Kon's Korner: Ten Tips to a Better Life
How to Survive a Recession
Well, EvilFuzzy9 here. For those of you expecting an update to 'An Immodest Puppet's Proposal', I'm sorry to say that it may take a little bit longer, partly because I'll be on vacation in a few weeks, but also because I'm still having trouble getting the file for the next chapter.
On the bright side, however, I am now posting my first Bleach fanfic. I hope you all enjoy it!
Disclaimer: This is a work of non-serious fanfiction, anything in this fic resembling good advice is purely coincidental, and is not good advice.
Hello everyone, this is Kon! You might know me as the hyper-masculine babe-magnet from Bleach, or maybe as the suave and oh-so-intelligent host of that radio special from the manga, the name of which escapes me at the moment. But now I have my own advice column on ff dot net, and for this episode, I will be covering how best to survive the global recession.
On with the show!
1. Get a cute mascot.
This one is simple. Every successful business has a mascot, so if you get your own mascot, then you too will be successful!
2. Boobs, boobs, and more boobs.
Never underestimate the power of a nice set of sweater-kittens!
Heh heh... Boobies.
3. Kill yourself.
If you find yourself drowning in debt, just kill yourself! That way, you'll just have to deal with soul-eating monsters, predjudiced death gods, and a broken afterlife system where you might end up spending the rest of eternity running from rabid dogs and violent criminals simply because you died at a bad time. Of course, I'm assuming that all of you who are reading this column are pathetic, unloved geeks.
(Soul Society Tour-Guide Rukia Kuchiki: Don't listen to a word that flea-bitten rag says! Soul Society has many wonderful destinations and an excellent system capable of processing a thousand souls a minute. And the SWA loves all of you pathetic geeks.)
4. Prostitution
Giving out hand-jobs for money is a great way to make a little cash on the side.
5. Reviewing this fic.
Heh, the author is so desperate for reviews, he's willing to pay people for 'em!
(Chief Editor of Awesomeness, EvilFuzzy9: He's a filthy liar. I could never afford to pay people to review.)
6. Reading his Other Fics, and Reviewing Them.
Like I said, he's desperate!
(Super-Cool Master Chief Editor of Sexy Awesomeness, EvilFuzzy9: No I'm not. ... But please review regardless.)
7. Cake.
Everyone likes cake!
8. Kidnapping.
It worked in the Great Depression.
9. Duct Tape.
It's great for gagging and binding wealthy hostages after you kidnap them.
(Assistant Editor Mizuiru: We here at Kon's Korner do not condone kidnapping.)
(Co-Assistant-Editor Keigo: Mizuiru? When did you start working here?)
(Assistant Editor Mizuiru: About a month ago.)
(Co-Assistant Editor Keigo: Oh, okay.)
(Super Freaking Awesome Chief Editor, EvilFuzzy9: Stop using editor's notes to chat, you guys!)
(Assistant Editors Mizuiru and Keigo: Okay.)
10. Buy plenty of Bleach merchandise.
Buy manga, video games, t-shirts, etc. Manga characters need to eat too.
(Head of Employee Relations, Mayuri: Kon, we need to have a 'talk' about the lousy advice you're giving people. And by 'talk', I mean strap you to an operating table and find out how you work.)
Well, let me know what you think.
TTFN!