"Why? Why have you come back now after 40 years? What the hell happened?" I said, trying to hold my emotion within me, trying to hide the fact that I was still, despite of time, desperately in love with him.
"Of course, I'd be here. Where else would I be?" He answered nonchalantly.
Ha. Score one for the vampire. Of course he would say that, he wasn't the one that waited for the love of your life for 40 years. 40 years of agony, not knowing what to expect, if I was to expect anything at all. 40 years of blackness, of nothingness. No messages, no voice mails, no letters. Not a whisper of where he was or who he was within the last 40 years. Guys have came up to me and asked me out, but I rejected every single one of them. Why? Because I was still convince he would come back one day. I spent my college life, doing nothing. I suppose you couldn't really call it alive when you spent every single minute of your non-school hours in your room studying or moping over someone.
"Hm. Of course you would say that. And you just expect me to open my arms and welcome you back into my life. Why are you here, Edward?" It hurt a little to say his name out loud. I don't understand why since it was his name I screamed every night, every minute of everyday.
"No, Bella. Why on earth must you think like that? I'm ready to grovel, to beg for you to take me back."
"No, Edward. No. I waited for you. For a whole 43 years. Now you decide to come back. Why? Just so you can have a place in my life before I die? Well, news flash for you. No, Edward. I am not having you in my life again. I am not going to go through what I did 43 years ago again. That took me 10 years to get through. Every single day, I thought about how I could contact you, try to track you down. I wondered what I did that made you leave. I cried at night at the memories of us in the meadow, I cried during class when I remembered how you first spoke to me in Biology, I cried everyday at the memories of us together, you and you family and Alice. So you just expect me to take you back after all of that. Because, for once, Edward. You have no idea what I went through. No idea. So don't just strut your stuff back here and expect to be accepted again." I said all of that with all the strength I had. All the strength I saved up over the years since I finally decided that I wouldn't shed another tear for him. I couldn't bear to hear what he has to say. I just couldn't let him say it, because I know that even if I let one word of his get to me, everything I worked for all those years would go straight in the bin.
So I shut the door in his face. But I broke my promise to myself. After I closed the door, I slid down the door with my back. Why? At the age of 53, I would still have the heart of an 17 year old, yearning for those set of cold, strong arms around me. The tears that I held back, that I dreaded finally came down, covering my face. I let out a helpless sob, screaming for nothing. I hated myself to be here again, after all those years of therapy was all a lie, a pretense. Now the cold, hard reality was back. Looking to destroy and crumble my life. Once again. Only this time, I'm not sure if my heart could take it. But then, not that he's back, I can never be sure of anything in my life from now on. I don't understand how I could still hurt over someone that I haven't seen for 40 years. I don't understand why I get this urge to run straight back into those hard, stone arms that belonged to me 40 year ago. Even so, I don't understand why he's back on my doorstep like he was 40 years ago today.
As I said, reality was hitting me cold and hard, making me doubt everything I had done for the last chapter of my life.