"A Vampire at its Best'

By Ten Story

Note: I don't own Hellsing - this brilliant and gorgeous manga is written by Kouta Hirano and many hugs to him = ) I wrote this when like, only volume 6 of the manga is out, so just think of this as an AU sort of, where Walter isn't really a bad guy.

Pairing: Alucard/Walter, with hints of Alucard/Seras

Alucard was becoming increasingly bored. Hellsing headquarters was dismally dreary and void of the usual colorful staff that found themselves under Integra's wings for various reasons, not the least of which were aptitudes towards perceiving the presence of the supernatural or possessing some psychic ability. Even the lowest of the foot soldier fleet managed to entertain him slightly with their eccentric thoughts and unusual behaviors, yet not a drop less devoted to their duty than any other of her Majesty's army. But the war was over and only four of Hellsing's original staff remained - the others were all in a pile out front, their corpses being burned in case of an unfortunate return as ghouls for a second time.

The rest of these riffraff were the usual slow-witted ogres with their only aptitudes in drinking, fucking, and construction work. Thinking was not even something they enjoyed or even entertained often, causing Alucard to sneer disappointedly in their general direction and then vacate the halls. Even a stray thought about wild sex in the working class and the following desperate hiding of an erection would have been amusing compared to 'wonder what's for lunch today,' and 'this brick goes here after the cement gets put down.'

His own thoughts discouraged by the lack of intelligence displayed, his feet carried him to Integra's office, where she was trying to answer three different phone lines, all of which were important calls. Walter held a tray nearby with a glass of sherry on it. Immediately Alucard noticed something different about him; whenever Alucard tried to read his mind the butler would instantly put up a very heavy mind block, preventing even him, the source of evil, from discovering what was swirling around in his brain. This always pleased Alucard - it took no effort to see why he had such a fondness for Walter. He always made things difficult in the same way an immortal would - and he was never caught up by petty human things - always thinking ahead of the game, and yet still in a perfect place of tranquility while the rest of the animalistic homosapiens screamed and moaned and carried on with their 'nows.' Now, now, now. Everything is so important right now, or the whole world will fall apart. When one was immortal, it was plain to see that with or without "intelligent" life forms, the planet would get along just peachy by itself.

But as far as Walter was concerned, for the first time in Alucard's memory his mental block was not in place. And even if he could not have felt his thoughts, it was plain to see that there was a hidden, lingering regret in his eyes - a sadness that almost made Alucard himself concerned. He would have laughed at himself before, but Seras's influence over the years were definitely apparent. For those he supposed he…cared…about…their pain just barely touched the edges of his cold, black heart.

If only Walter had not been the horny, beautiful little bitch he was back then, Alucard would have turned him in an instant. He has just the sort of stamina, serenity and apathy required for vampirism. Much more so than Seras, even, but she has other strong points…like the fact that she's fantastic in bed.

If my little Draculina heard me say that, she'd certainly not be pleased. Alucard thought. Then he laughed aloud, enjoying the little mental image he had drawn up of her with her face all twisted. Even her humanistic anger he enjoyed. Sometimes he got her riled up just to watch her facial expressions change. Even if he wasn't incubating some lasting affection for her that her nature was cultivating in him, she was certainly amusing enough to keep him entertained for a century or two.

"Yes, it is safe to return to the palace. As I have said, my men have confirmed it. Her Majesty can return to her home, as well as the rest of the royal family. One moment please……..Yes, yes Prime minister…London is perfectly safe now, you may return at your leisure. One moment please…oh, dash it all, I hung up on the Queen's attendant! Blast this phone system, Walter. What did that useless office assistant of mine have to go and die on me? I always thought she was perfectly ineffectual until the moment she kicks the bloody bucket. I have no idea how to work this damned thing."

Integra, quite exhausted from her rant, put a cigar in her mouth, which Walter lit without delay. His eyes fluttered up to Alucard's for a moment, nodding respectfully, then went back down again to the little glass of sherry. When his eyes had met Alucard's, the sorrow had been much more intense, where now it was subtle again. Only the feeling was well described - the thoughts themselves muddled, as he expected from Walter. Even he wouldn't let his guard completely down, even if he was feeling unusually grim.

"Apologies, Sir Integra. I would be pleased if you would let me help you with this." Walter offered.

"No, Walter, it's fine. You've been doing four different jobs since the battle ended besides your own. The least I can do is carry out the one bloody simple task of answering the phone."

"Very good, mum."

"And Alucard, what are you doing in here? I told you to keep yourself and Seras scarce while the repairmen are here. The last thing I need is them seeing you do something unnatural or even them becoming a tempting snack while we're waiting for more murderer's blood to come in for you two."

"Come now, Miss Hellsing." Alucard said as he laughed loudly. "I'll behave myself."

"No, I know you." Integra snapped back. "You'd find it funny if you scared them all to death. Even if they blabbed your existence to the entire world, you'd still think it funny because you don't have to deal with the consequences. I on the other hand, do. Otherwise we'd have the whole bloody mob up here ready to burn you and the Draculina alive."

"How honored I am that you would protect me." Alucard said. He bowed dramatically, obviously mocking her. She sneered but dismissed it, used to this kind of behavior from one so far removed. She couldn't really understand it, honestly. What would make eternal life on Earth interesting if one didn't become involved with everyday life - history itself in the making? She was almost sure that if he had a choice about it, Alucard would leave Hellsing in a second, going off to some lofty mountain somewhere to watch humanity scramble in its futility. It hurt her to think that she thought of him as a friend. She wished she didn't - in fact, did everything in her power to mask it.

But she knew she could never really hide anything from him. Even now, he was smiling.

"Oh would you get out of my face, already!" she barked.

"But I'm bored." he pouted.

"Well that's not my problem, is it?"

Taking a deep inhale from her cigar, Integra turned her chair to the side, brooding and obviously finished arguing.

"I beg your pardon, mum, but perhaps a vacation would be in order. You haven't taken one in years and the battle is over. London is being rebuilt just fine - why not take your yacht and go out of the country for a spell?" Walter suggested. Alucard eyed him suspiciously. He thought he just heard a coherent thought - but it couldn't have been right…

"Walter, I am not leaving this country in its greatest hour of need."

"Every hour is its greatest hour of need, according to you, dear. Is it your only child that you must surrender your every waking moment to? Hm? The only life you can claim from your empty womb?" Alucard said.

"I have had quite enough of your snide comments, Alucard!"

"Well…that's not my problem, is it?"

"I know what you're doing, and I'm ordering you to stop this instant. I am not here so you can insult me and watch my reactions to amuse yourself, understand? I am not your bloody television that you can switch on and off, especially when I am already in a foul, foul mood!"

In a split second Alucard was kneeling at Integra's chair. "Well then perhaps I could turn you on in a different way and alleviate some of that stress…" he purred. "My offer still stands, you know."

Integra went red in the face just as quickly as Alucard had traveled across the room. "That is IT! I have had it with you! Get out of here, now!"

A blazing argument ensued, leaving Walter on the sidelines with the glass of Sherry still on his tray. He sighed dramatically and took a swig from it when no one was looking.

Seras walked in sleepily, rubbing her eyes. She was still in her pajamas. "Sir Integra? Master?"

Both Integra and Alucard turned to her. "What?" they said in unison.

Seras shrunk back, surprised. "What's going on? I could hear you all from down in the basement…" The interruption was enough to make Integra and Alucard pause, giving Alucard his opportunity. If Walter's thought had been a genuine one, this would be the perfect - and perhaps only - opportunity to make it happen.

"Walter and I are going on vacation." he announced.

"What?" Integra, Seras and Walter said in unison.

"I am taking your yacht, master, and your butler, and going on vacation."

"That is ludicrous - I'm not giving you permission to--"

Integra was interrupted by Walter. "I beg your pardon, Sir Alucard, but a vacation for any of us right now is simply not prudent. It would compromise the security of the nation, not to mention yourself, Sir Integra and Miss Victoria. Remnants of the enemy forces will be looking specifically for you, and it would especially not be safe for me to travel with you or even be aware of your travel plans."

Integra looked at Walter for a moment, taking another puff from her cigar. He was not looking at her, but at the floor. It was true that since his mind had been taken over by the enemy in the last battle, he had not been the same - not brimming with his usual unadulterated confidence. For the first time he was almost acting…old.

"On second thought, Alucard, yes." she said suddenly. All three looked at her abruptly. "I give you permission to take Walter on vacation on the condition that Walter does not go as your butler, but as a guest."

"Can I go too?" Seras asked excitedly. Alucard immediately turned to her and spoke to her from his mind.

One of us must stay here to guard the Master, Seras. And I need to spend time with Walter alone.

Seras nodded at him. She understood - there was no need to reply. She was also beginning to perceive the thoughts and feelings of humans, but even if she couldn't, it was obvious to her that Walter was not the same man he was before. Since Alucard had known him for so long, perhaps he could bring him some small amount of solace.

"Mum, I really appreciate your generosity but--" Walter began.

"This is a direct order, Walter. Go on vacation. Relax. I expect you to be gone two weeks. Understood?"

Walter sighed. "Yes, mum, and thank you."

"No, Walter. Thank you." Integra replied.


The crew of Integra's yacht, The Mother of the Lamb, were ordered to keep their distance as much as possible from their two passengers. They left food and murderer's blood out at mealtimes for them, but otherwise their presence was hidden completely.

The two had separate rooms - Alucard taking Integra's master suite and Walter taking one of the nicer guest rooms. To accommodate social interaction Walter took up a schedule of sleeping during the day, which Alucard appreciated. After all, if he wanted to Walter could have avoided him altogether, which would have completely negated the purpose of the excursion.

The thought that Walter had had that inspired all this entertained Alucard greatly. It made him reminisce about the old days of working together with him - and reminiscing was something he never really liked to do. What a delicious morsel Walter had been then -a tender little snack wrapped perfectly in a body that made every woman pant for miles, and most of the men, for that matter. On top of that Walter had always amused him personality-wise. Always offering some polite yet suspiciously snide and witty comment as they tore through the enemy, revealing the restless bitter nature within that laughed at his own predicament. And now he was calm and accepting of the roll of the dice that determined the circumstances of his life. He was everything a vampire should be at its best.

Damn it all. Damn the passage of time and damn Walter for beings so heartbreakingly gorgeous that he lost his innocence at sixteen, or perhaps even younger. Alucard wouldn't have been surprised.

But still, there was something obviously off with Walter. Alucard had given him several opportunities to counter one of his droll refrains with one of his own, but there had been nothing. Nothing but the distant, sorrowful gaze of the elderly and hopeless - something Alucard had never wanted to see in someone so vivacious and unconquerable. It was so thick he could smell it in his sinful blood from yards away.

Three days after they had set sail Alucard caught him on the bow of the ship, leaning over the railing. The sun had just set and the vampire had just gotten up, eager to produce some amusement for himself in his eternal monotony. But perhaps that would not be the goal of this night, he thought. Perhaps tonight he would offer to wipe away the dull stains of the lifeless years between the young and the old.

Alucard joined him at the railing, leaning over it in the same manner Walter did. Walter smiled a sad smile at him, then looked back at the ocean. The last streaks of the sunset revealed that there was no land to be seen - the boat was just one tiny, white spec in the middle of a blue canvas, soon to be black, like a gaping mouth of oblivion ready to swallow them up.

"A gaping mouth? You're quite depressing, my friend. It's not like you." Alucard said. "You're also not guarding your thoughts from me."

"Perhaps I'm tired of hiding things from you, Sir Alucard."

The vampire sneered. "Enough of that ridiculous garbage. I miss the days when you saw me as a competitor - one that you had to beat in your tally of kills. Remember?"

"All too well."

"You were so anxious to prove yourself, but so confident. A contradiction. I loved it."

"All humans are contradictions in their own right."

"But for the 'Angel of Death' to be so full of life, it was very amusing."

Walter smiled deviously. "Our only goal in life methinks is to amuse the immortals in heaven. It is only a blessed consequence that we amuse those on Earth as well."

Alucard laughed, then sneered at himself.

"Damn it all, Walter. Why did you have to be such a slut? You're almost cultivating a regret in me for watching you die. And you know I don't regret things."

"Regret will drive one to insanity when one lives forever. I remember you telling me that."

"Lesson number one to the vampire."

"It has done me some good as well."

"Is that so?"

"I never told you then…but I took to heart nearly everything you ever said to me. I had a great respect for you, Alucard. And great…affection."

Alucard raised his eyebrows. "Hence those nights on missions when you craved human satisfaction from me."

Walter laughed. "I would have thought you would have forgotten about that."

"I'm surprised you didn't know better, Walter. You're usually very perceptive to my thoughts and desires, despite your human nature."

"What can I say? You and I are two animals of the same species, spiritually speaking."

"I think I agree."

Now that he thought on it, Walter did remind him of himself when he was alive, down to the camouflaged sympathy for the downtrodden plight of mankind as callous disregard. To remove oneself from the reality of destroying life, and yet to perceive humanity's pain clearer than any other was the burden of all men of war.

"Normally such excursions are a footnote in an eternal life…but when they are with one such as you, they are coveted diamonds strewn across a grey existence." Alucard said. As the darkness around them grew all the greater he walked behind Walter and pressed himself against him, placing his hand over his own on the railing.

"As I said…….regrets."

"They were more to me than excursions as well, Alucard."

"I know."

Slowly Alucard's free hand crept up to Walter's face, poised to cover his eyes. "I can't remember the last time we were alone together."

Walter laughed. "Neither can I."

"Perhaps…you would like to relive my favorite of these occasions…?"

"Nothing would please me more."

Clamping his hand over Walter's eyes, the vampire wove an illusion fabricated from his memories that catapulted both of them decades back in time.