They had been through so much. Heartache and betrayal and the death of so many. They were her precious friends, even Ringabel, and she would do anything to make sure they were safe and as comfortable as their lifestyle and journey could make them.
Anything… at least that's what she wanted to tell herself.
Edea groaned and rubbed a cold towel over her face, especially over her tired, aching eyes. Ringabel's memories were returning full force, and they were overwhelming him - overwhelming them all. There was only so much he could physically take before headaches consumed him and he was lost in a storm of memories. He slept either heavily or not at all, depending on how exhausted he was, and the three of them had spent more than one night trying to keep him stable without resorting to drugs or drink. They worried that his memories might drown out the present, and that he would forget who he was now, and… it seemed as though it would get worse before getting better.
"Edea?" Agnès asked, yawning. Last night had been another night filled with little sleep, until Ringabel had succumbed to his own exhaustion, head pillowed on Tiz's shoulder. Tiz had then promptly fallen asleep himself, and Agnès and Edea had followed, the four of them waking up in a pile like a bunch of sleepy, cranky kittens.
"I'm fine, Agnès…" Edea replied, yanking a brush through her thick mane of hair. "It's just - how much longer will this be happening?" Ringabel's sanity was on the line, but so was their own. Agnès needed rest, and Airy had been complaining so much lately about all the time spent trying to get some sleep and not awakening crystals, it was maddening. Tiz was running himself ragged by trying to care for them all, and Edea was feeling the pressure of being Ringabel's main anchor.
"You know that he hates it as much as we do," Agnès replied, picking up her own comb to run it through her long locks. "But he's been better, as of late. Perhaps the worst is over."
Edea huffed, disrupting some of the hair that had settled over her face, as she reached for her bow. "I don't know… you know well as I that it's easier said than done, to recover from loss." Loathe as she was to think about it, her death at the hands of a monster he couldn't fight, when he was so in love with her, was killing him inside. And even if she wasn't happy with the idea that he'd witnessed her murder, it wasn't as though she could go back and change the past - she had to deal with it, and felt it was the right thing to help him deal with it as well.
That's what she reminded herself that very evening as Ringabel stretched over her, his sweaty face pressed into her shoulder. Her fingers ran through his damp hair, stroking and petting the sweaty locks as he woke from the nightmarish doze he had been in.
"I'm right here," she reminded him, covering his hand with her own and pulling it up to her neck so that he could feel her heartbeat thundering. "See?" His breathing quieted for a moment as he listened and fully woke.
Tiz hovered in the doorway, having gone to fetch her when Ringabel had started thrashing. Tonight the older man had dozed off, exhausted, but nightmares had affected him badly even still.
"We'll be fine, Tiz," Edea called, and tugged Ringabel closer, hand slipping down to grasp the nape of his neck. "Keep Agnès company, won't you? She'd appreciate it." Ringabel's mass of hair kept her smirk hidden as the other boy flushed and looked away. "It'll be fine," She repeated. It wasn't as though she were in any danger - it was Ringabel that they were all worried about.
"Sorry," Ringabel mumbled in her ear, and he pulled away long enough to wipe his face with the edge of the blanket that was bundled under them, before rolling over slightly to face the shepherd. "If Edea is here with me tonight, won't that leave Agnès all by herself?" Headachey and stressed he might be, but he was bound and determined to match the pair as much as Edea was. She liked that. "You can't just leave a young lady alone at night! She might get cold. She might get nightmares. Monsters might come out of the closet to assault her and - "
"Alright, I understand," Tiz cut him off with a frown. "But call me if you need anything…"
"We will," Edea promised, waving one hand at him. As soon as the door shut behind him, leaving Ringabel and herself alone in candlelit darkness, she flopped back onto the bed. It was Ringabel's bed, and it smelled like him, but also like sweat and sickness, much to her displeasure. Tomorrow, she thought, they were going to make him do laundry. All the laundry.
Ringabel turned to her, his hand sliding up her hip and bunching up the cloth of her nightgown. "You needn't stay with me tonight, if you wish… I think I'll be alright."
She groaned. "I'm already here. And besides, it'll be nice for those two to be alone, won't it?" They both laughed, breaking the stale quiet of the room. "A nice romantic night, all by themselves…"
"Well, mostly… unless Airy decides to stay in Agnès' room tonight." Ringabel said, and grimaced, his head throbbing at the mention of the fairy. He pushed past it, squeezing Edea's hip. "And? What about us? No romantic night for the two of us?"
She squirmed, and yanked at a strand of his hair. "Oh yeah, Ringabel. You're crying on me and covering me in snot and sweat. How romantic." And he was making her too warm and sweaty too, while he was at it.
The older man flushed, and shifted against her. "W-well, I - I do thank you. For being here."
It was the right thing to do, she reminded herself, and her hand slipped down his neck again, nails trailing against his upper back. "I'm here, so… try to get some rest."
There was some hesitation before he settled back against her, covering her with both himself and the blanket that he tugged over his shoulders. Despite herself, she groaned at the contact, feeling warm and comfortable under him, and her hands wrapped around his slim waist, hooking into the waistband of his sweatpants. At least they were fully clothed, she thought as he nestled his cheek against hers, but that didn't mean she couldn't feel just how warm and solid he was.
"Sleep now?" she murmured, and pressed her nose against his hair.
"Sounds good," he replied, his voice sounding a touch sleepy. She had no doubt he'd wake in the middle of the night, but at least she'd be there if he did, and at least they'd be able to get in some hours of sleep before it happened. She felt just as tired as he looked.
Some hours of sleep would be desperately needed, and Edea woke in the middle of the night when Ringabel cried out her name very close to her ear, startling her. She cradled his face in both of her hands, trying to steady him without waking him up - it was bad to wake up people with nightmares wasn't it? or was that sleepwalking? - and wishing that she had let Tiz stay in the room with them after all. Ringabel was weeping with distress and painful memories, tears rolling down his face and splashing onto hers. The candles had burnt out by now, leaving her with just the moonlight that filtered in through the dusty windows. She could barely see him.
"Ringabel," she said softly, rubbing his swollen cheeks with her thumbs. "Ringabel, wake up. I'm right here. Your angel's right here."
She felt more than saw his eyelashes fluttering, his breath catching as he struggled to pull himself out of the nightmare. She knew from experience that her voice and her touch helped ground him; remind him that the past was just the past. But when he opened his eyes, they were glazed and confused. They met hers, boring into her with a stare that said he didn't know her.
In the next moment he was whispering her name again, looking through her. Sighing, she pressed her lips against his forehead as her heart jumped. He normally didn't do this. "Alternis," she tried. His name, which she would never use unless they were alone. It would be rude otherwise. "Alternis, I'm here."
Some spark of recognition lit in his eyes, and he pulled himself more fully awake, breathing out a heavy sigh and drooping his head down to press their foreheads together. "Edea," he said quietly "I'm sorry."
"I'm here," she repeated, forcing a smile, tired as it was. "Right here, Ringabel." She kissed his cheek. Immediately, she could feel the warmth flood his face as she knew would happen, the embarrassment really waking him.
"I - I thank you. I'm fine now, I think," he said, and she felt him shift away, off of her, rolling to the side. She rolled over to watch him, as his fingers picked at the thin shirt he wore. his chest heaving. "Just - I'm fine."
Adrenaline was still pumping through her veins, so she didn't feel tired anymore… and she kicked at him with some irritation. "Stop saying that. You're hardly fine, are you?" People who were fine didn't have frequent nightmares that left them screaming in despair. They didn't have headaches that knocked them out, or feel nauseated when remembering their past. Ringabel had never been fine.
He moved his leg away from her. "Alright, I'm not fine," he snapped, and the tone of his voice was so different than usual that she was startled into silence. He seemed to notice. "I… I will be fine," he decided on instead. "With you at my side, I'm certain to be alright in the end."
It wasn't like he wanted to be like this, she reminded herself, and she traced her hand down his top, feeling the sweat and heat. Alternis had always been so touchy about showing any weakness, and that was a trait Ringabel had as well - while he might whine and beg for attention for the smallest of things, he was quick to cover up his real pain, such as when he was sick.
Edea rolled over into him, wrapping an am around his waist. Though she couldn't quite see it, she could feel him tense and jump, his legs shifting nervously even as she slipped one of hers between them. "You'll be fine… someday," she agreed quietly, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. This, he seemed to be fine with, and his hand cautiously came up to thread through her hair. "But until then, why don't I stay here?" Where she was needed.
At least until the lack of sleep got to her, and she threw him out one of the windows. She fantasized briefly of doing so, reminding herself that he had already fallen from Grandship once, so she would have to do it while they were above water, or maybe from the Eschalot. Yeah. A little fall wouldn't kill him, and maybe they could knock all the memories back into his stupid head in one go, instead of waiting for them to come by painfully slowly.
"You're smiling," Ringabel said cautiously.
Whoops. She giggled softly and wiggled against him. "Don't worry. I'm not plotting your demise, Ringabel." Somehow that didn't sound convincing… oh well. "Now are you ready to go back to sleep?"
"I'd rather not," he sighed, and she could feel him grasp her tightly. "Not just yet. It was more intense than usual."
"What was it this time?" she asked after a moment of silence, curious. She knew that he relived her death over and over. Sometimes, he would scream aloud; the same scream that Alternis Dim in this world had made when talking about her murder as well, full of hate and regret and soul-searing pain. But other times he seemed to, based on his shouts of their names, dream of the others dying as well, or that she wasn't dead, just -
His grip on her grew tighter, almost painful, letting up slightly only when she squeaked. His breath was shaky as he held her, remembering.
"You were… in my arms," he started, and she let him continue on his terms, waiting for him to feel strong enough, though her arm tightened around his waist to remind him that she was here, and she was fine. He was thinking of the past, and the present was different. "Alive, but barely. Covered in blood. Calling my name. You - you said that I — failed - "
He couldn't force himself to continue, and ducked his head down as he bit on his lip, staring down at the bed underneath them. She could feel his hot tears drip down her shoulder. Soon enough, he was shaking with repressed pain, groaning as a headache throbbed behind his eyes. As usual, Edea ran her fingers through his messy hair, hoping that she could calm him down so that he might eventually fall asleep - even if he didn't want to, he would have to eventually. Better that he sleep while she was there to mitigate the worst of the remembrance.
"Ringabel," she said quietly against his ear, her lips ghosting against the outer shell. "Right here, do you feel me? My heartbeat is right here." She was alive, and well. He hadn't failed her.
"Mmhmm," he murmured, pressing closer. It was a little awkward, because he was so much bigger, but he could press his cheek against her pulse, and then after asking quick permission, his lips. It felt so intimate and always made her embarrassed, but it wasn't… a bad feeling. She liked it, even, his breath against her skin, though she would die before ever telling him that. His mouth trailed from her pulse to her jaw and back down to her collarbone, and Edea felt a spark of heat in her stomach. Oh Crystals, she didn't want to feel that now of all times.
She was breathing heavily as she pushed him back, and he moved as though he were a cat, stretching out above her with a groan when she rolled onto her back. She'd never felt afraid under him before, and wouldn't now, but there was something a little different in the air between them now, something she didn't know what to make of. It was heavy and hot. Sweaty. She wrinkled her nose.
His arms were still trembling as she ran her hands up them in order to caress his shoulders. "You're a mess," she laughed, though gently. "Maybe we should get you into the bath. You need one, you big dog."
Ringabel laughed as well, a sound she hadn't heard often as of late, and made her heart leap. "Will you come with? Scrub my back for me?"
"Don't push your luck," she grumbled, before her hands tugged him back down. He stretched out on top of her, and she could feel some of his bones crackle as he settled back on top. Warm, warm, warm… Edea groaned and looped one of her legs with his. This really wasn't helping, but he liked being close to another person. He liked…
"Here," she said after a minute, listening to him breath raggedly in her ear, his hand fidgeting against her hip and up her torso. Her own hands were shaking as she pulled the hem of her nightgown up her legs and over her hips, then off of her torso entirely, waiting until he had pulled back before wiggling out of it. This might be a bad idea.
"E-edea…" Ringabel's face was practically glowing red, his wide eyes flickering over her form once before meeting her eyes.
"Don't get any ideas," she warned him, hands sliding to cover herself. She should have worn a thinner, shorter nightgown to begin with if she was going to share the bedcovers with someone else. Her skin was flushed with heat. "But it's too hot, and you - you like my heartbeat." The heartbeat that was hammering against her chest. He liked the feeling of her skin, too.
"Yes, I - yes, but I can't allow you to…" Ringabel paused, then stripped out of his own top, before dropping it on her. "I insist. Please, at least cover your chest."
She took his clothing gladly, not caring how it was nearly soaked through with sweat and smelled so much like him, pulling it over her head and down to her hips. He smiled somewhat nervously at her once she was covered, and his hand rested on her stomach.
"That's better," he murmured, though she didn't know who to, and she directed him to curl over her until his head was resting above her heart, his ear pressed into her skin. Once again she ran her fingers through his hair, trying to will him into resting. Ringabel could be amazingly stubborn at times, but as the night passed in agonizing silence she could feel him slowly relaxing, lulled into a sense of security by her heartbeat and her hands. His proximity wasn't helping the little fire that was still burning in her stomach, and she was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, trying not to shift so much that she might disturb him.
"Are you still… not going to sleep?" she asked.
He said nothing, but shook his head. Edea let her head fall back against the pillows, breathing out in annoyance. What were they going to do? A quick glance outside the window told her that it was obscenely late and that pulling out some weapons to spar would probably get them yelled at, not to mention she was tired enough that the idea of leaving bed at all was extremely unpleasant. Even a nice hot bath seemed like too much work. She sighed.
He seemed to sense her frustration, and sat up, brushing some of his hair back from his face. "You can sleep in the other room, if you'd like," he offered with a gentle smile. "I'll stay up for a while yet, I think. Or if you'd like to stay here, I'll go to the bridge and - "
"No," Edea sitting up as well. "I promised Tiz I'd stay with you tonight. And I'm not going to give up! One way or another, we - you - are going to get some rest."
Ringabel frowned. "Edea, I do appreciate your being here. But -" Her finger against his lips cut him off.
"Shh," she told him, and this time she was the one who leaned her head against his shoulder. Ahhh, she was tired. She could feel him tensing before his arms slowly moved up to encircle her waist, drawing her closer until she was across his lap. Nice and warm, she thought, her fingers tracing against his bare back.
"You… should sleep," he told her, pressing his nose into her hair. In response, she tightened her grip around him and he grunted.
"And just leave you like this? Even you don't deserve this," she said quietly. It wasn't her fault that her counterpart in his world had died, and not her fault that his sanity had been compromised as a result of it. But - it wasn't his fault either. He was a very dear friend, and if it was her dead form that he was seeing when he closed his eyes, she had to do something. Anything.
She kissed him.
It was a little messy and rough, and her cheeks felt like they might fall off with how warm they felt, and their noses smushed together, but she kissed him. A part of her prayed it would put him at peace, that he would know that she didn't blame him for what happened, as she was sure her countepart didn't either, and a part of her - a part of her wanted to give him some measure of comfort.
Ringabel made an interesting, strangled sound against her lips as she pulled back, gnawing slightly at her bottom lip. She'd kissed him before - she'd kissed all of her friends in one way or another, but it was one thing to kiss him right in the heat of a moment after a battle with too many close calls, and another thing entirely to kiss him in a dark room when they were both half naked. Not one of her best ideas.
"Edea," he breathed, and she had started to reply when his mouth caught hers, and any reply she had fizzed out of her brain. The tension she'd been feeling exploded out of her and against his mouth. She clung to him, and he clung to her, cradling the back of her head and keeping her close.
Kissing was a good way to tire him out, she thought distractedly as his mouth pressed against hers, again and again. When they had to pause for breath, his lips trailed away from hers and over her face, peppering it with kisses. They were tender and made her heart ache, and she closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt his lips press over them in turn.
"Try and sleep," she begged him, as his mouth pressed over hers again, followed quickly by his whine of protest. Of course, she'd just riled him up, she thought. He was a grown man, and a man completely in love with her, and here they were in the middle of the night, all alone, kissing… a thought occurred to her. A very stupid thought, one fueled with sleep deprived desperation, but a thought nonetheless.
Experimentally, she leaned back, tugging him with her, and he went gladly, his mouth trailing over her jaw as they settled onto the bed. Even with how desperate for affection he seemed, she still felt safe beside him, though she finally stilled him as she cradled his face.
Kissing, real kissing, was an interesting experience. It made her feel a little warm inside, warmer than she'd already felt just being close to him. It had flushed his skin and made his eyes bright, and she stared into his gaze before she had to look away, embarrassed at all she saw reflected in those pale hazel orbs.
"Ringabel…" she said hesitantly, shifting a little under him. "Do you… do you…" Ugh. How to put this? Why had he grown out of his lecherous ways as his memories returned so that he could suggest this first? Scrambling for some words that didn't sound awkward, she brushed her leg up between both of his and felt that physical hint that he was just as aroused as she felt. Relief and excitement both flooded her. So she hadn't been the only feeling heat build in her stomach from just kissing.
The brush against his manhood had snapped him out of whatever daze he'd been, perhaps brought him back to reality. "Edea, I, I—" She cut his stuttering off as she reached one hand between them to cup him through the thin fabric of his drawers, a little morbidly curious about feeling him up close.
"You're— you're getting hard," she laughed breathlessly, her fingers cradling him gently. His heat pulsed against her fingertips. Sometimes, in small fits of insanity, she'd wondered what his member looked like, and now she could feel him twitching against her fingers, stiffening while she touched him. She even felt a little powerful, that she had such a sensitive, private part of him in hand and he was allowing her to touch it, running her palm down his length and back up. He was trembling as she caressed him, his weight supported on one forearm as his other hand squeezed her hip… and she shouldn't have been surprised when that hand slid over to stroke between her legs, two fingers sliding right into the junction where she felt warm and really, a little wet.
She was feeling very, very hot now, as she continued to touch him, her fingers curling around him through the cotton fabric. She could feel his pulse against her fingers, right along his length, and could feel her own as his fingers explored her through the damp fabric of her panties, tracing circles over her throbbing center. She wondered; could he feel her pulse just as she could his?
Oh Crystals, she thought as she drew her hand back only to slip into the waistband of his pants so that she could feel that heat she'd only had a hint of, her fingers brushing past course hair. This might be a good way to tire him out. And it didn't even involve getting out of bed. Was it a good idea? Probably not. But she couldn't deny that it felt good, and they both deserved a little bit of happiness right now...
Ringabel moaned out her name again, a sound that made her squeak, and she tightened her grip around him. "Do you -" She couldn't believe she was suggesting it, but his fingers had slipped the fabric of her panties aside and now she could feel him brushing against her sensitive sex with absolutely no barriers at all, and her body was very wanting. Her mind was a little more hesitant, but open to experimentation. "Do you want - you know, to - to be in me?" Not the most smooth way of asking, but there it was.
He gasped, then kissed her, and she could feel him jerk in surprise as one of his fingers slipped easily inside of her. She groaned at the intrusion, lifting her hips and spreading her legs to encourage him.
"I - I don't know…" he breathed, and she cut him off with another kiss, growling into his mouth. Squirming against him, she managed to drag his pants down one leg with her foot, exposing him further to her eager hand. His cock was stiff and "I don't want to hurt you, and -"
For not knowing, he was doing a good job of keeping her wanting him anyway, she thought, as he added another finger to the one already inside, gently wiggling them around as his thumb started to flick at her center. "I'm asking you," she reminded him, her words punctuated with a quiet moan. "It's not going to hurt me. And I want you… I want you to feel good," she pleaded. And she wanted to help him. What better way to get his nightmares to go away if he could feel how alive she was; share this moment with her?
She dragged his other hand away from the bed and onto one of her breasts, smiling crookedly at him as he got a clue and pinched her nipple through the fabric of the shirt - his shirt. It was responded readily to his touch, and she watched him breath raggedly as his eyes roamed her chest, his tongue drawing slowly across his lips.
"Only if you promise me," he breathed then, glancing up at her and shifting out of her hand's reach, his bare hardness pressing to her thigh. "That you — you really want this."
He punctuated his words by ducking down and dragging one of her nipples into his mouth with his tongue, suckling on her through the damp fabric.
"I promise," she managed to reply, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and grinding her leg against his manhood; a compromise since she couldn't user her hand. "I really want this, Ringabel. So please…" she trailed off. She had wanted to make sure he, her friend, was comfortable and safe and sane. Giving herself to him seemed like a good option, right now. It was something they could share with no one else, and something he could remember always. Something good to counter all that bad.
If she thought her initial kiss had been awkward, that was nothing compared to when he finally pressed inside of her some moments later, after the two of them had been divested of their pants and underthings, the garments shoved unceremoniously over the side of the tousled bed. His shirt remained over her, but he shoved it up to expose her breasts, breasts that she pressed against him as they joined. It - it didn't hurt but it was uncomfortable, being stretched so completely, unexpectedly. Her legs spread a little more in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort, Ringabel's hands clutching her thighs as he settled, their hips pressing together.
"Does - does it hurt?" he asked, hearing her groan. He shifted, sending hot fire through her.
"No," she said quickly, drawing her nails up his back as she clung to him. "It's just - you feel really big." She knew enough to know that guys liked to hear that, didn't they? And it was the truth; she'd never felt anything so large in her.
Ringabel pressed his face against her hair, his breathing ragged. Edea clung to him when she realized that he was waiting, waiting for her to give him the okay to continue. Crystals... she was reconsidering this now. She wouldn't tell him so, but she felt a little overly stretched around his base, and wondered if he could feel that, if he could tell that she might be lying just a little bit. Eventually though, her body adjusted to him, and she could feel his heartbeat thundering through her. She sighed and leaned back to the pillows.
"Ringabel, please," she breathed, nodding and running her hands up his arms. "I asked you to - so please, just - " She cut off with a little noise as he moved, slipping out and then pressing back in, and that had felt so good she nearly forgot all about her previous discomfort. Why hadn't she gotten him to move before, she wondered as he repeated the motion again and again, slow at first and then a little faster, a little harder.
For her first time, she thought in a haze, this was rather good. She was warm and so comfortable and sleepy, and the man who was with her was someone who loved her dearly, a love that was felt in each of his actions. Even if his strokes were erratic and at times hesitant. Even if he slipped out a few times, stopping to press himself back in and kiss her. Even if it flustered him entirely when her legs wrapped around his waist, breaking his rhythm for a few moments until he managed to regained it. Even if the noises their joining bodies made were obscenely loud, coupled with their climbing cries of pleasure, and she worried for a moment that their friends would hear. Even if he nearly dropped her on the bed at one point, and they had to pause to gather enough blankets to push under her hips for leverage. And even if, all too quickly…
"Edea," he moaned her name as he kissed her again, his lips trailing across her feverish face. She panted against his open mouth."I'm going to - I'm about to - "
She kissed him in return, a blissful smile on her lips. "It's fine. You can... you can come in me if you want," she managed to tell him, because she felt too good to have him to break the pace or pull out now… she didn't know if she'd be able to reach climax, but it felt amazing even if she couldn't. Pleasure was coiling her belly, fueled by his touch and his strokes and his kisses, and she cradled his face in his hands so that they could kiss deeply as he thrust one, two, more times before stilling against her with a low groan. Warmth blossomed inside of her, and her toes curled at that sensation that had to be his seed filling her. She wasn't going to climax, but she gave a pleasured little moan for his sake anyway, drawing her nails deeply across his shoulders and arms.
For a few moments, the two of them curled up together and breathed, and she could feel his hands caressing her curves, exploring her bottom and then up her sides to her breasts, squeezing and pinching at her nipples. But it seemed exhaustion was setting in after his orgasm, and it was with a regretful noise that Ringabel pulled back and out of her.
"That was… great," she decided on. It wasn't a lie; she didn't know what to say to him now that the passion was done with. "Thank you. I liked it." What else else was there?
"I should be thanking you," Ringabel mumbled, kissing her cheek as he settled beside her, yawning a little. "You… needn't do something like that for my sake," he said, his hand cradling her hip as she curled up on his arm.
Edea took the opportunity to tug the shirt back over her chest. He was smiling at her gently in the darkness, but she could see the relief and the... peace on his face. And that had been her end goal, after all. To help him in anyway that she could, even if she.d had to give him her body and this secret moment. And even if she had to remain unsatisfied, she thought a moment later. It had felt good enough.
"I wanted to do that," she reminded him, kissing his jaw and feeling the scratch of day-old stubble on it. "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't."
He went quiet at that, his hand continuing to slowly caress her hip, and it was moments later when his hand stilled that she realized that he'd fallen asleep, his face very close to her own. She watched him for a few moments, before kissing him on the mouth and attempting to sleep herself.
The room was still very warm, but now a little steamy and thick with the smell of musk, and she woke up sometime later, feeling very uncomfortably wet and with the intense urge to use the bathroom. She carefully pulled herself out of the sleeping man's arms, noting that he was sleeping deep and peacefully, with not even the slightest wrinkle in his eyebrows, and stumbled to the nearest restroom, wincing at the pain and soreness in her thighs and between her legs.
It was only when she'd made it to the toilet that she realized - truly realized - what they'd just done.
She cleaned herself up with shaking hands, grimacing at the pinkish mess that his release had left in her. In the light, she could see little marks all over her skin that his mouth and teeth and hands had left, unnoticed by her in the height of her excitement, and she was certain she'd left her own on him. She stood at the sink with her sore legs and splashed water on her face until the splotchiness was mostly gone and her eyes didn't ache anymore.
Only then did she head back into the bedroom and crawl back into the bed beside him, yanking the covers up over her shoulders and willing herself to sleep. Just like she'd given herself to him, she had to try and do this for his sake.
But the tears that rolled down her cheeks dried there, and it was when light broke that she was woken by Ringabel caressing her face. He looked worried. Very worried.
"Edea," he started, rubbing her cheeks with his thumb. "Are you alright?" He hesitated for a just a moment, his eyes flickering over her form. "Did we really…?"
He'd slept through the night, she noticed, and said nothing, curling up further against his chest. She wanted to remain warm and safe in his arms a little longer before reality came back to her. She'd ruined everything, hadn't she?
Ringabel caught her and very gently pushed her back, his hands running through her hair and over her side. She hadn't been able to find her panties, lost somewhere on the side of the bed, and he was still completely nude, and he was a smart man - he could put two and two together. She felt exposed to his gaze as he looked her over, somber.
"You were tired," she said, her voice croaking. "Do you not remember?" If he had forgotten what had happened last night, then so help her -
"I thought I had dreamed it at first," he confessed, his cheeks reddening. "But I remember now. Everything. Edea, I - thank you… thank you, dear. I do love you," he added. But his eyes spoke of his concern as he brushed some of her hair from her face. "Are you hurting?"
"… A little," she admitted, and even though she wasn't sure about it, felt some caution over him, she opened her legs to his questing hand, and let him cup her sore sex. He should be allowed to, after all, after what they had done last night. But when he stroked her there, his fingers slipping into her now dry sex, she flinched, and pushed his hand away.
He stopped immediately, withdrawing his hands to his chest and half-sitting up, alarmed. "Edea - are you - what's really wrong?"
It wasn't fair now, to tell him that it had been a huge mistake. That she had realized, after seeing the aftermath, that she hadn't been ready to be intimate with him, that she'd just been tired and wanted him to feel better, but she'd gotten carried away in desperation. She didn't want to regret it… she didn't regret it, she decided. But she hadn't been ready for such a huge step when their relationship was still hugely in question as it was.
She was quiet as she chewed her lip. He deserved the truth, he did. But he didn't need to know every painful thing she thought. "I don't… think I was emotionally prepared for that," she said finally, avoiding looking at his face.
He was silent for a long time before he breathed out in relief, flopping back onto the bed beside her and pressing his face into a pillow. "I - yes, I don't believe I was, either," he said, slightly muffled by the pillow, and she looked at him in surprise. He offered her a tired smile. "I do thank you, for… for allowing me to - ah, be so intimate with you, but there were probably better ways of helping me sleep."
She stuck her tongue out at him, and he continued, reaching over for her hand. "I care about you, Edea. I would never want to use you like that for comfort. I don't want you to be obligated or forced into doing something like that for my sake. Please, if that's your motivation, I don't want you doing that again, especially if it's to help me sleep. We'll figure something out." She felt a little better at his words, realizing that he felt the same way about their joining, and that she wouldn't have to do it again if she truly didn't want it, but… it didn't change what had happened. And she knew, that Ringabel being the way he was - being who he was - would have preferred their first time to be more romantic, with the both of them thinking clearly and not so tired. They had both been so careless.
"Let's never speak of this again," she offered, sitting up and pushing some of her tangled hair out of her face. She looked at him again and made a face - she was right, there were marks all over his shoulder and his chest. Probably his back as well. Hopefully the others wouldn't ask any questions.
"I… never again?" he asked, sitting up as well. She nudged him until he shifted around for her, at which point - yep, his back was covered in nail marks.
"Not for a while, at least," she clarified, giving him a crooked smile once he had turned back to her. "Not until we're ready for it again, when we both really want it. It - it wasn't bad, Ringabel. But I'm just not ready for this yet." She didn't know if she would be for some time, but if she was going to have sex with someone, it was going to be because she loved them and wanted to make them both feel good, not to satisfy a momentary need.
"I understand." His eyes met hers, clear and even in the morning light.
She hesitated. "But we can kiss, if you'd like? Only kissing." And with that said, she leaned forward to kiss his jaw again. He swallowed. She felt she could do that. They'd grown very close over the span of a night, and even if their relationship might have been altered by it, she had liked the kissing part of it. She was ready for kissing, even if they might not be in a relationship. Were they? She didn't know, and couldn't ask.
"I… would like that," he smiled at her. It was a little more wide than earlier, a bit more sincere as he leaned over to kiss her forehead, and she giggled despite the churning in her thoughts and belly. "But perhaps we should get dressed and cleaned up before our lovely Tiz comes into the room to get dressed for the day and has a heart attack."
"Mmm, but we could always have Agnès nurse him back to health," she teased as she climbed out of bed. "In a little nurse outfit and everything!"
"That would just make him worse, you know."
They bantered back and forth as they cleaned up and changed back into their clothes from the night before, and Ringabel went so far as to strip the soiled bedclothes off the bed before Tiz had a chance to see the stains, but she felt different nonetheless. She didn't know if she could ever feel the same.