Boo! So, long story short, I'm away for the next month without wifi, so this is the last sort-of-chappie for a while.

I didn't have time to write one in between my packing, but I found this half-finished on my computer and decided to stick it up as a funny omake.

I'm also gonna put it as a separate story, just thought I'd share it with you guys.

Oh, and this was written before Naruto was changed to be a girl in Kami no Hoshi! (For those who weren't there at the very beginning, KnH was originally a male Naruto but I decided to change it at chapter 3 because I liked Fem!Naru better) This was written sometime between them.

Enjoy!

Of sentient vegetables and unexpected conclusions

Naruto yawned. She was bored.

It was her final day of confinement after the measles had caught Iruka, and she had been restrained to her flat for the past month.

It had to have been the longest month of her life, including all of the months of abuse and hardship- nothing beat being confined to an apartment the size of a room for 4 weeks.

She had been forced to spend the time training (only little jutsus and chakra control though, since she had no desire to rebuild her flat and cleaning (Naruto still shivered every time she thought of that one).

Flashback

Naruto and her small army of shadow clones crept nervously into the next room. It was the one that they had all been dreading; the kitchen. It had years since she had last entered it, as she preferred the kettle and stock of instant ramen that the girl kept under her bed. It was so much easier, especially when the topic of midnight snacks came about.

However, they were going to be brave and show that kitchen just what they thought of it!

A kage bunshin ventured in nervously and looked around. Nothing. Encouraged, she crept closer to the stove and lashed out for the frying pan. Grabbing it defensively in her hands, clone Naruto raised it above her head in triumph. Everybody cheered, and ran forwards to join the brave clone.

And that was when the invasion force of sentient vegetables struck.

Flashback over

It had been, to say the least, a massacre. Every last one of her clones had been mercilessly slaughtered by the little devils as they covered the real Naruto just long enough for her to reach the doorway and slam the door shut on the carrots, lettuce and tomatoes that had somehow grown teeth, arms and legs without her noticing.

A new lock had been fastened, and the key thrown away. She hadn't needed a kitchen for the past ten years- Naruto was certain that she could manage a few more.

Sadly, although Naruto had been well reacquainted with the walls of her flat and had spent hours on end holding long chats with her ramen poster (meanwhile spotting a hidden crack in the corner of the room), she had still been bored out of her mind with no one to talk to.

For the last couple of hours though, the blonde had amused herself by playing dress up with all of her hidden girly clothes.

Oh well. It was the last day of it now.

"Are you sure that this is a good idea, Ino-pig?" Sakura hissed to her blonde friend as ten of the Konoha 11 stood below Naruto's window.

"Of course I am- he must be bored out of his mind by now! We can play this, and completely thrash him at it in the process, to cheer him up!" Ino exclaimed, holding up a wii console.

"… fine, if you're sure," Sakura concluded with a slight grumble.

"Hurry up guys!" Ten-ten whispered to them from her position halfway up the wall. They must have looked ridiculous; 10 well respected shinobi climbing up a wall without the use of chakra, in a line, wearing orange.

Ino had insisted, and most had just agreed to get her to stop nagging them (according to Shikamaru, she was being 'troublesome') but it had taken Ten-ten quite a bit of persuasion to get Neji in orange. It would be worth it though…

Naruto tried on another dress; this one form-fitting and black, along with heels and the necklace that Tsunade had given her. It showed off her figure nicely, but Naruto was trying for something a bit more… well, sexy.

She was planning to invite all of the Konoha 11 to the local night club, and reveal herself there the next week. It was just taking some time to choose her dress.

"Guys, come on! What are you doing down there?" Ino hissed from her position directly under the window.

Sakura shot up a look of pure evil.

Shikamaru sighed. Again.

Naruto tossed the latest dress aside, huffing in irritation. Why wasn't the right one there?

Orange, orange, orange, orange, black, red, orange, green, black, orange…why did she own so much orange stuff?

Dismissing the thought out o hand, she continued raiding the cupboard.

What was that one? Light blue…Naruto held the dress against her in the mirror. She rather liked the plain bodice, and the lacy waist, but…there was no way she was going anywhere near the luminous pink on the skirt.

Honestly, it looked like the mother of those vegetables…

The blonde shuddered and hurried on. There was no need to think about that ever again.

Ino reached a finger upwards, and cautiously poked the latch on Naruto's window.

Everyone held their breath.

"It's locked," she reported with a disappointed look.

"Come on guys. Are we ninjas or what?" Ten-Ten encouraged in exasperation. It would take a lot more than a locked window to keep out a shinobi.

Unless that shinobi happened to be called Ino, apparently.

There! This was it.

Naruto did a final twirl in the mirror, loving the way that the long skirt flared out, and the slit that ran up the side of the deep red material. The top half was tight and clingy, black covering the barest minimum of her breasts whilst gauzy fabric covered her flat stomach and neck. It was shoulder-less, so Naruto grinned wickedly and yanked out her favourite pair of mesh gloves from the draw, pulling them up to the elbow and stepping carefully into the heeled ankle boots that had been kept for such an occasion.

This was perfect.

One last check in the mirror revealed a whole new side of Naruto, one that her friends hadn't seen before, and one other very curious thing.

Was that…a finger attached to her window ledge?

"There!" everyone cheered as the blonde finally managed to jimmy open the slightly broken lock.

"On the count of three," Ino whispered. "One, two-"

Sakura jumped up into the room.

Naruto looked at Sakura.

Sakura looked at Naruto.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Naruto exclaimed, seeing her raise an eyebrow at her outfit.

"Really? So what is it then?"

"it's- it's" Naruto stuttered, hoping she would see what the blonde was talking about.

"Sakura!" Ino yelled, storming in. "You didn't wait til three! You ruined the whole…thing…" she trailed off, finally looking at Naruto.

Her shout could be heard on the other side of Konoha.

"Eh? Naruto spends his spare time dressing as a girl!?" Chouji shouted from somewhere up the wall.

"You- you must have m-m-misheard something, Chouji-kun," Hinata whispered from another point.

Naruto put a hand to her face and laughed. What an opportunity; wasted.

Shikamaru just shut his eyes.

"Mendokuse,"