Witch/warlock

Kennedy was being more obnoxious than usual. Willow cringed as her brash girlfriend rudely pushed in front of a waiting customer, demanding service. When the hot mocha latte that Kennedy picked up seemed to jump in her hand, sloshing all over her new $100 blouse, Willow couldn't resist a smile. When she saw the smile reflected on another woman's gentle face, her eyes narrowed. The blonde woman smiled gently and wriggled her fingers; wet stains disappeared from Kennedy's shirt. While Kennedy glared around helplessly, Willow nodded. Her eyes followed the quietly pretty witch out of the shop, noting her direction.

Gremlin

"Ohmygod. It's soooo cute!"

"What is it?"

"I Don't know, but it's adorable. Look, Andrew, I have a pet!"

"Did it come with instructions?"

"Instructions? What's to know? Food, water - maybe a litterbox - it's all good. Here, let me turn the other light on..."

"No!"

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"No water! No bright lights. And don't feed him until tomorrow morning."

"I already did feed him. And, here you go, little fella, a nice big bowl of water so you don't get thirsty during the night. Tomorrow we'll go outside and... Andrew? Why are you running away?"

Pixie

"Red, hurry up with that spell!" Spike swatted at the light circling his head. It darted away trailing giggling bells.

"I'm trying! It wasn't my fault Buffy irritated the Queen of the Fairies!"

Spike's eyes unfocused as the pixie perched on his shoulder and began to whisper in his ear. It was hard to understand the tinkling sounds, but he was pretty sure he recognized a few heated words.

"Dammit, Slayer. Stop that!" he hissed. Her response was to dive into his shirt and begin rubbing her tiny body over his nipples, then dropped to his belly button.

"Now, witch!"

Goblin

"What the hell is that?"

"Ugly?"

They all stared at the twisted creature blocking their way into the maze.

"Well, yeah - ugly. But what is it?"

The creature snarled, waving an axe menacingly, clearly refusing them entrance.

Buffy shrugged. "Well, whatever it is, it's slayworthy. We have to get into there, ugly little axe-bearing things or not."

Andrew raised a hand timidly. "I think...I mean...it looks like a...goblin."

"Goblin. You think it's a goblin. It's not Halloween, Andrew. And Goblins don't really exist. They're folk tales - like...pixies and elves and..."

"Vampires?"

"I hate it when you make sense."

Headless Horseman

"So, there's this guy running around the countryside on a horse, killing people?"

"They disappear and are never seen again."

Buffy waved her hand dismissively. "Same thing for their families. But it only happens on Halloween? Come on, guys, somebody's trying to pull my leg. This isn't slayer stuff. Call the cops."

The mayor of the town wrung his hands.

"The police tried shooting him. It didn't work. He rode off, laughing."

Buffy petted her shiny sword.

"Huh! I guess it's off with his head then."

"He doesn't have one."

"Pardon?"

"No head. He's a Headless Horseman."

"Shit..."

Leprechaun

It Helps to be Irish...

"Angel!"

Gunn's voice was angry, but puzzled.

"Are you hurt?"

Gunn pointed at a smirking little man sitting on what seemed to be a large pot full of...gold?

Wesley responded. "We're fine. But we can't seem to approach that object without suffering damage from something...invisible."

Angel narrowed his eyes at the small man. "Why can't they- Oh."

The man nodded and lit his pipe. "Yes, 'oh'. They don't believe in me. Would do me no good to talk to them, so I just whack them." He waved a large club in one hand.

"I've got this, guys. You can go."

Succubus

She's a bloody succubus, she is. Always taking, taking. She comes in the night to steal from me. Takes what she needs then leaves without good-bye. Wrings me out, drains me and leaves me empty in my bed. Empty.

Here she is again. Wanting, taking, sucking the unlife out of me. Okay, sometimes she sucks other things from me...Don't have the strength to push her away. Not when she's doing that with her mouth. Not when I know she's going to let me love her for a while. Can call it "fucking" if she wants to, but I'm making love.

Hell Hound

The slayer skidded to a stop and stared at the huge dog blocking the way.

"Whoa! That is one ugly puppy. Go on now, go home."

A deep rumbling growl and eyes that flashed red, were the only response. Buffy looked at Giles with incredulous eyes.

"Um, I don't think 'dog catcher' is in my job description," she said, eyeing the growling dog apprehensively.

"I do not believe that to be a dog, Buffy. I'd have to consult my texts to be sure, but I think it's a Hell Hound."

"Hell has hounds? Who knew?"

"Hounds travel in packs."

"Crap."

Orc

"Whoa! Those ugly things have got to be demons."

"Those are Orcs," the hobbit said, casting a fearful eye at the approaching army.

"Just tell me they aren't really ugly humans and I'm good to go." Buffy twirled her sword eagerly.

"They aren't humans, Slayer. Don't you ever read?"

"Been a little busy, Spike. You know, slaying evil things?" She fixed her best intimidating glare on him - which he totally ignored, handing his own sword to Frodo and bouncing on his toes.

Frodo spoke quickly. "Take your sword, Spike. They're coming!"

Fangs out, Spike grinned.

"Let's go to work."

Giant

"He's a giant Andrew!"

"So are you."

"This is temporary! I don't want to be fixed up with another giant!"

"Just look at the video I took. What can it hurt? If you don't like him..."

"How old did you say he was?"

"He's twenty - in human years"

"Does he always chop wood with his shirt off?"

"Um...I suppose? I did tell him I was going to show it to you..."

"Which would explain the unnecessary flexing."

"I think when he flexes he looks like a Greek God..."

"TMI, Andrew! TMI!"

"So, you want to meet him or what?"

Gnome

Spike strolled into the kitchen where Buffy was glaring at a cookbook.

"There are gnomes in the garden, pet."

She shrugged. "Lots of people have garden gnomes. I think they're cute."

"They just tried to abduct Dawn."

"That's nice..." she said absently. "Wait! What? You mean there are gnomes in the garden? Live gnomes?"

Spike growled under his breath.

"I think that's what I said. Did I stutter?"

"You didn't say they were real."

"Didn't say they weren't."

"You could have been more specific."

"You could have listened to me better."

"Well who expects..."

"It's the Hellmouth, love."

"Point."

gryphon

"It's a what?"

"A gryphon. Legendary beast - body of a lion, head of an eagle."

"Okaaaaay...But what's he doing in your crypt?"

"Now, that's a funny story..."

"Funny ha, ha? Or funny as in 'you'll look back on this and laugh after you've slayed it? "

"You don't need to slay it, Buffy. It's a guardian."

Buffy glanced around. "What's it guarding?"

"Um...me?"

"You. Spike. William the Bloody. A vampire."

"Wasn't always a vamp," he growled, scratching the purring gryphon's head. "Old Tom here has been in our family a long time."

"I can't wait to hear this one."

Golem (a)

"It's a what?" Buffy examined her mud-covered stake in disgust.

"I think it's a golem."

"That's an interesting theory, Willow," Giles said. "On what are you basing it?"

"Um...no face, lumpy body made of mud, nasty disposition... and the warlock who made it is Jewish."

"So you guys have what? Your own personal demons?" Xander stared at his best friend as if she'd turned into a stranger.

Willow shrugged. "It's not a demon...exactly. More like a...a servant. A really cranky servant. "

"The important point here," Buffy interrupted, "is how do I kill it?"

"Well, see, that's the tricky part..."

Golem (b)

"Ms Rosenburg? Ms Willow Rosenburg?"

"Yes?" Willow frowned at the small group of men in traditional Hasidic dress.

"We have need of your services."

"You-I don't have any services. I mean- what do you want?" She peered at the flatbed truck in which they had arrived.

"You have the power in you."

"The...power?" Did they know she was a witch? Were they planning to burn her at the stake or something?

The tallest man gestured at the bed of the truck. It seemed to hold a vaguely man-shaped mud sculpture.

"If you would just breathe on this for us..."

Troll

"Who's that walking on my bridge?" The growl preceded the owner's arrival. "Oh, it's you."

"How's it going, Bill?"

"Can't complain, I guess. How about yourself? Still seeing that sexy wacko? What was her name? Doris?"

"Drusilla," he said tightly. "And, no, we're not together anymore."

"Oh, too bad. Well, there's other fish in the sea," Bill said, twirling his club and standing up straighter. "Time to go to work. Here comes today's lunch - pretty little thing. Seems almost a shame to- urk!"

"You could have given me another minute, Slayer. He was a nice guy...for a troll."

Medusa

"And you said I have stupid hair!"

"Don't look at her!" Spike grabbed Buffy, quickly turning her away.

"What? Let go of me! How can I fight her if I can't look at her?"

"You'll need a mirror, Slayer."

"Shehas snakes for hair, and you think I need a mirror? Oh, you are so close to being dust... "

"It's Medusa, you ignorant bit-bint. She turns people to stone with her face."

"Man, she must be ugly! No wonder she's wearing snakes on her head." Buffy glared. "Stop rolling your eyes and just tell me how to kill her."