After reading Homestuck, I felt the need to analyze my own feelings about it, so I went to the friend of mine who got me hooked on it in the first place. We ended up chatting on Facebook about it for a really long time, and the conversation is still ongoing, and so I'm posting it up here for two reasons: One, to have a record to prove how much funnier I am when I'm half asleep than the rest of the time; and two, to get our own ideas and theories and opinions out there for people to ponder, and to (hopefully) get a response from people about their own ideas and theories and opinions. Because Homestuck is a very complex comic, what with all of the time travel and paradoxes and, especially, the confusing romances!

So, in this long chat, my friend Jessica and I analyze the characters, ponder plot possibilities, and sometimes get waaayyy off-topic, but it's all here, (mostly) unedited. The stream-of-conciousness is confusing at times, as is both of our tendencies to respond to messages that happened several messages ago. I'm sure some of the conclusions we came to are way off, and that's why it's up here! So anyone who can correct us or add their own input or even ask other questions for us to think about can do just that! There will also probably be confusion because Facebook turned many of my characters into smileys or those big pink hearts, and those don't show up in the document, so there may be some spaces or something or I'll talk about how stupid a smiley is or how it wasn't supposed to be a smiley...yeah, there should be a smiley there. I apologize preemptively for the confusion though, as I'm sure you will be confused at some point.

Also, we reference a lot of things in here, and even post some links up to various stuff. If you see a link to something of yours, you can let me know, I'll give credit where I need to (there're some links to DA and even a couple references to stories here on FanFiction).

Finally, I would like to say that I don't own Homestuck. It only drives me crazy. XD

The Rant That Started It All

KALYN

K so I just caught up with Homestuck and now I'm trying to figure out all of the hormonal issues flying around here with all of these 13/6-year/sweep-olds, and, well...it's just a big convoluted mess. and I tried to sort it by character and wow, I feel so bad for all the humans for being a part of all this complicated troll drama, they're even more hormonal than adolescent humans! going around kissing each other like that. and HB (or whatever he's called) never helps with his -driven commands for them all. "YOU THERE. BOY. KISS THE GIRL. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? KISS HER! GRR!" WTF?

And, wow, so okay anyway this is the mess I came up with cuz I was tired of trying to match my ships but there are so many potential ships with this thing I almost feel like either A) nobody should be dating or they should all just have one big orgy and revel in the incestual pleasures of each other (that's what the paradoxical ghost slime is all about, right? and also troll reproduction. that's what that's all about.)

I mean, fuck, jeez. Jegus. wow. okay. here's the classifications I came up with:

John: Shipped w/ Rose (by Karkat), must revive her (kiss), has potential "grandson" (himself?) with Jade(?), possibly hit on by Karkat who wants a Kismesis, definite friend w/ Karkat, Vriska wants to date him and confesses to him

Rose: Shipped w/ John by Karkat and the revival and all, total friendship (possibly more?) with Kanaya, not much interaction w/ other trolls

Dave: told Rose he loves John (sarcastic or sincere? who knows, it's Dave.), shipped w/ Jade by Karkat, shipped with himself(?) by Terezi, Terezi confides in him in the same way Vriska does with John so potential feelings there?, hilarious rap-off w/ Equius but no potential romance of any kind from just that

Jade: has grandchild w/ John?, shipped w/ Dave by Karkat, blossoming friendship w/ Karkat (after all the hatred blew over), Tavros wanted to be her Matesprit potentially, helped by Kanaya (I believe nothing more than sort of coworkers here)

And now for the hormonal trolls. Here we go:

Karkat: wants Kismesis with past/future himselves AND John, blooming bromance with John, minimal interaction w/ Rose or Dave, suddenly becoming friends w/ Jade (even going so far as to tell past himself she wasn't that bad…hmmm?), he and Terezi supposedly had a "thing" according to many characters and they totally made out toward the end there (after he answered that stupid note from Gamzee==WHY WOULD HE ANSWER A NOTE OBVIOUSLY FROM GAMZEE IF HE WAS TERRIFIED OF HIM AT THE TIME AND IT SUGGESTED A "SLOPPY MAKEOUT SESSION" ON THE ROOF AND KARKAT HAS NEVER PUT UP WITH SUCH NONSENSE IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE), Gamzee calls him "best friend", Sollux is also a close friend of his (and he blames himself for him getting pummeled twice), Nepeta is secretly in love with him and wants Matesprit, Equius gets off on following his orders

Terezi: confides in Dave and cries when he dies, had a "thing" with Karkat, has a Kismesis-esque relationship with Vriska and kills her…others?

Tavros: likes Jade, kissed/killed by Vriska who wanted him at some points to kiss/kill her, Kanaya cut off his legs for him and Equius built the robot legs…

Vriska: wants to date John, Kismesisters w/ Terezi (caused each other's injuries?), caused Tavros' injuries and their weird bully-love/hate ship, part of the murder trio, showed a for Kanaya after Kanaya defeated the murder trio face-off, killed Aradia (right?), fellow blue-bloods with Equius and plotted co-leadership/usurpury w/ him (and Aradia), in love with Nicolas Cage

Gamzee: not much beyond a good rap-off once with Dave and Dave sending him the trigger-video and calling Karkat "best friend" and murdering everybody

Kanaya: friendship w/ Rose for sure and helped Tavros lose his useless legs, and now she's a vampire? what? she's biting lots of people. why?

Aradia: once dated Sollux(?) and later became Equius' smooch-bot, only said goodbye to Sollux before exploding, long history with Vriska

Sollux: good friends w/ Karkat, once dated Aradia(?) and now dates Feferi after she kiss/revived him, Eridan seeks rivalry with him

Feferi: once diamonds (Moiralerwhatever) with Eridan, washed her hands of him and became Matesprit w/ Sollux, Eridan wants her to be Auspiticesclubsthirdmember w/ him and Sollux

Eridan: seeks any sort of relationship with everybody (desperate), once w/ Feferi, wanted Matesprit w/ Feferi, REJECTED, seeks Kismesis w/ Sollux, REJECTED, seeks rivalries with everyone else, REJECTED, kills Feferi now part of murderous trio

Nepeta: w/ Equius (purrfect relationship) and secretly in love with Karkat, role-plays w/ Terezi and Vriska still, Eridan saw her as a desperate last resort for Matesprit

Equius: gets off on anyone ordering him around (especially below his class on the caste system), regards Gamzee highly for being above him, platonic enemies w/ Eridan because it's tradition, in love w/ Aradia (lowest peasant of them all!) and builds her a robobody, also builds Tavros' legs, great rap w/ Dave (what was the point of that conversation again? he revealed a lot of embarrassing fetishes with that slam poetry. wasn't he trying to figure out their means of class/caste?), w/ Nepeta

And, y'know it seems to me that Karkat and Vriska are the most mixed up in all of this, and it saddens me. My favorite troll and my least favorite troll are gettin all mixed up in everyone else's quadrants! too many hormones! this cause problems because for Karkat, being my favorite troll, I want him to be involved with certain people, you ship your favorite characters with certain other favorite characters and he's with some of my not-so-favorite characters (Terezi, for example. also, I'm not big on Jade. she's cool and all, but a little annoying to me. I guess I'm saying I'd rather Karkat follow these homosexual tendencies he's been accused about so much lately? feh, idunno.) and with Vriska, because she's my least favorite troll, I don't want her mixed up in the romantic relationships of my favorite characters at all, and there she goes causing confusion and strife for poor Tavros and confessing her "feelings" to John and manipulating him and such and bluhhhhhhhhbluhbluhhhhh! O_O

agh! Fuccckkkkkk, y'know? Wow.

...

So I guess this is how I bide my time after I've caught up. Also, been reading for days straight doing pretty much nothing else, I needed the rant just to get some things straight in my head and properly deal with all of the mixed emotion turmoil smoothies I been having. This webcomic causes so many emotions, and this is only one category of emotions it causes (or one category of one of the many emotion-causing aspects of the comic, I guess). The other is all the death. and Rose's possession was a little upsetting. But mostly the death. I want all the characters to be able to actually meet each other before they start offing each other. and themselves. man, it's just sad.

Also, and I just feel like saying this, although Terezi is also low on my favorite character scale (not much better than Vriska) and Dave is exceptionally high (maybe even my favorite?), their relationship doesn't upset me as much because at least I know Terezi is sincere, and also Dave is so cool that in my proper shipping of him he can either be shipped with no one or everyone. Actually, no matter who he ends up with, it doesn't affect his coolkidness in any way, his coolness will just outshine everyone around him. And if anyone is lucky, maybe even the coolness will rub off on them just a little bit.

Feh, okay, good place to end here. Please read this and enjoy it, you may even spark a long conversation about all this and I can rant some more. I have many feelings to get out about this it's ridiculous. I've never been so affected by a webcomic before. I feel a sense of doom about it. This comic is ressurrecting my old apocalypse feelings. Except now the feelings only pertain in a ghost-like manner to this comic. I feel doomed FOR the characters. But anyway, here. I'll just stop abruptly in case I start rambling into another tirade again.

KALYN

wow...facebook, oh my god, really? yeah, smiley with shades, cool and everything, but that wasn't my intention. it should reasonably follow the A) statement with the statement that is preceded by B ), not . stupid stupid stupid...stutid.

KALYN

oh my god, and I just realized I didn't even begin to cover anything that may have happened between server/client relationships (I mean, we know with the four human kids there's nothing to it, but there's so many fucking trolls involved in this and their feelings about each other seriously affected who would be server to what clients and who was on the red/blue teams and YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T EVEN FUCKIN REMEMBER WHO SERVED WHOM AND WHO WAS CLIENTS TO WHATEVER! This is so confusing! But with all of the deaths or injuries that happened just in the medium before they ended up on that meteoroid there were a lot of feelings flying around there too! There were some combinations of ships and pairs that I didn't even CONSIDER in my quest to make sense of it all! Is there even more to this than even I expected, than I bothered to acknowledge in that meaty information rant in that long-winded christmas present message? Hopy shit!