, looking up at Ludwig and awaiting his instructions. "Sitzen!" They sat on the ground, the puppy taking a little longer than the rest but doing so with more enthusiasm. "Gut," Ludwig said with a small smile, scratching each one between the ears, "Knien Sie sich!" They sat back on their haunches, exposing their bellies as they pulled their paws up to their chests. "Gute Jungs. Gute Mädchen," Ludwig chuckled taking cut up sausages from a black poach at his waist and distributing them equally, uttering praises in German.

Feliciano giggled after Ludwig was done, dismissing the dogs and sitting back down at the table. "See?" the Italian said scratching the reddish brown one beneath the muzzle and running his fingers through the thick fur at the wolf's neck, "Luddy's a great animal tamer!"

"Don't touch them, though. Unless Ludwig is there with you," Young Soo warned, "They are still wild animals. The only ones ever able to be around even one of them alone are Feliciano and Ludwig's older brother. They're dangerous to anyone else. One tried to bite me the other day!"

"Zhat is because you were teasing Brutus," Ludwig snapped, obviously irritated, as he patted the white and caramel one's -Brutus' -head, "Of course his Blackie got angry." To confirm his statement, the black wolf -obviously Blackie -growled at Young Soo, taking a step towards the Korean; Young Soo yelped, hiding behind Yao, while Ludwig yelled something angrily in German, taking a black crop that was attached to his belt and firmly hitting Blackie on the nose. The wolf whined, dropping to her stomach and lowering her ears submissively, she backed away from Young Soo, turning to Brutus and snuggling up against him; Brutus made a huffing noise, licking his younger mate on the ears and on her jaw.

"Anyway," Yao butted in, giving the two a measured look that quickly made them be quiet, "Then there's Alfred, who's American and our strong man-."

"That's right, baby, I'm the strongest man there is!" Alfred, the blonde with the colic and square glasses, said with a beaming smirk sent in Mei's direction. He winked at her, making my big brother senses tingle as I refrained from back handing him violently in the face.

"Alfred!" the wavy haired blonde exclaimed in his extremely quiet voice, "Th-That's not appropriate!"

"And that lovely boy who has to deal with Alfred on a continual basis, is Matthew," Yao said with a sigh and gentle smile, which was returned by a blushing Matthew, "he's Canadian and is the animal tamer specializing in bears."

"Bears?!" Sakura squeaked, looking with frightened eyes in Matthew's direction.

"Da, Matthew's quietness hides his strength," Ivan said clapping Matthew on the back, "But he is strong. Firm. The bears fear and respect him."

"...W-Would you like to see?" Matthew asked timidly, pushing up his glasses.

"Hai," Sakura breathed in awe.

With a nod, the Canadian stood up tucking his hair behind his ear and looking down at the mass of white fur. "Kuma..." he said firmly, "Get up." The fur mass shifted, but didn't move other than that; Matthew looked annoyed, inhaling sharply through his nose before he bellowed, "Kuma! Get your ass up! Now!" The mass jerked, a head swishing from side to side in confusion as the mass, which I now realized was a polar bear, scrambled to its feet. "Good boy, good baby," Matthew breathed with a happy smile, "Kuma, would you like a hug?" The polar bear, Kuma, nodded, feet shifting and stomping the ground; as Matthew took a step closer, his arms spread for a hug, Kuma raised himself on his hind legs, his thick polar bear arms going over his shoulders and his paws pressing against Matthew's back as the Canadian wrapped his arms around the polar bear's torso. Matthew cooed and coddled Kuma, who accepted everything with the excitement of a child, licking Matthew's face and rubbing his skull against Matthew's sides, chest and face. Matthew giggled, kissing Kuma's nose before turning to Sakura, "Do you want to touch him?"

"N-Nani?!" she exclaimed blushing as Matthew extended a hand to her.

"It's ok..." he said gently with a kind smile, "I'll protect you."

I let my sister place her hand in his, big brother senses not tingling like they did around Matthew's brother, and go forward. This man was obviously confident. Matthew stood behind Sakura, grabbing her wrist gently and turning it palm up.

"Kuma~," the Canadian said, softly, "This is my friend, Sakura. She's a friend. She's nice, she's pretty. Do you like her Kuma? I think you do. I think you like all my friends. Sakura's our friend. Why don't you give her kisses? Give her some sugar, show her how much we love our friends." The polar bear snorted, moving forwards and sniffling the Japanese girl's hand from her fingertips to her wrist, then back down. He stopped in the middle of her hand the second time smelling upward, sniffing for a moment before licking the palm of her hand. Matthew smiled, helping her turn her hand to gently caress Kuma's head and muzzle, Kuma beginning to purr like the engine to a car, nuzzling into Sakura's under developed chest. She giggled.

"While that's happening," Yao said, his laughter evident in his voice, "The rest of the people here are Ivan, one of our clowns and from Russia, and then there's Ahmet, who is partially from Northern Cyprus and partially from Turkey. He's in the Oddity Show as the smallest man, he's twenty five in case you couldn't tell."

Ahmet, the man who looked like a boy, smiled and chuckled at that. "Of course they couldn't," he said, his voice obviously deep from age and maturity, "I didn't even talk."

"Nice to meet you all," I said with a small bow, Mei hurrying to follow my example, "It will be a pleasure working with you."

"Ditto, man!" Alfred said.

"Ve~ we'll be good friends~!" Feliciano cheered, clapping his hands. He was now sitting in Ludwig's lap.

"But...Yao...you said that we needed to talk to the ring leader..."

"Yes," Young Soo said, answering for his older cousin, he paused, listening to loud voices steadily increasing in volume, like I was, "That should be him now."

A group of men stepped into the canvas tent.

OMG I RUSHED TO FINISH THAT BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO PUT THIS OUT THERE AND SEE WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!

Did you like it? I hope so :)

Please review, I want to know what you guys think and if I should continue

Starring:

Kiku/Japan

Mei/Taiwan

Sakura/Nyo Japan

Yao/China

Young Soo/Korea

Lei Siu/Hong Kong

Jett/Australia

Ivan/Russia: clown

Alfred/America: strong man

Ahmet/TRNC: in the Freak Show as the smallest man

Ludwig/Germany: animal tamer (specialty: wolves/canines)

Feliciano/Italy: trapeze artist

Matthew/Canada: animal tamer (specialty: bears)

Sorry for Historical errors (I don't want to do an overwhelming amount of research) and spelling/grammar errors

REVEIW PLEASE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

~kitty