***Alright, so I looked around the archives for a love story involving harry potter and draco malfoy... what i found slightly disgusted me. basically, this is my take on harry and draco hooking up, in a tactful way. Dont get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with smut, but i'm partial to a nice love story :)

Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but I couldn't leave the ending like that. So viola! There it is, the first chapter. I hope to updated really soon (probably in the next week). Hope you like it! Please review, and please leave me some criticism! That's why there are green buttons that say "review." and please, if you find any typos or spelling/grammar errors, let me know! Thanks!***

original concept belongs to jk rowling. obviously/

Draco Malfoy. He was my rival. My enemy. He was the bane of my existence.

Fuck, Harry. Why won't you admit it? You don't love Ginny, because you're far too enamored with Draco to really give a damn.

The other half of my subconscious waged war on me.

Harry, you're engaged to Ginny. You're going to move in with her after she graduates, and get married and have kids. Like a straight person. Because you are STRAIGHT and like CHICKS.

I could barely think that with a straight face. Haha, no pun intended.

Harry, face it. You're GAY, without a doubt.

I gazed down into my goblet of pumpkin juice, lost in thought. It was breakfast time, and Great Hall was full of students and teachers, enjoying the first meal of the day. The sounds of my peers became a dull buzzing as I clutched my goblet. I was too lost in my head to notice anyone.

I was gay. I couldn't deny it. I liked dudes, and I really liked one in particular.

"Hey Harry!" Ginny, my girlfriend of over a year, sat down next to me, pulling me out of my revere.

"Hey Gin." Admittedly, Ginny was cute, adorable even. I liked her, enjoyed her company, but…she killed my libido. The thought of having a girl in my bed, well, disgusted me. I wasn't sure if it was just me, but my opinion was that the female reproductive organ bears a certain resemblance to a black hole. I had no idea how I had faked the last year with her.

"What's up, Harry? You look ill." Ginny was perceptive, especially when it came to someone's mental state of well being. As I stated, I couldn't believe she hadn't figured me out yet.

"Um, I didn't sleep well. I was up late, studying for the NEWTS." I was in my 7th year, and was getting ready to take my final exams. I was originally shooting to be an Auror, but with Voldemort dead, I didn't feel the need. I didn't have any sort of plan or any goals, really. I just wanted to get my last year of school over with, and figure out my life from there.

Ginny frowned. "Are you sure? There's a nasty flu going around. Maybe we should cancel our plans for Hogsmede this weekend, just so you can get some rest." Ginny was for all intents and purposes a walking medical encyclopedia, as it was her goal in life to become a healer.

Goals, Harry. You need them. I pushed away my subconscious self-ridicule.

I smiled. "Always the little Healer, aren't you?" Ginny was a passionate young woman who I had a tremendous amount of respect for. She was one of my best friends...which was way I was so hesitant to tell her about my real orientation. I didn't want to lose my friend. After all, Ron was all but gone mentally after the war ended. He hardly recognized anyone, except for his fiancé, Hermione. Hermione was my other close friend in school, and she was torn up over losing Ron. Rather than pulling herself out of school and withdrawing from the wizarding world, she took her final exams at the start of the fall term, passing all of them with flying colors. She was training to become a Healer. I had a feeling it was her commitment to Ron that motivated her; she wanted to fix Ron and bring him back to life. I still talked to her every couple of weeks by owl, but judging but the tone of her last letter, she was tired, wore out, but still determined to, despite that fact Ron was still lying in St. Mungo's and was as lifeless as ever. This left me with Ginny as my only real friend at Hogwarts.

Ginny was as damaged by the war as I was, having lost her brothers Fred and Ron, and felt just as guilty as I did. For that reason alone, we sought comfort in the other. At first, our relationship was entirely emotional; I hardly kissed her in the first six or seven months. She slowly started wanting more from me, wanting more than what I could give her.

Ginny smirked. "Of course. Someone has to look out for you."

Which reminds me, where is he?

I glanced around for the person I had been looking out for, and found him, sitting alone at the Slytherin table.

Draco. The very thought of his name was musical, and I longed to say it aloud and let it roll off my tongue. I wanted to call out his name, whisper it while we were in the dark, alone, with his bare body under mine….

GODDAMNIT HARRY! GET A GRIP!!!

I shook my head, and lowered my gaze, registering that I was openly staring at him. It was a thoughtless thing to do.

He was so beautiful, it was hard not to fall into a trance. I glanced back up at him and furrowed my brow, examining him closer.

He looked sick, very sick actually. He had dark shadows under his eyes, and his pale skin had a faint green tint to it. He sat there, gazing off into space. He looked blazed. I contemplated for a moment if Muggle drugs- like weed, heroin, and pills- would do anything to someone with magical blood in their veins. The last summer I spent at the Dursleys, Dudley came home several times stoned, and in the one instance he'd done meth, he stayed up for two days straight cleaning his room- he blamed it on his low caffeine tolerance and consumption of Red Bull, and of course my aunt and uncle bought it. I rolled my eyes at their stupidity and insolence.

Draco looked as if he had spent a night out with Dudley. A grin played at my lips. Draco, the bad boy druggie. The idea of it was hilarious. I fought back my smirk, remembering Ginny watching me for signs of ill-health.

I shrugged at Ginny. "I'm sure it's nothing." I downed the last of my pumpkin juice. "I better get going. Potions…" I sighed. It was not my best subject, and the dungeons always brought my mood down a few notches, even when I was sunny and cheerful.

"Alright." Ginny leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Love you."

I kissed her on the top of her head as I stood up to leave. "You too."

How can you tell her that? I let the waves of guilt wash over me, knowing that every time I claimed to love her back was yet another future scar on her heart.

You can't lie to her forever.

I walked out of the Great Hall, wondering when I would have to take back my words. I watched Draco out of the corner of my eye, and I thought I saw him glance in my direction.

A/N: I wanted to include Ron and Hermione in the plot without them actually affecting Harry's judgment and instinct. Like a "monkey see-monkey do" type thing; if Harry watched Ron and Hermione have a relationship beyond friendship, he might look at himself as being weird, and would stick with Ginny to fit in, especially after a lifetime of stardom. The recent end of the war would also contribute to Harry's desperate need for an ounce of normality. Another thing to consider- Harry would feel pressured to stay with Ginny because she is his best friend's sister. So the only way for Harry to discover that he is indeed gay would be to take Ron out of the picture; consequently Hermione would be removed because she would fight for Ron. So, there is my long winded explanation. Don't worry though- I suspect Ron and Hermione will resurface later on. ;)