Being on my major hiatus for… well it was a while, I have recuperated and come back with this little… Masterpiece? Baby? Piece? Lol I don't know yet, call it whatever you want. Either way I'm back and trying something a little different. This is going to probably be far more intense than anything I've ever written before and hopefully much deeper. Although I'm still me so you will recognize my fluff necessity and need to make the boys experience emotional and physical pain. The first three chapters of this are setting up the story and I promise eventually everything will become clear when you continue to read… so you must continue to read ;) ! Well, you at least have to give me four chapters, deal?

Warning – Swear words will be used (minimum though) and may get worse as it goes on. As always (I don't plan, I just write) I'm not %100 sure as to what's going to happen, but there is a fairly good chance things such as abuse, rape, self harm ect. may be referred to at least. However I'm a wuss, so nothing will be too graphic :D

Disclaimer – I do not own Big Time Rush *Sad Face*

"Make me feel like someone else."

Chapter one

Kendall sighed as he made his way down the lunch line.

Lunch time, the only enjoyable part of the young 16 year olds day. Feeding time…what could he say? He was a growing boy. He took a few small steps forward and followed the crowd in the long, cramped line. He groaned as he saw what was on offer today, some kind of mystery meat sandwich with tater totes. Could his school get any worse? No, actually could his school get any more stereotypical? He forced a smile at the overweight lunch lady who served his food with a scowl on her face. Even there school lunch lady looked liked she came straight from an episode of the 'Simpsons'. Hair net, scowl, unknown substances of meat all over her dirty apron and face.

He adjusted his beanie so it was planted firmly on his head, and with his tray made the way to the usual table. Everything seemed to be 'normal' at his school. Okay, maybe normal wasn't the right word, but predictable. To his left sat a bunch of over perky cheerleaders in skimpy uniforms that were far to reveling for the harsh Minnesota weather. Next to them were the football jocks, even wearing their mandatory bomber jackets that made there already large figures seem bigger. Together the jocks and cheerleaders only added to what was wrong with his conventional school.

As he walked, he passed the skater boys who looked like they came straight from the Disney hit 'Zeke and Luther', dopey grins and all. To his right, the emotionals (more commonly known as EMO's) who wore to much black and probably self harmed. Then the drama geeks, computer nerds, star trek nerds, Asians, minorities, stuck up girls, the girls who didn't eat, the ones who were kind of normal and so many more Kendall didn't even bother getting to know. His school looked as if it had thrown up some horrible teen drama movie. All they needed was to break out in song or a pregnant cheerleader and they'd be an episode of 'Glee' or bad musical like the one Zac Efron was in.

He shook his head silently to himself and took a seat at the only table he was welcomed. Some called them the 'hockey heads', the jocks called them 'wanna be football players', Kendall however just called them his best friends.

"Hey Kendall," Carlos greeted him with his usual warming smile.

Kendall was sure him and his three best friends were the only ones in the entire school that didn't really fit into the normal cliché flow. While they were all kind of stereotypical themselves, they by no means fit into the conformist school there parents had forced them into.

Carlos who sat directly opposite him was the ball of energy that never stopped. He was the class clown, the joker, the one who intentionally did stupid things to get a laugh from others, the guy that just liked to make people laugh. Constantly doing stupid and highly dangerous stunts he lived his life on a high. Coming from a big family (7 brothers and sisters, not including himself and varying from older to younger) Kendall assumed many of the Latino boys stunts were done out of seeking attention from his parents who both worked full time, rather than because he actually enjoyed it. But over the years the two sort of collided and now it was just normal for the Latino to skate down the biggest hill in Minnesota as fast as possible, or jump from severely high buildings with little to land on but the hard concrete. Carlos was the loudest, funniest, daringness and craziest boy he knew. To was difficult for people not to love him with his outgoing and hyper personality.

To Kendall's right sat James Diamond who was also loved by many (well, at least the female population), however for an entire different reason to Carlos. James was probably the best looking guy in their year, maybe even there whole school (And Kendall means that in the least gayest way possible). While Carlos may have the personality to be loved, James defiantly had the exterior. Perfectly cropped long brown hair, piercing brown eyes, flawless complexion and striking smile, it was difficult to find a girl who didn't swoon at the very thought of him. James always wore the latest fashions, and could easily pick out jeans and shirt that matched his skin perfectly. Sitting next to him usually had most boys enraged because he was just that good looking. Anyone sitting anywhere near him just looked so, imperfect. Maybe that was why James had so little friends. Sure, the boy got along well with most of the hockey team and a few other guys. But mainly people tended to avoid him. It wasn't like he was a jerk. Kendall could and would argue that James is probably one of the kindest people around. He wasn't conceited or arrogant or anything, actually he was the complete opposite. Sometimes Kendall would even call him shy, which was ridiculous because he had no reason to be. But due to his looks, James was often misjudged. If people actually took the time to get to know someone before they judge them they'd find out that James wasn't the proud, annoying jerk they thought he was, but the boy who was learning to trust again due to his father leaving after a messy divorce and even worse custody battle. That was something else he hated about his school.

They were shallow, ignorant people who liked to make others feel below them. Take his other and final best friend Logan for example. The boy was smart, funny and a loyal friend. However nobody at school would know that because they spend too much time pushing him into lockers. While James and Carlos were liked by most people, Logan came under the 'other' category. Logan was openly shy, extremely timid and above average intelligence in most subjects. Hence he was bullied. Kendall just wanted to punch someone thinking about the oxymoron's that made his smaller friends high school life a living hell. Why is that if you happen to be smart that automatically makes you a target for morons to pick on you? Kendall didn't know, but he did know that even though Logan tried to brush it off and ignore it, it affected the brunette. And why should it not? They have no right to do that to him, yet for some reason still get away with it. Logan was funny and smart and loyal. He was often shy and probably smarter than the average sixteen year old. But that didn't make it right. People didn't know that studying helped Logan forget the fact that he doesn't have a mother because she passed away. They didn't know that he tried his best at everything in hopes that his dad would for once notice he had a son. Logan was such a caring person, but in high school that doesn't matter to most.

"This food is disgusting guys," James said sniffing his burger, "I can't eat this,"

Logan chuckled and moved around his own food (if you could call it that) with his plastic fork, "I can't believe they're actually allowed to serve us this without the health department on their backs,"

The blonde laughed. Then of course, there was Kendall himself. He liked to think of himself as the unofficial leader of their little dysfunctional group. Kendall didn't like school, he believed math and English were the most pointless thing in the world, despite what Logan tried to tell him. Hockey was his one and only future. What professional hockey player knew algebra anyway? Kendall lived and breathed hockey, he never feels more at peace then when gliding on the ice getting the puck in the net. That was how he had met these three other strange boys. While they didn't have much in common, they shared one common passion. Hockey. Of course, none of them were as passionate about it as Kendall, each having their own individual dreams. But meeting 10 years ago at pee wee hockey, was defiantly not a moment Kendall regrets.

"What are we doing this weekend?" Carlos asked now resorting to throwing his tater totes across the room casually.

James shrugged, "We can go to my house,"

"We have a massive math test on Monday guys," Logan sighed.

Kendall laughed, math test. Really Logan?

"Pssh, you have a math test," Carlos laughed, "I get to sleep for an hour,"

Logan rolled his eyes, far too used to Carlos just sleeping through tests, "You know that's not a good idea Carlos,"

Kendall laughed, "When is anything Carlos does a good idea?"

Logan shrugged, "You should really study,"

Carlos looked at Logan discarding his tater totes for a moment. He looked as if he was actually considering studying then, "Nahhhhhhh,"

Kendall and James burst out laughing while Logan just rolled his eyes.

"Don't even bother Loge," Kendall said.

"So my house, Friday night?" James said.

The three boys nodded and the bell signaling the end of lunch rang. Logan never wanting to be late for class stood up first, however only to have someone 'accidently' knock into him covering him with gravy and a half eaten burger.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Logan," a very mocking, non apologetic voice sniggered.

Not only had Logan been covered in half eaten food but he had been knocked to the ground by a large jock who was now standing about him grinning stupidly. The cafeteria was now staring at the scene taking place.

"What the hell!" Kendall yelled angrily approaching Michael Stevens an arrogant, thinks his better than everyone else, jock.

James helped Logan from the ground and Carlos stood next to him. Kendall glared daggers at Michael and his group of dumbass friends that formed a protective circle around their alpha male.

Michael Stevens, captain of the hockey team, boyfriend to the head cheerleader, likes to pick on people he sees weaker then himself. Did anymore really need to be said? He was your everyday cliché, football playing, bully who Kendall would gladly like to see burn a slow and painful death. If Michael was on fire and Kendall had the only glass of water left on earth, Kendall would happily tip the water anywhere and everywhere besides on Michael Stevens. You get the picture?

"What Knight? Got a problem?" Michael laughed.

"Yea I do, what the hell is wrong with you?" Kendall spat. James moved so he was standing next to Kendall backing him up ready to throw punches if needed. Carlos had taken Logan to the back of the crowd, keeping him out of the spotlight that Kendall had put himself in the middle of, but still ready to jump in if needed.

Now while James may be the pretty boy and Carlos the ball of endless fun, they could stand their own in a fight. And everybody knew if you messed with one puck head. You messed with them all. Especially Knight's friends.

"What?" Michael faked innocence, "I fell." He shrugged unconcerned.

"You fell?" James asked outraged unable to control himself. If it was one thing the brunette hated more, it was conceited, arrogant people. Michael fit perfectly into that category.

"What, not my fault the little nerd can't walk properly," Michael sniggered and high-fived a few of his friends.

Yep, that was it. Kendall had, had enough. He didn't even want to hear what else Michael had to say. Screw it.

-Punch-

"What the hell!" Michael said as he struggled back holding his nose that was now bleeding thanks to Kendall.

"Fuck you Michael," Kendall spat and stormed out of the cafeteria. However, before he was able to make his way completely out he heard Michael muttered, "Knights only always so highly strung because his daddy's fucked up."

Kendall walked faster until he was at his locker, almost running.

Maybe that's why they were all so good friends. They weren't anything alike, they should all logically be in different crowds. Logan with the nerds, James with the drama geeks and Carlos probably with the skaters. But they just didn't fit in with those crowds. They weren't meant to be trapped in this shallow, superficial lockup where if you were strong and below average IQ you got to fit in. No, these boys were much deeper than that.

Maybe, they held such a close bound because they shared a common denominator deeper then hockey. They all experienced something many people will spend their whole life dreading yet barely having to deal with. What it's to be truly abandoned by the ones who are supposed to always be there.

Let me know what you think guys :D