Chapter One: I don't love you and I never will.

"I see you watching me watching you,
And now you see just where you gotta be."

Rogue Traders 'Watching you'

To Lily,

I am sorry. I am very, very sorry. You will not believe how ludicrously, sincerely sorry I am. I crave for your forgiveness. It's the only thing I want. Well, that and you. PLEASE go out with me? I'll leave Snape alone…!

Love, James

P.S. You will have realised how pathetic I sound writing this out. I know it'll make you smirk. Remember I did it for You☺

James reread the note, wondering if he sounded too desperate. Probably. He gave a sigh and carefully folded it up; treating it so delicately it could have been porcelain, not parchment. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, he leaned across the aisle and dropped the note onto a red headed girls desk.

The girl ignored it.

"Oh COME ON!" hissed James. "Evans, just read it! Please!"

Very slowly the girl picked the note up with the tips of her fingers and pulled it under her desk, still not looking up.

"Binn's doesn't notice anything we do," whispered James. "You don't have to read it under-"

His voice caught in his throat as a bright blue tongue of flame shot out of Lily's wand and enveloped the note. Within moments all that was left were a few scorch marks on the underside of the desk and ashes on the floor.

"AGAIN?!" yelled James indignantly, forgetting for a moment where he was. Heads turned towards him, although many were sleeping to deeply to be aroused.

"MR POLNER," barked Professor Binns from the front of the room. "You continuously disrupt my class with your immature antics. Stay behind after the bell to discuss your behaviour!"

"Yes sir…" mumbled James, chancing a glance at Lily. Although her head was still down, he could have sworn he saw the corners of her upturned lips.

Was it a smirk or a smile…?

Gryffindor common room was exceptionally noisy that night. It was the night before the summer holidays, and everyone was making the most of the time they had left with their friends. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all sat next to the fireplace discussing the events of the past year.

"I still can't believe he fell for it though," commented James. "I mean we pulled his knickers off him in front of what, fifty people, and the next day he's dumb enough to let it happen AGAIN. What the hell?"

"I know what you mean mate," Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "I thought only Peter was that stupid. I was wrong!"

The fire flickered eerily, casting Peter's face into darkness.

"One day, I'll kill you all," he vowed under his breath menacingly.

"Pardon?" asked Lupin. "You always mumble. Speak up!"

Peter cleared his throat. "Nothing."

James wasn't listening to this exchange; he was gazing dreamily over at Lily who was sitting with her friends, chatting animatedly. His heart skipped a beat as she glanced around and saw him staring. Her face instantly hardening, Lily got to her feet and started stalking towards the Marauders.

"Uh-oh" murmured Sirius, who had turned around to see what James was looking at. "She doesn't look too happy…"

Lily crossed the room in just three strides. Her crimson hair seemed to bristle with electricity, and the aura surrounding her was so intense that half the room fell into a terrified hush. Peter gave a small whimper only to have a wide-eyed Lupin clamp a hand over his mouth. Lily stared down at James with a bright green laser ray.

"Uh… Hi," ventured James. "How are- "

"Why don't you just take a picture," interrupted Lily in a whisper of cold fury. "It would last longer."

James flinched, and decided not to tell her about the one under his pillow.

"Well, I um. Y-Yeah about that. Well..." James stammered. Lily was SCARY.

"Why do you have to be such a desperate ASSHOLE?" she snarled. "Everywhere I go I got you tagging along: 'Evans, I love you', 'Evans, go out with me', 'Evans, give me a chance', 'Evans. Evans. EVANS.' I am SICK of you being such a loser!"

"What's so wrong about being in love!?" yelped James.

"You call that love? The rest of the world calls it stalking!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does NOT!"

"They do- oh screw it!" Lily threw her hands up into the air. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! You're not that ugly, go find some other girl! Get it through your big head: I don't love you and I never will!" She stormed off up the staircase to the girl's dormitories, leaving behind a stunned silence.

None of the Marauders spoke for a full ten minutes. James broke it first.

"Did you hear that? She doesn't think I'm ugly!" he said hopefully.

"That ugly," corrected Lupin.

James's face fell. "Yeah. Wow she looked pissed off. Did any of you guys see her face?"

"I looked at her for about two seconds, but any more and I would have turned to stone. Look," Sirius said leaning in. "I think its time you give up on her. It's been five years and I hate to break it to you, but if you keep it up you're gonna grow up to be one of those obsessed perverts."

"I'm not gonna be a pervert!" protested James. "But yeah… I guess part of me already knows that. And especially the way she yelled at me…" He trailed off miserably, gazing into the ashy depths of the now extinct fire.

There was another long silence. Lupin, Sirius and Peter all exchanged looks. They were James's best mates and all but they'd been listening to his Ramblings About Lily for years and they were fairly sick of it.

"This is such BULLSHIT!" exploded James suddenly. "Ok people. Tonight is the last night that I'm ever going to think of Evans again. I ain't going to talk or show off to her or anything. And... I'll go find me a new girl!"

The others exchanged looks again but this time of doubt.

"Are you sure about this, Prongs?" asked Lupin quickly. 'What if subconsciously it's all just to make her jealous?"

"Whose side are you on, Mister??" complained James. "How would it make her jealous? It was her sodding idea in the first place! Just got to keep focused, I suppose. Holidays tomorrow should help!"

"Yippee. Someone pinch me," muttered Sirius darkly.

"Parents still pure-blood fanatics?"

"Yeah."

"Ah well. Come stay at mine for the hols. Anytime you want, my parents love you," offered James.

"I'm going to hold you to that!"

James laughed. 'You do that. I'm shit sleepy. Gonna go to bed. Wake me up in time for the train tomorrow…"

He walked up to his dormitory and collapsed onto his bed, not bothering to change. Pulling the blanket tightly around him, James looked up at the night sky through the window next to his bed, and gave a futile sigh. It was beautiful, a deep blue with twinkling stars scattered here and there. A large silver one sparkled far off in the distance.

Is she looking up at it as well?

…What's she wishing for?

Lily… I'm going to try my best.

I want you to be happy.

Even if I have to let you go.

Authors Note:

I'm worried about starting this fanfic 2-3 months before the 7th book comes out. Rowling has stated that we will find something extremely important about Lily in it, so I am hoping HEAPS nothing I write will contradict it! I don't want to wait 3 months to post this. I'm doing it now!

The letter James wrote at the very start is apologising for how he treated Snape in the pensieve. He's not sorry though, as you can tell from his conversation...

So that was Chapter One! Being the caring author that I am -cough- I need to know what you guys think. I was mucking around with this first part, so review me saying if you want me to tone the drama up or down, keep it the same etc. Anything you want to see, song lyrics you wanna suggest, comments, whatever, tell me. FLAMES WELCOME. How else will I improve?

If you like it so far, add to favourites and check back weekly for updates. Not meaning to beg and whine but... Dudes and Dudettes! Review me so I know if I should continue!

What a long A/N. Gah.

Have a nice day!