The scene of the crime was silent, as most are. It was a crisp winter morning. Snow was sloshed into muddy castles to the side of vendors along Konohagakure's main street. Stars still twinkled and the moon sank in the early morning light. With every breath from Teuchi a billowing cloud birthed from his mouth. Preparing to open up shop, he smiled with pleasure knowing cold days were best for ramen sales. Had the poor fool been braced for the calamity he was about to face, he would not be so jovial. Lifting the metal shroud protecting his establishment, he was bracing for customers. Other business owners started to do the same all the way up and down the street. As the sun began to rise, customers began to make their way into the market, none partaking in the ramen of Ichiraku Ramen Bar quite yet. The owner's employees, Matsu and Nishi slinked into the business, knowing fully well they were late.
"You're ten minutes late!" Grunted Teuchi, still not quite used to their general incompetence. Hanging up their thick winter garments they each gave a muted apology. No need for coats when warmth was already resonating from the pots of soup. It was like a sauna with the milky steam rising from the miso soup and other ramen concoctions.
"Well, it will be at least half an hour before customers, so we're not too bad on timing." Matsu countered daringly. When he and Nishi saw Teuchi turn slightly they flinched. Teuchi shook his head at their antics. In his head, Teuchi retorted back with the value of a head start, but not a word escaped his lip. His work spoke for itself. At the most, insults roamed free through his mind, molding and shaping into eloquent comebacks he knew he could never fully replicate. Matsu was correct though, for no customers made themselves known for half an hour or so. The first patron was Uzumaki Naruto, who was a regular and favorite for the business. Despite Naruto's acute ninja skills, even he did not sense the atrocity that had gone unknown all morning.
"The seafood bowl please." Naruto ordered with much eagerness and enthusiasm, hungry after fasting through the night. Teuchi smiled, always fond of his product's most dedicated follower.
"Right away!" He said, all peppy in response to Naruto's infectious enthusiasm. Very shortly Naruto's order was met and a piping hot bowl was placed in front of him.
"There you are." Teuchi said, laying down a bowl before Naruto, very proud of his work. His confident smile dropped after Naruto looked in vain for some chopsticks from the dispensers on the counter. None were found. Looking to Teuchi, Naruto asked where the chopsticks had gone.
"Sorry about that," apologized Teuchi, getting flustered, "my employees are supposed to fill those, I guess they forgot."
Ignoring the pointed glares of Matsu and Nishi, Teuchi sought out a pair of chopsticks. This venture was equally for not, as there were none to be found. Tipping over boxes that normally held hundreds of pairs, only dust fell to the ground. His employees soon joined him in the search, getting worried. Red in the face, Teuchi went to Naruto back at the counter. Trying not to take in too much of that eager smile, he delivered the bad news.
"No chopsticks? At a ramen place?" Naruto questioned, believing it to be some kind of prank with no humor. He was reassured to the contrary though, that this was no prank. Every chopstick had seeming taken flight overnight and left.
"We've been robbed!" Shrieked Nishi, while he slapped his hands to his face. Seeing Naruto's and Teuchi's great worry, Matsu elbowed him and less than subtly shushed him. Shakily, Teuchi set his hands down on the counter for support, feeling defeated. In an attempt to calm their boss, Matsu and Nishi both offered to check neighboring businesses and if they would be willing to donate boxes of chopsticks to a good cause. Wearily, Teuchi gave a nod, unable to fight off the humiliation that came with this failure. A few minutes later, the pair returned, out of breath and panting heavily.
"We-we-w-w…" began the pair, unable to form a single word. Impatient, Teuchi ordered the pair to spit it out or say nothing at all. Words returned first to Nishi, whom could only go so fast as to explain what atrocity had seemingly occurred overnight.
"The chopsticks, every chopstick, gone. Not a single place nearby had any chopsticks. " He explained to Teuchi. Looking to Naruto, apologies were made and he was sent off with a refund.
"Every chopstick? What kind of monster would do this?" Asked Naruto; distressed his ramen might have to go unconsumed. He slurped it down, pieces of fish hitting his nose. This would not due. Solemn and beat by the difficulty of the task, he left, his bowl mostly full.
"What the Hell?" Asked Teuchi to some greater invisible being. "We cannot operate under these conditions."
About an hour had passed before a consensus was reached. Not a single chopstick was to be found in any store. The story was the same everywhere. Favorite customers had to part ways with their most trusted vendors, and confusion filled the town. Some prankster had stolen every chopstick in town. Tearfully, vendors had to close shop for the day, a full day's profit lost. No physical damage had been done to any shop, just a general mean-spirited thief disrupting people in their daily pleasures and temptation. No one had seen anything the night before, and even if it had gone noticed, it was not deemed a true threat to be investigated upon further. Naruto, hearing of this, rushed to fields for training, finding his makeshift team there.
"The chopsticks are gone!" He cried, saying this with as much gravity one would give to the death of the hokage. Sakura and Kakashi each provided him with a look of irritation. Sai, still mastering expression, just gave a blank look. Instead of dignifying Naruto's announcement, Sai and Kakashi turned back to their training. They were developing a strategy for capturing Sasuke.
"You're late." Sakura spat, turning to her work as well. Dumbfounded by their lack of general concern, Naruto tried to elaborate.
"Some, some, thief had the nerve to steal every chopstick in town!" He exclaimed. This caught little interest, but his team turned to him regardless.
"Every chopstick?" Asked Kakashi, not impressed in particular.
"Yes, all, gone, forever!" Naruto cried, trying to express the gravity of the situation. Sakura rolled her eyes.
"Chopsticks are not diamonds, we will have more by tomorrow, by this afternoon even." She assured, dismissing the weight Naruto put into the issue. After a moment's thought she added, "What kind of freak steals chopsticks anyway?"
Something of an argument occurred between Sakura and Naruto on the topic of the importance of chopsticks, but Kakashi was soon to sway them to a more important issue. He reminded them petty talks of chopsticks and ramen would bring them no closer to finding Sasuke and returning him home. With this reminder, each felt a little ashamed at dwelling too long upon the issue. In a way to make up for their lack of focus, they doubled their efforts in preparing for taking him home. By the end of the day, everyone had broken a sweat, and each had put their all into the day's work.
"Night!" Yawned Naruto. Stretching out his arms, he heard them all pop. He felt so weary after a long day.
"Goodnight." Sakura waved, making Naruto smile. He was quick to respond with a "goodnight Sakura-chan!" never missing an opportunity to make his feelings known. Sakura just smiled, learning not to make a big deal of the little things. Kakashi said his goodnight, and departed. Sai, a little new to social niceties and goodbyes, strained himself with what he'd learned through books and magazines. His efforts came off slightly insulting if anything. Sakura, too far off to hear, said nothing, but Naruto was close enough to start berating his new and hated comrade. There was no need for Kakashi to break things up however, since neither young man had the energy to follow up on their insults. The sun had set, and being too tired to go out to meet friends, everyone instantly returned home. Not that going out would reach much satisfaction or full bellies with every chopstick M.I.A. Once Sakura had reached home, she flopped on her bed, ready to pass out and sleep forever. Instead of going to bed fully clothed, she started to remove her ninja gear. Throwing her boots at a wall upon removing them. Her thoughts returned to the person who had stolen all those chopsticks.
Repeating her earlier sentiment, she muttered to no one in particular, "what a freak."
Nude, she opened her closet in search of some nightclothes. Upon opening her closet door, chopstick after chopstick slid to her feet in disorderly piles. A mountain of wooden and plastic eating utensils greeted her like a monster in a closet. Stunned, she recoiled a bit and exclaimed, "What the fuck?"