Ron's Inigma
Harry woke with a start. The Marauder's Map fluttered out of his lap and unfolded on the floor. He had been reading it to see if anything odd was happening at Hogwarts. He swore quietly as he bent over to fold it up. Ron woke slowly and sat up.
"Didn't mean to wake you, mate."
"Issalrigh," he said sleepily.
"I had this wierd dream that there was a dancing pig yelling EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME at me. What do you think that was about?"
"Dunno."
They fell silent as loud footsteps came running up the stairs.
"Oh shoot," said Ron, his eyes wide.
"What?"
"Hermione's gonna KILL me!"
"Why?"
But he was too late. Ron slung on the Invisibility Cloak and ran into the closet. Hermione burst into the room, breathing heavily. She looked ticked.
"WHERE THE HECK IS RON?"
"No idea," said Harry, with a grin."Why do you need him, anyway?"
"Okay. We went to the Shrieking Shack to help Lupin with his, er, problem."
"Okay."
"And then he left me all alone- well, not exactly- but he left me at that mess of a house! I don't frickin' think so!"
"Eeeeesh."
"'Eeeeesh' is right. I'm gonna hunt him down and hex him into next week!"
And with that said, she stormed away.
"Okay Ron, she's left. You can come out now."
The closet door creaked open and Ron whipped off the cloak.
"Thank GOD! She can be really spooky sometimes."
"I know. But you're gonna get it sooner or later."
"DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THAT- shoot!"
Hermione ran into the room and tackled Ron. He screamed. Hermione punched, kicked and kneed every part of Ron she could. When she was done, Ron was just JACKED UP. He was bruised, half awake, and mumbling nonsense. Harry spoke up.
"WOW. He's screwed, isn't he?"
"You know it, and you are, too!"
She slapped him so hard that there was a perfect outline of her hand on the sid e of Harry's face.
"What was that for?"
"For lieing to me."
Harry sat there, still stunned about what had just happened.
"When I'm done with him, he may never look the same again," she said, wearing an evil grin. She then dragged him into the sitting room.
Hermione threw Ron up against the wall. She thrust her fist into his face over and over until his face was shining scarlet. Unconsiously, Ron slid to the floor. Hermione then kicked him in the stomach as hard as she could. He doubled over. Hermione then stamped his head. Ronald Weasley was out cold. Hermione seemed happy and walked off. Harry crept in.
"Ron? Ron, wake up!"
"uh?"
"What happened?"
But he doubted that Ron understood him or even knew who he was.
"Hello Harry I like fake cheese there's a gummy bear peeing on me inigma lolz haha."
Now Ron had gone cross-eyed.
"Okay Ron," he said slowly, patting Ron's back. "Do you even know what inigma means?"
"No but it was funny huh?"
"We really need to get you to the hospital."
"NO BUBBLES STAY HERE SUPERFUDGEMONKEYS-"
5 MONTHS LATER
Ron and Hermione had since made up. They were actually going out now.
They were sitting in front of a warm fireplace along with Harry and Ginny. Kreacher had outdone himself by serving them snacks and drinks, so Harry gave him the rest of the day and the next off. Harry and Ginny were curled up cozily in a chair reading a Quidditch magazine. Ron and Hermione were snuggled on the couch trying to figure out this new laptop Ron had bought.
"I'm tired," said Ginny.
"Say these words all together: I-am-sofa-king-tired." Ron said, grinning.
"Iamsofakingtired"
It took her a minute to figure out what Ron made her say. Then she made a rude hand gesture and said quite clearly,"Screw you." Then she threw a cookie at him.
"NO YOU!" He threw a pebble from a candle display at her.
"You!" She threw a pillow at him.
"YOU!" He got a book and chucked it. It hit Harry on the top of his head. He stared blankly at the wall. Ginny threw another cookie at Ron. He threw a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans at her. Hermione started a pillow fight. Through all of the laughing and yelling, Ginny asked Harry:
"Don't you wanna play?"
In a low, dark voice, he said,"MYPARENTSAREDEAD."
Everyone stopped to look at Harry. His eyes had gone red. He was baring his teeth.
"Harry?"
In a growling voice, he said," Give me your flesh!"
"NO," said Ron.
"I'LL TAKE IT FROM YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!"
He was now drooling.
"Um," said Ginny.
"What?" Hermione gasped.
"WICKED!" Ron yelled.
"Ron, YOU IDIOT!"
THE END